Relationship with non muslim woman/inviting her to islam

**MuslimNL** · 05-18-2017

Assalalmoe aleikom,

Unfortunately i have been in a relation with a non-muslim girl for couple
of years. At that time i wasn't practising as a muslim and i know now that
it was not the good thing to do. Now last 4,5 months our contact has been
severed due to problems with her parents. She didn't call me or contact me
and in this time i made dua to ALlah that in the case that she wasn't to
become a muslima that i wanted her never return back to me. But after a
few weeks she contacted me and to my opinion it was like there was nothing
wrong when we had a conversation on the phone. But still i made another
dua that i dont wanted her to contact me in whatever form if she didn't
want to enter islam. I don't know if this dua i made is prohibited or not.

Anyway after that again we didn't have any contact and i decided to send
her a letter to invite her to islam and asked her to go on with her life
if she didn't want to become a muslima. But after 4 or 5 days she
contacted me and we would meet each other in a couple of weeks. But again
after this call i never heard something from her. It is strange because we
never had any fight or discussions and she was clearly happy with me and
in my opinion she isn't an arrogant person.

About her: She is a girl or woman who was happy to stay at home and didn't
do all the things many other non-muslims girls in Europe do, like going to
the club, having bad friends, drinking etc. She is also an obedient girl
and if i asked her something she would do it and she would insist that i
should make decisions. To me that means she is not arrogant, but on the
other hand i don't understand her behaviour for constantly not contacting
me. We barely spoke about islam with each other and that is something i
really regret. I have to say that i made earlier dua's to Allah
to show me signs if she wanted to follow islam but i didn't got and
answer or i failed in seeing it.

My question now is :

Should i contact her and talk to her again and invite her to islam or
should i abandon her? I can't answer this question by myself since i have
had different signals from her. I dont want to risk that i contact her and
she doesn't answer my calls.

I will respect your answer and i will do as you advise me.

Jazakaullahu ghairan

M from Holland

**AbdurRahman.** · 05-18-2017

bro, if you like her, and want to marry her than just invite her to Islam without seeing her, if she accepts than marry her!

otherwise stay away; non-muslim wife very very bad for imaan and future children will be in threat too

ps; ALlah wont work miracles for us sinners; miracles work for wali Allahs but not us, so do not base seeing her on whether ALlah gets her to contact you or not as this could be misleading!

***charisma*** · 05-18-2017

walaikum asalaam

Originally Posted by MuslimNL

My question now is :

Should i contact her and talk to her again and invite her to islam or
should i abandon her? I can't answer this question by myself since i have
had different signals from her. I dont want to risk that i contact her and
she doesn't answer my calls.

You shouldn't contact her. Since you've mentioned you had a relationship with her, you should move far away from her now because you recognize what is haram. If she becomes a Muslim and is interested in you still, she will probably let you know. It doesn't seem as if she is interested at all now or is serious about you as you are about her. So just forget her. In the meantime, just move on and work on your iman. Make du'a allah send you someone who is good for you inshallah. May allah grant you ease ameen!

**Bobbyflay23** · 05-18-2017

I personally think you should work on self restraint and lower your gaze and then tell her you want to teach her about Islam and if she accepts she accepts and if she doesn't your there for advice and any questions but not for marriage since she's not a Muslim it's not haram to but I wouldn't suggest it and also tell her you can't be her friend unless she becomes a Muslim and marries you so anyway you should message her that during Ramadan you want to teach her about Islam and Ramadan is a good time because she'll be more open minded cuz Sheyton is shackled and then on top of that you will be easier to resist temptations and you'll be fasting so you can't commit zina now I suggest until then you study dawah tactics and stuff stay decently far away from her don't be like a yard away when talking to her but be far enough for it to be hard for her to touch you or do flirtatious stuff without your consent and be in a public area like Starbucks or try having your brother in the room BUT MOST OF ALL LOWER YOUR GAZE it's very important it will bring down temptations and make it easier to combat don't be rude about it though every ounce in a while look like right above her not at her but like nearby her face so that she doesn't think your being disrespectful act modest and teach her about how this society has basically sexually oppressed her by programming her at a young age on how she should use her rights teach her about how society is basically saying your only worth somthing if you have a nice body be careful though if in your mind you know you can't handle it then don't because allah says don't even come near zina so it depends on your intension remember even if you don't commit zina and your intension was to commit zina then you get the sin of zina your judged for your intensions

**anatolian** · 05-19-2017

Make dawah to her.

