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What to do, depressed

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  1. #1
    Artimis's Avatar
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    What to do, depressed

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    AoA. I posted in helpdesk before as well.
    I am getting married in 2 weeks and i dont have any feelings for my husband to be i dont feel a bit attracted infact ge annoys me although he is a very nice person. But whenever i think about my marriage with him i feel real depressed and sad. Now the thing is cant tell my parents about it beacuse they wont understand me and i am gonna get taunts from them and whole family each day that i would prefer death over it. And now since 2 weeks are left whole family knows what will we tell whole family why did we call off the marriage, no one will understand.

    Actually the real problem is i prayed to Allah for 3 months to do a miracle so that the boy or his family call the marriage off by themselves. I make dua at tahajjud and made dua the last 10 nights of ramadan made dua at arafat day but nothing happened. I trusted Allah completly and he broke my trust. And now i am losing all the faith in Allah and in Islam i dont know what to do. Isnt it a hadees that Allah tests everyone according to their faith/imaan but now that i am losing faith because of this test so this means Allah is testing me more than i have faith and more than i can bear. One thing i know for sure if i marry this guy all my life i will be sad, i would just live life because i have to and this will ruin my and his life. How can Allah who is so merciful do this to his servants.

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    Artimis's Avatar
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    Re: What to do, depressed

    I dont want to lose faith because my faith in Allah was everything but my trust is broken k dont know what to do

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    eesa the kiwi's Avatar
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    Re: What to do, depressed

    Nvm.
    What to do, depressed

    worship the creator not the creation


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    Artimis's Avatar
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    Re: What to do, depressed

    What?

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    Ephémère's Avatar
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    Re: What to do, depressed

    Salam alaikum sis,

    It doesn't work this way, you are talking about Allah as He is owning you something. He doesn't owe you anything so saying that He broke your trust, it's...very disturbing to read sis.
    Besides, Allah always answer du'a. He answers by either "Yes", "Not now" or "I have something better for you". When I say always, it is if only you're a good practising muslim obviously.

    There are some stuff that may prevent du'a to be answered like lack of faith, consuming haram wealth of food...

    This could be quite helpful >> https://islamqa.info/en/5113

    Also, just a suggestion but wouldn't it be easier to make du'a to Allah to help you or give you the strength to say to your parents and this marriage? You are just making it harder and harder by waiting until some miracle from their side happen.
    When you make du'a, you need to rely on Allah, but you have to do your part also and "tie your camel". You can't make du'a and just wait for something to magically happen.
    Take the example of Hajar. She found helself in the middle of the desert with her son and no food or water under the scorching sun. She made du'a and proceeded to seek water by running back and forth to Safa and Marwa.

    The full story is available here, it's quite inspiring >>> http://www.hadithoftheday.com/the-am...levant-to-you/

    I'm sorry sis if whatever I said hurt you, it's not my intention. Take the good and leave the bad

    May Allah make it easy for you and detangle your situation. Ameen.

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    Umm Abed's Avatar
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    Re: What to do, depressed

    Quote Originally Posted by Artimis View Post
    What?
    Why are you having such a bad impressions about Allah swt? That is totally unacceptable! It is a display of ungratefulness to your Creator. If you dont want to marry him then so be it. There is really no need to stress it out. Your answer is final and your family must accept it.

    Connect with Allah and repair this broken link, learn to love and bond with Him in the true sense and be accepting with whatever He has put you in. Isnt that true love? He knows us better than we know ourselves. Please repent and seek His forgiveness.
    What to do, depressed

    May the Qur'an intercede for us and be a means of our Jannah. Ameen.

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    Artimis's Avatar
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    Re: What to do, depressed

    It is easy to say talk to your parents but the way i will be disrespected and humiliated in whole family. You wont understand that. My family already once tried to emotionally blackmail me to marry him last year but at that time i just resisted and resisted because at that time i was not ready for marriage at all. And i still get taunts for that from my family so this time they wont understand. I know my situation if there were even 1% chance of them understanding me, beleive me i would have talked to them. There is no way out that is why is relied on miracle.
    I see people around me happliy getting married and wonder what did i do wrong to desrve this misery

    - - - Updated - - -

    [QUOTE=Ephémère;2974187

    There are some stuff that may prevent du'a to be answered like lack of faith, consuming haram wealth of food...

