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My parents want me to die..
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  1. #1
    whatever12345's Avatar
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    My parents want me to die..

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    Hello dear friends!

    I dont know what is right and what is wrong anymore, so I would like to know your opinions.
    Here is my story:

    I secretly had a boyfriend for the last months, it was my very first time. I didnt know how to tell my parents, because we have never ever soken about that topic and I was busy with my exams, and was afraid to tell them even more because he is european ( but he would want to become muslim because of me).
    So my parents were stalking my personal stuff and items, and found some private pictures of me and him kissing each other.(they also think that we slept together because of these pictures) This was three months ago. Since then everthing changed, they still to this day insult me really bad, I had to stop my courses and give up on a scholarship that I was granted from university, because the threatened me really bad.
    They want me to die, they curse at me, they spit at me, they just do everything even though I said I was sorry. One day they tell me that they want to forgive me and forget everything and the next day it starts all over and they wish that I would have never be born and I should just die in an accident. They even lied to me and said we would go on 'vacation' to our homecountry in africa, and there they took away all my papers and passports and said I should just die here and they would go back home to europe.

    I cant take this anymore. I loved and respected my parents very much, every day of my life I worked really hard just for them to be happy. I was always honest,but the only thing I did wrong was not to tell them about my relationship. Because I was afraid, I didnt want them to be disappointed in me.

    I dont know if that is okay what they are doing to me. I start doubting myself and really wanted to kill myself because I just cant take this life full of hatred and insults. The whole family is against me even my little siblings, even though they dont even know what I did. I tried talking to them, I tried to explain and find a solution but they dont want to listen. They just hate me too much and dont even know why anymore.

    What would you do? Should I just go? Help me please..

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    M.I.A.'s Avatar
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    Re: My parents want me to die..

    ..gawd the same thing happened to me.

    I didnt even have a girlfiend.....

    I just flunked uni.


    Ah..its the dead poet society.

    The only thing you should take away from the incident is to make the most of opportunities..

    Im just that guy that failed..

    People dont give me the advice i used to give to them.

    Strange days.




    ..did he convert in the end?
    Last edited by M.I.A.; 09-09-2017 at 04:03 PM.

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    whatever12345's Avatar
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    Re: My parents want me to die..

    Quote Originally Posted by M.I.A. View Post
    ..gawd the same thing happened to me.

    I didnt even have a girlfiend.....

    I just flunked uni.


    Ah..its the dead poet society.

    The only thing you should take away from the incident is to make the most of opportunities..

    Im just that guy that failed..

    People dont give me the advice i used to give to them.

    Strange days.




    ..did he convert in the end?



    I dont understand your advice. What opportunity? My parents hate me and dont want me to exist but dont let me leave either. I want to move away into my own home or room where there is at least nobody to insult me, but they threatened me that if I leave their house they will forget about me forever.
    So what dear advice do you want to give me? Stay in a house where all people hate you, insult you dont even want to talk with you or just move and live without a family?

    He did not convert yet, and I dont even care anymore I just want to lead a peaceful life again..

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    *charisma*'s Avatar
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    Re: My parents want me to die..

    Assalamu Alaikum

    Sorry to hear about your situation. However, I hope you understand that what you did was wrong. Your parents have the right to be angry with you, but perhaps they don't know how to express their anger constructively considering they may have never imagined you'd ever be in a relationship. They are wrong too in their way of handling things, but I think it's mostly shock they are feeling. Even if this person that you were in a relationship with did become Muslim, you must be a proper Muslimah yourself first and stay away from such relationships. You have to regain the trust of your family without making excuses for what you did. I think you knew that what you were doing was wrong which is why you made it a secret in the first place, but you should be thankful that the relationship didn't become more serious because then you may have fallen into zina. Even though your parents are angry with you, it's better than facing the anger of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. So even though things seem bleak at the moment, they will get better inshallah. Increase your ibaadah and ask for forgiveness, forget about this person and refrain from having contact with the opposite sex, and try to work with your parents to find a solution so you may regain their trust in you. Be patient with them. I think it's understandable for them to feel this way, even though the way they are expressing it is very hostile. You must also move on and learn the lesson in this mistake. Instead of thinking of harming your family even more by thinking of killing yourself, you should go about it the opposite way by finding a solution of how you both can overcome this issue even if it seems all doors are closed. May Allah ease your affairs and guide you ameen.
    2 | Likes Mustafa16, Supernova liked this post
    My parents want me to die..

