I want to commit suicide

Wa alaykum salam,

I'm sorry to hear about what's happened to you and your sister; I'll keep you and her in my duas, insha Allah. First of all, I would say that no one has the right to tell you what is unattractive (I assume we're talking about physical attractiveness here). What your parents think and what your environment believes is just that-- it's a belief. They're entitled to believe that muslim women are unattractive, but that belief is not the same thing as a fact. Truth be told, I find women who dress modestly more attractive than non-muslim women who don't dress modestly. Whenever I see a sister wearing her hijab or a brother in his thobe and kufi, my heart jumps for joy. I suspect that many of my brothers in Islam feel the same way.

Even so, that is only physical beauty we're talking about-- and physical beauty is only temporary, aside from subjective. Do you want to know what's going to give you more confidence? being beautiful in the eyes of Allah azza wa jal. His standard of beauty, unlike society's standards, never changes. When I wear my thobe, I feel as if I'm the most handsome man in the world, even though I'm not . Knowing that Allah loves it when I dress modestly gives me far more joy than the world's approval ever could.

A mental illness is already difficult to bear, but being misjudged on the basis of having said illness makes it worse. I don't know your sister, but assuming that she's a good person, as you said, then she's certainly not crazy. A person who's legitimately crazy is one who has no self-control and no comprehension of what they're doing. You can know that, in spite of the accusations that your sister is crazy, she is not. It's like if everyone was telling you that two plus two equaled five; would you believe them? no, of course not. You would be confident and comfortable knowing that they're wrong. How can you feel threatened by something you know to be untrue?

I don't know where you're at, religiously speaking, but you still don't deserve to be gossiped about. Whoever was spreading information about you of your unfaithfulness, that was cruel of them. Your feeling of being unworthy is from Satan; it has no truth value at all. Allah azza wa jal created you, me and everyone else to worship Him [Qur'an 51:56]. For the first 21 years of my life, I was a kaffir, but it's not like Allah wanted nothing to do with me. He wanted everything to do with me, or else He wouldn't have made me in the first place!

The same is true for you. Even on your worst days, God still has His mind on you; He provides for you, is patient toward you and still invites you to repent to Him. Since you said that you dabbled in astrology, I think it would be best to take your re-take your shahada and start anew. Trust me, one drop of nectar from God's Mercy is sweeter than the whole world and everything in it. No sin is too big, no amount of sinning is too numerous for Him to forgive. It's not like God is sitting in Heaven, saying to Himself "Whoops I got a little carried away! now that person's evil heart is too overpowering for Me!".

I know what it feels like to live every single day as though nobody understands or that nobody cares. With Allah, though, you're never alone. Your worst day as a muslim will be superior to the best days you had as a non-believer. I hope that you will consider what I've said. The world is a better place with you in it.

Sister, please understand that no part of you was created by God to be able to handle all of that. The first step you need to take is to stop the self-reliance and give up on the self. Every person must give up on their own attempts at being strong enough, to believe enough and to be patient enough. All of that comes from Allah. That's why we always say "Alhamdulillah Rabbil alameen" in our salah, because we don't deserve praise-- He does. Come to the Lord sore and out of breath, just like prophet Jonah [peace be upon him] did in the belly of the fish.

I see you, in essence, saying that you can't do this and that you can't do that. I'm not asking you to end your own problems or to be what society wants you to be. I'm asking you to be who Allah wants you to be and that starts with giving up on your own attempts to cope. You have to cling to Allah azza wa jal and break the shackels of ego that are holding you down. That's the only way you'll rise above the things holding you down. That doesn't mean you'll stop suffering altogether, but Allah is sufficient enough to keep you going, despite anything that comes.

"We narrate all these stories of the Ambiyaa (Nooh, Hood, Saalih, Ibraheem, Loot, Shuaib and Musa - alayhimus salaam) to you so that We strengthen your heart." 11:120.

Read about the lives of the Prophets, upon them be peace, per the above (you must have read on their backgrounds already but spend some time again all the same). May Allah strengthen you. Aameen.

Beloved,


Are you the same young woman who posted 3 weeks ago?


It is hard to talk with you if I don't know more about you. You can private message me if you like. Because I sense that there are things you are shy to talk about. And that you need to talk about.


Don't be shy to talk to me. I know something about the darker sides of families.


But one thing is for sure: you are loved, my dear. Please don't deprive the world of your Beauty. Yes! Beauty! Allah made you, so there MUST be something beautiful inside of you. I know what that hollowness and despair is like. And I also know that out of the lifeless ashes of lava-burned land, come the most juicy and delicious fruits.


Talk to me, my dear. Hugs.

format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous

I am useless, worthless, a failure, I should die. I don't feel like I exist anymore. Nothing I ever do is good enough, I don't know why I am so abnormal. I am not like other people, I don't belong anywhere. Why can't you tell that God will forgive me if I kill myself. I am completely paralyzed and disabled. I am thrown into a bottomless pitt. I want to burn myself, cut myself, choke myself, Iam despicable. I live alone and I 2ill die alone. There is no place for me in this world I am completely crushed and at my wits end I can't face anyone anymore. Maybe people like me are just nit supposed to live. Please please tell me He will forgive me if I kill myself. I am full of shame I can't go on like this anymore. I try to be positive but nothing ever changes. Nothing. It won't change please tell me that people who are miserabke as this might get granted some mercy. Please. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. I HAD ENOUGH THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH TO BEAR. I DON'T FEEL LIKE I HAVE A BODY ANYMORE I FEEL LIKE I AM FLOATING IN EMPTY SPACE PLEASE.

I was born in family that considered wealthy. It's because my father was success in his job. But he passed away when I was 20.

Few years later I started my career as businessman, but then I made big mistake that made me lost huge amount of money, including house and cars. It made felt 'down' because I failed, not success like my father. I tried to rise again, but failed and failed again. Finally it made me felt I was not worth and useless. And I lost my spirit to do an effort again to make my life better.

One day in that time. I was walking, and I saw an old man stood beside the street. He want to cross the street, but afraid. I helped him to cross the street. Arrived in the opposite side, he smile at me and said "May Allah reward you, young man". And suddenly I felt my life spirit came again. I began to realize that I was still worth and not useless. I began to have a courage to start my career again. So, few days later I started to work as freelance salesman. I rode motorbike or walk, traveling around the city, offer some stuff. Now, Alhamdulillah, I have my own business, I can fulfill my family needs and can give job to job seekers.

Do you know, sister?. There are many people who need your help. You can help them. Try to leave your room and go around. Give little help to anyone when you see someone need help, like cross the street. Or maybe you are interested to work voluntary to help people?. My mother worked voluntary to read books for the blinds after my father passed away. In Shaa Allah, help the other will make you realize that you are not useless, and still worth for the world.

format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous

Thank you Muslim sister, brothers drac and muhammad waqqas.But sadly my mental and spiritual states are deteriorating by the day. I feel horrible and my suicidal urges are getting worse. It is hard I feel worthless and abondoned. I wish I had the strength and patience of a true beleiver. I try to listen and read quran but just qhen I do. I feel like screaming please help give me hope.

You should wait for a while. The feelings will pass.
Look at it from the exact opposite. Does being happy last forever?
Not at all. You are going through a really bad time but fighting through it will make the rest of your life even happier.

Who would enjoy good times if they have not faced adversity?
Also, it is never a good idea to make serious decisions in a very emotional state.