How a husband spends his time

Arguments for and against? Islam is not a debate.

format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous

Salaam

My husband recently went to a talk and found out that its a wife cannot ask a husband where he is going an what time he will be back and that it's not from the sunnah.

Is this true? Please can someone provide sufficient evidence for arguments for and against

Asalaamu Alaikum, I urge you to learn about your rights as a wife and also for your husband to learn about his rights as a husband. That way you are both clear on what your rights are towards one another as Allah gave both husband and wife certain rights so that there is a perfect equilibrium in marriage.

The following include some rights of both husband and wife:

Rights of the Husband and Wife in Islam


Based on Hammudah `Abd al-`Ati’s famous book, Islam in Focus, with some modifications.


First of all, we’d like to state that in Islam the marriage of a man and a woman is not just a financial and physical arrangement of living together but a sacred contract, a gift of God, to lead a happy, enjoyable life and continue the lineage. The main goal of marriage in Islam is the realization of tranquility and compassions between the spouses. For the attainment of this supreme goal, Islam defined certain duties and rights for the husband and wife.

For a detailed account of these mutual duties and rights, we’d like to cite the following:

“Piety is the basis of choosing the life partner. Many are the statements of the Qur’an and the Sunnah that prescribe kindness and equity, compassion and love, sympathy and consideration, patience and good will. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, says, “The best Muslim is the one who is best to his family.” Also, he says, “… and the most blessed joy in life is a good, righteous wife.” (Reported by At-Tirmidhi)

The role of the husband evolves around the moral principle that it is his solemn duty to Allah to treat his wife with kindness, honor, and patience; to keep her honorably or free her from the marital bond honorably; and to cause her no harm or grief. Allah Almighty says: “…consort with them in kindness, for if you hate them it may happen that you hate a thing wherein Allah has placed much good.” (An-Nisa’: 19)

The role of the wife is summarized in the verse that women have rights even as they have duties, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree over them. Allah Almighty says, “And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them in kindness, and men are a degree above them. Allah is Mighty, Wise.” (Al-Baqaraqh: 228)

This degree is usually interpreted by Muslim scholars in conjunction with another passage which states, among other things, that men are trustees, guardians, and protectors of women because Allah has made some of them excel others and because men expend of their means. Allah Almighty says: “Men are in charge of women, because Allah has made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah has guarded. As for those from whom you fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High Exalted, Great.” (An-Nisa’: 34)

A-The Wife’s Rights; The Husband’s Obligations:



Because the Qur’an and the Sunnah of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, have commanded kindness to women, it is the husband’s duty to:

1- Consort with his wife in an equitable and kind manner. Allah Almighty says, “… and consort with them in kindness.” (An-Nisa’: 19)

2- Have responsibility for the full maintenance of the wife, a duty which he must discharge cheerfully, without reproach, injury, or condescendence. Allah Almighty says: “Let him who has abundance spend of his abundance, and he whose provision is measured, let him spend of that which Allah has given him. Allah asks naught of any soul save that which He has given it. Allah will vouchsafe, after hardship, ease.‏” (At-Talaq: 7)

Components of Maintenance:

Maintenance entails the wife’s incontestable right to lodging, clothing, nourishing, and general care and well-being.

1-The wife’s residence must be adequate so as to provide her with the reasonable level of privacy, comfort, and independence. The welfare of the wife and the stability of the marriage should be the ultimate goal.

2-What is true of the residence is true of clothing, food, and general care. The wife has the right to be clothed, fed, and cared for by the husband, in accordance with his means and her style of life. These rights are to be exercised without extravagance or miserliness.

Non-Material Rights:

A husband is commanded by the law of God to:

1- Treat his wife with equity.

2- Respect her feelings, and to show her kindness and consideration.

3- Not to show his wife any aversion or to subject her to suspense or uncertainty.

4- Not to keep his wife with the intention of inflicting harm on her or hindering her freedom.

5- Let her demand freedom from the marital bond, if he has no love or sympathy for her.


B. The Wife’s Obligations; The Husband’s Rights:

The main obligation of the wife as a partner in a marital relationship is to contribute to the success and blissfulness of the marriage as much as possible. She must be attentive to the comfort and well-being of her mate. She may neither offend him nor hurt his feelings. Perhaps nothing can illustrate the point better than the Qur’anic statement which describes the righteous people as those who pray saying: “Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the joy and the comfort of our eyes, and guide us to be models of righteousness.” (Al-Furqan: 74)

This is the basis on which all the wife’s obligations rest and from which they flow. To fulfill this basic obligation:

1- The wife must be faithful, trustworthy, and honest.

2- She must not deceive her mate by deliberately avoiding conception lest it deprive him of legitimate progeny.

