breaking heart

Assalamu Alaikum

Move on; stop talking to her. Get back on the right path inshallah. When you find someone else, get married quickly.
Waiting for 4 years is ridiculous and to think that it would be ok to talk that long is haram and silly. You've made a mistake and you have to look forward and change yourself. Don't worry about her and what she will be punished for. You have your own sins you need to worry about.

format_quote Originally Posted by azc

Perhaps the girl wasn't serious in this relationship with him; and he wanted her to wait for 4 yrs. How could it work...?

OK. Stop! Please stop! Stop giving excuses for the girl! STOP! A) She is talking to other boys! B) She said she can control him by manipulating him C) She played with his heart like a string and she enjoyed it and sadistic! This girl is evil and immature and this brother did a very stupid move and the amount of red alerts flashing on his eyes and he is blind and missed it all!!! And you say she have been with him in relationship for4 years? Yeah him and 30 others! No...no...no..saleh women, fearing Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) with haya and shame will talk to strange men online.

Men nowadays should not have relationship with other women alone. Nowadays men are incapable of picking the right mate, not all men mind you, but majority of them are too immature when it comes to relationship. THIS GOES RIGHT STRAIGHT with telling boys they should not cry. You cripple the boys with emotional immaturity and never teach them how to find a suitable mate and what is his role and you have men like the OP. I know for one thing I am smart enough to never have a single relationship with a single women from the internet, bar, companies and then immediately fall in love with her even though she have boys in basket. Everything he said above goes against common sense and proper Islamic way of relationship and everything was going "Waa Woo! Waa Woo! Waa Woo!" the red light flashing and people jumping and screaming.."SAVE YOUR SKIN! RUN! RUUUUN!" and helicopters hovering over her with police cops screaming "Son! This is a dangerous person! Save your skin!" and he ignored all that. What do you expect?

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format_quote Originally Posted by RedaKhalkhoudi

salam alaaykom my brothers and sister i want to tell you my story and i want you all to be the judge i meet this girl online and since the first day i know her i never wanted to hurt her or do haraam with her i asked her to be my wife and that i shall marry her after i finish my education (4 years) so we got into a relation online my love for her was pure i standed with her in good and in bad i acted good with her i apologised even when she did wrong because my heart was saying her name after she passed her bachelor and enter university the girl started to push me and to break up with me for the stupidest cost i didn't want to lose her thinking she is my soul mate then when 2018 enter she dumped me for a stupid reason and we got back together but she pushed me for 5 months while i think she is my one she is having fun with boys she call them friends while i suffer and think and love her day and night then i called her on the phone and told her im a pious man and i want a pious woman so plz don't play with my heart because this pain is huge and its haraam to do me like that after everything i did to you so we talked and she told me that she cheated on me and that its ok since we breaked up i didn't control my anger i insulted her and her familly then she replied see i can control you as much i want by the way i lied i didn't cheat on you and cut the call like a crazy person i run to charge my phone and apologise and ask for a new chance then she talked to me and told me that she doesn't love me anymore and she is sorry we broke up then i got msg from my friend that she still have feelings for me i contacted her again to ask her to be my wife since even throught all the pain i want to do halal with her i found her facebook full with boys pictures and with her smile she talked me with huge arrogance that she is so happy and that im just a friend when my mother knowed that from the degree of pain she trowed up blood and i become unable to eat or drink .this girl played me never respect me and destroyed me mentally and phisically i curse her till the day of the judgement and beyond for the pain and tears and blood that me and my mother have spelled for her my questions for you my dear brothers and sisters will she get her punishement or not since it was not a halal relationship

p.s : plz dont judge me my love was pure and it made me lose my dignity and my health and my time

Unfortunately it is very common nowadays to see our brothers and sisters involving themselves in pre-marital relationships. This is because many of us live in societies where free mixing and intermingling of the sexes is seen as the norm. Free mixing occurs in many situations and circumstances such as in educational establishments, workplaces, and shopping malls but now there are other newer avenues that have opened up over the last few years mainly on the internet from chatrooms, the boom in social networking sites and "Muslim matrimonial" websites or as i like to call them "Muslim dating websites". All of these avenues have resulted in the fact that it is now easier than ever before for men and women to mix, intermingle and get introduced to one another consequantly resulting in a rapid increase in pre-marital relationships.


