We all have our limits in life, that draw the line of how much we are capable of tolerating. In the Quran it is mentioned Allah doesnot burden a soul beyond its capacity. These days im facing an intense delimma of dealing with my mother's attitude. She is being very demanding, pushy and selfish in terms of my choosing a husband for myself. She tries to force me into marriage with any proposal that comes by that doesn't suit me, blackmailing me emotionally that im 31, and need to marry asap. I know she is right for my concern as I pray for same but only to a match I feel is most compatible with me. Life is beginning to feel colourless and stagnant. I long for a true man only who can love me and protect me, no superficial stuff, no Buisness deals. Just a true companion. Why can't my parents be as patient as I am even though I'm the one who faces society every day but I do it with courage and smiles all alone. True I get weary of fighting the demons alone those that are outside and those that are inside. I wear the cloak of gratitude when I feel like screaming inside, has our family system become so intolerant that they can't just show a little patience, a little more understanding and care for the sentiments of those who are fighting alone!!! Allah has always guided and protected His Ummah. I truly get weary sometimes and long for a man who can slay my dragons for me lol. How can I cope or we cope in such situations??
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Lol dear sister! I just stated what I was feeling ....two things here though! To make myself compatible with only a true strong and pious man and I too am those traits if not lol may be he can make me closer to Allah. Secondly my mother and attitudes of judgemental people who never care to understand and just stay in limiting beliefs and undermine my spirits hope for a happy future ???so where's that support?
ultimately we all have to deal with our problems ourselves,
people can advise ,but we have to make the decisions and steps ourself
if i were to say to you that others have problems worse than you i would be right
you have to muster strength and support where you are
be it family,friends or others locally..
i can tell you with confidence,when you get married your problems and challenges will increase
in laws,children and more
develop resilience and the capacity to endure and to deal with people.
these trials do not stop.
and what you are going through now should help you later in life inshallah
You will probably not be able to change your mom, so don't focus too much on making her see things your way. She won't be able to cuz you're her daughter and she will always want the best for you. Just be patient and bear her and try to see things from her perspective instead. I know that you want to show that you're strong enough to show her that you can wait for your perfect husband, but the loneliness you're feeling she feels 100x more for you because she wants to see you happy (even if she's not showing it in a positive way).
Secondly, increase your istighfaar and your du'as during the times that you are closest to Allah (eg. in sujuud or tahajjud) and understand that the rest will be in Allah's hands. So no need to despair..put your faith and trust in Him inshallah. You have to be at a point where you love Allah and trust in Him to the point that even if you thought you'd never get married you can find contentment in that due to your reliance in Him.
True. I know life gets challenging afterwards. Right now im facing the delimma and challenge of motivating myself every single day to become a better muslim, a better human being. I'm not super nova nor am I super sonic woman lol I may act like super woman sometimes but I have days when I find support and understanding simply. Locally is what I'm saying it's hard to find where every one nowa days is glued to cell phones technological support through communities is what you get. I came here because I felt an islamic forum would be a safe place to share my worries and to connect on a spiritual level. And yes I agree at end of day we have to muster courage to improve our own lives with Allahs help.
Yes but Allah and islam doesn't want muslims to be cutoff from society. I am not inspired by saints who set off on distant islands for preaching purposes totally isolating themselves from their families! Islam teaches us to stay connected. Better to be mindful and thoughtful in our advices. Also to spread the wisdom of tolerance and peace.
She is being very demanding, pushy and selfish in terms of my choosing a husband for myself. She tries to force me into marriage with any proposal that comes by that doesn't suit me, blackmailing me emotionally that im 31, and need to marry asap.
Try to be patient with her. Let her know that you understand her concerns but you do not want to rush into a marriage just becuase you are getting old since it is a life time commitment. And you don't want to rush into it just becuase you are 31 and God forbid end up beind divorced at 32, it will be a lot harder to get re-married after that.
has our family system become so intolerant that they can't just show a little patience, a little more understanding and care for the sentiments of those who are fighting alone!!!
Our family system is very cultural and we claim to be Muslims but hardly follow Islam as it should be. Unless we reconnect with Allah and Islam, we will continue see this family system.
I truly get weary sometimes and long for a man who can slay my dragons for me lol. How can I cope or we cope in such situations??
It's hard finding a good spouse these days, much less a white knight.Inshalah increase your daily istaghfar and make this dua.
"Rabbana hab lana min azwajina wa dhuriyyatina qurrata A'yunin waj'alna lil-muttaqina imama."
"Our Lord, give us joy in our spouses and offspring. Make us good examples to those who are aware of You." (25:74)
My younger sister married when she was 32, while my younger brother married when he was 40. They were very selective, indeed. But my mother addressing this with different attitude. She was worry about my sister, but wasn't worry about my brother. I asked my mother why she had different attitude, and she told me "Because your sister is female, while your brother is male!". Finally my mother arranged a marriage for my sister. Now my sister lives happily with her husband.
I could understand why my mother was so worry about my sister, because I have ever had an experience.
Long time ago, in late of age 21 I met a girl who was 7 months younger. I intended to marry her after I graduate from university and have a job. But her mother disagree and pushed me to marry her daughter as soon as possible. She told me "I cannot let my daughter to wait for few years because probably then you will not marry her. If that is happen, as a man you have no problem because your value in the women eyes will still high. But as a woman, my daughter value in the men eyes will be decreased when she is getting older, then will be harder for her to get a husband!".
Sister, now do you understand why your mother so fussy because you are still unmarried in age 31?.
I am really sorry if my post offend you. But I just want to show you what is in your mother's mind. I hope you can understand.
Brother,
Thankyou for your concern... I understand what my mama wants to tell me,...it's just her tone that hurts me! I am already upset myself, your stressing on the point regarding my age isn't going to help me. Besides im not here to please strange cultural mindsets who actually think 31 is old age. I'm not saying I'm a teenager lol nor do I want to be. I'm just contented with who I am and that's all...I was hoping that there would be more tolerance here regarding my worries...I can't do anything other than pray for my husband as its all in Qadr and my prayers and longing are what I have only... So I don't want to force. Myself into anything im not comfortable with. We can't control people's behaviour we can just believe in ourselves...it gets scary for me sometimes as im unable to feel comforted.
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....two things here though! To make myself compatible with only a true strong and pious man and I too am those traits if not lol may be he can make me closer to Allah. Secondly my mother and attitudes of judgemental people who never care to understand and just stay in limiting beliefs and undermine my spirits hope for a happy future
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