Feel like my soul is destroyed and I am having consistent fear

**Brother_40805** · 04-20-2017

Aslamoalikum brothers and sisters.

I am going to be short and sweet because I feel like my intellect is decreasing as my language is starting to increasingly make less sense as i move forward in life.

I feel like my souls is completely confused and destroyed by family, people, circumstances and opposition to hope and future occurrences.

I am in consistent fear of being punished by Allah on DOR due to repeatedly falling into major sins although I do ask for forgiveness repeatedly too but its making me a hypocrite.

I have no smartness. No motivation and literally feel like I do not belong in the world.

Don't get me wrong I am not depressed. My heart is light but I have no worth and feel like none of what i say has any impact on my life or anyone else life.

I know this type of topic has been posted many time on many forums but i also like to add a few things to it.

If my souls is being attacked consistently by shaytan and I feel like I am loosing self identity when I don't even control certain feelings that appear but they are affecting and limiting my self and keeping me low and unmotivated and without impact then how am i able to act in the world when everything i do is bad coming from my soul and self. It is unfair.

Plus I would not be able to reach jannah as I have arrogance and envy and hate for some qualities of human beings in my heart. These feelings appear without thinking and out of nowhere. People around me make me jealous passively.

I have 0 friends and never had them to begin with. My family just tolerates me and think of me as nothing more than human being who only knows how to eat.

I am writing this thread because I feel this is unfair when I am in no control of certain feelings.

What can I do. I pray on time. read quran every day as much as possible. Do zikr and give charity when and where ever. Try my best to respect my mother and treat everyone kindly. I still feel bad and crap.

I have not even achieved anything in my life.

**Muslimah inshal** · 04-20-2017

Originally Posted by MSBi

Aslamoalikum brothers and sisters.

I am going to be short and sweet because I feel like my intellect is decreasing as my language is starting to increasingly make less sense as i move forward in life.

I feel like my souls is completely confused and destroyed by family, people, circumstances and opposition to hope and future occurrences.

I am in consistent fear of being punished by Allah on DOR due to repeatedly falling into major sins although I do ask for forgiveness repeatedly too but its making me a hypocrite.

I have no smartness. No motivation and literally feel like I do not belong in the world.

Don't get me wrong I am not depressed. My heart is light but I have no worth and feel like none of what i say has any impact on my life or anyone else life.

I know this type of topic has been posted many time on many forums but i also like to add a few things to it.

If my souls is being attacked consistently by shaytan and I feel like I am loosing self identity when I don't even control certain feelings that appear but they are affecting and limiting my self and keeping me low and unmotivated and without impact then how am i able to act in the world when everything i do is bad coming from my soul and self. It is unfair.

Plus I would not be able to reach jannah as I have arrogance and envy and hate for some qualities of human beings in my heart. These feelings appear without thinking and out of nowhere. People around me make me jealous passively.

I have 0 friends and never had them to begin with. My family just tolerates me and think of me as nothing more than human being who only knows how to eat.

I am writing this thread because I feel this is unfair when I am in no control of certain feelings.

What can I do. I pray on time. read quran every day as much as possible. Do zikr and give charity when and where ever. Try my best to respect my mother and treat everyone kindly. I still feel bad and crap.

I have not even achieved anything in my life.

Wa alaikum assalam brother . Hope you are in good health and iman inshallah bi idni Allah swt.

I also feel that way sometimes . Maybe you should try going out often like to mountains , go running and watching some landscapes and also try to be happy ( smile ) because maybe that's what your body needs. Try taking with you a Qur'an and pray outside . But specially make running a habit for everyday and that will help you inshallah . I hope I helped you a bit . Inshallah see other brothers and sisters opinion .

