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    My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightmare, (OP)


    Assalam Walaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakathu

    I am at a very difficult stage in my marriage and it is constantly eating me up inside, I have been married for for about 16 months and from day one my marriage seems to have been going more downhill than up-hill. Please be gentle in your criticisms (if any) as I know for sure we have 'with the fullest regret' sinned.

    I came to a point in my life where I was aged about 33, I had been searching for a wife for around 3 years and still no joy. I came to a point where I was just depressed with my single life and the lack of progress. I do my hajj with my mum and sister and I come back and I meet someone off a matrimonial site (March 2014). We talk, we're getting along and I'm serious about marriage, so is she 'she claims' so I quickly try and get our families to meet, because I didn’t want a pre marriage relationship.

    So i take my family down from Leicester and we go down to London and meet her face to face (May 2014). I liked her and my family liked her. So we left that day thinking yeah, we're happy. We start to enquire about the family from locals and our relatives. No one can vouch for the family, we search high and low. Eventually a close relative, my uncle basically gave some negative feedback on this girl and my uncles son mention that the family isn’t right. few weeks have gone by now since the first family meet and my family are asking her family but her family aren’t giving any answers except... its too far for them. We took the hint, so by now I’m asking the girl 'what’s happening, do you want to proceed or not?", girl responds yes she does want to proceed, her parents are still deciding.

    In various nagging conversations I kept asking her, what’s wrong, why aren’t they moving things forward, is something wrong, I’m getting paranoid that somethings not right, maybe my uncle and his son are right so I confront her on the phone and ask her straight out, she denies that anything is wrong and says my uncles family are jealous that’s why they do not want this wedding to go ahead because they approached this family for the same girl and they got turned down on two occasions for each brother.

    So we continue to liaise over the phone to a point where we now have feelings for each other. On the telephone we form this long distance relationship with no physical contact whatsoever for one year. In the interim between the first family visit and February 2015 my family called numerous times only to be to be told they haven't decided yet, blimey its pushing on to nearly one year, it’s our fault entirely we should have taken a hint from her parents, but the girl had a stronghold on me and convinced me she was the one for me.

    By this time, our bond is strong, there is a significant amount of trust and there is a lot of affection, bottom line I was blinded by love (I’ve so let myself down as I’ve seen fellow childhood friends go through blind love numerous times and its effects, yet here I am falling for the same trap!). My feelings for this girl are so strong we eventually meet in Feb 2015 and would meet on a irregular random basis.

    Bear in mind me, my family and the girl are praying and praying and praying for this wedding to go ahead so we can end this struggle

    Anyway I’m thinking 'I like the girl, I trust her so I’ll wait for her, so waiting waiting, one delay after another, her parents go abroad on 3 occasions in 2015 (India, Saudi, Bangladesh) and my family call them in between (when they come back to England) and we just never got a straight answer, the marriage proposal is just continuously delayed and delayed, yet me and this prospective bride are yearning to get married but it isn’t happening. Finally in May 2016, things start moving, we visit and in turn the family come to visit my family home in Leicester.

    So then my family say we would like the wedding ASAP, like September, but her family still isn’t having it, they just wanted to delay and delay, I’ll skip the gory nitty gritty frustrating details and the turmoil my family (maybe there’s as well) faced in organising the wedding, at one point they were like 'can it be April 2017?' we responded It's got to be December the latest, after they kept pushing the date forward one more than two occasions , a) September, then it was b) first week of October then c) end of October, d) then sometime in November eventually leaving us with a date in December 2016. So I'm thinking to myself getting married at 35, Alhamdulillah, and she's 33,

    We agreed on things like after marriage if she wants to work she can work here in Leicester and to start off with she can visit family like once a month due to distance and eventually tone it down.

    So we get married, and consummate after making dua'z, On Day one i check my wife’s phone (on the off chance) and I find 3 months worth of texts and video call recordings with her and some guy, she communicated with him up until her mendhi day as in had an affair with the guy. This is like nightmare for me, I’m in tears , heart broken to pieces, i confront her and she's begging me holding my feet asking for forgiveness, i ask is the child mine? she says yes, "get a morning after pill if you don’t believe me". I thought to myself we fought hard and waited a long time, I’ll look forward only so I forgave her thinking "she isn’t going to go back to that workplace again, so I got nothing to worry about" ... boy was I wrong...

