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Marriage problems

  1. #1
    Muslimah1012's Avatar Limited Member
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    Marriage problems

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    So I've been married for about 6 months. Before I met my husband I had a past but alhamdulillah a lot has changed. A month or so before I got married I put on a hijab and now here and there I wear a niqab, just getting used to it so inshallah soon I wear it full time. My husband and I are partially practising but alhamdulillah this Ramadan we've been more closer to God than all our marriage and hope to make it a habit. So to get to my point. My brother married convert right before I got married who only converted so she could marry him. I had known the girl since school and knew a lot of nasty things about her but was more than welcoming when she had married my brother. They live with my parents even now and I with my in laws. My parents are very cultural and my mother is a practising muslimah. My brothers wife never wore a hijab up until a month or so ago because they had problems in there marriage. They have separated many times and both messed around in that amount of time they were away from each other. I had noticed a month or so in my marriage that my brothers wife flirts with my husband. Before that I didn't really mind her speaking and sharing jokes with my husband. After noticing it made me very insecure and uncomfortable, not to mention angry. At first my husband didn't believe me when I'd tell him. For months he thought I was just exaggerating and being crazy. But eventually he realised and he stopped giving her any attention. By then she knew and even now she knows it annoys me the way she acts but it's as if she does it to get to me. I had never wronged her before all of this and I was the kindest when she had moved in. She tries everything to talk to my husband and get closer to him. She knows nothing about her religion and doesn't want to learn. She was forced by her husband to put on a hijab. He said he'd only let her come back if she does. She doesn't know how to pray, she doesn't even know the shahada. She has no morals and no shame. She would bend over backwards for my husbands attention. I notice my husband and her exchanging a few glances sometimes. She knows I notice and she looks at me straight after not as if she's ashamed, but as if she's throwing it in my face. I've had arguments with my husband many times about her and I've had horrible dreams including her and my husband having sexual relations and wake up crying. My husband claims that he does not like her the least bit and that he hates her for the way she acts. He says she makes him uncomfortable but I believe otherwise because he sometimes gives her that attention, knowing well enough how she twists it. I think he is flattered by the attention. I cannot say anything to my mother and father because they believe it's wrong of me to even think that way and I'm nasty for having those thoughts. I have probably had a conversation 2 or 3 times with my brothers in law and I've lived with my in laws family for about 6 months. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm already paranoid as it is, and these dreams are getting the better of me. I don't want to be like this at all. I'm more of a calm person but ever since this, I haven't been able to enjoy time with my family because I'm on the look out. I've tried dismissing it but I've realised my husband and my sister in law get too comfortable when I do and they think it's okay to talk and stare at each other and what not. My brother doesn't realise and I don't think he'd even care considering the things she's done in the past and his reactions to them. This all shocks me because my husband was the one who taught me everything about my religion but at times he can be a little hypocritical. Please give me some advice on what to do in this situation.
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    strivingobserver98's Avatar Jewel of IB
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    Re: Marriage problems



    Subhan Allah. May Allah easen your affairs and make things easy for you.
    Last edited by strivingobserver98; 06-24-2015 at 02:23 PM.
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    IbnAbdulHakim's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Marriage problems

    your husband needs to take a firmer approach.

    best thing to do is NO attention whatsoever

    no eye contact WHATSOEVER

    NONE

    if he doesnt like her he should make it so clear that she doesnt even think twice about approaching him through his behaviour - dialogue is not necessary and will only make things worse
    Marriage problems

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    ~ Sabr ~'s Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Marriage problems



    Speak to your sister in law, and tell her to back off, or you won’t be held responsible for your actions.

    Marriage problems

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    Alpha Dude's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Marriage problems

    Mention to your husband, there is a hadith, to the effect: 'brother in law is death'. I.e. it is very easy for zina or other evils to occur due to intermingling. Brothers and sister in laws need to be vigilant lest any kind of evil deed occurs.

    Knowing the nature of this woman and taking into consideration the hadith, your husband really ought to stop all contact with her.
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