Pre-marital relationships doomed to fail from the beginning


It is no surprise then that the majority of these pre-marital relationships end very badly and are the cause of utter pain, hurt and anguish for those involved. This is because the couple lived in their own little world or bubble for a while and made so many dreams together of what it would be like in the future. Much of the time one or both involved never see themselves with anyone else but who they are with at the time but when things end then it results in their whole world crashing down and can cause utter devastation and even suicidal thoughts.


Such relationshiops are doomed to fail from the beginning. This is because a pre-marital relationship goes against the commands of Allah and they are the cause of the anger and wrath of our lord Almighty. Surely there can never be any good in that which angers and displeases Allah. Therefore such relationships are deviod of any peace or blessings and that is why they are rocky throughout and usually end in devastation for those involved. Remember that shaythan is the third person in such relationships.


Utter pain and anguish


These failed relationships will inevitabley leave those involved feeling utterly devastated and even suicidal. They will feel like their whole world has come crashing down and that they do not wish to carry on anymore. This is because they gave that person their all. They gave them their heart and they had all their dreams with that person. But the reality is that this was the biggest mistake one can make. One should NEVER give themselves, or their heart to ANYONE but their married partner. Surely those involved do then realise what a mistake it was but the saddest thing of all is that they usually make the same mistake again and again. Some even go through a handful of partners before they marry the person destined for them. This is the sad reality of some people but they should fear Allah and learn from their mistakes the first time around. They should see the fact that Allah is trying to make them realise their mistakes as a blessing and they should NEVER even imagine doing such an act again for they are committing such a major sin giving themself to someone who is not legitamate for them.


Learn from your mistakes and NEVER repeat them again


The past is the past. NOTHING you do can change that now. We all wish we could get into a time machine and go back in time and do things differently again. But there is NO point thinking or regretting that which has already happened. What has happened has happened and there is NOTHING you can do to change that. What we can do is to learn from our mistakes and make sure we NEVER repeat them again.

Life is such that we have to make mistakes in order to learn from them. We learn from our failures NOT our successes. If we all succeeded in life then how will we ever become better people? How will we ever grow as individuals if we never make mistakes?


So you need to think to yourself, realise and accept the fact that if you followed and obeyed Allah and remained within the boundaries of islam then none of this would have happened to you. Therefore accept and see this as a huge error on your part that you have made in your life in that you fell for someone outside of marriage. Islam aims to protect us from ever getting hurt in such situations. It helps us to save our dignity and keep chaste, But if we go outside of the boundaries of Islam then we are putting ourselves in great danger and we are therefore vulnerable to attack from the wolf (shaythan). So it is best to keep withing the boundaries of Islam in ALL matters so that we safeguard ourselves against danger.


As humans think we know what is best for us but the fact is we clearly do not and we are decieving ourselves if we think we do! ONLY our creator Almighty Allah knows what is best for his creations. That is why free mixing and interactions between a man and a women is restricted so much for he created us to have carnal desires and to be weak. So if we put ourselves into dangerous situations then surely we will end up falling into a bottomless pit where we will find it extremely difficult to get out of. Therefore we must fear Allah and do EVERYTHING in our daily lives in order to please him and refrain from ANYTHING which angers or displeases him!


Advice on how to get through the pain, hurt and anguish of a premarital relationship


1. Accept what has happened now and also accept that it has only happened because you chose to get into a relationship outside of marriage even though you knew it was wrong. Therefore you have disobeyed Allah. So accept that you were in the wrong but that you have fallen into error and that you have now learnt from this mistake and as a result you have become a MUCH better and wiser person because of it. Accept that we learn from our failures and NOT our successes!

2. Once you have accepted that it was your own fault and that you could easily have decided not to get into it, then you must also accept that the relationship failed to get to marriage because it was not destined to. Whatever will happen in your life will ONLY happen if it is decreed or destined to happen. So therefore it is clear that this relationship never was destined or decreed to get to marriage and that is why it ended before marriage.

Therefore accept that whatever Allah decrees for you is the best for you whether you like it or not because we as humans know not what is best for us. Maybe Allah saved you from a life of misery. Maybe if you married each other you would have had a terrible life or it would have ended in divorce.

3. Once you have accepted that this was the consequances of your own choices that you made and that it was not in your destiny or decree to be with that person because whatever is decreed in our lives is the best for us then you must try now move forward with your life because there is NO point thinking or regretting the past. You CANNOT change what has happened but all you can do is learn from it and move on. Do NOT waste anymore precious time that you have already wasted thinking about the past.

