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    My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightmare, (OP)


    Assalam Walaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakathu

    I am at a very difficult stage in my marriage and it is constantly eating me up inside, I have been married for for about 16 months and from day one my marriage seems to have been going more downhill than up-hill. Please be gentle in your criticisms (if any) as I know for sure we have 'with the fullest regret' sinned.

    I came to a point in my life where I was aged about 33, I had been searching for a wife for around 3 years and still no joy. I came to a point where I was just depressed with my single life and the lack of progress. I do my hajj with my mum and sister and I come back and I meet someone off a matrimonial site (March 2014). We talk, we're getting along and I'm serious about marriage, so is she 'she claims' so I quickly try and get our families to meet, because I didn’t want a pre marriage relationship.

    So i take my family down from Leicester and we go down to London and meet her face to face (May 2014). I liked her and my family liked her. So we left that day thinking yeah, we're happy. We start to enquire about the family from locals and our relatives. No one can vouch for the family, we search high and low. Eventually a close relative, my uncle basically gave some negative feedback on this girl and my uncles son mention that the family isn’t right. few weeks have gone by now since the first family meet and my family are asking her family but her family aren’t giving any answers except... its too far for them. We took the hint, so by now I’m asking the girl 'what’s happening, do you want to proceed or not?", girl responds yes she does want to proceed, her parents are still deciding.

    In various nagging conversations I kept asking her, what’s wrong, why aren’t they moving things forward, is something wrong, I’m getting paranoid that somethings not right, maybe my uncle and his son are right so I confront her on the phone and ask her straight out, she denies that anything is wrong and says my uncles family are jealous that’s why they do not want this wedding to go ahead because they approached this family for the same girl and they got turned down on two occasions for each brother.

    So we continue to liaise over the phone to a point where we now have feelings for each other. On the telephone we form this long distance relationship with no physical contact whatsoever for one year. In the interim between the first family visit and February 2015 my family called numerous times only to be to be told they haven't decided yet, blimey its pushing on to nearly one year, it’s our fault entirely we should have taken a hint from her parents, but the girl had a stronghold on me and convinced me she was the one for me.

    By this time, our bond is strong, there is a significant amount of trust and there is a lot of affection, bottom line I was blinded by love (I’ve so let myself down as I’ve seen fellow childhood friends go through blind love numerous times and its effects, yet here I am falling for the same trap!). My feelings for this girl are so strong we eventually meet in Feb 2015 and would meet on a irregular random basis.

    Bear in mind me, my family and the girl are praying and praying and praying for this wedding to go ahead so we can end this struggle

    Anyway I’m thinking 'I like the girl, I trust her so I’ll wait for her, so waiting waiting, one delay after another, her parents go abroad on 3 occasions in 2015 (India, Saudi, Bangladesh) and my family call them in between (when they come back to England) and we just never got a straight answer, the marriage proposal is just continuously delayed and delayed, yet me and this prospective bride are yearning to get married but it isn’t happening. Finally in May 2016, things start moving, we visit and in turn the family come to visit my family home in Leicester.

    So then my family say we would like the wedding ASAP, like September, but her family still isn’t having it, they just wanted to delay and delay, I’ll skip the gory nitty gritty frustrating details and the turmoil my family (maybe there’s as well) faced in organising the wedding, at one point they were like 'can it be April 2017?' we responded It's got to be December the latest, after they kept pushing the date forward one more than two occasions , a) September, then it was b) first week of October then c) end of October, d) then sometime in November eventually leaving us with a date in December 2016. So I'm thinking to myself getting married at 35, Alhamdulillah, and she's 33,

    We agreed on things like after marriage if she wants to work she can work here in Leicester and to start off with she can visit family like once a month due to distance and eventually tone it down.

    So we get married, and consummate after making dua'z, On Day one i check my wife’s phone (on the off chance) and I find 3 months worth of texts and video call recordings with her and some guy, she communicated with him up until her mendhi day as in had an affair with the guy. This is like nightmare for me, I’m in tears , heart broken to pieces, i confront her and she's begging me holding my feet asking for forgiveness, i ask is the child mine? she says yes, "get a morning after pill if you don’t believe me". I thought to myself we fought hard and waited a long time, I’ll look forward only so I forgave her thinking "she isn’t going to go back to that workplace again, so I got nothing to worry about" ... boy was I wrong...

