Feeling dead and lost faith

format_quote Originally Posted by Muhammedbin

Its your testosterone levels getting higher, and you have a weakness now, that shaytan takes advantage of. " I get that Allah is with me" your wrote it as if it is something basic, Im not really judging you, listen to the ruqya i sent you I hope it helps. You are looking for answers in this forum but really allah is the one with all answers so aproach to find those answers in the right way may allah be with you brother.

what kills me is that all the beautiful women in the world are zinah women. or at least have kissed someone else first. and its very rare and very hard to find a woman who is cute or hot and who is religious. and me as a religious man, what choice am i left with? dude this is killing me.

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format_quote Originally Posted by Muhammedbin

Its your testosterone levels getting higher, and you have a weakness now, that shaytan takes advantage of. " I get that Allah is with me" your wrote it as if it is something basic, Im not really judging you, listen to the ruqya i sent you I hope it helps. You are looking for answers in this forum but really allah is the one with all answers so aproach to find those answers in the right way may allah be with you brother.

what kills me is that all the beautiful women in the world are zinah women. or at least have kissed someone else first. and its very rare and very hard to find a woman who is cute or hot and who is religious. and me as a religious man, what choice am i left with?

So.. You've already been given a lot of great counsel. I think what I can offer here is my perspective as a female, to prove to you that you are not alone in your struggle. See the world from my side.

I am 25 years old and I am unmarried. In fact, only Allah knows, but I am probably not even close to being married. I have only received one proposal from a family that was essentially seeking an opportunity to get their brother in to the country, and married to a US citizen. I have a career as a software engineer at a top company. I am, I truly hope, a morally good person. I don't want to go on about my positive traits haha, but I will just say that I have several friends and family members who continually tell me how perplexed they are that I am still unmarried. But, all I can tell them is that I am yet to meet a man that fits my 4 main criteria.

And, do you know what's top on that list? I want to be with someone who has the will to believe and humility to submit their will to the one that created them. The reason I am looking for will and humility is that I know there are moments when we don't believe as is truly deserved Allah. I understand that as I have experienced that myself. But, even in those times, we never stop searching for the truth. I really want someone who wants to live according to that truth. Secondly, I want to be with someone who is strong and compassionate, who will stand by me our entire lives together. From what I've observed, most men don't want this sort of commitment. I could discuss this in great detail.. but, as hard as you think it may be to resist women now, it is equally hard (if not harder) to stay with one after all the euphoria has ebbed. Sometimes I wonder, why do men and women have different and somewhat contradictory partnership interests? It seems most men want as many beautiful women they can handle. Whereas most women can be entirely satisfied with one person. Anyhow, that's another topic. The point is, we won't always be young and beautiful. The one I'm with must be strong enough, compassionate enough to withstand the temptation, hardship, head and heartache that is sure to come. Thirdly, I want to be with someone who inspires me to be a better person. This is so important and though it's my third criteria, it's truly the reason I want to be married in the first place. So, perhaps it should be first, even though the previous two are like-wise required. You may not understand this until you meet someone who, just by being who they are, whether you have a relationship with them or not, draws out the best of you - but before money and comfort, this is what I need. And, fourth on that list might actually surprise you.. I want someone who has not been in a relationship before. This might seem a bit unrealistic, given the world we live in today, but of someone who has resisted all the temptation that batters us endlessly.. there is something to be said. It gives me confidence that such a person will meet my second most important criteria. And, nothing gives a girl confidence in your interest in her than if you've passed all the rest up and chose her.

Really, that's all I've been waiting for. You might think I have a whole bunch of other criteria that I'm not mentioning, and while there are about 20 other "nice-to-haves" - if I found these characteristics in someone who I felt comfortable with and happy around and they wanted to marry me, I would. What that means is basically they should be a clean, pleasant person, who I have compatible major life goals/lifestyle (ex: children, parental support, values) with. So, ok, a couple more really demanding criteria haha. I will tell you that height is definitely not even a criteria for all women, at least not for me. Of the men I have had an interested in, 2 have been shorter than myself and one my height. The rest have been taller, but being 63.5 inches tall myself, that's the majority of men.. Regarding looks, attraction is not as simple as it may seem. You seem concerned by your nose.. At least you have a nose. :P But, if your nose truly does bother you, there is no shame in changing it. But, ask yourself sincerely what that would be worth, and what you could be giving up in exchange for that.