    Month 1, my wife starts crying, she; s missing her parents, that upcoming weekend I take her to my in laws, she says she wants to stay one week, I’m like ok, she extends it to two, I’m not happy but I say ok, my family tell me I should be kind. come week, she's asking for an extra week, I rejected thinking she's taking the mick. these situations bring sourness to a relationship when you have to say 'no' to your wife.

    So she comes back to Leicester and she takes the test, Alhamdulillah within 1 month of consummation we have good news, my wife is pregnant..

    her parents set off to go abroad mid Jan for a three month trip

    meanwhile we plan a trip for Ummrah for end of Jan, me, wife, and my two other family members, knowing my wife is pregnant my wife says she is willing to go. After I place the booking, got the visas, five days before our flight my wife says its too much for her, she cant travel and quickly flees home desperately (picked up by her brother) saying she's only going for two nights even though both her parents aren’t in the country. She's ill, how can i stop her. So I let her go. She ends up in hospital for one night and while our flights are literally days away we continue with our ummrah trip, even my wife says 'go, you shouldn’t miss out'. Selfish of me I'm thinking if my wife really wanted to go she could have, loads of pregnant women fly / travel, anyway i gave the benefit of the doubt whilst i wasn’t still happy about the situation thinking this girl did not want to go with me. I start to become paranoid about my wife. So to summarise that, my wife is at her parents house away from me for 3 weeks... yet again. Paranoia kicks in... inevitably.

    Anyway we come back from Ummrah and she comes back to Leicester and lives with me until the end of March. her parents come back from abroad and guess what, we are back at her parents again (with all kindness and good intentions off course) and she stays for one or two weeks. She also takes the wedding gold from the marital home and puts it in her dads safe. (im thinking no big deal, she’ll bring it back, d like her to wear it again) She comes back to Leicester and she breaks it to me that she's going back to work in London at her old place, we argue, argue and argue and I mention her affair and so on. I consult my family, what should I do, my family respond, let her go back to her parents house and work, otherwise she'll be miserable at home. I cut a deal with her, saying you want to work in London? I expect you back every weekend, can you do that?.... she replies yes yes off course yes off course a thousand times.... me being the gullible one thinking a pregnant lady going to put herself through that when she couldn’t even go abroad with me????, she isn’t going to come back every weekend.... I’m thinking she's taking me for a ride... guess what she did in the end, she came home once a month. When asked "when are you coming?", "why aren't you coming?" all I got in return was attitude and the 'lamest school homework type' excuses. we continue to argue, eventually i gave up on that, I’d had enough.

    FYI she isn’t that bright or matured unfortunately, she is easily influenced. Half of the stuff she is doing is coming from other members in her family, and she; s determined to see it through.

    Ramadan is here.... in a ideal family husband and wife spend the whole ramadan together without miss, i only got two or three days with her at most out of thirty, another heartbreak, she did come for Eid though.

    At some point later I'm thinking .... is my child going to even be born in my home town, i was born in Leicester I’d like my child born here please..... if all is well.

    at this stage none of the medical records had transferred to Leicester yet, everything is still in London. So I have this discussion with my wife... based on the past few months doesn’t seem like your settling in here... your address and everything is still at your parents...? what’s the plan? still denying there isn’t a plan, she says she will join our surgeries after she finishes her 4 month stint at work and claims the maternity pay, so i get a definitive date from her and she says 2nd week of August and guarantees our baby will be born in Leicester (she even says her parents swear by it too), she even places her hand on our holy book and swears on her life etc etc.

    Off course out of suspicion and curiosity I go through her things, I find a thaweez in her purse, I photograph, I didn’t confront her or on it because then she’l wonder why I went through her things, fact is I didn’t trust her then, wont trust her ever,

    August comes and there’s still no sign of her registering here in Leicester, after continuous arguments it came to surface that she was indeed having the baby in London, my family didn’t have a problem with it, however it made it difficult for me as Id always hoped everything wold be at home, you know.... local to me in Leicester.

