Parents and spending money on their children

**anonymous** · 11-17-2013

Salaam everyone I hope you're all doing good and well.

I have somewhat of problem, if you can call it that, but I don't really think it's a problem. But that's why I am here to ask. So..

I come from a family that is financially stable, we have a roof on top of our heads and we have food in the fridge and I am grateful for that. The thing is from an early on age my parents have stopped spending on me in the means that I have to wait until I graduate and get a job and spend on myself. So, I usually wear the same clothes I had for the last 5 or 6 years. I attend university and I see many people focusing most of their lives on appearances and new clothes and whatnot. I would wear and I still do very humble clothing that one would think my family has financial problems when they don't they just don't want to spoil me and believe I'm an adult and I should take care of myself. I admit they did more than their job when we were children so I actually fully accept what they're doing. I come home and cook for myself because if I don't then I'll probably starve.

What I want to say is that my parents only spend when they feel it is an ultimate necessity like when I'm really sick or I have to pay my education fees, otherwise they don't purchase things for me. I either have to save money on my own or I wait until I find a way to get that money they also refuse that i take up a job while studying. All this is just a prelude to my so called problem, keep in mind I have no objections what so ever to their actions, I understand they don't want to raise an entitled and selfish daughter and I think they're doing their job well because I don't really depend that much on expectations. The thing is , I never once told anyone at my college that my parents are wealthy or what my father's job is, I kept it a secret I didn't want people to treat me for something I'm not responsible for. Unfortunately I got sick and I had to skip several days from the final exams and my father was over seas but when he came back he pleaded to the dean of the faculty that they reconsider my case and not make me repeat the whole year, so it was spilled and leaked who my father was and what job did he hold, and yes most people if not all were shocked. They started backbiting about me and my family and saying things like and that's how she is when her own father's a so-and-so(his job). They kept saying that I pretended to act poor on purpose, I don't act for anyone I can't fake a life I don't have. Yes my parents are considerably wealthy but that's their money, I don't have it and they are the ones who control how it circulates not me. Any who, I feel kind of sad and guilty, I am not an evil person or anything at least I hope not and Allah knows that I've never intended to deceive anyone on anything I was just being me, I don't why I feel so bad and sinful when I didn't go against God or commit a sin.

Am I at fault, and if I am the how am I at fault. I'm sorry I can't live up to their expectations of what a daughter of a person with my dad's job should be like, dress like, or the lifestyle that she leads. Sometimes I act like I didn't hear anything they said and other times I ignore them. I don't know how to explain that I can't walk into high end stores and buy all the make up and gadgets that I am "supposed" to have , I don't have the money for it and even if I did I wouldn't spend it on those things. Please help, I would appreciate any advice.

P.S= There's also this guy who's always backbiting about me ever since he found out. He's hateful and hostile towards me and keeps commenting on my life and personal issues.

I would really appreciate advice. I don't know how to deal with this.

**Berries'forest** · 11-17-2013

Ignore them, who cares what they think. You didn't do anything wrong and it's not their business to bug into your personal life. Keep your chin up, let it go, and forget about it.

**greenhill** · 11-17-2013

Sorry to hear that!

I totally agree with the above, ignore them.

But that is what you have been doing anyway. So to say that would not help you in your current situation except to know that it is not your problem hence you can feel better yourself (because at the end of the day, it is you that lives your life and you ought be able to 'feel' good about it as it really makes no sense to live to other people's expectations and feel miserable yourself).

It is mostly the opposite for people in this world today where the children live off the fruits of their parents labours and perhaps cannot appreciate how lucky they are to have what they have.

It is worst still for some who will go to extremes in order to 'show' the world that they are also in the 'have' by using designer stuff etc.

The thing is, we will never be free from these back biters and gossipers. It seems to some of these people that they cannot get a leg up in society unless they bring someone down and they would not get much attention from their circle unless they have something to say, and usually it will be about other people.

I had to go through something similar at school (many years ago) as I was a foreigner, but I reminded myself that these people would be nobody in my life after school, that I just had to swallow the circumstances until I left school. I never met them again since.

In other words, "No! you are not doing anything wrong" if anything, you show maturity beyond your years...

Peace

**Alpha Dude** · 11-17-2013

Wa alaykum salam,

A lot of people make judgements all the time about situations which they have little to no real knowledge and understanding of (and matters that are of no concern to them). These people are the definition of ignorant. They're not going to change unless Allah bestows guidance upon them and there's little you can do about it other than to leave them to their behaviour.

If a senseless person says something senseless like 'the ground is pink and the sun is blue' and other senseless people around him believe it you would ignore their utterances and maybe even have pity on them because they are obviously devoid of sense. This is the similitude of your situation.

**ardianto** · 11-17-2013

You don't need to explain anything to them because they will never understand. Just ignore them, but still be friend with other people who did not change their attitude toward you after they know your father.

I understand what you feel because I came from wealthy family too. Yes, not everyone know that if a boy/girl has rich father, it doesn't mean he/she must be has much money, even if this boy has car that given by father, like me when I was young. I was getting bored to hear people say to me "Aahh, you just pretend don't have money!" when I said I didn't have money. And from my experience, there's always people who just wanted to be friend with my car, not with myself.

But, Alhamdulillah, I still had many friends who did not care about my family social status. It's because I never differentiate people by wealth or social status.