I finally got to the bottom of the issue with her and while I'm reluctant to post specific details I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who responded and helped.
Turns out she was in an abusive marriage before hand and he was very controlling, he hit her and she was very fearful of him. After some years the relationship ended when the parents got involved.
So she said she wanted to marry a revert this time so it would feel like she has more control over the general direction of the relationship. I have less knowledge then her, she guides me in Islam. She says the reason why she regularly loses it with me is to "keep me in check" and to prevent me from becoming like her ex husband. I assured her this would never ever happen and we had a deep conversation about our commitment and other things.
So after all this she was just scared, worried that I would become like her ex husband and so she felt she had to "wear the trousers" and any sign of me trying to assert control or dominance was met with instant rejection to prevent me from making a habit of it. Inshallah from this point on things will go back to how they were. Perhaps I did start to get a bit controlling I don't know. I guess at the start I was extremely passive with her but once the marriage developed maybe she saw I was getting a bit too big for my boots or something and so she did what she felt was required to keep me passive.
It was just fear... may allah swt forgive her. She was only doing what she felt was in her best interest and I believe her.
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