    Someone asked Hassan Al Basri: "What is the secret of your piety?"
    He replied: I understood 4 things:


    I understood that my rizq cannot be taken by anyone, so my heart became content.
    I understood that no one can do my actions (worship) for me, so I started doing them myself.
    I understood that Allah is watching me, so I became ashamed to do wrong.
    I understood that death is waiting for me, so I started to prepare for my meeting with Allah.

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    M.I.A.'s Avatar
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    Re: My parents want me to die..

    Quote Originally Posted by whatever12345 View Post
    I dont understand your advice. What opportunity? My parents hate me and dont want me to exist but dont let me leave either. I want to move away into my own home or room where there is at least nobody to insult me, but they threatened me that if I leave their house they will forget about me forever.
    So what dear advice do you want to give me? Stay in a house where all people hate you, insult you dont even want to talk with you or just move and live without a family?

    He did not convert yet, and I dont even care anymore I just want to lead a peaceful life again..

    In hindsight i actually would leave.

    Your parents wont change once they have become comfortable in treating you as such..

    In the end it just feels like talking to strangers.

    And you would probably feel more shame of how they conduct themselves.. than how you conduct yourself.

    It has nothing to do about trust.. its tomorrow they are planning for.

    Although if your stronger, there aint no faking it.
    Last edited by M.I.A.; 09-10-2017 at 03:51 PM. Reason: https://i.imgur.com/rOp9o2b.gifv

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    Re: My parents want me to die..

    Quote Originally Posted by whatever12345 View Post
    I cant take this anymore. I loved and respected my parents very much, every day of my life I worked really hard just for them to be happy. I was always honest,but the only thing I did wrong was not to tell them about my relationship. Because I was afraid, I didnt want them to be disappointed in me.
    What's done is done but, let's be real here. You engaged in something you knew would piss your parents off. The parents you worked hard for (although not that hard apparently) to make them happy.

    How they're acting, though, is not excusable in any way (if all you're saying is true). If their first reactions were for you wanting to die, I don't know if they're the type that would get over something like this. That's a pretty extreme reaction for a first time offense, imo. See what happens in the upcoming weeks and if they're still trying to plot your death, you may want to find relatives or a shelter to stay at because it doesn't sound like a safe environment. Them trying to leave you stranded in Africa may have been a scare tactic but either way, it's extreme..
    Last edited by keiv; 09-10-2017 at 04:07 PM.

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    *charisma*'s Avatar
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    Re: My parents want me to die..

    Quote Originally Posted by M.I.A. View Post
    In hindsight i actually would leave.

    Your parents wont change once they have become comfortable in treating you as such..

    In the end it just feels like talking to strangers.

    And you would probably feel more shame of how they conduct themselves.. than how you conduct yourself.

    It has nothing to do about trust.. its tomorrow they are planning for.

    Although if your stronger, there aint no faking it.
    I don't think that leaving will make anything better. Cutting off ties to her parents is the worst thing she can do at this point. Also not to mention she's a female. I think she is just looking for an excuse to leave because she can't handle her parents' hostility towards her. But she has to face the consequences of her actions and make her parents regain trust in her again. We don't know whether or not her parents will change, so we can't make that judgement as of now. If she is already making comments to them about leaving/moving out right after committing haram, then I can understand their frustration. They're probably thinking she wants to have the freedom to do as she pleases without the repercussion of her parents, which is actually what it does sound like.