    I was just angry I feel like I’ve been lied to constantly. She's always wanting things her way, arguing with me, pushing me to the limits

    We have our baby in September, Alhamdulillah its a healthy baby girl, I coped ok in another town (but its selfish of me to think about me after all it wasn’t me giving birth), would have preferred bringing my baby daughter home to Leicester first thing but its not in my fate, after staying in hospital for 5 days (due to 2nd degree tear and blood loss) and after me being told by my wife that 'our child is not legally mine' (after which she apologised for saying) we ended up in our in laws, stayed the night, at which point my mother in law picks an argument with me, persisting our baby has her birth certificate registered to the London address so my wife can claim x y z benefits and tax relief etc and I’m arguing for my daughters birth right that it should have her home address on, but my wife and my mother in law weren’t having it. We have a full on head to head heated argument and I’m highlighting the past 10 months of lies which caused me distress), mid way through I realise I shouldn’t be arguing with elders so I took all my mother in laws #r#p in from of the rest of the family. Inna Lilla Hi wa inna ilayhi rajioon, what has the world come to. The room darkened for me very much and I couldn’t wait to leave this awkward scene and this house.

    the following morning I was able to bring her back to Leicester. The first thing we do is transfer mother and baby's medical records to Leicester and continue to attend the check ups and appointments and immunisations here in Leicester, convenient for me so I could take them to the doctors and hospitals.

    Meanwhile, my mother in law names the baby, and I’m like 'don’t I get a say', my wife says yeah you pick the name and let your mum pick a house name'. She also wants to contribute to the name. So we have three names and a nickname. Again I consult my family about the birth certificate thing, and my family tell me 'its only a paper', so I allow my wife to use her parents address.

    I name first name, I take the name my mother in law gave (out of respect) and place it as a surname, the middle name which my wife gave, out of anger i exclude it because my wife has got a lot of stuff her way and caused a lot of arguments, anyhow she will benefit from whatever claims she makes so why should she upset, she'll be getting her money???? My mother gives the home nickname and we start calling her that at home, turns out when our daughter goes back to my in laws, they all call my daughter the name my mother in law gave, are they making a statement? I don’t know.

    Anyway due to resentment and bitterness and the hate I have for my wife, our relationship is literally zero contact, we are only here for our daughter, we can’t seem to agree on things and I feel like my wife just wants to do what she wants regardless of committing to our marriage, Several times I have said would we be better off if we separated, things isn’t working out, you isn’t settling in, I don’t know what’s round the corner, her responses seem to consist of 'not bothered', 'do whatever you like' attitude. She's constantly looking for faults and I’m too busy highlighting the instances where she has hurt me through lies, betrayal, dishonesty and her argumentative approach to me.

    We have some intimacy, speechless intimacy, we hardly talk, its as if we are already divorced. We had an immunisation appointment in Leicester, I’ve booked a day off from work all ready and prepped, my wife goes back to her parents, I say stay one week and come back for our daughters immunisations as I’ve made arrangements, my wife insists on staying for two, the day after I drop them off i receive a text saying "I’ve booked her a appt for her here in London so cancel the other one and book another one 4 weeks from that date for next set of injection" Verbatim...... I feel she's undermined me

    I know the mother has more rights on the child than the father, but come on be fair and behave maturely and act in the best interest of your marriage, not yourself.

    I feel there’s no respect, no commitment to the marriage, getting her to live with me seems to be a big big challenge and I feel I don’t have a say about our child.

    My family treat her like a princess and believe it or not whenever my wife’s at home, its as if she's a temporary guest, she’s been married a year she asks me where stuff is in the kitchen. She doesn’t look after my house, doesn’t clean the room, just helps with cooking and some kitchen cleaning, she has said to me and I quote "once you are gone (as in passed away), I have no rights to the house, so will leave everyone and leave Leicester and flee back home with my child"... I'm immediately thinking "do i want to die whilst being married to her, NO!!"

    Some of the stuff she says or does to tick me off comes across as provocation, its as if she's trying to annoy me so much that I’ll submit to a divorce so she can continue with her life guilt free

    I have suggested to her for us to jointly do charity work, get more involved in selfless acts so that it may soften our hearts, lets go Islamic marriage courses, she isn’t a single bit bothered..,..

