Nikkah value

Brother. Ruksathi is not done and they believe untill Ruksathi is not done she has to stay with her parents.

I am in Canada and she is in Pakistan.
Problem is she doesn't call and its been 2 weeks i talk to her.
I need to know whats the value of nikkah in this situation

format_quote Originally Posted by kritikvernunft

Go to her house and ask her family to summon her to your house, because you intend to impose your will onto her. They will bring her. Then, you impose your will onto her. Next time, do it again. At some point, she will acquiesce and spontaneously do her job. You are married now. So, why do you hesitate to impose your will onto your wife?

Terrible advice. 'Imposing your will' is wrong in so many ways. Alhamdulillah Islam gives consideration to the feelings and emotions of BOTH spouses.
This is really going to help the marriage, isn't it?
Morals aside, she'll end up with lifelong issues and will probably hate him for it.

Please think before you type.

OP, your marriage is entirely valid. Rukhsati is a cultural norm (nothing wrong with respecting that but just so you know) it doesn't affect the Nikah.
Maybe get to know her better or find out what's wrong by phoning or texting? After all, she's your wife. Don't give up so soon.

I have sent her many msgs " i love you" "i miss you" and etc but she doesnt reply or call me. She did call me and spoke with me fir few 2nds only to tell my mom to call her house due to some family issue and this was after 4 days of those msgs and she was talking rude and didnt even fund any importance in telling me what the problem was.
So even in this case without sex the nikkah can be broken with talaaq only?
Can she ask for khulla?
What are kufr words and muhasima?

Thank you guys

format_quote Originally Posted by qamarjavid

I have sent her many msgs " i love you" "i miss you" and etc but she doesnt reply or call me. She did call me and spoke with me fir few 2nds only to tell my mom to call her house due to some family issue and this was after 4 days of those msgs and she was talking rude and didnt even fund any importance in telling me what the problem was.
So even in this case without sex the nikkah can be broken with talaaq only? Can she ask for khulla? What are kufr words and muhasima?

A talaaq? What a bad idea. That would alienate both your and her family. Just ignore her for the time being, until both families have completed all procedures required, and have finally dropped her off at your bedroom. In the meanwhile, don't waste your time on all of this. Once the bride delivered to your bedroom, for the sake of peace and quiet, you will just do what you are expected to do. Besides that, there is really no point in arguing with her. About what anyway? If it really does not work out, you will just have to get yourself a second wife later on. I seriously recommend against talaaqing her, unless the families have decided that you must do so.

format_quote Originally Posted by kritikvernunft

About what anyway? If it really does not work out, you will just have to get yourself a second wife later on.

Rather than marry second wife just because the wife refuses to do intimacy, it's better if this brother divorce his wife before marry another woman. So his (ex)wife then can remarry with another man.

If this brother take the second wife without divorce the first wife, it will make the first wife trapped in 'imprisoned situation' which she never being touched by the husband, but also cannot marry another man.

format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*

Assalamu Alaikum




Yes, the nikkah is still valid, even if you have not had any sexual contact due to cultural reasons.




Sex is not required to validate nikkah.



Yes, talaaq would be required to break the nikkah, and only one talaaq is required for divorce since you have not touched her. No iddah period would be needed for her, so you cannot take her back after divorce, except with a new nikkah and a new mahr.




You are considered married right now.



If you get divorced now (without intercourse), and neither of you marry another person, then you can marry each other, but with new nikkah and new mahr as mentioned previously.




Maybe you should try to get to know her more before rushing into the physical contact. If she is not comfortable with you touching her or kissing her, it might be because she is not completely comfortable with you yet. Since she's a virgin and from a conservative culture, she is going to be shy and may need time to warm up to you. If you are always in a rush to force her to do these things, then that could be the reason why she is distant. I can understand it's difficult if she is not putting in the effort to talk to you yet, but take it slow for now. You're telling her "I love you and I miss you" but you admitted earlier that you did not even want to marry her and only did it for your family's happiness. So are you faking your affection to get physical contact from her faster? She probably wants to get to know you but every time you jump into the "I love you's" and affection, it might push her away since she has not developed those same feelings.

