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His are family refusing to accept me.

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    His are family refusing to accept me. (OP)


    Asalam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu

    In sha Allah everyone is in the best of health and emaan.

    During my time of reverting to islam, so many things happend and it was an extremely hard time for me, i was disowned by my family, beaten up and kicked out and was homeless for a while moving around from place to place... my then at the time fiance (who helpd me to become muslim) passed away (among too many other things wich i still find hard to talk about) so my emaan was on the rocks for so long that i nearly left islam, i then met my now fiance who is bengali (he works, and practises alhamdulilah) he helped me find my emaan agen then i found my strength and love for islam and Allah all over agen.. we decided we both wanted to do our nikkah (im the only muslim in my entire family)... its been about a year since we decided to get married and his family wont accept and dont even want to meet me..his sister recently got married so that put us on the sidelines of him once again bringing it up, but whenever he does he and his mum just argue that she doesnt care if he gets married in a masjid but will not ever allow him to marry anything other than a bengali... i have tried speaking to his sisters but i just kinda get the cold shoulder type of vibe... and i honeslty dont know what to do if there is anything i can do
    I know that he is a man and does not need his mums permission but neither of us would like to do a nikkah in secret as we feel its false and i do want his family to support both of us and ofcourse love me and get along with me

    (honestly when i reverted i didnt think these types of things existed among muslims, well practising muslims at that, its just a horrible feeling to be made to feel like your dirt on somones shoe just because you dont have the same heritage as someone else)

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    Re: His are family refusing to accept me.

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    format_quote Originally Posted by noraina View Post
    I wouldn't say immediately give in, however with parents there is only so much you can say or do. I am not in such a problem myself, however I would assume that considering how seriously certain communities take this issue, to stand up to them and try to change this really built-in mentality, would take a lot of persuading and arguments, and as their child they are automatically in a position of authority over you.

    However, I think the stance on this issue is changing. Many younger Muslims, in their teens or twenties or thirties, are more accepting of inter-racial marriages, so inshaAllah I believe the next generation of young Muslims will face anything like this to a lesser extent.

    And just to add, perhaps for parents who don't approve, there is an underlying fear. It shouldn't be there, but they genuinely fear losing their child to another culture and set of traditions completely foreign to their own, they were brought up back home - whereas we were brought up accustomed to different cultures living together. In all fairness, as people we tend to stick to what we know and be wary of what we don't.
    I do understand that i just feel that as its such a very common issue, which shouldnt even exist among muslims, it should seriously be challenged especially by those family members who know better and can potentially explain it in a better way, even their mother tongue language if thats what they will understand better.. but i know that if its not challenged they will carry on thinking its acceptable, and some of thier "fears" stem from pridefull traits which we all know can lead anybody into jahanumm, which none of us want for anyone.

    I spose i never went thru it that much as my family are mixed up (my mum is spanish, my dad is jamaican cuban and irish) although i did experience some bad vibes off certain family members as im very light and the jamaican side are dark or rasta, and some where a bit funny about me and my mum

    I just honestly dont find that behaviour acceptable at all wether muslim or non muslims, but especially muslims as they SHOULD know better
    | Likes noraina liked this post
    His are family refusing to accept me.

    Narrated Jubair ibn Mut’im: The Messenger of Allah (S.A.W), said: "He is not one us who calls for `Asabiyah, (nationalism/tribalism) or who fights for `Asabiyah or who dies for `Asabiyah." [Sunan Abu Dawud (Vol. 2, pg. 753) No. 5121]
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    noraina's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: His are family refusing to accept me.

    True, these ideas of tribalism stem come from the age of jahilliyah, and I am so saddened when I hear things like this...as an ummah we are enlightened by the Qur'an and the sunnah of the Prophet (pbuh), and so when we choose to give priority to cultural practises like this, which Islam thoroughly condemns, it is wrong...

    And it is unacceptable, but especially among the older generations they can be very stubborn with these kinda deep-set ideas - sometimes they just don't want to listen, especially to their kids, but inshaAllah I think a positive change is happening, as people realise racial differences have no place in Islam.

    I am so sorry you're having to go through this sis, you'll be in my duas. x
    | Likes Umm Abed, muslimah_B liked this post
    His are family refusing to accept me.

    Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, Thabbit Qalbi Ala Deenik
    Oh turner of the Hearts make my heart firm on Your Deen


    islamb 1 - His are family refusing to accept me.



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    Re: His are family refusing to accept me.

    In sha Allah these practices are wiped out through the new generations of muslims and through inter-racial marriages and parents accepting their childrens choices of spouses providing they ofcorse meet an islamic standard

    I know all about stubborn families lol but its just putting your foot down and making them understand, this is wrong and i will not partake or go along with this especially as it is against our deen
    | Likes noraina, s.ali123 liked this post
    His are family refusing to accept me.

    Narrated Jubair ibn Mut’im: The Messenger of Allah (S.A.W), said: "He is not one us who calls for `Asabiyah, (nationalism/tribalism) or who fights for `Asabiyah or who dies for `Asabiyah." [Sunan Abu Dawud (Vol. 2, pg. 753) No. 5121]
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