× Register Login What's New! Contact us
Results 1 to 14 of 14 visibility 3302

I love my children. I love my late wife. But .....

  1. #1
    ardianto's Avatar Full Member
    brightness_1
    IB Oldskool
    star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Indonesia
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    8,551
    Threads
    157
    Rep Power
    126
    Rep Ratio
    61
    Likes Ratio
    57

    I love my children. I love my late wife. But .....

    Report bad ads?

    “Oh, come on, mister Ardianto. I can find the right wife for you!”. My business colleague started to urge me after he saw I didn’t respond him when he said he would seek a wife for me. I replied with smile, and “Thanks. But there is someone who is waiting for me”. He said again “Good, if you already found a future wife. But, when will you remarry?”. I just smile and didn’t say anything.

    This is what happened again today. Yeah, since my wife passed away three years ago, people start to talk about getting ‘the new’. Few of them even took initiative to introduce someone to me, or seek a wife for me, although I never ask them to do it, and never respond their ‘help’. But finally someone questioning my attitude that seem like pretend don’t know that she is waiting for proposal. Hopefully she is not angry at me, and does not regard me just want to ‘play’ with her.

    Yes, I have ever respond someone who quickly came to me after she heard that I am ‘single’ again. I began to thinking to remarry. But suddenly I was afraid when she was questioning my attitude that still do not propose marriage although she is waiting for it. I was afraid to propose marriage because I am afraid my children will be unhappy if I remarry. I don’t want to ruin their happiness. I also feel guilty to my late wife. I feel, I betray her if I remarry. Maybe it’s because my love to them is too big.

    I love my children. I love my late wife. But I cannot lie to myself that I am just ordinary human. Live as widower make me often feel emptiness in my heart. I feel like a part of me has gone. It torture my heart. I always try to forget this feeling through make myself busy when this feeling come. But conversation with my colleague this noon made me feel this emptiness again. And in the afternoon I began to angry and questioning why Allah took my beloved wife?. Why Allah took my love and put me in loneliness?. But suddenly I realize, I should not questioning a destiny. I must still trust Allah. I must believe that Allah will give what the best for me.

    I am sorry if I rant like this. But I am just ordinary human. I am not as strong as you think. I still need advice and support.
    chat Quote

  2. Report bad ads?
  3. #2
    anatolian's Avatar Full Member
    brightness_1
    IB Oldtimer
    star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Turkey
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    1,822
    Threads
    47
    Rep Power
    102
    Rep Ratio
    31
    Likes Ratio
    57

    Re: I love my children. I love my late wife. But .....

    Always ask from Allah which is best for you and dont reject it when you realize that it is given to you.
    | Likes ardianto liked this post
    I love my children. I love my late wife. But .....

    “Either seem as you are or be as you seem” Rumi
    chat Quote

  4. #3
    Serinity's Avatar Full Member
    brightness_1
    IB Oldtimer
    star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Location
    Earth
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    2,854
    Threads
    72
    Rep Power
    57
    Rep Ratio
    38
    Likes Ratio
    81

    Re: I love my children. I love my late wife. But .....



    Can't you marry, and if / when you, In shaa' Allah, go to Jannah, ask for your late wife again and have both of them?

    May Allah SWT forgive me if I said anything wrong. Ameen

    And Allah SWT knows best.
    | Likes ardianto liked this post
    chat Quote

  5. #4
    Bhabha's Avatar
    brightness_1
    I'm on mobile
    star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Earth
    Gender
    Female
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    792
    Threads
    33
    Rep Power
    50
    Rep Ratio
    28
    Likes Ratio
    78

    Re: I love my children. I love my late wife. But .....

    Talk with your children. I don't think they would want their father unhappy. How old are they?
    | Likes ardianto liked this post
    I love my children. I love my late wife. But .....

    ต( ິᵒ̴̶̷̤ ﻌ ᵒ̴̶̷̤ )ິ ♬

    chat Quote

  6. Report bad ads?
  7. #5
    ~ Sabr ~'s Avatar Full Member
    brightness_1
    Account Restricted
    star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    My <3 resides in Makkah & Madinah
    Gender
    Female
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    2,325
    Threads
    94
    Rep Power
    0
    Rep Ratio
    40
    Likes Ratio
    49

    Re: I love my children. I love my late wife. But .....