Remember: Death will not wait for anyone and it will come when it is destined for you which could be at ANY second. Therefore do NOT waste anymore of your precious time. Save the few seconds and breaths of your life that you have left and use it to worship Allah. Surely that is the purpose of your life and creation. You have already disobeyed Allah and angered him enough but for you to waste more time regretting the past will ONLY be of detriment to you because we ONLY have one chance in this life and our one chance is solwly going away and can end at ANY second. If you continuously waste more time on something which was never decreed for you then surely you will regret it forever if not in this life then definatley the next!

4. Make the necessery mental changes in your mind. Internalise in your mind that you have made a huge error and that you have already wasted enough time already and that there is NO point in thinking about or regretting the past and that you will now have a whole new fresh new start to your life. You can have this fresh start in your life by doing the following:

Firstly changing your number/s. Change your e mail address/es. Get rid of any social networks that you are on. Get rid of any pictures of him/her or any present or gifts that he/she gave you. Very importantly get rid of ANYTHING that reminds you of him/her.

Now Internalise in your mind that you want to make a whole new fresh start with your life and that you have no time to waste and that you want to move on and progress. Internalise that you will NOT go backwards anymore but that you will move forward from now on. Internalise that that your death is very near and that you cannot and will not waste anymore time on that which was not meant for you. Accept and realise that Allah has something better in store for you. If you don't know it now then you will realise it later!

5. Time is the best healer. Once you have taken all these steps then be patient and let time heal your heart. The way you think will affect the speed of your recovery. You need to get your heart to accept the above 4 steps and once you have then your recovery will be quicker. Turn towards Allah and put your FULL trust, faith, hopes and reliance in him and your heart will be filled with the love of Allah!

6. You need to focus your mind on the purpose of your life. Allah did not create you to follow your own desires in life but he created you for one purpose and ONLY one purpose and that is to worship him. So your new focus in life is to please Allah and ydo everything to make him the happiest. You should strive to do EVERYTHING you can to get closer to him and to please him. You should also realise that Allah ONLY wants what is best for you and he took you out of this relationship because he loves you and wanted to save you from harm. He took you from this person because he has someone better in store for you! Who will truly love and care for you and be there for you and best of all will help you on your journey to Paradise.

So look for a pious person who is practisiong and most of all fears Allah. Make sure this person does NOT want to go about marriage in the wrong way for they would ONLY go about marriage in the right manner because they fear Allah. NEVER settle for anyone who wants a relationship or "get to know you" before marriage because this is just an invitation to get into another relationship. This is then a sign this person is not right for you. So look for a god fearing partner and go about it in the right manner and know that Allah will bless your pursuit for marriage and he will give you peace and happiness in your married lives.


Conclusion


Hope my advice has helped in some way. Know that Allah took you out of this situation because he loves you and ONLY wants goodness for you. He is wanting you to be closer to him, so will you not take a small step towards Allah that he may take a huge step towards you? So desire to be closer to Allah and try your best to do EVERYTHING to please him. Continue to repent sincerely with remorse and firm resolve NEVER to repeat such an error again. Ask of Allah to help you through this hard and difficult time and for him to heal your heart and fill it with his love and rememrance. Rememebr the more you remember and glorify Allah in your heart the quicker your heart will heal. Always share your deepest inner feelings and thoughts with Allah and know that he knows you better than you know yourself.

Strive to be closer to Allah in establishing all of your fard obligations to him. NEVER miss a prayer for it is the purpose of your life and the first thing we will be questioned on in the hereafter. There is NOTHING better in life than the Salaah. A person who misses just one Salaah is out of the fold of Islam and many scholars even say that person has entered kufr (disbelief). This is because the Salaah is the most important and best of all worship. Therefore we MUST not miss another prayer and we must make firm intention that we will fulfill all of our fard prayers from now on.

We should also pray our nawafil because they will help us in the grave and in the hereafter for we are in need of every single good deed because in the day of judgement we will beg each other for one good deed but none will give us any not evern our our mothers! We should recite much of the Qur'an along with its meanings to understand what Allah is telling us in the Qur'an. Knowledge is the most important of all as it gives us a deeper understanding of our purpose in life and it will also help us get closer to Allah. Therefore from now on learn as much about Islam as possible. You can do this by joining online Islamic courses or local courses at the Masjid or community centre. Or you can get good Islamic books recommended by a knowledgable person. Get a greed for knowlede and try your best to act upon everything you learn and to share it with others as this is what will truly benefit a person who is learning knowledge of Islam.

