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  1. #1
    Redtail92's Avatar
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    Suffering from loneliness causing me to despair

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    Salaam,
    I would like to give an introduction first to clarify myself.
    Life started off quite rough for me every since I was a child, my dad was never there to support me or give me the kindness/afection you expect a father woud have for his children. He didn't associate himself with me or with my siblings, even thought I always saw my friend's dad treating them the way I would have wanted my dad to treat me.
    My mother was both my dad and my mom for me, but she was emotionally neglectful/abusive towards me at times. Often she would get angry if I was crying, cursing me or making me feel guilty for being upset about something, therefoew I would always hide my tears from her.
    For the most part of my life I have always been very alone and I have been buillied or mistreated by peers throughout elementary/high school. As a child, I would always end up fantisizing in meeting this dream prince that would fall in love with me and I would end up marrying with and life happily ever after.
    Sadly, this is far away from what I have hoped for and I am losing hope I will ever find someone who will love me and live my life with. I am 24 at the moment and still single. Each time I meet a guy or end up being interested in a guy, they always dislike me / are not interested in me, or do not have any mutual feelings for me back. This has happened so many times now, making me feel like i'm cursed/ unlucky when it comes to love. I am really losing hope and falling into despair with Allah because of this. Why did I have to go through or am still going through all this sadness /loneliness when it comes to love/affection. I see so many people (believers & non-believers) walking around with their spouse or with their children, why can't that be me?
    I ended up having feeling for somene who I felt was my soulmate, someone who I instantly have a connection with like no other, but even he stated that he doesnt have feelings for me back. As I sit here now, I just keep thinking to myself: isn't it enough? haven't I swallowed the bitter pill of loneliness/rejection to often?
    Another issue at hand here is that the older I get, the more I long for intimacy/sex. But since I'm afraid that this is the path that Allah has chosen for me (to remain single/alone) how am I suppose to let those desires out? I can only do so within a marriage but I am convinced I will not find the right person for me, ever. I ended up masturbating for a couple of times now, but even that it wrong (haram) and it only makes me feel more disconnected/angry with Allah for just EVERYTHING (note: dont tell me to fast , I cant because of medication). I read people saying: Allah knows what is best for you, you need to accept BLABLABLA but how am I suppose to accept that I cannot satisfy my natural human desires and end up being alone while the whole entire universe can have sex / do end up living their lifes with a lifepartner hat support and cherishes them.I have come to the point where i'm really starting to lose losing all eeman in Allah and I feel lost in all of this.
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    Misbah-Abd's Avatar
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    Re: Suffering from loneliness causing me to despair

    Sister, I understand what you are going through. It wasn't easy for me either when I became a Muslim and there were many times the loneliness eats away at you and the shaytan is on your back making things worse with his suggestions. Also the support group was lacking. I think you may perhaps be focusing on this to hard. You are still young being 24. If fasting is not an option for you due to medical reasons, what about some hobbies and interests that you like to do to divert your attention? This is something that you will have to put your trust in Allah and His Qadr. Remember, we are trying to get from point A to point B and Paradise is our goal. Our purpose in life is to worship Allah Azza wa Jal. For the sake of your soul and salvation, don't let this issue come between you and your iman. Being angry at Allah isn't going to help you in any way whatsoever. You have to be better than that, stronger than that, smarter than that. May Allah Azza wa Jal remove those harsh feelings inside you, may He find you a suitable husband that will be pleasing to your eyes and a comfort to your heart. Ameen.
    1 | Likes cinnamonrolls1 liked this post
    Suffering from loneliness causing me to despair

    "When a person sees the road as too long, he weakens in his walk." - Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah

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    Re: Suffering from loneliness causing me to despair

    Welcome to the club sister. Though mine is more of a "can't find a sister who is pious/no money" problem.

    It is important to not get into a victim mentality. There are a couple of things that could be the problem.


    1. Maybe your standard are too high? People tend marry those that are around the same level of attractiveness. Since you said that guys rejected you multiple times, it could be that you simply aim too high. Or if that isn't an option for you, try to get curvy by lifting weights (no, you won't get bulky as long as you don't use steriods).
    2. It could be your character/deen. When people get married, they don't only look at looks (even though it is very important). They also look at how someone behaves or their modesty. I've rejected multiple women who I could see myself fall in love with, but since they didn't wear the hijab, I automaticly said no.
    3. You're attracting the wrong group. This is connected to the previous point, if you want someone that loves you for who you are and not only for your looks, try to attract a pious brother. Do you wear hijab? Is your wali involved when you talk to these guys? If not, expect to be played around with a lot.
    1 | Likes cinnamonrolls1 liked this post