    There is nothing wrong with marrying again - a human needs companionship - this doesn't mean you love your wife any less.
    | Likes ardianto liked this post
    I love my children. I love my late wife. But .....

    “Indeed the patient will be given their reward without account.” :love:
    { Qur’aan, Chapter 39, Verse 10 }
    chat Quote

  8. #6
    ardianto's Avatar Full Member
    brightness_1
    IB Oldskool
    star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Indonesia
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    8,551
    Threads
    157
    Rep Power
    126
    Rep Ratio
    61
    Likes Ratio
    57

    Re: I love my children. I love my late wife. But .....

    The problem is how to tell it to my children. I am worry they will be disappointed if I tell them I will remarry, although I am sure they already know that there is someone. They have ever seen me bought a woman wallet. They also see me have new habit which I always buy something, usually food, when we go to other cities. My youngest child admit that he saw message in my cellphone. But seem like they reluctant to ask me.

    My late wife family seem like have know it too. Maybe from my children. But amazingly their attitude seem like encourage me, not prevent. My sister ever told me that if I want to remarry, just remarry.

    But I don't know why, I always think that children cannot accept if their father or mother decide to remarry. Few people told me that I must not think like this. But I still assume like this. Maybe because I have ever had step-father, and my relationship with him was not good.
    chat Quote

  9. #7
    sister herb's Avatar Full Member
    brightness_1
    IB Oldskool
    star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Finland
    Gender
    Female
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    9,198
    Threads
    336
    Rep Power
    143
    Rep Ratio
    62
    Likes Ratio
    80

    Re: I love my children. I love my late wife. But .....

    It seems that soon it´s time to talk with your children. Ask their opinion and make them to feel that nobody doesn´t try to take their mother´s place in their hearts. Ask them if they feel unsecure or uncomfortable with the idea of remarry. You can wonder and wonder "what if and how they would think" but sooner or later you also have to ask it directly.
    | Likes ardianto liked this post
    I love my children. I love my late wife. But .....

    From Occupied Palestine:

    We have suffered too much for too long. We will not accept apartheid masked as peace. We will settle for no less than our freedom.



    chat Quote

  10. #8
    Alpha Dude's Avatar Full Member
    brightness_1
    Cold of heart
    star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    2,966
    Threads
    46
    Rep Power
    207
    Rep Ratio
    647
    Likes Ratio
    44

    Re: I love my children. I love my late wife. But .....

    A lot would depend on how old your children are too. I think if they are over around 15, they ought to be more understanding in sha Allah. It has been 3 years and I don't think there's anything specifically that you need to feel guilty about in marrying again.
    | Likes ardianto liked this post
    chat Quote

  11. #9
    ardianto's Avatar Full Member
    brightness_1
    IB Oldskool
    star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Indonesia
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    8,551
    Threads
    157
    Rep Power
    126
    Rep Ratio
    61
    Likes Ratio
    57

    Re: I love my children. I love my late wife. But .....

    I forgot to tell, my children are boys, almost 18 and early 12.
    chat Quote

  12. Report bad ads?
  13. #10
    *charisma*'s Avatar Super Moderator
    brightness_1
    #AlwaysInMyDuas
    star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    I am a traveler, May Jannah be my home ameen
    Gender
    Female
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    5,085
    Threads
    200
    Rep Power
    146
    Rep Ratio
    102
    Likes Ratio
    61

    Re: I love my children. I love my late wife. But .....

    Assalamu alaikum

    You know, kids these days are smarter than you think. They are probably waiting for you to bring up the subject since youre the adult. If youre ready to get married then go for it. Im sure they will be supportive, and if youre not ready to talk about it because you are worried about their reactions then you can try to get their opinions in a jokingly way so its not as obvious?
    | Likes Umm Abed, ardianto liked this post
    I love my children. I love my late wife. But .....

    D e a t h

    is the easiest
    of all things after it
    ; ;

    the hardest
    of all things before it
    chat Quote

  14. #11
    ardianto's Avatar Full Member
    brightness_1
    IB Oldskool
    star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Indonesia
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    8,551
    Threads
    157
    Rep Power
    126
    Rep Ratio
    61
    Likes Ratio
    57

    Re: I love my children. I love my late wife. But .....

    format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity View Post


    Can't you marry, and if / when you, In shaa' Allah, go to Jannah, ask for your late wife again and have both of them?

    May Allah SWT forgive me if I said anything wrong. Ameen

    And Allah SWT knows best.