I'll tell you honestly, over time I've gotten a bit more bitter about my situation and men in general haha. xD But, it's hard to fault them. When they're surrounded by everything they want - which is girls who flirt and do whatever they want with them, why would they be interested in someone like me? I've had several guys that were interested in me, but I just wouldn't give them what they wanted. Just a couple of weeks ago a man which I was mutually interested in invited me to his place for dinner, but I had to reject him as I just don't find it appropriate. Many guys in these days find me too restricted, and eventually they decide they want someone who's more laid back and mainstream. Sometimes it's really hard.. but, realistically I wouldn't really want to be with someone who doesn't value that which I value in myself.

Anyhow, I really wanted to share this perspective with you. But, all that I've mentioned, it's trivial. It's nothing compared to the sacredness of my and your life. Please don't take it so lightly. Don't make the assumption that should you be given all or even some that you want now, it would be any easier. Life only becomes easier with gratitude and contentment, really. And the source of that is the connection with us and the one that is unlike any other created thing. It's ok to feel pain. It's ok to express that pain as well. Open the well of your soul to the one that knows it, the one that will tend to it. Draw up the wealth within yourself and offer it. That which was put in to you is meant to be returned, increased. Don't give up on yourself. You are a fine creation of the intention behind this universe. Own that nobility. I will do my best as well, InshaAllah.

format_quote Originally Posted by aislamiya

what kills me is that all the beautiful women in the world are zinah women. or at least have kissed someone else first. and its very rare and very hard to find a woman who is cute or hot and who is religious. and me as a religious man, what choice am i left with?

Salaam Ale3koem,

What is more important to you bro, that she is beautiful or that she is religious? Doesn't her deen make her beautiful unless she is truly beastly which is rare?

And if you want a woman that has never been kissed you might be in for a hard time these days indeed, but remember that Allah forgives converts for all their sins when they convert and even if they commited zina before converting after they are pure as a baby to Him. So if you look for a religious woman who is pure, maybe you should look for a convert if this is a real concern of yours.

However, my question remains on what is truly important. Is it more important that she is beautiful and never kissed anyone, or is it more important that she fears her Rabb and knows your rights over her?

She fears her Rabb and knows your rights over her.

format_quote Originally Posted by Kawlah

Salaam Ale3koem,

What is more important to you bro, that she is beautiful or that she is religious? Doesn't her deen make her beautiful unless she is truly beastly which is rare?

And if you want a woman that has never been kissed you might be in for a hard time these days indeed, but remember that Allah forgives converts for all their sins when they convert and even if they commited zina before converting after they are pure as a baby to Him. So if you look for a religious woman who is pure, maybe you should look for a convert if this is a real concern of yours.

However, my question remains on what is truly important. Is it more important that she is beautiful and never kissed anyone, or is it more important that she fears her Rabb and knows your rights over her?

i live in a muslim country. id like a beautiful girl who never kissed. as of religion i can teach her. i wouldnt like to have a religious wife who i dont like. im sorry i dont want to be too harsh brother. i value women as they are. they are beautiful and kind creatures. its never their fault for all the problems in the world. its mostly cause of men who cause and fight wars, and rape them and kill their children. i value women. i know that they will go through so much hurt just to bare a child. just to give me my child. but i would love, and Allah willing. a woman who makes me smile when i look at her. see i just want to be with someone i love. and theres this younger girl who i find more innocent. compared to my ages (22) most of the women are non virgin by now. brother ,it wasnt easy to stay aaway from zinah ,i would love to be paid of with a great spouse. Wallahi i intend nothing more than one spouse. someone who will love me,and someone who i will love. cause nothing in life is more important than a good spouse, even Rasulallahi saw said that.

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format_quote Originally Posted by Eien

So.. You've already been given a lot of great counsel. I think what I can offer here is my perspective as a female, to prove to you that you are not alone in your struggle. See the world from my side.