**azc** · 05-21-2017

Originally Posted by MuslimNL

Assalalmoe aleikom,

Unfortunately i have been in a relation with a non-muslim girl for couple
of years. At that time i wasn't practising as a muslim and i know now that
it was not the good thing to do. Now last 4,5 months our contact has been
severed due to problems with her parents. She didn't call me or contact me
and in this time i made dua to ALlah that in the case that she wasn't to
become a muslima that i wanted her never return back to me. But after a
few weeks she contacted me and to my opinion it was like there was nothing
wrong when we had a conversation on the phone. But still i made another
dua that i dont wanted her to contact me in whatever form if she didn't
want to enter islam. I don't know if this dua i made is prohibited or not.

Anyway after that again we didn't have any contact and i decided to send
her a letter to invite her to islam and asked her to go on with her life
if she didn't want to become a muslima. But after 4 or 5 days she
contacted me and we would meet each other in a couple of weeks. But again
after this call i never heard something from her. It is strange because we
never had any fight or discussions and she was clearly happy with me and
in my opinion she isn't an arrogant person.

About her: She is a girl or woman who was happy to stay at home and didn't
do all the things many other non-muslims girls in Europe do, like going to
the club, having bad friends, drinking etc. She is also an obedient girl
and if i asked her something she would do it and she would insist that i
should make decisions. To me that means she is not arrogant, but on the
other hand i don't understand her behaviour for constantly not contacting
me. We barely spoke about islam with each other and that is something i
really regret. I have to say that i made earlier dua's to Allah
to show me signs if she wanted to follow islam but i didn't got and
answer or i failed in seeing it.

My question now is :

Should i contact her and talk to her again and invite her to islam or
should i abandon her? I can't answer this question by myself since i have
had different signals from her. I dont want to risk that i contact her and
she doesn't answer my calls.

I will respect your answer and i will do as you advise me.

Jazakaullahu ghairan

M from Holland

It appears that neither she is interested in you nor in Islam , so keep away from her.

**MuslimNL** · 05-21-2017

Assalmoe aleikom,

Jazakullahu ghairan for all the comments. I cant answer all the messages yet but i want to make something clear. I haven't seen her for months now and if i ever gonna contact her it is by email or phone so there is no physical contact.

My issue at this moment is : Should i contact her to invite her to islam or is there based on my story a small chance she would answer. For me now the most important thing is that she enters islam. I myself think that the chance she becomes muslim is not very good, but Allahu 'alm.

What would you do, abandon her or give it a chance?

**Simple_Person** · 05-21-2017

Your first comment reminded me of a hadith that Rasullah(saws) has said, how can Allah listen to somebody's dua when that individual itself is not practicing or that many things he does or earns are haram.

Brother go away from her..leave her be..the next time she contacts you, you apologize for everything you have done bad to her and ask her forgiveness. Besides that advice her to go and dig in to Islam and find out about Islam. With that break all the connection you have with her. If she enters Islam by your invitation to her to research Islam and thus follow Islam..and you guys are meant for each other..then you are meant for each other..if not..then not.

Allah says in the Qur'an

"O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded." Qur'an 66:6

Allah does not say..go save other people first. You just because you saying..i am a Muslim, doesn't mean you are guaranteed paradise you know. Go and save yourself first, before trying to do da'wah to others...go and start practicing and become more serious in the deen and also strengthen your imaan. This happened to me also with a girl in the past.

I asked her forgiveness for all the bad things i said to her before and felt sorry for saying all those things. I also invited her to Islam and to research Islam and left her as it is. That is the moment i closed my facebook and that was like 3 years ago. Never heard from her again and on the Day of Judgement she also cannot say i did not talked about Islam with her. Because i myself just reverted and because she is a non-mahram it is not my position to do da'wah with her..as sheytan is also with us.

Another woman later on i for the sake of da'wah i talked to her through internet and i noticed that she rather was short of attention from her husband and also was trying to seduce me instead of trying to talk about Islam. I did what i intented to do (da'wah" and left her as it is. That was like 2 years ago and i since then refrained from contacting women anymore. I must first prevent myself to fall in to sin..then comes saving others..