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    azc's Avatar
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    Re: Suffering from loneliness causing me to despair

    https://islamqa.info/en/193320

    Can she masturbate if her husband cannot satisfy her desire? - islamqa.info
    Thank u for ur answerbut unfortunately it did not answer my question. The thing isthat we have tried every possible way there is to satisfy mewe have talked alo...
    Suffering from loneliness causing me to despair

    Allah (swt) knows best

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    Brighten's Avatar
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    Re: Suffering from loneliness causing me to despair

    Quote Originally Posted by Redtail92 View Post
    Salaam,
    I would like to give an introduction first to clarify myself.
    Life started off quite rough for me every since I was a child, my dad was never there to support me or give me the kindness/afection you expect a father woud have for his children. He didn't associate himself with me or with my siblings, even thought I always saw my friend's dad treating them the way I would have wanted my dad to treat me.
    My mother was both my dad and my mom for me, but she was emotionally neglectful/abusive towards me at times. Often she would get angry if I was crying, cursing me or making me feel guilty for being upset about something, therefoew I would always hide my tears from her.
    For the most part of my life I have always been very alone and I have been buillied or mistreated by peers throughout elementary/high school. As a child, I would always end up fantisizing in meeting this dream prince that would fall in love with me and I would end up marrying with and life happily ever after.
    Sadly, this is far away from what I have hoped for and I am losing hope I will ever find someone who will love me and live my life with. I am 24 at the moment and still single. Each time I meet a guy or end up being interested in a guy, they always dislike me / are not interested in me, or do not have any mutual feelings for me back. This has happened so many times now, making me feel like i'm cursed/ unlucky when it comes to love. I am really losing hope and falling into despair with Allah because of this. Why did I have to go through or am still going through all this sadness /loneliness when it comes to love/affection. I see so many people (believers & non-believers) walking around with their spouse or with their children, why can't that be me?
    I ended up having feeling for somene who I felt was my soulmate, someone who I instantly have a connection with like no other, but even he stated that he doesnt have feelings for me back. As I sit here now, I just keep thinking to myself: isn't it enough? haven't I swallowed the bitter pill of loneliness/rejection to often?
    Another issue at hand here is that the older I get, the more I long for intimacy/sex. But since I'm afraid that this is the path that Allah has chosen for me (to remain single/alone) how am I suppose to let those desires out? I can only do so within a marriage but I am convinced I will not find the right person for me, ever. I ended up masturbating for a couple of times now, but even that it wrong (haram) and it only makes me feel more disconnected/angry with Allah for just EVERYTHING (note: dont tell me to fast , I cant because of medication). I read people saying: Allah knows what is best for you, you need to accept BLABLABLA but how am I suppose to accept that I cannot satisfy my natural human desires and end up being alone while the whole entire universe can have sex / do end up living their lifes with a lifepartner hat support and cherishes them.I have come to the point where i'm really starting to lose losing all eeman in Allah and I feel lost in all of this.
    Hey sis, you are not alone many Muslims feeling lonely these days as pious marriages become harder and harder.

  8. #6
    sabah11's Avatar
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    Re: Suffering from loneliness causing me to despair

    Cry by Allah alone. He knews you the best and whats best for you. Make dua.

  9. #7
    Umm Malik's Avatar
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    Re: Suffering from loneliness causing me to despair