I am 25 years old and I am unmarried. In fact, only Allah knows, but I am probably not even close to being married. I have only received one proposal from a family that was essentially seeking an opportunity to get their brother in to the country, and married to a US citizen. I have a career as a software engineer at a top company. I am, I truly hope, a morally good person. I don't want to go on about my positive traits haha, but I will just say that I have several friends and family members who continually tell me how perplexed they are that I am still unmarried. But, all I can tell them is that I am yet to meet a man that fits my 4 main criteria.

And, do you know what's top on that list? I want to be with someone who has the will to believe and humility to submit their will to the one that created them. The reason I am looking for will and humility is that I know there are moments when we don't believe as is truly deserved Allah. I understand that as I have experienced that myself. But, even in those times, we never stop searching for the truth. I really want someone who wants to live according to that truth. Secondly, I want to be with someone who is strong and compassionate, who will stand by me our entire lives together. From what I've observed, most men don't want this sort of commitment. I could discuss this in great detail.. but, as hard as you think it may be to resist women now, it is equally hard (if not harder) to stay with one after all the euphoria has ebbed. Sometimes I wonder, why do men and women have different and somewhat contradictory partnership interests? It seems most men want as many beautiful women they can handle. Whereas most women can be entirely satisfied with one person. Anyhow, that's another topic. The point is, we won't always be young and beautiful. The one I'm with must be strong enough, compassionate enough to withstand the temptation, hardship, head and heartache that is sure to come. Thirdly, I want to be with someone who inspires me to be a better person. This is so important and though it's my third criteria, it's truly the reason I want to be married in the first place. So, perhaps it should be first, even though the previous two are like-wise required. You may not understand this until you meet someone who, just by being who they are, whether you have a relationship with them or not, draws out the best of you - but before money and comfort, this is what I need. And, fourth on that list might actually surprise you.. I want someone who has not been in a relationship before. This might seem a bit unrealistic, given the world we live in today, but of someone who has resisted all the temptation that batters us endlessly.. there is something to be said. It gives me confidence that such a person will meet my second most important criteria. And, nothing gives a girl confidence in your interest in her than if you've passed all the rest up and chose her.

Really, that's all I've been waiting for. You might think I have a whole bunch of other criteria that I'm not mentioning, and while there are about 20 other "nice-to-haves" - if I found these characteristics in someone who I felt comfortable with and happy around and they wanted to marry me, I would. What that means is basically they should be a clean, pleasant person, who I have compatible major life goals/lifestyle (ex: children, parental support, values) with. So, ok, a couple more really demanding criteria haha. I will tell you that height is definitely not even a criteria for all women, at least not for me. Of the men I have had an interested in, 2 have been shorter than myself and one my height. The rest have been taller, but being 63.5 inches tall myself, that's the majority of men.. Regarding looks, attraction is not as simple as it may seem. You seem concerned by your nose.. At least you have a nose. :P But, if your nose truly does bother you, there is no shame in changing it. But, ask yourself sincerely what that would be worth, and what you could be giving up in exchange for that.

I'll tell you honestly, over time I've gotten a bit more bitter about my situation and men in general haha. xD But, it's hard to fault them. When they're surrounded by everything they want - which is girls who flirt and do whatever they want with them, why would they be interested in someone like me? I've had several guys that were interested in me, but I just wouldn't give them what they wanted. Just a couple of weeks ago a man which I was mutually interested in invited me to his place for dinner, but I had to reject him as I just don't find it appropriate. Many guys in these days find me too restricted, and eventually they decide they want someone who's more laid back and mainstream. Sometimes it's really hard.. but, realistically I wouldn't really want to be with someone who doesn't value that which I value in myself.

Anyhow, I really wanted to share this perspective with you. But, all that I've mentioned, it's trivial. It's nothing compared to the sacredness of my and your life. Please don't take it so lightly. Don't make the assumption that should you be given all or even some that you want now, it would be any easier. Life only becomes easier with gratitude and contentment, really. And the source of that is the connection with us and the one that is unlike any other created thing. It's ok to feel pain. It's ok to express that pain as well. Open the well of your soul to the one that knows it, the one that will tend to it. Draw up the wealth within yourself and offer it. That which was put in to you is meant to be returned, increased. Don't give up on yourself. You are a fine creation of the intention behind this universe. Own that nobility. I will do my best as well, InshaAllah.

