I've been having issues with my abusive short tempered wife for a some time now and a while ago we thought we had worked things out and she explained why she is violent towards me and I accepted her reasons, forgave her and it seemed to be an end to the matter. Then just recently we had a massive argument because I did not have the food ready on time and but it was because I had to take an important phone call so I had to start the cooking an hour late. When she got home from her friends she exploded into rage simply because of this...
I tried to explain that I had to take a phone call and apologised for the dinner being late but she wouldn't let me get a word in edge ways. Telling me I am a lousy husband and useless because I can't even prepare a meal on time. I lost my temper because she literally would not let me speak and then we started to argue even more about other things like cleaning even though I am always the one who cleans and she does barely anything. Even if I ask her nicely she'll complain about how I make the mess therefore I should clean it up even though it's not me who is making the damn mess.
I am hanging on by a thread and I just don't know how to get through to her. I don't even have a voice in my own home and I really thought we had figured it out but she is just way too controlling and I feel like a child who cannot even answer back. Is it even possible for people like her to change or will she always be like this? I want to spend the rest of my life with her but she is impossible to handle, I honestly feel like a her ***** boy and it makes me feel so weak I hate it.
Say this douae it's very helpful
{وَالَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا} [الفرقان : 74]
Rabbana hab Lana min azwajina wa dourriyatina kourrata aeyounin wa 'jaalna lilmoutakina imama https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KqNfitp14vc
And try to worship Allah together and be patient by correcting her let your intention for every acting with her for the sake of Allah
Say adkar and make a lot of istighfar when you argue because one of the big doing of shaytan is to cause separation between a man and his wife.
So Istighfar will break all the problems
The first thing to do is to demonstrate to her that she will not achieve anything by raging. Stand your ground. It's just sound. Mechanical oscillations in air. Give her nothing. If that makes her rage even more, it means it's working. Be ready, though, for the possibility that she will get violent. In that case, be ready to answer in kind and use whatever violence necessary to stop her. Whatever you do, don't let her win by escalating the situation. Stand your ground, no matter what it takes.
What surprises me is that you do all the cooking and cleaning.
I don't always do all the cooking and cleaning. Sometimes she does it sometimes but I have to ask her several times before she will do it. Every time I ask her for help with cleaning or cooking she'll reel off an excuse as to why she can't do it. It's just easier and less hassle if I just do it. I don't mind that much as it makes her happy so I kind of just get on with it. There are however times I need her to do it because I have to go out or attend a meeting.
Like I said in my other thread, everything in our marriage is fine and we have no problems with anything but occasionally I seem to say or do something which really upsets her but I don't know what it is that I do wrong... I think it's a combination of her being lazy and also her wanting to control the marriage. She basically seems me as beneath her Everything is perfect IF I do what she says when she says without arguing back. Pathetic.
When I read this thread it made me think would we give different kind of advices if this would to be the case of abused wife (and hers tyrant, abusing, controlling, manipulating husband)?
Personally I don´t think that anything could change her, if she doesn´t understand that hers behaving is wrong and if she doesn´t really want to change by herself (with outside therapist or not).
Salam. Yes if this was the case it would be much harder to solve. A wife has to be very strong to change her husband. But I would give the same advice though.
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Everything is perfect IF I do what she says when she says without arguing back. Pathetic.
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