    Quote Originally Posted by Redtail92 View Post
    Salaam,
    I would like to give an introduction first to clarify myself.
    Life started off quite rough for me every since I was a child, my dad was never there to support me or give me the kindness/afection you expect a father woud have for his children. He didn't associate himself with me or with my siblings, even thought I always saw my friend's dad treating them the way I would have wanted my dad to treat me.
    My mother was both my dad and my mom for me, but she was emotionally neglectful/abusive towards me at times. Often she would get angry if I was crying, cursing me or making me feel guilty for being upset about something, therefoew I would always hide my tears from her.
    For the most part of my life I have always been very alone and I have been buillied or mistreated by peers throughout elementary/high school. As a child, I would always end up fantisizing in meeting this dream prince that would fall in love with me and I would end up marrying with and life happily ever after.
    Sadly, this is far away from what I have hoped for and I am losing hope I will ever find someone who will love me and live my life with. I am 24 at the moment and still single. Each time I meet a guy or end up being interested in a guy, they always dislike me / are not interested in me, or do not have any mutual feelings for me back. This has happened so many times now, making me feel like i'm cursed/ unlucky when it comes to love. I am really losing hope and falling into despair with Allah because of this. Why did I have to go through or am still going through all this sadness /loneliness when it comes to love/affection. I see so many people (believers & non-believers) walking around with their spouse or with their children, why can't that be me?
    I ended up having feeling for somene who I felt was my soulmate, someone who I instantly have a connection with like no other, but even he stated that he doesnt have feelings for me back. As I sit here now, I just keep thinking to myself: isn't it enough? haven't I swallowed the bitter pill of loneliness/rejection to often?
    Another issue at hand here is that the older I get, the more I long for intimacy/sex. But since I'm afraid that this is the path that Allah has chosen for me (to remain single/alone) how am I suppose to let those desires out? I can only do so within a marriage but I am convinced I will not find the right person for me, ever. I ended up masturbating for a couple of times now, but even that it wrong (haram) and it only makes me feel more disconnected/angry with Allah for just EVERYTHING (note: dont tell me to fast , I cant because of medication). I read people saying: Allah knows what is best for you, you need to accept BLABLABLA but how am I suppose to accept that I cannot satisfy my natural human desires and end up being alone while the whole entire universe can have sex / do end up living their lifes with a lifepartner hat support and cherishes them.I have come to the point where i'm really starting to lose losing all eeman in Allah and I feel lost in all of this.
    Sister life is a challenge and you are capable of facing that strongly .
    To have no support don't means that you have to end up your happiness in this way
    Sister ... life ia more than that ... waiting for that thing you are looking for you have many things to do ... you can make your life full of enjoyment and when your future husband come will found a strong wife a great patient mother for his children
    You know sister sometimes we work the same way and we want another result you have to change the way ...
    How is to be patient ... dont look what others have it may be them test ... don't think that they are completely happy ... they may have something you don't know
    If you try to live some days with looking upon what you have and forget about what you dont ... you may be preparing for a great thing ...
    Life is not easy and no one take it that way even if you see like they have everything they will write for you a list of wishes if you ask them what they need
    This life is all about need
    No one can stop wishing
    But I will tell you something
    In our life we have a happiness level ... when our head take some of our desires or look for it at that time your take a height level of happiness so it will be so hard for you to be happy with the normal levels of happiness
    So try to full your head with the natural ways of happiness which is in the beginning being grateful ... and then helping others and trying to give excuses to others all this things with understanding of the reality of this life will bring the happiness back to you ..
    Be careful my sister of what you think about yourself and others because this will harm you first
    If your parents are not good with you thand don't be bad with yourself
    Sister I have a lot of things to share with you inshallah
    I hope your coming here will be a good for you in your iman and your life and future
    Amen!
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  10. #8
    cinnamonrolls1's Avatar
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    Re: Suffering from loneliness causing me to despair

    Salam hun,
    24 years is not old! I listen to people saying they're 22 etc not married yet, and i get they want to get married but when they say their running out of time...
    Imam Malik got married at age 40. The prophet pbuh was 25. Granted they are men, but the Quran or Islam doesnt say "girls get married young guys when they're young'. Stay patient and do something to distract yourself, find a new hobby! Read, go out. If you're looking for a spouse atm maybe try online. I understand the loneliness, i have pretty bad anxiety and it took me a while to adjust to living in a completely new town with a new school and all. Try and meet friends etc, go to the mosque, or even a club for something you enjoy doing( eg a book club). As for your ahem "desires' theyre not gonna go away, theyre natural and are a part of everyone. Like i said previously, try and distract yourself. I know i wasnt much help, but you can always pm me if you want.

  11. #9
    cinnamonrolls1's Avatar
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    Re: Suffering from loneliness causing me to despair

    Quote Originally Posted by 00001001 View Post
    Welcome to the club sister. Though mine is more of a "can't find a sister who is pious/no money" problem.

    It is important to not get into a victim mentality. There are a couple of things that could be the problem.


    1. Maybe your standard are too high? People tend marry those that are around the same level of attractiveness. Since you said that guys rejected you multiple times, it could be that you simply aim too high. Or if that isn't an option for you, try to get curvy by lifting weights (no, you won't get bulky as long as you don't use steriods).
    2. It could be your character/deen. When people get married, they don't only look at looks (even though it is very important). They also look at how someone behaves or their modesty. I've rejected multiple women who I could see myself fall in love with, but since they didn't wear the hijab, I automaticly said no.
    3. You're attracting the wrong group. This is connected to the previous point, if you want someone that loves you for who you are and not only for your looks, try to attract a pious brother. Do you wear hijab? Is your wali involved when you talk to these guys? If not, expect to be played around with a lot.
    I understand your points but hijab doesnt automatically constitute someone having deen you know? Not tryna argue just stating my opinion

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