"And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way." Qur'an 17:32

Allah does NOT say..do not do unlawful sexual intercourse..he says rather..DO NOT APPROACH ..in other words talking 1 to 1 to a non-mahram woman is dangerous and be aware of it.

**anatolian** · 05-21-2017

Originally Posted by MuslimNL

Assalmoe aleikom,

Jazakullahu ghairan for all the comments. I cant answer all the messages yet but i want to make something clear. I haven't seen her for months now and if i ever gonna contact her it is by email or phone so there is no physical contact.

My issue at this moment is : Should i contact her to invite her to islam or is there based on my story a small chance she would answer. For me now the most important thing is that she enters islam. I myself think that the chance she becomes muslim is not very good, but Allahu 'alm.

What would you do, abandon her or give it a chance?

My friend..Such things are always complicated. No one here can give you a more proper advice than your closed ones. I will simply say this. If you think there is even a small chance of her entering Islam give her dawah. You may be the only Muslim she knows. But do it under the Islamic boundaries since you are from different genders.. If she rejects leave her on herself. If she converts to Islam that's alone enough to make you happy. But even if she converts to Islam she may not want to marry you... Nothing is stable..Everything changes by time in this life..So you will see what will happen..

**AbdurRahman.** · 05-23-2017

Originally Posted by MuslimNL

Assalmoe aleikom,

Jazakullahu ghairan for all the comments. I cant answer all the messages yet but i want to make something clear. I haven't seen her for months now and if i ever gonna contact her it is by email or phone so there is no physical contact.

My issue at this moment is : Should i contact her to invite her to islam or is there based on my story a small chance she would answer. For me now the most important thing is that she enters islam. I myself think that the chance she becomes muslim is not very good, but Allahu 'alm.

What would you do, abandon her or give it a chance?

Allah is to guide and the best we can do is obey ALlah ... then ALlah's rahma descends; seeing her is haraam and since you already had a relationship with her, you can fall back into fitnah; imagine you see her, and she 'offers', you could go all weak in the knees!

so just tell her about Islam over email or even via phone ...; if she accepts Islam and agrees to marry you than you can see her with 3rd person present until you marry ...

**MuslimNL** · 05-29-2017

Assalmoe aleikom,

Mabrok ramadan first.

Brothers, it seems that some of you dont understand what i'm saying.

I have no intention to approach her sexually and thats also not going to happen so that has littl to do with my story because i already said that i've not seen her fo months.

I'm feeling that this is an issue wich can best be answered by a sheikh

Does anyone knows the contactdetails of a sheikh/scholar/imam who answers questions for muslims?

Jazakullahu ghairan anyways.

MuslimNL-

**MuslimNL** · 05-29-2017

assalamoe aleikom,

Jazakullahu ghairan for answering.

I feel that this issue needs to be answered by a sheikh

does anyone has contactdetails of a sheikh/imam/scholar?

Jazakulahu ghairan

**MuslimNL** · 07-13-2017

Assalamoe aleikom,

Update:

This woman contacted me again and first i didnt pick the Phone. She continued to call and i picked up. We had a conversation about what was going on and we decided to talk about islam ( so she can learn).

This is now close to 2 weeks ago and she did not let hear anything from her again and i did not contact her either.

Does someone have any clue about this?

**Hamza Asadullah** · 07-13-2017

Originally Posted by MuslimNL

Assalamoe aleikom,

Update:

This woman contacted me again and first i didnt pick the Phone. She continued to call and i picked up. We had a conversation about what was going on and we decided to talk about islam ( so she can learn).

This is now close to 2 weeks ago and she did not let hear anything from her again and i did not contact her either.

Does someone have any clue about this?

As long as there is an avenue open for communication between the both of you then the avenue for potential zina is also open. Almighty Allah says: And do not come near to adultery, it is a shameful deed and an evil, and opening the road to other evils. (An Noor, Ayat No. 2)

Therefore put her in touch with a sisters group or practising sisters whom she can discuss Islam with and make it clear to her that you cannot be in contact with her until and unless you do the nikah.

Also change your number so she is not able to contact you and CC a sister relative into your email communications if she does contact you with regards to marriage.

May Allah guide her and all those who are looking into Islam. Ameen