    Life is very difficult, marriage is very difficult. Life was supposed to get better, happier, instead its a constant everyday battle with my heart, my emotions and my resentment. I can't erase it, its traumatic. What’s the point erasing it, something new will pop up, something always has in the past one year. I feel like ending the whole thing, but I remember my daughter, (I’m not ready to pay child support and have limited access just yet), I pray everyday, ask my wife to pray everyday, ask her to think about our child, our marriage, but I’m not enough for her, its as if she's longing for something else or she just wants to make life difficult. She does not value our marriage.

    now criticise me if you will. After marriage I did make some payments to my wife as a husband does, but it wasn’t regular, however shelter, food etc- was never a problem, Alhamdulillah we have two houses and I’m always at home and make sure we are fully stocked up, yet its not enough for my wife. I take her to London and I pick her up, I refuse for anyone else to do that chore, yet I feel greatly unappreciated. When I asked my wife why isn’t this enough, she responded, modern age, women expect more than basic necessities, so this coincides with my mother in law, "if you aren’t going to pay my daughter £250 a week, then let her claim all the benefits, she needs to spend and be independent".

    I fear there are bad events round the corner, I continuously pray my salaah, make dua for myself, my daughter, my wife, my family, her family and muslim immah, pray isthikhara, I worry about my daughter, not so much my wife because I know she will continue to do whatever makes her happy

    I've been talking about this to a select few, and the feedback I get is "the longer I leave it, the worse it will get", or set her straight, send her back and tell her to come back when its ready.... the fact is they don’t need us, my wife does not need me, she'll happily go back to London back to her parents and her two unmarried brothers.... together they will support her.

    Next thing you know its January 2018 first week, my mother in law (without asking me) although she asked my mother arranges for my wife and child to be picked up without my approval. Im thinking I cant take this anymore, I ask my family for advice, they advised me and my wife sit with the imam who performed the nikkah ceremony on the wedding day, I suggested to my wife and she agrees to sit down. so after I week I go to pick her up and we both and baby go and visit the imam. I explain the history to the imam, she also complains to him saying she doesn’t like the water in Leicester, she has a man come into her dreams and tells her things, she feels a burning sensation over her body when I touch her etc etc… the imam, gives us advice on how to deal with problems when they occur outside the marriage, I.e we shouldn’t confront etc or accuse anyone etc. Then the imam asked us if we wanted to continue with the marriage, I said yes only if she keeps to certain conditions, i.e. don’t say bad things about me to her family, I want her 100% co-operation and commitment to the marriage and that we both abide by sharia law. She agrees, vice versa I agree too. I also state no one is taking my wife and child without my permission anymore. If they do its over. Within three weeks she accuses my mother of black magic, my wife tells my mother to go and touch the Kaaba sharif in Makkah and do some kind of kosom (who imposes such requests at the age of 34?, who does that regardless of age?) to prove she hasn’t done it, my wife accuses my mum of taking her London house keys when all along she had it in her handbag, I only found it in her handbag because her accusation against my mother drove me crazy. Her family have been told by pirs or magicians or mullahs etc that someone from my side of the family has done black magic, she confronts my mum on this as well saying we are into thaweez etc and degrades my family. My mother didn’t say anything to me about the accusations as this would cause problems….. until one week before she decides to go abroad to visit her family as her brother is terminally ill, she wanted to focus on her brother and seeing her mum. I then remember the thaweez that has been sitting in her personal belongings all this time, and im thinking if she is so against thaweez, why the hell does she have one?

    Its now March 2018, somehow we’ve peddled on whilst there have been some arguments here and there, her parents come back from ummrah, she tells her brother to tell me he’s coming to pick her and my child up, im furious as im not going to take orders like that so i confront my wife, I tell my wife I’l take you on my next day off in two days time, wife says what you going to do if I go now, I said if you go, don’t come back. Big hoo haa argument and wife gets her mum involved and is ready to leave, im crying I get my family involved as it could be the end, later we worked things out, the following day my mother in law is insistent on having my wife picked up, and sends my brother in law. I say to my wife, if you leave today then it has ended, wait 2 days as agreed or else we will need to sit down and end this. My brother in law arrives and questions me why cant his sister come home, I said I haven’t given the permission for her to leave, shes coming in two days time on my day off, he replies make sure you ask my dad for permission before you take her back, I replied, no, that is between me and my wife, he storms out saying is “is she a slave in this house”. I replied off course she isn’t. I re-iterated to her she is not a slave for me or my family and she is welcome to leave anytime she wants (told her to explain to her family as well that she is not being kept in this marriage against her will), she doesn’t even have to do anything for me (forget doing anything for my family), that stuff only comes from the heart if it exists. Although her brother came to pick her up, my wife remained.