A sister should try and join a local sisters Islamic circle and involve herrself in Islamic events, activities and to spend some of her time with good, knowledgable and pious sisters. A brother should also join local Islamic groups for brothers either in the lcoal Masjids or community centres. He should involve himself with good, pious and knowledgeable brothers. Remember it is extremely important that we choose carefully who we keep as friends. We must NEVER keep the immoral and those who openly sin as friends. We should not keep as friends those who backchat, slander, gossip and the worse are the two faced people. Such company we is poison for us and such friends will backstab us on the day of judgement.

Most of all serve your parents as much as possible for they ONLY want the best for you and serving ones parents is of the BEST of ALL deeds. NEVER even raise your voice to your parents for they have been given the highest status by Allah, The way we treat our parents is how our parents will treat us. Therefore treat your parents the best and if shaythan tries to create enmity in your heart that seek refuge with Allah for shaythan is your eternal enemy and only wants you to be destroyed. He wants you to waste your time and life over the past and does NOT want you to move on. He wants to prevent you from progressing in life and in your deen. He does not want you to go towards Allah so will you not reject your sworn enemy?

So let now be the start of a whole new chapter in your life where you can progress and move forward gradually. There is no time to waste for there will be occassions where you will find it hard but with Allah you will find peace and contentment but with shaythan all you will find is misery and discontent. Therefore if you want your heart to get healed quick then go towards Allah and strive to please him and make him the happiest. Ask of him to help you through this and in every aspect of your life. Repent to him always and ask of him to heal your heart. If you put your FULL faith, trust, reliance and hopes in Allah then you will find this is enough for you and your heart will heal and be replaced with the love for Allah and his messenger.

So let us grab this opportunity to get closer to Allah because he wants you closer to him. Subhaanallah! He is giving you this opportunity to be closer to him so will you not take it? Will you not take this opportunity? So trust in him and put your FULL reliance in him. Know that he listens to your prayers and is closer to you than your jugular vein.

The past is the past so do NOT let a mistake from your past afect you now and in the future. Strive to be as close to Allah as possible and put ALL of your faith and trust in him. If he is your protector then nothing can ever harm you.

Therefore let us not waste a second more on the past. All that matters is the present so let us spend each and every precious second of our lives in worship, asking and begging of Allah for forgiveness and his mercy. Striving to get closer to him through worship and prayer. Let us pray for our hearts to be softened with his remembrance.

This short life is our ONLY chance to put the fear of Allah into our hearts and to live our lives ONLY to please Allah and invest in the hereafter which is our final destination. How long are we in this world? VERY short while. How long is the hereafter? FOREVER! Therefore we should spend as much of our little time as possible investing into the hereafter by doing everything possible to please Allah and refraining from anything which angers or displeases him.

I pray that Allah heals your heart and makes you of his close servants. I pray he finds you the best partner that will lead you towards success in this life and the next and i pray he helps you through this and every aspect of your life. Please also remember me in your dua's.

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next. Ameen

format_quote Originally Posted by Cookiemilk

Yes, I can say the same thing for that male because usually it is true. The cycle repeats itself, he was hurt so he hurt another. (Perhaps specifically abused) . This girl as well to have hurt another person this way must have had also been hurt, people don't usually turn evil overnight....unless we want to go into the spiritual aspect of being possessed and black magic etc,..

No, it doesn't mean he should go unpunished because if he did the crime he should do the time. However, a rape victim isn't usually going to put herself willing in the hands of her rapist again. So this is different in comparison to someone who had a relationship with another, who broke-up over "the stupidest" of reasons and then for him to take her back. I am sorry, it's a harsh lesson but love blinds and it hurts. Or maybe, that's Haram love, only. To me, if you are thinking clearly and someone indicates that they are no longer interested, you drop them and move on. The person made their decision.