    . .[/QUOTE]

    I do not consume haram food Alhamdulillah. And i know my faith is very weak right now so you think i might have lack of faith when i made dua but i had full faith when i made dua i even felt happy and peace in my heart at that time as my heart was convinced that this dua will be answered by Allah but it didn't happen. I feel sad and depressed by just thinking about this marriage i dont know what will happen to me after this marriage and i will have to act all my life that i love my husband. MISERY!!

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Ephémère View Post
    Salam alaikum sis,


    Also, just a suggestion but wouldn't it be easier to make du'a to Allah to help you or give you the strength to say to your parents and this marriage? You are just making it harder and harder by waiting until some miracle from their side happen.
    When you make du'a, you need to rely on Allah, but you have to do your part also and "tie your camel". You can't make du'a and just wait for something to magically happen.
    Take the example of Hajar. She found helself in the middle of the desert with her son and no food or water under the scorching sun.
    I did ask Allah help me i made dua that if he is better for me Allah then put love for him in my heart but sadly i still dont have any feelings.

    And you dont need to say sorry i dont just need support i want real advice which you gave me so thank you

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    Artimis's Avatar
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    Re: What to do, depressed

    Quote Originally Posted by Umm Abed View Post
    Connect with Allah and repair this broken link, learn to love and bond with Him in the true sense and be accepting with whatever He has put you in. Isnt that true love? He knows us better than we know ourselves. Please repent and seek His forgiveness.
    I have spent all my life thinking whatever is happening its best for me, its Allah's will. you dont know what i have been through. Allah has given me a lot of blessings as well and i thank Allah for that. But dont i deserve to be real happy for once in my life. If i marry him this means the rest of my life i will be sad means all my life its just suffering for me. I am sorry but you are not in my postion there is a limit to which a person can bear pain and sufferings in his/her life there is always a breaking point and this is my breaking point. And it is Allah's promice that he help his servants and i had complete trust in Allah this is why i am shattered.

  11. #9
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    Re: What to do, depressed

    Quote Originally Posted by Artimis View Post
    I have spent all my life thinking whatever is happening its best for me, its Allah's will. you dont know what i have been through. Allah has given me a lot of blessings as well and i thank Allah for that. But dont i deserve to be real happy for once in my life. If i marry him this means the rest of my life i will be sad means all my life its just suffering for me. I am sorry but you are not in my postion there is a limit to which a person can bear pain and sufferings in his/her life there is always a breaking point and this is my breaking point. And it is Allah's promice that he help his servants and i had complete trust in Allah this is why i am shattered.
    A true muslim is always content with Allah's will. Say Alhamdulillah for all His blessings and whatever condition you may find yourself in. Why do you have to marry the man? It is your choice, so say no. What exactly is your breaking point? Do you realize there are others who go through much worse?

    Dont get me wrong, I know what is suffering, and I know you're going through a hard time, but it should bring us closer to Allah, because only He is there for us in pain and happiness.

    Make dua and repent to Allah, and get closer to Him. It doesnt mean He is not listening to your duas.
    What to do, depressed

    May the Qur'an intercede for us and be a means of our Jannah. Ameen.

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    Re: What to do, depressed

    Quote Originally Posted by Umm Abed View Post
    A true muslim is always content with Allah's will. Say Alhamdulillah for all His blessings and whatever condition you may find yourself in. Why do you have to marry the man? It is your choice, so say no. What exactly is your breaking point? Do you realize there are others who go through much worse?

    Dont get me wrong, I know what is suffering, and I know you're going through a hard time, but it should bring us closer to Allah, because only He is there for us in pain and happiness.