    Now we have an issue with the wedding gold, ive asked our imam, and he said the wedding gold should be in the marital home, I kindly request to my wife to bring the wedding gold back home, she then replies she wants to sell it and accuses me that I might sell it and keep the money. I wouldn’t sell it without my wifes permission I have no right. Despite being in debt after the wedding, I would not even ask my wife to sell the wedding gold. So although I cant value or claim rights to her wealth (apparently according to her boasting and broadcasting to my family she has over 100 grams of gold and 0.75 million pounds (shes even said she can buy my house 3 times over, ive got a substantial mortgage btw)) she is still adamant in keeping the wedding gold and / or selling it, but she wont do anything with any wealth prior to the marriage? Does that say something about my wife???? Im going to try and get her to sit with the imam again as we have lots to discuss about how the contract was breached etc, she refuses to sit with him, she wants someone else, seems like if it doesn’t work her way it shouldn’t work at all. I have a wife who seems to implement double standards in her life, traditional when it suits her and her family, modern when it suits her and her family?- What do I do?

    I worry about my daughter so much... I don’t want her growing up in that family, they come across as dysfunctional to me... but my daughters rizq and fate has already been written, all I can do is try my best but I cant let go of my wifes conduct, behviour, decisions against me and her character, I hate it! I cant live with someone like that for the rest of my life.

    There is nothing I can do, its all in Allah's hands, Allah knows best, I pray Allah swt makes it easy for me and my family and for my daughter..... I so regret getting married to this girl, I don’t know what to do.

    May 2018: One week after I took her to see a raqi and her being diagnosed with evil eye. She has decided to leave my residence today after an argument we had. I tried to keep my answers to her short and brief. Tried to maintain the peace while we were both fasting in the month of ramadan. She still continued to debate and argue. I out of provoked anger as she started disrespecting my family members told her if she wants to go before eid 'to pack up and go and await a sit down with elders and imaam shortly after Eid' so in a split second she arranged her travel and took the baby. Allahu Aaalaam she has made her decision. Please remember us in your duas. Jzk.

  2. #241
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

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    Quote Originally Posted by Imraan View Post
    Was arrested again this week, this time spending 13 hours at the police station, circumstances same as July, was released immediately after Interview due to no evidence.

    Please brothers and sisters, keep praying.

    This falsehood will not last forever, insh Sha Allah there will be recompense in this dunya... And all truth will be revealed.

    Help me stay strong, remember me and my family in your duas.

    @xboxisdead I appreciate your concerns and advice, I have firm belief myself was supposed to go through this journey by the will and qadr of Allah. It wasn't just my free will alone that led me to these circumstances although I should have tied the camel.

    I say to myself. Look how much I have suffered.... Why give up now....

    There is still a little girl there that doesn't even know what's going on, she turned 3 in September.

    Yes I cry, I'm depressed, suffering from anxiety...

    It is all from Allah swt....

    Its not easy letting go of a family member.

    Yes I should move on, in sha Allah I already have plans to and I'm open to suggestions by my family. I am aware time is short and I will put in more effort.

    Dealing with these people in London... Maybe it was in my fate to deal with these evil people, no one wants to deal with evil people but if you find yourself dealing with them, it can't be entirely by your free will and your decisions can it?

    Allah swt guides whom he wills, these people in London have had enough chances to stop what they're doing, yet they still behave this way. Nothing lasts.....