But, he still pursued her afterwards, and maybe she was trying to get him to hate her. She could have fallen out of love (maybe even her family was against it, like sometimes this happens). Re-read his words;

"I apologised eveñ after she did wrong"
"She started to push me to break up with me"
"Dumped me for a stupid reason"
"Having fun with boys, she calls them friends"....he's still pursuing her....
"She lies and said she cheated etc"

Truly I am sorry that this has happened to him but most times another person goes out of their way for you it usually wins your heart over or in this case looks like it annoyed her as the affection was not returned from the beginning. He asked her to be his wife and he made himself and his heart committed towards this girl who didn't want him. Should we throw her in prison? Did she do a crime? It's her choice to accept someone or reject him. The signs were there that she rejected him but he kept pursuing her "being in love". It's not equivalent to rape or murder. Just bad decision of mind blinded by heart. Why must I advise him to curse her, when she never wanted him? It was one-sided love.

I hope he finds healing soon.

Oh, no. Don't get me wrong. I put 100% blame on RedaKhalkhoudi. Not 99%. But 100%. He missed all the red signs, he did wrong by talking to strange women online, he let himself be stepped by her, AND HE APOLOGIZED TO HER EVEN AFTER IF SHE DID WRONG (no women respect weak men)....this guy need backbone and he need to grow up. I am unsure if his father is alive, lives with him (and raised by his dad) or he comes from living under a divorced mom (single mother) with no interaction with his father. But all signs lead that this man lacks proper male role model all together. Nothing here shows he have any ounce of real masculine attribute what so ever. If his father is alive and his father showed him to be a man (not just how to shave) and taught him about relationships and how to do proper relationship and showed him male role model by words and actions to back them up and he went through Islamic school and came from a pious family following the qura'an and sunnah and he still did what he did and acted this weak...then I put one trillion percent blame on him and I have no sympathy for him. But....if he comes from a broken family home, no father around (dead or not showing interest in raising him), being raised by a mother and only women in the house...then I put 100% blame on him and I sympathize with him because he did not have a proper male role model where boys need it more than ever. Especially in this decade..boys need fathers like we need oxygen. However, I put 100% blame still on the brother.[/QUOTE]

format_quote Originally Posted by Cookiemilk

I understand where you are coming from and the intention was not to point fingers. My aim was attempting to stop the situation from worsening....it makes no sense for hatred and enmity between believers, whereupon interaction was free-mixing and unguided. Similarly, she could have refused to be in contact and misleading, so it would not have lead to love for one party only, developing over years. Again, when something like this occurs and it's not mutual, you walk away respectfully. A learning curve if you will, henceforth both parties, have learnt their individual lessons now....and will pursue finding true happiness through rightful means.

Yes, boys always need their fathers. When this doesn't happen as you have indicated, then could be the missing guidelines with proper interaction and behaviour towards the opposite gender when seeking a relationship. We need to bring to mind that prophet Muhammad pbuh, had neither parents with him. However, his uncles were there for him., his grandfather. So, maybe in this example we find some direction that a male who needs a father figure can turn to his relatives or another male member/s of the community for that support.

In fact, don't just stop there, whenever there are Islamic lectures and gatherings, there is that opportunity to bond with the shuykooh who are both visiting and local. Schedule holidays to be in the company of renown male Islamic teachers who you can befriend, tell them your pain and ask for guidance, or just converse with topics that interests you. Do this as much as you feel the need, because that's what they are there for to assist the ummah in righteousness.

This religion is righteous company, so we have to make ourselves known to the righteous. Asking for their time after the class is completed, asking to meet up with them. Whenever you need to vacation go to countries with blessed scholars, go if another country find the scholars there. Islam is a worldwide religion.

Read upon the Seerah, listen to lectures about the prophet. He's not only our role model but I like to think of him as our spiritual father, in terms of who I desire my character to be like. Find friends who can fit this character description (as best as possible) and stay close with them.

Parents aren't perfect, they make mistakes, their parents make mistakes, ....etc, etc....that's a cycle you'd want to stop by making your heart attentive to the one whom Allah bestowed the blessings of calling "His beloved" and trying to find your peace there. (knowing that sometimes you'll fall but also knowing that if you are sincere and repentent then you are able to regain faith)

Sahl ibn 'Abd-Allah al-Tusari "There is no helper but God, no guide but the Messenger of God, no provision but Taqwa, and no work but to have fortitude in these things".

I also heard this point made somewhere (paraphrasing) brothers and sisters are looking for spouses and a relationship like prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and Khadijah (r.a) but are we working walking in the noble legacy of their footsteps? An orphan and a widow bonded together, each without falling disgracefully into sins. It's a beautiful story on how they got married.