3- She must not allow any other person to have access to that which is exclusively the husband’s right, i.e. sexual intimacy.

4-She must not receive anyone in his home whom the husband does not like.

5-She may not accept their gifts without his approval. This is probably meant to avoid jealousy, suspicion, gossip, etc., and also to maintain the integrity of all parties concerned.

6- The husband’s possessions are her trust. If she has access to any portion thereof, or if she is entrusted with any fund, she must discharge her duty wisely and thriftily. She may not lend or dispose of any of his belongings without his permission.

7- With respect to intimacy, the wife is to make herself desirable; to be attractive, responsive, and cooperative.

8- A wife may not deny herself to her husband, for the Qur’an speaks of them as a comfort to each other. Due consideration is, of course, given to health and decency.”


Source: http://www.zawaj.com/rights-of-the-h...wife-in-islam/

I urge you to learn about your rights as a wife and also for your husband to learn about his rights as a husband. That way you are both clear on what your rights are towards one another as Allah gave both husband and wife certain rights so that there is a perfect equilibrium in marriage.

Although this is also an option, in my humble opinion each spouse should learn the rights of the other. Knowing one's own rights creates within a person that mindset that "these are my rights, therefore my rights should be fulfilled", it is hoped however, that by learning the rights of the other spouse it creates within one the desire to fulfill the other person's rights, rather than demand one's own rights, and if this is happening on both sides then there is no problem anymore. I once heard that the Messenger of Allah would mention the rights of the wife to the menfolk, and the rights of the husband to the women, and the rights of parents to young children and so on. How beautiful is our deen, which teaches us to give, not to take, every other system wants people to demand the rights that they have. Allah knows best.

Salaam,

I am the OP!

I think everyone has gone off point here. Let me clarify please:

All i want to know is - Does a husband have to tell his wife where he is going and when he will return? Can a wife ask or is she forbidden to do so? Or is it the fact that she can ask but he is not obliged to answer.

I feel my husband hardly gives me time (please also state if this is my right for him to give me time and provide evidenc). So now when he goes out i have no idea where he is or when he will return. This is actually causing me more anxiety. I know he is up to good (*My husband is up to good thats what i meant - meaning he is behaving and i know he is**) but the anxiety comes through being neglected.

Now please brothers and sisters its not about learning all the rights - i am interested in this one for now as i know my other rights and just need to know what i can do to solve this problem - apart from being patient ofcourse as that is the answer to everything for everyone

format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous

Salaam,

I am the OP!

I think everyone has gone off point here. Let me clarify please:

All i want to know is - Does a husband have to tell his wife where he is going and when he will return? Can a wife ask or is she forbidden to do so? Or is it the fact that she can ask but he is not obliged to answer.

I feel my husband hardly gives me time (please also state if this is my right for him to give me time and provide evidenc). So now when he goes out i have no idea where he is or when he will return. This is actually causing me more anxiety. I know he is not up to any good but the anxiety comes through being neglected.

Now please brothers and sisters its not about learning all the rights - i am interested in this one for now as i know my other rights and just need to know what i can do to solve this problem - apart from being patient ofcourse as that is the answer to everything for everyone

I doubt that there is anything wrong with a woman asking her husband where he is going. who said there was and what is the evidence for it? As for neglect, a man doesn't have the right to neglect his wife. he has to give her her islamic rights. If he is going away from home for long periods of time then it would be best for them both that he inform her where he is going. If possible he should also have her accompany him some of the time just as the Prophet (SAW) would take one wife on expeditions.

format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous

Salaam,

I am the OP!

I think everyone has gone off point here. Let me clarify please:

All i want to know is - Does a husband have to tell his wife where he is going and when he will return? Can a wife ask or is she forbidden to do so? Or is it the fact that she can ask but he is not obliged to answer.

I feel my husband hardly gives me time (please also state if this is my right for him to give me time and provide evidenc). So now when he goes out i have no idea where he is or when he will return. This is actually causing me more anxiety. I know he is up to good (*My husband is up to good thats what i meant - meaning he is behaving and i know he is**) but the anxiety comes through being neglected.

Now please brothers and sisters its not about learning all the rights - i am interested in this one for now as i know my other rights and just need to know what i can do to solve this problem - apart from being patient ofcourse as that is the answer to everything for everyone

Assalamu-alaikum sister

Have you spoken to your husband about how you feel? - that you feel worried/ anxious and unloved?

Many problems in marriage (and in life) can be avoided if there is clear communication between both parties.

Perhaps convey your feelings to him about this......not when he is just arrives back home (as this may cause him to become defensive and he may get the impression that you are questioning his actions), but perhaps, when you are sharing a loving/ romantic moment together.