    And she will be 4 and 5 and 6 and so on.....your presence to her now will be more harmful to her than helpful to her. She will build her life around the family she is living with and she will be happy without you and she will not even think about you and through the environment and her mother she will hate you, resent you, etc and and and and....You coming in now will add more fire to the drama wood. Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) have tested you and he have given you something better than her, way better, it is just not something you can see in this world as physical material. Don't trade it for Dunaya. You have done everything in your heart to reach her but there is a force that is indestructable...preventing you from seeing her. This is of no fault of your own and therefore will not be punished for it. The best way...to really help your daughter is to move on, let the media, let society, let her family and her win. Let them enforce the stereo type that we don't need fathers and fathers are bad because see, he couldn't do the impossible to access his children because the mother and her family is doing haraam thing by preventing you to see the children. I will happy take the title deadbeat dad and attack in fatherhood. Because to me, I am not being a father to please society. Or take a pat on my head. Or to get appraisal...that is usually women and mothers. They love to be the victims and love to take appraisal for been mothers and love to be glorified and in many cases, so many of them love to be worshipped. You....you are better than that....clean the dust from your chest...rub the mud from your face...standup....do what you need to be done in Islamic shari'ah law and move on. You know......it could be that this girl, that this baby girl....is going to be a monster to you, she might end up destroying you in this world before the afterlife....you don't know that....maybe Allah (Subahanu Wa Talaa) is protecting you from her, how do you know? Maybe if there was no divorce and you still married to this family, as the girl grows older will conspire with her mother against you...you will be the "Yes, dear. Year, honey. As you wish honey. Ask your mother." man...the weak...submissive man with no backbone. She may end up a feminist. Man hating. Gay? She may disagree with Hijjab, object with the command of Allah...constantly question why is there gender difference.....she may even go as far as say that Allah hates women (Authobillah).....how do you know that she may not be all of this? For all you know, that Allah wants to put all the responsibility on the mother and blame on her and give you reason to get high reward in the afterlife for the hardship you are going through and pain you are going through......when you die brother and you see paradise and hellfire in front of you, at that time...you will take your baby girl and throw her by your own in the pit of hellfire if it means you entering paradise.

    Better yet, you will take your own mother...who birthed you...breastfed you...and drag her by her own hair as she screams and sacrifice her and throw her in hellfire if it means saving YOUR OWN SKIN....You cannot deny that...because if you don't...she will happily do it herself to you (your own mother). Be thankful you are in this situation...Allah is selling the dunaya in your behalf (something you have hard time doing yourself) for akhira...ever thought that is a possibility? Look at your calamity in taqwaa and yaqeen and be happy with whatever happens to you, because everything from Allah (if you have imaan) is good and for your benefit. Would you rather instead of separating your daughter and you, that Allah takes your health and you live in every second wishing when it is end as form of test and trail? You may not be able to pass the test of your health been taking away from you. Allah knows which test you can handle and which you cannot.
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    I pray for you and for your family and your little girl. I pray that justice will prevail and the courts will finally see to it that your girl has both her mother and her father. I can imagine how deep in sorrow, anger and rage at the unfairness and helplessness you must be. No one deserves this. Least of all this little girl.

    I pray your daughters mother will be healed from this and the cycle of pain will finally end for all of you. Sihr, ain.... it's way too real.

    May Allah bless you and bring justice to you allf2a86abdf88408260b0dc53362900375.jpg
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Assalam o alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu brother Imran.

    May Allah help you and grant you justice and strength, how are you?

    how's everything?
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by taha_ View Post
    Assalam o alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu brother Imran.

    May Allah help you and grant you justice and strength, how are you?

    how's everything?
    I suggest we leave brother Imraan alone for a while. We keep asking for the next drama news as if brother Imraan's story is some nice sitcom show we would like to see what happens in the next episode. He will update us when he feels ready to update us. Best we can do for him is to pray to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) that he makes it easy for brother Imraan; instead, what's next? What's next?
    | Likes Studentofdeed, Scimitar, Imraan liked this post
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  8. #245
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by taha_ View Post
    Assalam o alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu brother Imran.

    May Allah help you and grant you justice and strength, how are you?

    how's everything?
    Walaikum Salaam Brother Taha

    Jazak Allah for remembering me.

    I'm doing OK Alhamdulillah, apart from waiting to be taken to a police station along with not being able to see my child.

    Strength to tolerate all this going on.. 'grows', its not nice but its becoming slowly normal, however the paranoia and disappointment is always there and the anticipation of 'what awaits us the following day' or even the next moment lingers in the back of my mind.

    Strength grows... Tolerance grows.... sadness in my eyes remain, the remembrance of all this brings tears. I can tell people about my problems, but I just can't look them in the eye or expose my eyes, there's too much trauma in there.