**Umm Malik** · 04-20-2017

It's a period of time and it will gone by all the experiences will learn from it ...all reward you will take and the high rank you will be in on shallah
And as you cried be for you will smile and laugh
As the long time you live in sadness you will see the best meaning of happiness
As long as you don't lose hope and don't count your deeds and waiting for the relief you will get the best inshallah
It may bay the last days of this bad feeling ... it my be so close to get what you want .. because Allah is able
But prayer and reading the Quran need also to add with them appreciating what Allah gives you and knowing that he is most wise .
He is merciful as long as you do a correct repentance, because to lose hope from Allah's mercy it can destroy your Iman , and this is one of the most steps of shaytan
He first let you think about the sin and after it he will let you think that Allah can't forgive you and you can't be good ... because after this you will just despair and start thinking that you are a lose of akhirah ... than enjoy your dunya and forget about your Deen
But we all know that Allah will not stop forgiving us till we stop making correct repentance
Try to check your goals
Try to make others smile every day as much as you can
Try to go outside with friends and if you don't have them yet than you can go to mosque just to sack them and Allah will give you good friends inshallah which will benefit you in dunya and in the akhirah
Ask Allah in your sujoud
Cry to him by everything you feel but nor few words ... all what you feel .. wallahi you will see how this will benefit you but put your trust on Allah when you make douae and ask him for everything even the small things.
Make a lot of istighfar you may say that I do it ... try to say istighfar with a new way ... try to say it by heart ... I mean try to remember a sin and keep on asking Allah's forgiveness from it .. then move on to another and you will see how much things you will remember you will just think how Allah is merciful
Do the same thing with alhamdulillah ... this subhanallah is so important because when you say it you will began to see a things you never think about them as a favors in your life
Try to have some voluntary work if you have time
Be patient and know that the most darkest moment in the night is the beginning of the light of the day ... you don't know what is waiting for you
But because we are in Dunya we should have some difficulty and some hard time ... by patient everything will be okay
And do work for janah because it will be the best place you work for and the best goal you will take and you will be pleased all the time inshallah

**Brother_40805** · 04-21-2017

Thank you for the replies but I am afraid everyone is out to get me and I thought maybe i could register on this site and start afresh but now I feel people would think me weak so this is ruined for me too.

I feel like I am too simple to live life. People around me are so clever and intelligent especially non muslims who get themselves out of difficult situation because they have a brain but I try to use mine and nothing work in fact it gets me into more trouble.

I wish Allah didn't make me.

I am consistent state of fear at work/job where colleagues are too clever and find my weaknesses at work and put me down and even if i speak out to support myself I am always put down. I feel like my whole life is all about opposition from people and situation in general.

Everything I have/ own past/present/future belong to Allah and i give thanks and praises to Allah for health and every blessing provided but I feel my soul is bad and is going to self destruct. Nothing in life has ever been in my favor ever.

Moreover just think of it this way. Whenever i commit to something, it can be anything, It always ends up backfiring and putting me in worse situation than before.

Hence you here these lectures from scholars saying 'what is our youth doing today', 'has job and desires become more important to them', 'has the world become more important to them'. I don't even think like that. my souls is not like others. my motivation is not there. i always get opposed and put down in the sense where I can't even accomplish and be successful at anything I put my effort and brain to.

And when you guys say its a period of time and it will go away then all I want to say explain to me why it has existed since birth in my souls which is always inhibiting me and stopping me to act properly and speak properly with others and be a stranger in the world.

Even in my deen I fail to practice it properly because i become a hypocrite as I feel someone else is controlling my soul. I have done ruqyah and recite manzil everyday. It has no effect.

To be honest I think I will be in hell for committing continuous sins that i have asked for forgiveness continuously and sincerely from Allah but went back to it because my mind and souls changes everyday and I don't even know how.

**noor grant** · 04-22-2017

Originally Posted by MSBi

Aslamoalikum brothers and sisters.

I am going to be short and sweet because I feel like my intellect is decreasing as my language is starting to increasingly make less sense as i move forward in life.

I feel like my souls is completely confused and destroyed by family, people, circumstances and opposition to hope and future occurrences.