    Make dua and repent to Allah, and get closer to Him. It doesnt mean He is not listening to your duas.
    Why do i have to marry him? Because i have no choice. Yes you say i can say no and i have choice but lets just say i say no what will happen next i will be humiliated, disrespected. It will be extremely difficult for me to live like this. My parents will say now you are on your own we wont find anyone for you and then what i will spend all my life listening to taunts of my family not just my parents but overall from everyone. You think this is a choice i dont think so

    - - - Updated - - -

    I am not at the highest level of imaan and i know that is why i am not content right now but Allah is all merciful so i am begging him with sincerity to help me. And i believed he will get me out of this situation.

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    Ephémère's Avatar
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    Re: What to do, depressed

    Quote Originally Posted by Artimis View Post
    It is easy to say talk to your parents but the way i will be disrespected and humiliated in whole family. You wont understand that. My family already once tried to emotionally blackmail me to marry him last year but at that time i just resisted and resisted because at that time i was not ready for marriage at all. And i still get taunts for that from my family so this time they wont understand. I know my situation if there were even 1% chance of them understanding me, beleive me i would have talked to them. There is no way out that is why is relied on miracle.
    I see people around me happliy getting married and wonder what did i do wrong to desrve this misery

    - - - Updated - - -



    I do not consume haram food Alhamdulillah. And i know my faith is very weak right now so you think i might have lack of faith when i made dua but i had full faith when i made dua i even felt happy and peace in my heart at that time as my heart was convinced that this dua will be answered by Allah but it didn't happen. I feel sad and depressed by just thinking about this marriage i dont know what will happen to me after this marriage and i will have to act all my life that i love my husband. MISERY!!

    - - - Updated - - -



    I did ask Allah help me i made dua that if he is better for me Allah then put love for him in my heart but sadly i still dont have any feelings.

    And you dont need to say sorry i dont just need support i want real advice which you gave me so thank you
    I feel for you sis, really. Alhamdulillah if I could help even a tiny bit. I don't think I did much though, I wish I could do more :/
    You seems to be in a sticky situation with your family, so I understand now that saying no to your family is very difficult. I was thinking though now you don't love your futur husband but maybe Allah will put the love in your heart after marriage. Sometimes we want something now, but Allah delays it, because He's the All-Knowing. We are miskin and ignorant, we want things t happen exactly how we want it, so we become angry and go into depression when it doesn't happen the way we want. The thing is our point of view is biased, but Allah is the Most Wise.
    Please don't think that your life is over, there is so many things that can happen, yet you can't see them because you are trapped in your sadness. Besides, you've been making du'a for few months if I'm not wrong, but what is few months in Allah's timing? To us it's hard to accept that du'a made for several months are not answered but timing is relative. Some wait 10, 20 years to blessed with a child for example.
    We are on this earth to be tested, some are tested by loosing their child, some by sickness, etc... I truly believe that THIS IS your test dear sister. I know it must be infuriating that someone who's not living your situation is telling you this. The purpose of this test is to get your closer to Him inshaAllah, for that you need to accept your test and work towards Allah by any means.

    Surely you can find refuge and some comfort by reading some Quran. Ponder these verses sis:
    أَحَسِبَ النَّاسُ أَن يُتْرَكُوا أَن يَقُولُوا آمَنَّا وَهُمْ لَا يُفْتَنُونَ - 29:2 -
    Do the people think that they will be left to say, "We believe" and they will not be tried?

    وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُم بِشَيْءٍ مِّنَ الْخَوْفِ وَالْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِّنَ الْأَمْوَالِ وَالْأَنفُسِ وَالثَّمَرَاتِ ۗ وَبَشِّرِ الصَّابِرِينَ - 2:155 -
    And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient,



  15. #12
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    Re: What to do, depressed

    Quote Originally Posted by Ephémère View Post
    I feel for you sis, really. Alhamdulillah if I could help even a tiny bit. I don't think I did much though, I wish I could do more :/
    [/INDENT]
    [/FONT]
    You are so humble. May Allah bless you and help you in this life and hereafter.
    You can help me by sincerely praying for me. The dua of muslim for his/her brothers/sisters is very effective so please pray for me.

    And yes you are right may be i will love him after marriage but tell you the truth i read stories of many sisters who are married and say they dont have any feelings for their husband and they say they just drag themselves out of bed every morning and spend all the day in sadness. This scares me a lot. What if i am one of them.