    Still pray everyday for Justice and closure,
    prayer is my most valuable weapon,
    I am 'hanging' in there although getting justice in this dunya seems bleak now.
    Losing the willpower to fight, have lost a lot of ground over the past 14 months, i may just have to accept the harsh reality and move on...... no more little girl...

    Allah swt knows our pain
    Please continue to pray for me and my family, all the deprived and the disadvantaged

    We are all where Allah swt wants us to be.

    i just can't let go of my little girl, just can't.
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  9. #246
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    I ask Allah, the Most Merciful, the Most Able, the Most Powerful, to grant you your little girl and remove all your problems as if they had never existed.
    | Likes Imraan liked this post
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  10. #247
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by bint e aisha View Post
    I ask Allah, the Most Merciful, the Most Able, the Most Powerful, to grant you your little girl and remove all your problems as if they had never existed.
    Ameen
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  11. #248
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    I agree. Lets just leave this otherwise the brother can't move on and the wounds are being opened over and over again. Alhamdullah its good we all care about the brother and May Allah bless him but its time we actually respect and realise this can be more damage then good. Lets for now just make dua for him and leave this topic to rest.
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  12. #249
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Given the choice? I would rather have the wounds re-opened by yourselves than 'them'.

    My situation is ongoing, when it stops (and I hope and pray that it will soon in shA Allah).... everyone will know.
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  14. #250
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    I haven't read the entire thread, I'm sorry if it has been discussed earlier. Is there a way for you to get married again, respected brother?
    | Likes SoldierAmatUllah, Imraan liked this post
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  15. #251
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    It's good to talk of one's problems,it's catharsis.It helps biiidhnillah

    Bro Imran& others here,you have our duas.Please remember me & my family in your duas too.My eyes filled with traumatic episodes& fear of every second,I'm losing strength & sanity.I hope things die out.Nothinges works....just so upset.24/7 Trial& I cannot tell the whole story to anyone except for Lil stuff


    I'm on a very severe trial & I'm not doing that good because this emotional & physical torture is mind blowing.

    I'm very sad&upset.
    Last edited by SoldierAmatUllah; 11-26-2020 at 12:07 PM.
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  16. #252
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by bint e aisha View Post
    I haven't read the entire thread, I'm sorry if it has been discussed earlier. Is there a way for you to get married again, respected brother?
    Yes can get married again and do plan to within the next 12months insh Allah. Stuff like this isn't impossible. The issue I have is my daughter, I've gone to family court for her two years ago and mother's side are terrorising me and my family to intimidate. It's having an impact in most areas of my life.
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  17. #253
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by Imraan View Post
    Yes can get married again and do plan to within the next 12months insh Allah. Stuff like this isn't impossible. The issue I have is my daughter, I've gone to family court for her two years ago and mother's side are terrorising me and my family to intimidate. It's having an impact in most areas of my life.
    May Allah grant you ease.

    I feel it when you say "I just can't let go of my little girl, just can't." :'(

    I don't know if you've seen this resource but maybe it can be of help.

    IMG_20201126_183333_754.jpg

    Some people earn a living off encouraging and spreading this toxic practice that is tearing society apart. But not us. We have all come together because we want children to have meaningful access to BOTH parents. Visit https://www.intheirshoes.co.uk/ for more information. @InTheirShoes.co.uk #InTheirShoes
    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by SoldierAmatUllah View Post
    It's good to talk of one's problems,it's catharsis.It helps biiidhnillah

    Bro Imran& others here,you have our duas.Please remember me & my family in your duas too.My eyes filled with traumatic episodes& fear of every second,I'm losing strength & sanity.I hope things die out.Nothinges works....just so upset.24/7 Trial& I cannot tell the whole story to anyone except for Lil stuff


    I'm on a very severe trial & I'm not doing that good because this emotional & physical torture is mind blowing.

    I'm very sad&upset.
    May Allah solve all your problems and grant you ease, sister.
    | Likes SoldierAmatUllah, Imraan liked this post
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  18. #254
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    To see that you are trying so hard for your daughter even after all this, is amazing... I would lose so much hope in a situation like this... Keep making dua and trying.. .As long as you are doing your part, that is pleasing to Allah. You may not get the results you wanted.. But don't let this tear you apart. So if deep down, you keep your true purpose for the sake of Allah, you won't be completely torn by the consequences to come.