sister thank you so much. yes in sha Allah i intend rhinoplasty one day cause i just feel like even Allah would allow me to do it cause i felt and feel suffering due to it cause its an accident. but right now i cant afford it. sister i understand your situation. and i know that men recently have been feminised and i know that you deserve a MAN. NOT A BOY. wallahi i hope on the names of Allah that you will meet the man of your life. you are young too. but the desires in us are strong so thats what makes us un patient. i am very charismatic , whenever i step in a room everyione becomes my friend. but when it comes to women i barely meet anyoen who i love. they are rare. even tho i just love women in general and really respect them as a creature they are. but i hope on Allahs name that He the mighty will give me someone that will make my heart filled with joy. somoene i can take care of .someone who can take care of me on some things ( cause men should be more responsible in relationship, im ready to take that - such as being able to work and maintain ourselves and that.

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format_quote Originally Posted by Eien

So.. You've already been given a lot of great counsel. I think what I can offer here is my perspective as a female, to prove to you that you are not alone in your struggle. See the world from my side.

I am 25 years old and I am unmarried. In fact, only Allah knows, but I am probably not even close to being married. I have only received one proposal from a family that was essentially seeking an opportunity to get their brother in to the country, and married to a US citizen. I have a career as a software engineer at a top company. I am, I truly hope, a morally good person. I don't want to go on about my positive traits haha, but I will just say that I have several friends and family members who continually tell me how perplexed they are that I am still unmarried. But, all I can tell them is that I am yet to meet a man that fits my 4 main criteria.

And, do you know what's top on that list? I want to be with someone who has the will to believe and humility to submit their will to the one that created them. The reason I am looking for will and humility is that I know there are moments when we don't believe as is truly deserved Allah. I understand that as I have experienced that myself. But, even in those times, we never stop searching for the truth. I really want someone who wants to live according to that truth. Secondly, I want to be with someone who is strong and compassionate, who will stand by me our entire lives together. From what I've observed, most men don't want this sort of commitment. I could discuss this in great detail.. but, as hard as you think it may be to resist women now, it is equally hard (if not harder) to stay with one after all the euphoria has ebbed. Sometimes I wonder, why do men and women have different and somewhat contradictory partnership interests? It seems most men want as many beautiful women they can handle. Whereas most women can be entirely satisfied with one person. Anyhow, that's another topic. The point is, we won't always be young and beautiful. The one I'm with must be strong enough, compassionate enough to withstand the temptation, hardship, head and heartache that is sure to come. Thirdly, I want to be with someone who inspires me to be a better person. This is so important and though it's my third criteria, it's truly the reason I want to be married in the first place. So, perhaps it should be first, even though the previous two are like-wise required. You may not understand this until you meet someone who, just by being who they are, whether you have a relationship with them or not, draws out the best of you - but before money and comfort, this is what I need. And, fourth on that list might actually surprise you.. I want someone who has not been in a relationship before. This might seem a bit unrealistic, given the world we live in today, but of someone who has resisted all the temptation that batters us endlessly.. there is something to be said. It gives me confidence that such a person will meet my second most important criteria. And, nothing gives a girl confidence in your interest in her than if you've passed all the rest up and chose her.

Really, that's all I've been waiting for. You might think I have a whole bunch of other criteria that I'm not mentioning, and while there are about 20 other "nice-to-haves" - if I found these characteristics in someone who I felt comfortable with and happy around and they wanted to marry me, I would. What that means is basically they should be a clean, pleasant person, who I have compatible major life goals/lifestyle (ex: children, parental support, values) with. So, ok, a couple more really demanding criteria haha. I will tell you that height is definitely not even a criteria for all women, at least not for me. Of the men I have had an interested in, 2 have been shorter than myself and one my height. The rest have been taller, but being 63.5 inches tall myself, that's the majority of men.. Regarding looks, attraction is not as simple as it may seem. You seem concerned by your nose.. At least you have a nose. :P But, if your nose truly does bother you, there is no shame in changing it. But, ask yourself sincerely what that would be worth, and what you could be giving up in exchange for that.