    You are the first person who understood why i cant talk to my parents. My parents are not evil they want best for me but they think they are doing right their are so many things which i have not discussed here which can give people clear idea why i cant talk to them.

    The way i see it is if i marry him and wont love him i will suffer and he will to but if i dont marry him i will suffer just as much and my parents will suffer as well so i dont see how i have a choice here. The choice i have here is to choose who will i make suffer with me :,(

    I did istikhara today at tahajjud and if i get some sign from Allah that this marriage is not better for me then i will know Allah wants me to tell my parents and i will some how find the courage to tell them because i will know this is what Allah wants me to do. And if i dont get any sign i will marry him and will trust Allah that he will help me in my life after marriage.

    And once again THANK YOU SO MUCH for your kind words brother/sister (sorry i cant really figure out from you name if you are girl or boy)

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    Re: What to do, depressed

    Quote Originally Posted by Artimis View Post
    You are so humble. May Allah bless you and help you in this life and hereafter.
    You can help me by sincerely praying for me. The dua of muslim for his/her brothers/sisters is very effective so please pray for me.

    And yes you are right may be i will love him after marriage but tell you the truth i read stories of many sisters who are married and say they dont have any feelings for their husband and they say they just drag themselves out of bed every morning and spend all the day in sadness. This scares me a lot. What if i am one of them.

    You are the first person who understood why i cant talk to my parents. My parents are not evil they want best for me but they think they are doing right their are so many things which i have not discussed here which can give people clear idea why i cant talk to them.

    The way i see it is if i marry him and wont love him i will suffer and he will to but if i dont marry him i will suffer just as much and my parents will suffer as well so i dont see how i have a choice here. The choice i have here is to choose who will i make suffer with me :,(

    I did istikhara today at tahajjud and if i get some sign from Allah that this marriage is not better for me then i will know Allah wants me to tell my parents and i will some how find the courage to tell them because i will know this is what Allah wants me to do. And if i dont get any sign i will marry him and will trust Allah that he will help me in my life after marriage.

    And once again THANK YOU SO MUCH for your kind words brother/sister (sorry i cant really figure out from you name if you are girl or boy)
    I already made du'a for, but I will keep on doing it inshaAllah

    Wondering "what if" is just waswas, those thoughts will keep hunting you. And I honestly think that starting your marriage with these negative thoughts will have a negative impact on your happiness. If you expect only sadness, that's what you're gonna get.

    Your parents aren't evil of course, it's the cultural environment who's poisonous. Unfortunately, parents can be very stubborn and usually don't see what is wrong with some cultural practices.

    I understand that it's a very tricky situation. May Allah open up doors for you and grant you the outcome you're looking for. Ameen.

    Alhamdulillah, Istikhara is a very good idea.

    It's really nothing, I'm just trying to help as much as I would like to be helped if I were in such difficult situation. (I'm a sister btw )

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    Re: What to do, depressed

    Quote Originally Posted by Artimis View Post
    Why do i have to marry him? Because i have no choice. Yes you say i can say no and i have choice but lets just say i say no what will happen next i will be humiliated, disrespected. It will be extremely difficult for me to live like this. My parents will say now you are on your own we wont find anyone for you and then what i will spend all my life listening to taunts of my family not just my parents but overall from everyone. You think this is a choice i dont think so

    - - - Updated - - -

    I am not at the highest level of imaan and i know that is why i am not content right now but Allah is all merciful so i am begging him with sincerity to help me. And i believed he will get me out of this situation.
    No sister, there is no such thing that you dont have a choice, you do. You do have a choice to say no - and say it. Dont let any so-called 'humiliation' get to you, it means nothing, actually, there is no weight to it.

    Dont worry too much about the future, Allah will make a way for you what is best for you. It is a good thing that you have faith in Him, as it is mentioned in the hadith that Allah says He is to His servants as how they see/expect him.
    What to do, depressed

    May the Qur'an intercede for us and be a means of our Jannah. Ameen.

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