    I pray for you and your daughter. If they end up taking her away from you completely... I do think as she grows up, she will learn the truth eventually inshaAllah. One of my old friends from awhile ago had divorced parents.. She hated her mom.. Lived with her dad for 16 years. From what I've seen and heard, her dad was very manipulative.. Emotionally manipulating her and keeping her tied to him for 16 years. .They both resented her mom.. But then eventually, she figured out some truth about her mom that she didn't know about and she ended up going back to her mom and living with her. She seemed to be pretty happy afterwards.


    The most important dua for your daughter, is that she becomes a pious servant to Allah. I hope she doeesn't get influenced by the mother cause this could happen..
    InshaAllah everything will turn out well. . Keep working hard and know that this story also serves as an inspiration to others. I need to start being more grateful for what I was given..

    Yes can get married again and do plan to within the next 12months insh Allah. Stuff like this isn't impossible. The issue I have is my daughter, I've gone to family court for her two years ago and mother's side are terrorising me and my family to intimidate. It's having an impact in most areas of my life.
    That is good, make sure to find someone 100x better than her!! There is no dua like the dua of the oppressed. InshaAllah, Allah will rewarrd and compensate you with something that the wounds were worth for
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    I feel it when you say "I just can't let go of my little girl, just can't."
    Yes I just saw this too, it got me in my feels

    Im not a parent so i dont understand the feeling of being connected to your young loved one, but it is heartbreaking to see this
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  21. #256
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    I wonder if any of the well meaning members who are contributing to this thread with advice are actually married!
    My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightmare,

    15noje9 1 - My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightmare,
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  22. #257
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by Scimitar View Post
    I wonder if any of the well meaning members who are contributing to this thread with advice are actually married!
    Is that a requirement to post in this thread?
    | Likes Islami.Mu'mina liked this post
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  23. #258
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by Scimitar View Post
    I wonder if any of the well meaning members who are contributing to this thread with advice are actually married!
    The OP is going through a disastrous divorce, with a kid involved, financial issues and hostile in-laws just to name a few things. Even a married person cannot relate to that if that is what you were trying to get at.
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  24. #259
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by bint e aisha View Post
    May Allah grant you ease.

    I feel it when you say "I just can't let go of my little girl, just can't." :'(

    I don't know if you've seen this resource but maybe it can be of help.

    IMG_20201126_183333_754.jpg



    - - - Updated - - -



    May Allah solve all your problems and grant you ease, sister.
    Sister, we don't need resources or special interest groups. We need Allah (Subhanu Wa Talaa). We need Sharia Law back. We need Islam back in our lives. We need to go back to the days of the prophet (where electricity was not discovered yet) and apply it in our today-day lives.

    We need to again fear Allah (Subhanu Wa Talaa). All these special interest groups and organizations are a waste of time. In fact, it gives Muslims the illusion that these man-made organizations will solve all our problems instead of Sharia Law (authobillah from such kufir or shirk). When I say Sharia Law I mean Allah's law. I don't want some poster with some pictures and words. I want Sharia Law enforced. I am using the term here again...ENFORCED

    Sister, did you know that mentally and psychologically and even spiritually I will be happy, if Allah was to decree that it is halaal for the ex-wife of Imraan to do this to him. I would sleep at night with a smile on my face; even Imraan would too. Because it is coming from Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) and not from human being (it is that simple, really). But Allah (Subhanu Wa Taqlaa) DID NOT decree it as halaal, he decreed it as haraam a sin. His ex-wife have failed the test miserably (a religious test in-fact). She and her family will be accounted big time in the day of judgement and will be punished in ways that (I will start with women first, since this is a phenomenon of evil inflicts women majority of the time) women and men cannot even fathom.

    @Scimitar

    No one told me that marriage somehow produces super human abilities that only married people can give advice O_o
    Last edited by BeTheChange; 11-29-2020 at 10:43 PM.
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead View Post
    @Scimitar

    No one told me that marriage somehow produces super human abilities that only married people can give advice O_o
    well, you know now.

    look, if I wanna learn how to bake a cake - I go to a baker - not a car mechanic, ya dig?

    good boy!
    My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightmare,

    15noje9 1 - My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightmare,
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