    Month 1, my wife starts crying, she; s missing her parents, that upcoming weekend I take her to my in laws, she says she wants to stay one week, I’m like ok, she extends it to two, I’m not happy but I say ok, my family tell me I should be kind. come week, she's asking for an extra week, I rejected thinking she's taking the mick. these situations bring sourness to a relationship when you have to say 'no' to your wife.

    So she comes back to Leicester and she takes the test, Alhamdulillah within 1 month of consummation we have good news, my wife is pregnant..

    her parents set off to go abroad mid Jan for a three month trip

    meanwhile we plan a trip for Ummrah for end of Jan, me, wife, and my two other family members, knowing my wife is pregnant my wife says she is willing to go. After I place the booking, got the visas, five days before our flight my wife says its too much for her, she cant travel and quickly flees home desperately (picked up by her brother) saying she's only going for two nights even though both her parents aren’t in the country. She's ill, how can i stop her. So I let her go. She ends up in hospital for one night and while our flights are literally days away we continue with our ummrah trip, even my wife says 'go, you shouldn’t miss out'. Selfish of me I'm thinking if my wife really wanted to go she could have, loads of pregnant women fly / travel, anyway i gave the benefit of the doubt whilst i wasn’t still happy about the situation thinking this girl did not want to go with me. I start to become paranoid about my wife. So to summarise that, my wife is at her parents house away from me for 3 weeks... yet again. Paranoia kicks in... inevitably.

    Anyway we come back from Ummrah and she comes back to Leicester and lives with me until the end of March. her parents come back from abroad and guess what, we are back at her parents again (with all kindness and good intentions off course) and she stays for one or two weeks. She also takes the wedding gold from the marital home and puts it in her dads safe. (im thinking no big deal, she’ll bring it back, d like her to wear it again) She comes back to Leicester and she breaks it to me that she's going back to work in London at her old place, we argue, argue and argue and I mention her affair and so on. I consult my family, what should I do, my family respond, let her go back to her parents house and work, otherwise she'll be miserable at home. I cut a deal with her, saying you want to work in London? I expect you back every weekend, can you do that?.... she replies yes yes off course yes off course a thousand times.... me being the gullible one thinking a pregnant lady going to put herself through that when she couldn’t even go abroad with me????, she isn’t going to come back every weekend.... I’m thinking she's taking me for a ride... guess what she did in the end, she came home once a month. When asked "when are you coming?", "why aren't you coming?" all I got in return was attitude and the 'lamest school homework type' excuses. we continue to argue, eventually i gave up on that, I’d had enough.

    FYI she isn’t that bright or matured unfortunately, she is easily influenced. Half of the stuff she is doing is coming from other members in her family, and she; s determined to see it through.

    Ramadan is here.... in a ideal family husband and wife spend the whole ramadan together without miss, i only got two or three days with her at most out of thirty, another heartbreak, she did come for Eid though.

    At some point later I'm thinking .... is my child going to even be born in my home town, i was born in Leicester I’d like my child born here please..... if all is well.

    at this stage none of the medical records had transferred to Leicester yet, everything is still in London. So I have this discussion with my wife... based on the past few months doesn’t seem like your settling in here... your address and everything is still at your parents...? what’s the plan? still denying there isn’t a plan, she says she will join our surgeries after she finishes her 4 month stint at work and claims the maternity pay, so i get a definitive date from her and she says 2nd week of August and guarantees our baby will be born in Leicester (she even says her parents swear by it too), she even places her hand on our holy book and swears on her life etc etc.

    Off course out of suspicion and curiosity I go through her things, I find a thaweez in her purse, I photograph, I didn’t confront her or on it because then she’l wonder why I went through her things, fact is I didn’t trust her then, wont trust her ever,

    August comes and there’s still no sign of her registering here in Leicester, after continuous arguments it came to surface that she was indeed having the baby in London, my family didn’t have a problem with it, however it made it difficult for me as Id always hoped everything wold be at home, you know.... local to me in Leicester.