If you truly do not feel connected with her or attracted to her, and do not want to be married to her, then it's better to divorce now. You should call her family and ask to speak with her, and explain to her how you feel. Be clear about letting her know you need to communicate with her more often so that you both can get to know each other better (don't jump into i love you's). When you make it clear and direct for her, it will clarify things for you too and you will know if she is willing to put in the efforts to communicate regularly with you. After frequent communication, the relationship will develop and then affection will come naturally from both sides. If she refuses to do that first step, then it's clear she doesn't want to get to know you and there's no need to waste either of your time.

Asalaamualaykum to ALL

The sister has given a line by line break comprehensive answer. Only other question that the brother asked was about Kula and the answer is no she cannot as for one as you havent deliberately broken or usurped any of her rights.

After Charisma's answer, i cant see why this topic should continue, any questions you ask further will be complicating the issue.

Wasalaam.

I just want to let you know that 3 years ago when i went to see her we did have some sort of physical relationship because she liked me and at this time family was only talking about our engagement.

During these 4 months i used to visit her everyday at her house because she is my cousin and we were only few houses away.
At this time i caught her talking to her ex who i heard she and he liked for more then 5 years and both families didnt agree for them to marry.

I knew about their relationship from my other cousins.

She told me she dont talk to him and it has ended. Since i caught her talking she lied so when i came back to canada i stopped talking to her for 3 years even tho she try to contact me in between.

And now that we are in nikkah shes not giving me the same response as she did before.
Thats why i am confused

As long as my nikkah is 100% valid and she cant get khulla i am going to wait and work things out.. as i like the girl and btw she's 2 year older then me.

format_quote Originally Posted by qamarjavid

I just want to let you know that 3 years ago when i went to see her we did have some sort of physical relationship because she liked me and at this time family was only talking about our engagement.

That was haram, that is something you were suppose to do after the nikkah.

During these 4 months i used to visit her everyday at her house because she is my cousin and we were only few houses away. At this time i caught her talking to her ex who i heard she and he liked for more then 5 years and both families didnt agree for them to marry. I knew about their relationship from my other cousins.

She told me she dont talk to him and it has ended. Since i caught her talking she lied so when i came back to canada i stopped talking to her for 3 years even tho she try to contact me in between.

If you had caught with her ex while lying to you about it then this is something that you should have discussed with her and resolved before coming back to canada. You don't want to go into a marriage questioning her loyalty. The fact you stopped talking to her for 3 years even when she attempted to talk to you sends the message that you are no longer interested in her or the marriage. How long do you think a girl will wait and sit on her hands getting old before she decides maybe it's time to move on. Due to you neglecting her, she could have gone back to her ex as well.

And now that we are in nikkah shes not giving me the same response as she did before. Thats why i am confused

She may not be interested in you or trying to get back at you. She maybe going through the nikkah because everybody wants it. And after neglecting and ignoring her for 3 years, do you expect her to believe your "i love yous"? So your not talking for 3 years and now attempting to talk for 2 years makes it 5 years ? have you been back in that time to see? Maybe you need to go visit her and talk to her in person and sort this out before going into this marriage.

As long as my nikkah is 100% valid and she cant get khulla i am going to wait and work things out.. as i like the girl and btw she's 2 year older then me.

She can ask for khula if she feels you abandoned her those 3 years and no longer has interest in this marriage. She is not stuck with you to do as you please. You need to go talk to her in person to see where she stands and how she feels and sort this out before moving forward.

format_quote Originally Posted by aaj

That was haram, that is something you were suppose to do after the nikkah.

Given the close family ties at stake, on both sides of the equation, that are more important than your previously/currently liking/disliking the bride, or the other way around, I think that you may want to avoid injecting more public statements or details into a situation that has elements already, of looking compromised. The families seem to have decided, based on what they know, that the best way forward was a marriage. I think that it makes sense to just complete the procedures, ongoing as they are, and after that, to deal with any issues privately with the bride. There is clearly also no need to mention any additional information in the meanwhile, neither at the family level, nor at the private one. The bride is actually also right not to seek to discuss anything, which could possibly inject new misunderstandings, while at such a distance from each other. Therefore, it makes sense to let things rest for the time being, and let things just take their natural course.