I am in consistent fear of being punished by Allah on DOR due to repeatedly falling into major sins although I do ask for forgiveness repeatedly too but its making me a hypocrite.

I have no smartness. No motivation and literally feel like I do not belong in the world.

Don't get me wrong I am not depressed. My heart is light but I have no worth and feel like none of what i say has any impact on my life or anyone else life.

I know this type of topic has been posted many time on many forums but i also like to add a few things to it.

If my souls is being attacked consistently by shaytan and I feel like I am loosing self identity when I don't even control certain feelings that appear but they are affecting and limiting my self and keeping me low and unmotivated and without impact then how am i able to act in the world when everything i do is bad coming from my soul and self. It is unfair.

Plus I would not be able to reach jannah as I have arrogance and envy and hate for some qualities of human beings in my heart. These feelings appear without thinking and out of nowhere. People around me make me jealous passively.

I have 0 friends and never had them to begin with. My family just tolerates me and think of me as nothing more than human being who only knows how to eat.

I am writing this thread because I feel this is unfair when I am in no control of certain feelings.

What can I do. I pray on time. read quran every day as much as possible. Do zikr and give charity when and where ever. Try my best to respect my mother and treat everyone kindly. I still feel bad and crap.

I have not even achieved anything in my life.

Salam alaykum
Sounds like this post could have been been written by me in my twenties...I have a disorder which was diagnosed by a doctor that produced this kind of confusion. It took me years to understand myself and my purpose on this earth was more then just eating and sleeping. I finally accepted help from a doctor and I was able to graduate from college at a later age then most but still I have a good degree and i am even taking a second degree.
I can advise you simply to talk to your family doctor honestly about your thoughts. Or find a counselor who will listen if your family doctor is not knowledgeable in psychology.
It could be the best decision you ever made.
I am also praying and worshiping Allah like all Muslims and Muslimahs. But Allah gave doctors their gifts for a reason and we shouldn't dismiss them because of silly superstitions.
I pray for you
noor

**Brother_40805** · 04-25-2017

^^^ Thank you for your your prayers.

I have decided to take up fasting and revising my eating habits as well as sleeping habits and Its having a positive effect on my soul. Alongside this i am keeping consistant with my dua and prayers so Alhamdulillah I am feeling instant relief.

**Muslimah inshal** · 04-25-2017

Originally Posted by MSBi

^^^ Thank you for your your prayers.

I have decided to take up fasting and revising my eating habits as well as sleeping habits and Its having a positive effect on my soul. Alongside this i am keeping consistant with my dua and prayers so Alhamdulillah I am feeling instant relief.

Mashallah tabaraka Allah akhi . May Allah keep you happy and in relief and may Allah give you sabr to be strong enough to pass your tests in this life

Amiin ya rab .

**Patisa90** · 04-25-2017

Salaam aleykum,

It is as if hearing my former self. Im a convert to islam. Was diagnosed with psychological disorder some time ago.
I didnt wanted to life and didnt see the sense to live life no one loved me it was very depressing.
Believe me, miracles do happen and Allah does cure people. Ask Him, that is the only way. And yes as a sister before said you can consult a doctor.
Me myself had therapy for a year but finally my true therapy was Allah i cried and cried and miracles started happening and Allah made me muslim alhamdullilah brother it is the biggest gift you can have in life.
Allah is testing you severely but also do remember the people who are tested most are the people most loved by Allah.

Alhamdullilah you are a practising muslim. Ask Allah and ask really for anything and everything. Allah will listen im sure.

Allah loves you and me and us all and He said in the Quran 'Remember me and I will remember you.'

I know all that whatever I said was nothing new. Brother do believe in miracles Allah does them all the time.

Go to a masjid try to find some good company ask Allah for it in sha Allah He will grant you. With me happened same. I asked and alhamdullilah the best people came to me.
Try to change your thoughts it sounds difficult but is possible.

Take care brother and stay positive.. positivity produces more positivity and negativity produces more negativity..

You will be in my prayers.