No. He started wrong by talking to strange girls online period! His approach in finding a mate was wrong, period.
I never said that. However, the approach he went is wrong period.
Thank you 100% for that sentence alone proofing my case. His approach is wrong because he talks to non-mahreem girl online period. THAT IS WRONG. The mere fact he doesn't know better (coming from your own words) indicate he is not mature or not ready to go this route. He should know himself he does not have knowledge and should seek elders to help him do it the right way, not the Western style way.
Dude! He is EXACTLY in that boat of what you just mentioned above. The OP did SOME FINALLY investigation and with all the red signs he ignored them. In addition to that, his family did not help me either. His family should have seen these red signs and stopped him or pointed out that he is wrong to continue this. If he still ignored that and continued this, then 100% blame goes to him.
Aaaand...that is why we are here, now isn't it?
Why do you think I said boys are in crisis? We are so focused in empowering girls we left boys behind the boat. This is why I said we need to have masculine reset. We need to invest in looking for the few actual family that have being working, where there is no babies yet and say hey...let us focus on the mother and father. Let us get the father to follow 100% the footstep of the prophet (peace be upon him) before having children in every way. The way the prophet wears, that soon to be father acts, the way the prophet dress, the soon to be father dresses, the way the prophet deals with his womenfolk, the soon to be father deals with his womenfolk and so on. When he have a son...he put those knowledge to his son or sons and the son/sons will look at his father by not word..but by action. We have new saleh men..in hopes these saleh men will change society to the better. These saleh men will treat their womenfolk the same as the prophet would treat his womenfolk. This will bring so many factors. A) It will show the non-Muslims that Islam is a religion of justice and not what the non-Muslim believe oppression of women (which is false). This may bring more non-Muslim to Islam. B) Bring harmony in the community, less crime drop out, less rape, violence, suicide, more happiness for both men and women and so on. C) In hopes men actually pick the right mother for the new generation and both men and women know their boundaries and limitations and work in harmony and there will be less....
that. It is
that make me run away from marriage like a frightened mouse.
Yes. I expect him to take this more serious as heart attack. I actually expect him to be an FBI when it comes to finding a spouse. Before actually going out to searching for a spouse...look at the horror stories of other men and see if they match with his (at the beginning). I actually expect him to be a police finding the criminal by doing investigation and gluing the case together to point out the criminal. Yes. When it comes to relationship now...yes a trillion times. In fact...resume will be a nice way of finding your suited partner. Yes.
Eeeeelddeeers!
Research! Elders! Investigating! Learn to see the signs. Stop looking through the sheep's eye and look the eagle eye, please!
I can smell the pious girl from the non pious girl a mile away. In some cases I met one pious woman from my mom's friend..can I say my heart have changed and melted and made me want to be better myself to find a pious woman like her. But then as soon as I left the house and saw the woman walking around the street and interact and hear from friends, I am amazed to find one where I live (and my heart reset back to not wanting to get married and live alone and enjoy my toys). It is amazing how much power women have over men when she acts like a real pious Islamic woman, and I assure you...if I do find one....I will not be that cynical as you say I am. I would climb the mountain and come back for her and will treat her like the queen she that deserves to be treated. But ....finding one is harder by the minute.
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