    Quote Originally Posted by keiv View Post
    How they're acting, though, is not excusable in any way (if all you're saying is true). If their first reactions were for you wanting to die, I don't know if they're the type that would get over something like this. That's a pretty extreme reaction for a first time offense, imo. See what happens in the upcoming weeks and if they're still trying to plot your death, you may want to find relatives or a shelter to stay at because it doesn't sound like a safe environment. Them trying to leave you stranded in Africa may have been a scare tactic but either way, it's extreme..
    From what she's saying, it seems that they're not threatening to kill her, but sort of making du'a against her or just saying they'd wish she'd die (probably due to shame).
    My parents want me to die..

    Someone asked Hassan Al Basri: "What is the secret of your piety?"
    He replied: I understood 4 things:


    I understood that my rizq cannot be taken by anyone, so my heart became content.
    I understood that no one can do my actions (worship) for me, so I started doing them myself.
    I understood that Allah is watching me, so I became ashamed to do wrong.
    I understood that death is waiting for me, so I started to prepare for my meeting with Allah.

  10. #8
    M.I.A.'s Avatar
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    Re: My parents want me to die..

    "They're probably thinking she wants to have the freedom to do as she pleases without the repercussion of her parents, which is actually what it does sound like."

    ..ah.. well i would like to think that this is the price of life and the cost of our choices.

    If you are willing to not move forward, im sure you can keep a lot of people happy.

    Unfortunately if you are losing them for someone else then that is manifest loss.

    Dont covet your own soul and you will be successful.
    (I actually may have misremembered that)
    ..
    ...like that is even a thing you can learn to do.
    Last edited by M.I.A.; 09-10-2017 at 05:59 PM.

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    happymuslim's Avatar
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    Re: My parents want me to die..

    Quote Originally Posted by whatever12345 View Post
    Hello dear friends!

    I dont know what is right and what is wrong anymore, so I would like to know your opinions.
    Here is my story:

    I secretly had a boyfriend for the last months, it was my very first time. I didnt know how to tell my parents, because we have never ever soken about that topic and I was busy with my exams, and was afraid to tell them even more because he is european ( but he would want to become muslim because of me).
    So my parents were stalking my personal stuff and items, and found some private pictures of me and him kissing each other.(they also think that we slept together because of these pictures) This was three months ago. Since then everthing changed, they still to this day insult me really bad, I had to stop my courses and give up on a scholarship that I was granted from university, because the threatened me really bad.
    They want me to die, they curse at me, they spit at me, they just do everything even though I said I was sorry. One day they tell me that they want to forgive me and forget everything and the next day it starts all over and they wish that I would have never be born and I should just die in an accident. They even lied to me and said we would go on 'vacation' to our homecountry in africa, and there they took away all my papers and passports and said I should just die here and they would go back home to europe.

    I cant take this anymore. I loved and respected my parents very much, every day of my life I worked really hard just for them to be happy. I was always honest,but the only thing I did wrong was not to tell them about my relationship. Because I was afraid, I didnt want them to be disappointed in me.

    I dont know if that is okay what they are doing to me. I start doubting myself and really wanted to kill myself because I just cant take this life full of hatred and insults. The whole family is against me even my little siblings, even though they dont even know what I did. I tried talking to them, I tried to explain and find a solution but they dont want to listen. They just hate me too much and dont even know why anymore.

    What would you do? Should I just go? Help me please..
    Sister repent to allah, your parents may not forgive you, but allah loves you 70 times more then your mom, and he will forgive you if you sincerely repent. Tolerate the way your being treated for the sake of allah, and strive to please allah only, try to pick back up on your studies and keep your head together, remember that this world will come to an end and life is full of ups and downs. Be patiens for surely after hardship is ease. Focus on the future and start setting things up for the future. Dont let emotions get to your head and others get at you, dont ever contimplate suicide ever, its not worth it. Keep to yourself and remind yourself that this is the dunya and there is a life ahead to prepare. This life is a journey, just keep going, never give up.

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