Assalamu Alaikum everyone, this is my first post/thread.
I am in a predicament at the present moment, and in need of some advice. So basically here’s my situation. I am an 19 year old Muslim male living in the UK.
I met a Muslim girl online, or rather she met me. I was totally unaware she was Muslim and she too was unaware I was Muslim. So we talked as just friends. I should clarify that the site we met was no chat site or anything, I would never visit such sites as those. We met on:the student room dot uk
I would ask her for help with certain subjects and yeah, our friendship grew, we became closer. My intention was never to meet someone online, I was only on this site seeking help with my studies. Anyways now we have become so close that we talk every day. We joke around as friends, and haven’t done anything extreme, we are both good practicing muslims (which some of you might question after reading this thread). She even regrets voicing her thoughts.
A few weeks ago, she said something bizarre which totally changed everything. I am not going to say exactly what she said, but what she implied was… I like you, a lot, we should meet. Furthermore, she even started talking about marriage and how we were perfect for each other… I was taken away by this, and did not know how to respond. I obviously said we are still young adults and that when we are older and independent then we talk about these topics; e.g. marriage. I would sometimes try to hint that no we shouldn’t do anything, like in an attempt to push her away (distance her from me somehow) by saying that there are so many other good muslims out there, you will meet one, but she says she found one already (me).
Now my question is we talk so often, and something in me is telling me to talk less to her. I have been doing this for the past weeks.. e.g. not responding to her messages. I feel horrible for doing that btw, I’m not doing that intentional, I just feel its for the best. I think our friendship sprung too fast. I don’t know how to put it to her that we should talk less. I have said it to her already and she understood, but its still the same. I’m sure if I totally stopped talking I would offend her and dishearten her, which I would feel very guilty of doing.
We both intend on attending the same university and she wants to be friends with me there next year… I have no idea what I have gotten myself into and don’t know how to get out of the situation. So please any advice would be good inshallah.
Jazakallah.
PS: if you need further information, I don't mind adding.
Overall it's good of you to want to put distance between the both of you. But this should be not only because you aren't ready for marriage and she is, but also because you realize that this friendship is not acceptable in Islam.
If you want to consider marrying her in the future, then explain that you're not about to run off and marry someone else but that you want to do what's right and will approach her when the time is right. If she continues to push for friendship then you can't be blamed/responsible if she feels hurt, and do what you must do.
However, we wrongfully think that we have to have completed our education and have a job before we can get married. Not always. Perhaps never. Marrying early is recommended if you can afford it. But it's also acceptable in Islam to perform the nikah and live with parents until the man is capable of supporting his wife financially. Islam is really easy brother. Our culture has made peoples lives difficult. There is so much fitnah in marrying late these days. But your generation can choose to break cultural trends and lead muslims to a better way of thinking. This will especially benefit the next generation who will be faced with more fitnah than we are today.
Overall it's good of you to want to put distance between the both of you. But this should be not only because you aren't ready for marriage and she is, but also because you realize that this friendship is not acceptable in Islam.
If you want to consider marrying her in the future, then explain that you're not about to run off and marry someone else but that you want to do what's right and will approach her when the time is right. If she continues to push for friendship then you can't be blamed/responsible if she feels hurt, and do what you must do.
However, we wrongfully think that we have to have completed our education and have a job before we can get married. Not always. Perhaps never. Marrying early is recommended if you can afford it. But it's also acceptable in Islam to perform the nikah and live with parents until the man is capable of supporting his wife financially. Islam is really easy brother. Our culture has made peoples lives difficult. There is so much fitnah in marrying late these days. But your generation can choose to break cultural trends and lead muslims to a better way of thinking. This will especially benefit the next generation who will be faced with more fitnah than we are today.
Jazakallah for the reply. I should also explain this and I'm not sure if this is of any relevance, but I just finished year 12, and I have had a few muslim female friends. They know my dad as he was their teacher before. I am aware of what's haram and I know my limits. I would never do anything such as getting into a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. That being said, I am friends with those female muslims from my school and I feel this relationship would be no different. She seems like she knows her limits and I have also mentioned that, inferring things such as, "what would our parents say?". We talk about normal stuff and we have a lot in common. I feel like at university, we will just talk as friends and nothing more. It's complicated but yeah.
Yes she does seem like a possible partner for marriage, and she sees me as one too. I know what you mean, but I would prefer getting married after unversity because my family's financial situation at the moment isn't very stable, however it should improve in the following years. Once I get a job and assist my family, then I can look to seeking a partner.
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