You can tell him how much you love him/ how much he means to you and that you really love spending time with him.
And then mention that you feel anxious about not knowing his whereabouts - as you are his wife and you are concerned about his safety, and that you would appreciate a phone-call/ sms informing you about this.

Maybe plan activities/ trips that can be done together.

Also shower him with love, attention and affection......
Prepare his special foods/ treats that you know he loves.
Beautify yourself/ dress up for him.
Surprise him with candle-lit dinners/ small surprises.

In other words, make him feel like a king, and your home like his kingdom...... so much so, that insha Allah, he would not even feel like leaving home as often. : )

And above all, make duaa to Allah......that He fills your hearts with love for His sake, and gives you peace, love and a marriage filled with the noor of islam.

Insha Allah, your husband will start returning these gestures to you as well.


And finally, if all else fails and nothing seems to change, despite the above - ask a moulana/ imam in your area to act as a mediator/ counsellor for the both of you.
Even though moulanas may not be specifically trained as 'family/ marriage counsellors', insha Allah, they will be able to provide the best advice - based on Quraan and Sunnah......and in so doing, be able to highlight on each others 'rights' within a marriage.

May Allah bless the marriages of all our brothers and sisters, and protect them from Shaytaan, who loves to create fitnah between man and wife.
Ameen.

format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous

Salaam

My husband recently went to a talk and found out that its a wife cannot ask a husband where he is going an what time he will be back and that it's not from the sunnah.

Is this true? Please can someone provide sufficient evidence for arguments for and against

Can you explain this in more detail? Did the lecturer mean there is a general/specific prohibition or was it something the lecturer himself was discouraging (based on his experiences of the customs of the place you live in)?

Salamz Ukhti, I have found something though it's not exactly a "where were you",

http://ahadith.co.uk/hadithbynarrato...an&bid=1&let=A

Found in: Al Bukhari
Hadith no: 576
Narrated: Abu Uthman
Abdur Rahman bin Abi Bakr said, "The Suffa Companions were poor people and the Prophet said, 'Whoever has food for two persons should take a third one from them (Suffa companions). And whosoever has food for four persons he should take one or two from them' Abu Bakr took three men and the Prophet took ten of them." 'Abdur Rahman added, my father my mother and I were there (in the house). (The sub-narrator is in doubt whether 'Abdur Rahman also said, 'My wife and our servant who was common for both my house and Abu Bakr's house). Abu Bakr took his supper with the Prophet and remained there till the 'Isha' prayer was offered. Abu Bakr went back and stayed with the Prophet till the Prophet took his meal and then Abu Bakr returned to his house after a long portion of the night had passed. Abu Bakr's wife said, 'What detained you from your guests (or guest)?' He said, 'Have you not served them yet?' She said, 'They refused to eat until you come. The food was served for them but they refused." 'Abdur Rahman added, "I went away and hid myself (being afraid of Abu Bakr) and in the meantime he (Abu Bakr) called me, 'O Ghunthar (a harsh word)!' and also called me bad names and abused me and then said (to his family), 'Eat. No welcome for you.' Then (the supper was served). Abu Bakr took an oath that he would not eat that food. The narrator added: By Allah, whenever any one of us (myself and the guests of Suffa companions) took anything from the food, it increased from underneath. We all ate to our fill and the food was more than it was before its serving. Abu Bakr looked at it (the food) and found it as it was before serving or even more than that. He addressed his wife (saying) 'O the sister of Bani Firas! What is this?' She said, 'O the pleasure of my eyes! The food is now three times more than it was before.' Abu Bakr ate from it, and said, 'That (oath) was from Satan' meaning his oath (not to eat). Then he again took a morsel (mouthful) from it and then took the rest of it to the Prophet. So that meal was with the Prophet. There was a treaty between us and some people, and when the period of that treaty had elapsed the Prophet divided us into twelve (groups) (the Prophet's companions) each being headed by a man. Allah knows how many men were under the command of each (leader). So all of them (12 groups of men) ate of that meal."

Sister, I am searching for this as I personally don't believe what that person told your husband and he seems to have given no source,

Sayyiduna Hafs Ibne-Asim (RadhiAllaho anho) narrates
that Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said:
*
It is enough for a man to be a liar
if he relates everything he hears.
{ Muslim }*
(may Allah protect us from it as we're all guilty of it sometimes).

but please don't take the above Hadith to mean that it's a good idea to put hands on hips and say: where was ya?!
Men usually dont like it when they think they're being suspected of something just for going out - as it's they're duty to go out, It affects their ego. But common sense would say that it's useful for the wife to know so she can say since ur passing such and such place, can you get me such and such.
No point telling you to buy a washing machine when ur going to the corner shop.