My sister is falling down the wrong path. How do I help?

format_quote Originally Posted by oakthrees

Salam Alaykum !

One of the biggest reasons that I joined this forum was to seek advice for my sister. I am the elder child and she is one year younger than me. She is far from Islam and rarely prays. She lies about everything, from taking my clothes and shoes to where she's going. She wears certain clothes from home and changes when she goes out. After questioning her countless times she finally admitted to having dated for seven months.She went away to camp for 6 weeks and I know she wore shorts during that time. I've tried approaching her about these things and be more open with her and have her speak to me. She still won't listen even when I try my hardest. My parents are extremely strict and I don't know if I should approach them about this because I'm worried of what they'll do. This has been going on for many years now.Just a couple of days ago she lied about her social media accounts and I found out through a mutual friend the types of pictures she posts on instagram. I'm not proud of what she's doing but I don't know what to do. Being my sister and blood I want to help her. I've tried many different methods previous times when I've found something but it clearly hasn't worked. Whenever I see an inspirational video about young muslims and islam I always show them to her and I try but I keep failing. I'm reaching my limits to how much I can do without getting angry and there are moments where I just want to tell my parents everything and have them deal with it because I'm busy with exams right now and just lost as to what to do. Any help will be greatly appreciated.

Jazakallah and Peace be with you

Ayla

Jazakallahu Khayr for sharing your family issues with us. We must realise that guidance is not in our hands. If guidance is not to come to a person then even if the whole world tried then that person will still not gain any guidance. Similarly if guidance is meant for a person then even if the whole world tried to avert a person receiving guidance then that person will still receive guidance.

Your issue is very difficult because on one hand you want to be on good terms with your sister and be close to her but on the other hand she is indulging in major sins which you want her to stop immediately. The parents are responsible for the daughter and her caretakers therefore you have no choice but to tell your parents. This is also because it is inevitable that they will find out and if she ends up doing something so major and your parents find out that all that time you knew yet hid it for them then they will be extremely angry. Your parents do have the right to find out about what your daughter is getting up to.

You have done your best and should continue to give your sister dawah in the best manner possible using wisdom and tact and trying not to get angry and frustrated but at the same time you should also inform them because it is not right what she is doing behind your parents backs and unfortunately what you are saying to her is going in one ear and coming out of the other. Your parents must discipline her for what she is doing as is her right otherwise she will fall into even more major sins.

Your sister does not see you as an authority over her and due to her parents being unaware she sees this as her opportunity to do whatever she likes. You must put a stop to this behaviour immediately and inform your parents. You cannot hide it from them anymore as it is their right as her parents to know what she is getting up to and put a stop to it. I am sure if you had a daughter who was behaving in a similar manner then you would also want to know and not have it hidden from you.

Work with your parents to help her. Your parents must try to be balanced and not be forceful. You must try to establish why she is continuing to behave in such a manner. Keeep giving her dawah and remind her of death and the Hereafter. Be the best example to her. Be a role model for her. Do not tell her off too much as she will not listen. Tell her now and again so what you say has more weight.

Keep making Dua for her. May Allah guide her and all of us. Ameen

sis , keep praying for her. May Allah increases her and us in faith , Ameen.