    I was just angry I feel like I’ve been lied to constantly. She's always wanting things her way, arguing with me, pushing me to the limits

    We have our baby in September, Alhamdulillah its a healthy baby girl, I coped ok in another town (but its selfish of me to think about me after all it wasn’t me giving birth), would have preferred bringing my baby daughter home to Leicester first thing but its not in my fate, after staying in hospital for 5 days (due to 2nd degree tear and blood loss) and after me being told by my wife that 'our child is not legally mine' (after which she apologised for saying) we ended up in our in laws, stayed the night, at which point my mother in law picks an argument with me, persisting our baby has her birth certificate registered to the London address so my wife can claim x y z benefits and tax relief etc and I’m arguing for my daughters birth right that it should have her home address on, but my wife and my mother in law weren’t having it. We have a full on head to head heated argument and I’m highlighting the past 10 months of lies which caused me distress), mid way through I realise I shouldn’t be arguing with elders so I took all my mother in laws #r#p in from of the rest of the family. Inna Lilla Hi wa inna ilayhi rajioon, what has the world come to. The room darkened for me very much and I couldn’t wait to leave this awkward scene and this house.

    the following morning I was able to bring her back to Leicester. The first thing we do is transfer mother and baby's medical records to Leicester and continue to attend the check ups and appointments and immunisations here in Leicester, convenient for me so I could take them to the doctors and hospitals.

    Meanwhile, my mother in law names the baby, and I’m like 'don’t I get a say', my wife says yeah you pick the name and let your mum pick a house name'. She also wants to contribute to the name. So we have three names and a nickname. Again I consult my family about the birth certificate thing, and my family tell me 'its only a paper', so I allow my wife to use her parents address.

    I name first name, I take the name my mother in law gave (out of respect) and place it as a surname, the middle name which my wife gave, out of anger i exclude it because my wife has got a lot of stuff her way and caused a lot of arguments, anyhow she will benefit from whatever claims she makes so why should she upset, she'll be getting her money???? My mother gives the home nickname and we start calling her that at home, turns out when our daughter goes back to my in laws, they all call my daughter the name my mother in law gave, are they making a statement? I don’t know.

    Anyway due to resentment and bitterness and the hate I have for my wife, our relationship is literally zero contact, we are only here for our daughter, we can’t seem to agree on things and I feel like my wife just wants to do what she wants regardless of committing to our marriage, Several times I have said would we be better off if we separated, things isn’t working out, you isn’t settling in, I don’t know what’s round the corner, her responses seem to consist of 'not bothered', 'do whatever you like' attitude. She's constantly looking for faults and I’m too busy highlighting the instances where she has hurt me through lies, betrayal, dishonesty and her argumentative approach to me.

    We have some intimacy, speechless intimacy, we hardly talk, its as if we are already divorced. We had an immunisation appointment in Leicester, I’ve booked a day off from work all ready and prepped, my wife goes back to her parents, I say stay one week and come back for our daughters immunisations as I’ve made arrangements, my wife insists on staying for two, the day after I drop them off i receive a text saying "I’ve booked her a appt for her here in London so cancel the other one and book another one 4 weeks from that date for next set of injection" Verbatim...... I feel she's undermined me

    I know the mother has more rights on the child than the father, but come on be fair and behave maturely and act in the best interest of your marriage, not yourself.

    I feel there’s no respect, no commitment to the marriage, getting her to live with me seems to be a big big challenge and I feel I don’t have a say about our child.

    My family treat her like a princess and believe it or not whenever my wife’s at home, its as if she's a temporary guest, she’s been married a year she asks me where stuff is in the kitchen. She doesn’t look after my house, doesn’t clean the room, just helps with cooking and some kitchen cleaning, she has said to me and I quote "once you are gone (as in passed away), I have no rights to the house, so will leave everyone and leave Leicester and flee back home with my child"... I'm immediately thinking "do i want to die whilst being married to her, NO!!"

