I am a fraud...

You need to seek the forgiveness of those you've hurt. You need to be humble and regretful and sincere in your apology, and take whatever punishment they give you, happily - because this could be a means to re-correcting your deeds if Allah so wills. Look, intention and sincerity are key to forgiveness, as well as the act of seeking forgiveness...

...Though I don't know you, It seems to me that you have some kind of addiction which is putting you into debt. Whether it is drugs, alcohol, gambling whatever - it can be overcome. I used to be an addict... i used to be a very bad person in fact, and I too had my regrets and wanted to set things right - 10 years later I'm here and i've made the effort to change and settle my affairs - in most cases it worked alhamdulillah - and in some, I'm still left wanting for forgiveness - not everyone will forgive - you have to accept that. Even now, my parents find it hard to trust me, but over time I am earning that truth little by little.

Life is not a game of chances - and you thinking you've blown it this time is not doing you any favours. Life is what you struggle for. If you take the easy way out and neglect your responsibility, then you aint living - coz you aint learning nothing, except hurt, pain, sorrow and regret. Am I right?

Wanna live? Do right - seek forgiveness from those you've wronged, and once you've done that - you will see that something within you is correcting itself. Then you can be comfortable in the knowledge that you can now seek forgiveness from Allah, because you've taken true and genuine steps to right the wrongs you have done in the past. Your intent and sincerity will not go unnoticed by Allah. His promise is that HE loves to forgive. But you've constantly failed HIM. So this time round, your method for seeking forgiveness is gonna be a real eye opening experience for you - for you HAVE to settle your affairs.

You've put your parents through much pain, as I had done in the past (for separate reasons) but all is not lost brother/sister.

If I could come through my troubles, which were so bad they were life threatening at once stage - then surely, the problem of debt can be alleviated with genuine effort.

Further, you need to be of benefit for your family. A portion of what you earn should be spent in purchasing things for the home, so your parents can feel confident that you can provide for a family after they've gone... I mean, why do you think they are really crying? I tell you something, it's not because of your debt - the deeper reason is because you are not showing signs of adulthood, and responsibility - you cannot survive on your own, this is what they think. You NEED to prove them wrong for both, your sake, and theirs.

What parent wants to die knowing their son or daughter is someone who will constantly end up in deep trouble, or worse? NONE...

So, you're losing faith? GOOD! You bloody well deserve it. You have hit a new low point in life... the lowest yet probably, you've been no lower - so.... where to next?

There's only one way bro/sis...

...UP ^ so rise, and drop those friends who are constantly making you weak. Be strong, internally, be an example unto yourself, amaze your peers by the changes you make - but never ever seek approval from others, for if you do, all your hard work will be down the pan. If you must seek approval from anyone, seek it from Allah alone, and you'll see the results reflected in the eyes of your parents in sha Allah.

I'm sorry if I come across harsh. I pray to Allah that he eases for you and your parents, your affairs, take you out of debt, and give you the means to provide and grow the confidence from your family in your ability to be the person they always hoped you would be. Ameen.

Scimi