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My Talaaq (divorce)

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  1. #1
    muslimsister12's Avatar
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    My Talaaq (divorce)

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    Dear Muslim friends,

    Im a married 22 year old girl.

    I recently got married in March, and only did the nikkah. (No ruksati). My husband was supposed to apply for my USA immigration however, he told me that due to some paper work he will not be able to apply before our official ruksati which was in January 2018. After which it would have me wait for another 12 months to get the visa and unite with him.

    The miscalculation was on part of my in-laws as they did not research about the immigration laws before coming for nikkah.

    Long story short, me and my husband started to have fights over the phone on minor issues which meant nothing to me, he insisted I lose weight for him and fought me tirelessly to hit the gym, then he fought me over the fact that he needed a working woman. note that this was not a requirement before nikkah.

    He got fed up of me and started to hate me calling him often. I was really upset about my immigrartion as I had to wait long to unite with him. I insisted that he came to meet me and get ruksati done sooner which he declined.

    he fought with me on the fact that i demanded his time, and cried when i asked him to sleep 10 minutes later. He fought me to leave him alone when he was angry with me, but i used to keep begging him for forgiveness and for him to be fine with me.

    My friends, I only really missed him and was quite sad that my reunion with my husband was so far away even though before Nikkah my in-laws told me that after january i would be going to USA with him.

    Shortly during the fights, my husbands father intervened and emailed my dad that I have been irritating my husband and giving him a tough time.
    his father exclaimed that the children have major issues between them, however he also stated that he cannot find the real big reason for the fights. (as they mainly revolved around me asking for his time and attention)

    However, once my husband yelled at me for no reason and called his father and told him he is unhappy with me. (the reason he called was because I asked my husband repeatedly if he was doing okay as he was upset because he had a bad day at work)

    After that call, my hsubands father sent en email to my father asking for divorce and said that this is his final decision and he thinks our personalities dont match and that after ruksati we will most likely be unhappy.

    upon confronting my husband he was still confused about leaving me or not. he took 3 weeks to decide and kept telling me we will be unhappy. i begged him to not leave me as i love him and all couples fight due to time issues as we had 13 hour time gap. I told him i only asked for his time as he was at work or with friends and unable to call me or text me for the whole of day. HE told me that i annoyed the hell out of him and that he asked me for space but did not give him. Now its too late to do so.


    I begged and begged, and I asked that he meets me in my country before doing it, he denied everything.

    he also isnt giving me the talaaq on the phone.


    my question to you is , am i at fault? is this reason suffiecient before Allah to divorce me? I asked him to reconcile so many times and i told him i wont bug him as much. do you think he is hurting me? I told him that for Allah's sake reconcile with me as Allah does not like divorce on small issues, he told me that he wont stay with me for Allah.

    please tell is he on the wrong? or can he divorce me for any reason and Allah will forgive it?
    Last edited by Hamza Asadullah; 1 Week Ago at 01:55 PM.

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    Supernova's Avatar
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    Re: My Talaaq (divorce)

    Asalaamualaykum Dearest Muh’mina in Islam.


    Firstly, May Allah SWT grant ease in your current situation.



    To expound some clarity on your situation, you first need to understand that the ruksati has no effect on the validity or invalidity of you nikah. So for now, you can omit that out of the equation.



    In shariah, a Talaq must be issued directly from the husband by his own will and remaining sane.



    There can exist a chain of the transmission of the Talaq but there has to be solid proof that the husband initiated it willingly and in a sane manner.


    Example: Husband gives it in writing to the girl’s mother to issue it to the wife. There has to be proof that he wrote the letter. Even if the girl receives a Text/Email Talaq (which shamefully is common these days) – there has to be verification that the husband sent it willingly and in a sane state. Common sense will tell you the purpose of this.


    In your case – the fathers email shows the father has no understanding of Talaq on 2 accounts:


    1.
    A Talaq is never requested – it is given. If a Talaq is requested, it logically means it gives the girl the option to accept or refuse and that technically makes it a possible Kula not a Talaq. Talaq is given by a man to a woman and has its own set of rulings and ramifications. A Kula or Faskh depending on the situation will have its own rulings too. Bottom line is the father doesn’t know the rulings here concerning Talaq.