I think it is about time we make a reset for the male gender, especially. So many sisters complaining they are not finding good men. It is about time we reset this. It starts from one family and hopefully multiply to hundreds of family and hopefully from within the family change society from the inside out. I want to put more emphasis in fixing the boys out there now more than ever. We need to target a family which have sons and have a somewhat (I am going to be content with somewhat) harmony relationship between the husband and wife. From this I want the man to follow 100% the foot step of the prophet peace be upon, he is our ultimate and always be the ultimate role model. No spiderman. Not batman. Not some hippup musician or Elvis Prisley or Michael Jackson, or Fairooze, or Madonna, or or or. No. His hero and footstep is Prophet (peace be upon him). From the way he dress, to the way he groom himself, to the way the prophet peace be upon interact with the brothers around him, to the way he interact with this womenfolk, to the way the prophet treat his children or other people's children, to the way he clean himself and how he never misses a single prayer, etc. Mimic 100% that. Then the son(s) will look at this father as an exemplary role model and hopefully mimic that. I am not saying 100% that works...but I am hoping 80% of the time works..better than seeing children playing alone in the street instead of seeing their dads playing with them. I see mothers playing with their sons, running around and laughing. What??!! WHERE ARE THE FATHERS?? That should be HIS ROLE!!?

THAT SISTER is why men like him in this stage. I don't care how much mothers think they can replace dads, and be the super mom...SONS still need that father touch THAT NO MOTHER on Earth can replace ever. Sorry. But we men are not replaceable by women or anyone else. WE MEN are lacking in our role as parents. IT IS TIME we stand up, be men, have Prophet peace be upon him be our role model only and bring that into our new generation. Story like the OP will be less if we do this. LESS women complaining not enough educated men, or strong men, or good men. Less depression, anti-social behavior in children. Less crime, etc.

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format_quote Originally Posted by ChosenTCO

No offence brother, i understand that you want to put emphasis on fixing boys out there, but why does everything keep coming back to the "war on boys" problem in your view? Not everything revolves around this issue and we shouldnt make that our main problem. The issue of the brother here is layed out as an individual one, so lets keep it like that.

Blaming the victim like that and not sympathizing with him will reap you nothing more than a cold stone hearted person in the future who will show no mercy towards others just as u are showing no mercy to him. I dont know if you have considered that fact that maybe that was his first time falling in love and he didnt know how to handle it? or maybe that he wasnt taught about dealing with situations like this? or maybe that the girl was so used to deceiving boys she was sooo good that he didnt realize? I feel like there are a lot of things that you haven't considered and just making unfair judgement upon the poor boy.

Have you never loved some one so much before? Have you never experienced the pain of losing someone you loved? Especially when you lose them to betrayal?! Do you have any idea the pain it causes?! Its natural for the dude to want to curse her or want to see her be punished (and i personally think she should).However, It shouldn't be the natural default for a human being to be weary of every single person they meet. It shouldn't be our default to distrust people and think the worst of the like that. Its natural for the boy to assume that she is a normal person like anybody else who does feel love and does have empathy. Its her fault for deceiving the boy like that and manipulating him and abusing him emotionally. Its her fault for hurting him and scarring him like that. And to go and make judgement about how the boy should have seen all this coming before actually knowing what actually happened is a bad move in my opinion.

What we should be doing is easing his pain and asking him to bare patience as no pain that we experience will go unnoticed by Allah AWJ.

And to answer brother @RedaKhalkhoudi 's questions ...

Every injustices that happened between Allah's creations and each other will be settled on the day of judgement. It is said that even the injustice between animals will be settled and done.
And it is also said that those who forgive one another will be elevated in status in the eyes of Allah on the day of judgement. (those who forgive others on the day of judgement)
Allah Praises those who control their anger and negative emotions and those who forgive (Quran 3:134) "Who spend [in the cause of Allah ] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people - and Allah loves the doers of good;"

I ask Allah to forgive you and replace your sufferings with a halal relationship that is full of blessings with a future pious spouse. Ameen

PS ... You should stop cursing those who do bad to you so that they dont take from your good deeds on the day of judgement. Instead ask Allah to grant you more patience and to elevate you in status on the day of judgement.

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No offence brother, i understand that you want to put emphasis on fixing boys out there, but why does everything keep coming back to the "war on boys" problem in your view? Not everything revolves around this issue and we shouldnt make that our main problem. The issue of the brother here is layed out as an individual one, so lets keep it like that.