I'll tell you honestly, over time I've gotten a bit more bitter about my situation and men in general haha. xD But, it's hard to fault them. When they're surrounded by everything they want - which is girls who flirt and do whatever they want with them, why would they be interested in someone like me? I've had several guys that were interested in me, but I just wouldn't give them what they wanted. Just a couple of weeks ago a man which I was mutually interested in invited me to his place for dinner, but I had to reject him as I just don't find it appropriate. Many guys in these days find me too restricted, and eventually they decide they want someone who's more laid back and mainstream. Sometimes it's really hard.. but, realistically I wouldn't really want to be with someone who doesn't value that which I value in myself.

Anyhow, I really wanted to share this perspective with you. But, all that I've mentioned, it's trivial. It's nothing compared to the sacredness of my and your life. Please don't take it so lightly. Don't make the assumption that should you be given all or even some that you want now, it would be any easier. Life only becomes easier with gratitude and contentment, really. And the source of that is the connection with us and the one that is unlike any other created thing. It's ok to feel pain. It's ok to express that pain as well. Open the well of your soul to the one that knows it, the one that will tend to it. Draw up the wealth within yourself and offer it. That which was put in to you is meant to be returned, increased. Don't give up on yourself. You are a fine creation of the intention behind this universe. Own that nobility. I will do my best as well, InshaAllah.

and to be honest im quite losing the patience and hope at times, that ill ever find someone i love. i hate ending up alone. i hate imagining being alone.

Wallahi brothers and sisters .even though i dont know you, i love you so much . thanks sooo much for all the kind words. may we get to be happy by Allahs name!

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for the words of kindess, and for the words of trying to guide me

format_quote Originally Posted by Eien

So.. . I have only received one proposal from a family that was essentially seeking an opportunity to get their brother in to the country, and married to a US citizen. Secondly, I want to be with someone who is strong and compassionate, who will stand by me our entire lives together. From what I've observed, most men don't want this sort of commitment. I could discuss this in great detail.. but, as hard as you think it may be to resist women now, it is equally hard (if not harder) to stay with one after all the euphoria has ebbed. Sometimes I wonder, why do men and women have different and somewhat contradictory partnership interests? It seems most men want as many beautiful women they can handle. Whereas most women can be entirely satisfied with one person.

Salam alaikum sis

How did you know this guy wanted you just for the passport?
And what if somebody has those qualities you mentioned (which I think a looot of muslims have) but didnt have US passport,youd still marry him? How will he proove that he has those qualities then?

Which men have you observed that dont want that sort of commitement? From what I have observed its the complete opposite.When I could practise islam (you can read my thread:6 years and still converting,if you want to know why I cant now) I met some awesome muslims.One of whom always refused to marry a second wife even though the first one was encouraging him.Another married a girl with one arm and he is happy being with only her.Or me that I rejected many times a rich girl that would have saved my life and religion,because I knew I would never treat her as good as to win jannah cuz of that.If this doesnt show commitment idk what does :P . There are way better muslims than us out there,and less better,who have partnership interests same as women,and that can be satisfied with just one person.
I just had to react to that

You can go on details if you want,maybe I am wrong

I hate to hijack this thread to discuss my personal circumstances.. I will reply here on this occasion, but perhaps if you would like to discuss further we can create another thread.

I know that I was wanted for my citizenship because the family told me so, more or less. I was approached by them because they thought I had good qualities and would make a good wife for their brother who was looking to come to the US. I never had any contact with him personally. I was asked if I would like to marry him, and given that I was only 18 at the time, I wasn't even interested in determining if I was actually interested in him as a person. One month later, they found someone who accepted the proposal and they were married.

"And what if somebody has those qualities you mentioned (which I think a looot of muslims have) but didnt have US passport,youd still marry him? "

I would hope that a lot of Muslims meet those criteria, but to be honest I haven't found any correlation between what I'm looking for and being Muslim (at least in males). Due to my career, the majority of males I am exposed to are Hindu. And I can honestly say that they are the closest group of people I have found to meeting my criteria. I think Indians in general have a great respect for marriage and place a lot more significance on such a union than any other group of people. Perhaps to too great of an extent haha. But world wide, marriage is becoming less common, shorter and losing societal value.