    2. The father or any party cannot initiate/give a Talaq on his/their own without the son’s consent. This will open a can of worms if Islam allowed it because that would mean anybody can issue a divorce between husband and wife.


    If the email “requested” a talaq then it will be null and void, as a Talaq is issued not requested.



    If the e-mail issued a Talaq: then…



    If your husband agrees that he


    a) (a) had knowledge of the email

    b) (b) AND agrees that he initiated it

    c) (c) AND agrees that he did not stop or attempt to stop the email from being sent,

    d) (d) AND he was in a sane state when all of the above 3 occurred


    then that email will now be possibly proof of a written Talaq.



    The reason I bolded “possibly” is because



    If the email is issuing a Talaq AND points (a) to (d) above are met, then you would have to produce the Email to an Aalim/a that is knowledgeable both of your culture and cultural linguistics. The reason I stated that is because different cultures have different ways of communicating and more importantly emphasising things. Based on the fact that a Talaq requires some sort of communication between husband and wife for the issuing (verbal or non verbal), it would be best to give it to an Aalim/a that I suggested. In that way all ambiguity is nullified of communication is nullified.

    Wasalaam.

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    muslimsister12's Avatar
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    Re: My Talaaq (divorce)

    Okay thanks for your response.

    I want to know that a talaaq on reasons like me annoying him for his time permissible in Islam?

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    Supernova's Avatar
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    Re: My Talaaq (divorce)

    Aslaamualaykum Dearest Muh’mina in Islam,


    Ok, this will take some explaining.



    In shariah – there is no “Reason” part attached to the issuing of a Talaq to make it valid. In other words – say a man walks straight up to his wife and issues a Talaq with no reason, it will still be regarded a valid Talaq issued.



    What I have stated above will raise many other concerns so I have taken the liberty to explain it to you below.



    Hz Umar RA divorced one of his wives. Another Sahabi after her iddah, wanted to marry her but went to Hz Umar asking why he divorced her. The sahabi kept repeating the question until Hz Umar told him that the reason is private and only between him and her.



    A woman on reading this Talaq issue and having no reason attached to it might feel hard done by BUT in reality the wisdom of not attaching a reason to the Talaq is because it saves the public from knowing why, thereby resulting in her retaining her dignity. A woman who gets a divorce in many cultures are already seen as 2nd class citizens, can you imagine if the reason was attached to the Talaq – that will now be just another thing for her to deal with, now that the public knows why the Talaq was issued. It is actually a Rahmah from Allah SWT that a reason need not be attached to a Talaq.



    Having said that – there are plenty of hadith that talk about reasons of a Talaq. These reasons in the hadith are more of when trying to save a marriage. Example: A son tells the father that he(the son) wants to divorce his wife (but the reason is far-fetched). His father will now bring the reasons from hadith forward so as to save the marriage and point out to the son he really shouldn’t divorce his wife.



    If the son still gives the Talaq although his personal reasons don’t match the ones from Hadith – the Talaq is still valid.



    At this moment a woman might still argue that the husband has the upper hand But consider the following rules when the tables are turned.



    When a woman requests for a Faskh or Kula (they are two different things, but for now we can treat them as one for simplicity sake), the ruling is that she will have to secure reasons for the Kula/Faskh. In most cases depending on the school of thought – the case with the REASONS is handed to the Qadi (Jurist). In modern terms, where a Qadi is not available, the local Nikah Institute or Scholar will suffice.



    The point I’m bringing forward here is that in this case, the mans wrong doing or failure to keep her happy is now public knowledge.


    You need to get an Aalim involved to speak to him. In Islam the ethic is to always save a marriage than break it. If there is no resolution in the end, then it only leaves one option.
    Wasalaam.
    Last edited by Supernova; 1 Week Ago at 05:32 PM. Reason: font too big

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