Blaming the victim like that and not sympathizing with him will reap you nothing more than a cold stone hearted person in the future who will show no mercy towards others just as u are showing no mercy to him. I dont know if you have considered that fact that maybe that was his first time falling in love and he didnt know how to handle it? or maybe that he wasnt taught about dealing with situations like this? or maybe that the girl was so used to deceiving boys she was sooo good that he didnt realize? I feel like there are a lot of things that you haven't considered and just making unfair judgement upon the poor boy.

Have you never loved some one so much before? Have you never experienced the pain of losing someone you loved? Especially when you lose them to betrayal?! Do you have any idea the pain it causes?! Its natural for the dude to want to curse her or want to see her be punished (and i personally think she should).However, It shouldn't be the natural default for a human being to be weary of every single person they meet. It shouldn't be our default to distrust people and think the worst of the like that. Its natural for the boy to assume that she is a normal person like anybody else who does feel love and does have empathy. Its her fault for deceiving the boy like that and manipulating him and abusing him emotionally. Its her fault for hurting him and scarring him like that. And to go and make judgement about how the boy should have seen all this coming before actually knowing what actually happened is a bad move in my opinion.

What we should be doing is easing his pain and asking him to bare patience as no pain that we experience will go unnoticed by Allah AWJ.

And to answer brother @RedaKhalkhoudi 's questions ...

Every injustices that happened between Allah's creations and each other will be settled on the day of judgement. It is said that even the injustice between animals will be settled and done.
And it is also said that those who forgive one another will be elevated in status in the eyes of Allah on the day of judgement. (those who forgive others on the day of judgement)
Allah Praises those who control their anger and negative emotions and those who forgive (Quran 3:134) "Who spend [in the cause of Allah ] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people - and Allah loves the doers of good;"

I ask Allah to forgive you and replace your sufferings with a halal relationship that is full of blessings with a future pious spouse. Ameen

PS ... You should stop cursing those who do bad to you so that they dont take from your good deeds on the day of judgement. Instead ask Allah to grant you more patience and to elevate you in status on the day of judgement.

Nope. Sorry, sister. But he started wrong and he got the seep of his action by him actually doing fitnah and talking to strange women online. If we actually implemented the true Islamic law in action, my harsh words would be his least worries. In fact...if we where to implement the Islamic 100% to the dot, the backbiting will be crime and people will be either executed or go to prison for just backbiting. Remember, backbiting is worse than eating the flesh of your brother. Being sympathetic all the time is not way of solving problems period. I am sympathetic if he comes from an abusive family or his family died or he wrongfully imprisoned and tortured...or he sacrificed his entire life for his family and they all stabbed him...yes.

But for him to go online (dating website might as well) and chatting with non-mahrim women...there and then any sympathy I have have left the window. Then he missed all the red signs and in addition he thinks he knows how to play the relationship game!! Nope. Sorry. He should do istigfar, repent and learn from his lesson and never do this again.

By the way, when you asked all these maybe questions aren't they all ever reasons to indicate what I said is true? He is not mature emotionally. He is not mature for relationship. He was never taught how to actually find the right partner and what is his role as men and what to expect. It is ever more reason why he should not have went to dating online from the first place! He should have done it the proper Islamic way to begin with. And all you maybe questions you asked there? Ever more reason why boys are in crisis and need to be raised by their fathers at certain age and not their mothers. Age seven the father should have 100% custody of his sons (as long as he is a good man, saleh and can bring benefit to the child) instead of visiting the child ones a year to say hi and then bye. Otherwise I will laugh when I hear women complain where are the good men. I will not feel sorry for them, but clap my hands and laugh my butt out.

Brother...stop going to dating site. Stop chatting with women online. Stop having dating relationship. My suggestion is take a break from relationship for one full year. Yes...one full year. Clear your mind, clear your heart. Who knows perhaps you will be thinking of improving yourself even more financially, educational wise or even run your own business? Focus on yourself for now. Improve yourself. Focus on saving your money and investing and making sure you are secure in old age. Go out there and do things for cause of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) by helping poor family in Middle East, sponsor a child, help abused animals, build for yourself. When you are ready for relationship after a year, do it right this time. Bring your family and have them to help you. Bring sheikh, or people in the mosque to help you. DO it halala way and learn the difference between hayawa,saleh women in how they act vs how majority act. But before you do find the saleh woman...make sure you are saleh too and fix yourself and your heart.

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