    Jazakallah Khayr. But I am still alive, bro. That's why now I feel an emptiness. This is not loneliness like assumed by some people which refer to bedroom issue. But feeling of losing a friend that makes me feel alone in crowd.

    format_quote Originally Posted by anatolian View Post
    Always ask from Allah which is best for you and dont reject it when you realize that it is given to you.
    If someone is destined to become my wife, then even if I reject her, she would still become my wife. But if someone destined to not become my wife, then she would not become my wife.

    My late wife was someone that I have ever rejected in the past. That's because I already chose another girl as my future wife. But just she's gone, my future wife decided to not marry me. So I married her.

    The woman that I mention in my previous post was someone that I have rejected too in the past. She tried to grab my attention, but I always ignored her. Then she ask her friend to tell about her interest to me, and I rejected her through her friend. Later she decided to accept proposal from a man who had bad behavior, and divorced without having child. After she heard I have become widower, she tried her luck again.

    Different than in the past. Now I decide to accept her because I see she meet criteria to become the right wife. I am serious want to marry her. But the problem is, I am hesitate to tell about it to my children. I often made du'a, wish Allah give me easiness. But still, I am not able to tell my children.

    Honestly, she is not the only woman who tried to grab my attention after I become widower. I also understand why there are people who interested to introduce me to someone that they know. And this is why I feel an irony. Not difficult for me to get a wife if I want to remarry. But I am still not able to remarry. However, I do not blame my children. Maybe it's because Allah want me to become the better father for my children.
    chat Quote

  15. #12
    ~ Sabr ~'s Avatar Full Member
    brightness_1
    Account Restricted
    star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    My <3 resides in Makkah & Madinah
    Gender
    Female
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    2,325
    Threads
    94
    Rep Power
    0
    Rep Ratio
    40
    Likes Ratio
    49

    Re: I love my children. I love my late wife. But .....

    Do what you feel from the heart.
    I love my children. I love my late wife. But .....

    “Indeed the patient will be given their reward without account.” :love:
    { Qur’aan, Chapter 39, Verse 10 }
    chat Quote

  16. #13
    ardianto's Avatar Full Member
    brightness_1
    IB Oldskool
    star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Indonesia
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    8,551
    Threads
    157
    Rep Power
    126
    Rep Ratio
    61
    Likes Ratio
    57

    Re: I love my children. I love my late wife. But .....

    format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma* View Post
    Assalamu alaikum

    You know, kids these days are smarter than you think. They are probably waiting for you to bring up the subject since youre the adult. If youre ready to get married then go for it. Im sure they will be supportive, and if youre not ready to talk about it because you are worried about their reactions then you can try to get their opinions in a jokingly way so its not as obvious?
    Wa'alaikumsalam.

    Serious thing should not be told through joking because it could be really assumed as joke and causing problem later.

    In Shaa Allah, I will tell my children gradually, not at once like "Daddy want to remarry". And I think I should seek help from my sister.
    | Likes BeTheChange liked this post
    chat Quote

  17. #14
    ardianto's Avatar Full Member
    brightness_1
    IB Oldskool
    star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Indonesia
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    8,551
    Threads
    157
    Rep Power
    126
    Rep Ratio
    61
    Likes Ratio
    57

    Re: I love my children. I love my late wife. But .....

    format_quote Originally Posted by ~ Sabr ~ View Post
    Do what you feel from the heart.
    In Shaa Allah. And I will make du'a again, wish Allah give me easiness.
    | Likes BeTheChange liked this post
    chat Quote


  18. Hide
Hey there! I love my children. I love my late wife. But ..... Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, we remember exactly what you've read, so you always come right back where you left off. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and share your thoughts. I love my children. I love my late wife. But .....
Sign Up

Similar Threads

  1. Husband, Love Your Wife !!!
    By Muslim Woman in forum Family & Society
    Replies: 42
    Last Post: 12-17-2013, 10:10 AM
  2. Love for Children
    By Bayan in forum Family & Society
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 01-31-2011, 02:29 AM
  3. I think I'm in love with my wife's best friend
    By AnonymousPoster in forum Advice & Support
    Replies: 55
    Last Post: 10-30-2009, 09:03 PM
  4. Your Love for Your Children
    By AmarFaisal in forum General
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 06-25-2007, 10:58 AM
  5. Replies: 4
    Last Post: 06-29-2006, 01:59 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
create