To answer those questions, having a US passport is not a criteria haha. And it is not possible to prove that any man meets the criteria I have, passport or not. But, I would definitely need to have established my confidence that he does by getting to know him and his people. The third criteria is unique, because it's a response that his being evokes in myself. And as I mentioned, it's the reason I would want to marry a person in the first place.

Which men have you observed that dont want that sort of commitement?

Again, I can't call out a particular group, but many of the men that I have met throughout my life (married and unmarried) would be just as happy or more to have an uncommitted relationship with a woman over a committed one. And, when I say commitment, I of course mean a two-way agreement. I'm sure there are plenty of guys that would want a committed woman, and they themselves are free to have paramours as they please. I'm not saying at all that men don't commit, and hold fast to the commitments that they make - just that I don't find it to be something many men are inclined to. If you have known otherwise, perhaps I should be wherever you are. xD

format_quote Originally Posted by Scimitar

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LOL, i'm forty two, never been married... keep your chin up, young man! Be happy with what Allah has given you. Never feel so down that you forget that which Allah has blessed you with.

The glass is half full, not half empty.

weren't you married once?

can this thread be more about me? i started it. i mean im ok with discussion and that but..cmon

As I still can't send personal messages, I will reply here. I just wanted to apologize for derailing your thread a bit.

I had a thought that has probably been had by many, but as I currently can't find anything on the issue, I will air it here. If there isn't already a thread on this forum dedicated to those interested in finding a spouse, I think there should be. I have done a quick scan for one and not found anything, yet. If there isn't one that currently exists, would there be any problems with making one?

I so hate to be alone on this age.
and i fear that even tho im patient. it will be lost cause in the end i wont get what i love.. but whats left. like a girl who was divorced... its just this feeling i got.
22 and still single. never kissed or touched. when is this lonely stupid game gonna end

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or maybe a girl who is.. just ... meh.
cause all the girls i love always end up to someone else. or ill end up and die alone. or one day il lsay this is enough and just go buy some prostitues.. i dont know.
im tired. not having a companion 0 someone to say goodmorning darling its not easy.
its the biggest fitnah. its my biggest burden. its heavy on my shoulders. i dont want to keep going like this

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dont i deserve just ONE girl in this world? why not spend my youth years with someone. why odnt i meet someone i like? and when i do it doesnt work.
why am I being deprived by Allah with a young lady love?
what am i doing wrong?
when will this stupid game end?
can anyone tell?

why do i want to cease existing so much?

whats the point of living when, i never get sometihng that i love in life?
i no longer feel like i want to live. to get married. to get kids. to get old. i just feel like i shouldnt exist any longer. its hard to live with this feeling at all times

me? married? nah never.
damn. i just feel like ill never be all right again. everytihng is becoming worse, not better. i was a good guy my whole life. i expected more out of this. im too afraid that the God i called didnt answer me

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nothing is helping. no one is helping. nothing is making me happy. i feel like i would rather just dissapear and no longer exist, than to go to jannah or jahannam. i dont want Allah to not answer ,my duas with 3 options he has. i want the things i ask! i dont want the other life. i havent seen jannah! why should my life be so broken just so my next can be good? im losing them both this way.

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is it ok if i leave practicing islam but i just stay a muslim?
i dont feel like its been worth it ever to keep continuing this way. i want to focus on other things completely now

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I mean.. i pray 5 times a day. i fast all ramadans since 2008. i also fast volunteraly at times.
i keep a beard. i dont listen to music anymmore. i lvoe it but i left it for Allah. and its not easy.
i left pornography and other illegall sexual ways. i havent had any zinah with another girl ever. i enjoy some of Prophet Mohamads pbuh sunnahs such as perfumery and keeping cleanliness. even through all these things that should make me happy, my life is at bottom point?
meanwhil i see the people who are sinners who have it all?
im not asking it all, just a girl by my side who makes me happy cause I AM SAD. and nothing is helping me. nothing is fixing me. i expected more of Allah to help me but its just not happening. this makes me abondon everything..
to stay a muslim biut to stop practicing. to focus on other things, maybe like that ill be fine.

aaaaaaaaand no one is replying anymore on this thread so i guess i should just go

format_quote Originally Posted by aislamiya

aaaaaaaaand no one is replying anymore on this thread so i guess i should just go

i am lol :P...Bro why dont you just propose to someone then man?