    Some of the stuff she says or does to tick me off comes across as provocation, its as if she's trying to annoy me so much that I’ll submit to a divorce so she can continue with her life guilt free

    I have suggested to her for us to jointly do charity work, get more involved in selfless acts so that it may soften our hearts, lets go Islamic marriage courses, she isn’t a single bit bothered..,..

    Life is very difficult, marriage is very difficult. Life was supposed to get better, happier, instead its a constant everyday battle with my heart, my emotions and my resentment. I can't erase it, its traumatic. What’s the point erasing it, something new will pop up, something always has in the past one year. I feel like ending the whole thing, but I remember my daughter, (I’m not ready to pay child support and have limited access just yet), I pray everyday, ask my wife to pray everyday, ask her to think about our child, our marriage, but I’m not enough for her, its as if she's longing for something else or she just wants to make life difficult. She does not value our marriage.

    now criticise me if you will. After marriage I did make some payments to my wife as a husband does, but it wasn’t regular, however shelter, food etc- was never a problem, Alhamdulillah we have two houses and I’m always at home and make sure we are fully stocked up, yet its not enough for my wife. I take her to London and I pick her up, I refuse for anyone else to do that chore, yet I feel greatly unappreciated. When I asked my wife why isn’t this enough, she responded, modern age, women expect more than basic necessities, so this coincides with my mother in law, "if you aren’t going to pay my daughter £250 a week, then let her claim all the benefits, she needs to spend and be independent".

    I fear there are bad events round the corner, I continuously pray my salaah, make dua for myself, my daughter, my wife, my family, her family and muslim immah, pray isthikhara, I worry about my daughter, not so much my wife because I know she will continue to do whatever makes her happy

    I've been talking about this to a select few, and the feedback I get is "the longer I leave it, the worse it will get", or set her straight, send her back and tell her to come back when its ready.... the fact is they don’t need us, my wife does not need me, she'll happily go back to London back to her parents and her two unmarried brothers.... together they will support her.

    Next thing you know its January 2018 first week, my mother in law (without asking me) although she asked my mother arranges for my wife and child to be picked up without my approval. Im thinking I cant take this anymore, I ask my family for advice, they advised me and my wife sit with the imam who performed the nikkah ceremony on the wedding day, I suggested to my wife and she agrees to sit down. so after I week I go to pick her up and we both and baby go and visit the imam. I explain the history to the imam, she also complains to him saying she doesn’t like the water in Leicester, she has a man come into her dreams and tells her things, she feels a burning sensation over her body when I touch her etc etc… the imam, gives us advice on how to deal with problems when they occur outside the marriage, I.e we shouldn’t confront etc or accuse anyone etc. Then the imam asked us if we wanted to continue with the marriage, I said yes only if she keeps to certain conditions, i.e. don’t say bad things about me to her family, I want her 100% co-operation and commitment to the marriage and that we both abide by sharia law. She agrees, vice versa I agree too. I also state no one is taking my wife and child without my permission anymore. If they do its over. Within three weeks she accuses my mother of black magic, my wife tells my mother to go and touch the Kaaba sharif in Makkah and do some kind of kosom (who imposes such requests at the age of 34?, who does that regardless of age?) to prove she hasn’t done it, my wife accuses my mum of taking her London house keys when all along she had it in her handbag, I only found it in her handbag because her accusation against my mother drove me crazy. Her family have been told by pirs or magicians or mullahs etc that someone from my side of the family has done black magic, she confronts my mum on this as well saying we are into thaweez etc and degrades my family. My mother didn’t say anything to me about the accusations as this would cause problems….. until one week before she decides to go abroad to visit her family as her brother is terminally ill, she wanted to focus on her brother and seeing her mum. I then remember the thaweez that has been sitting in her personal belongings all this time, and im thinking if she is so against thaweez, why the hell does she have one?

    Its now March 2018, somehow we’ve peddled on whilst there have been some arguments here and there, her parents come back from ummrah, she tells her brother to tell me he’s coming to pick her and my child up, im furious as im not going to take orders like that so i confront my wife, I tell my wife I’l take you on my next day off in two days time, wife says what you going to do if I go now, I said if you go, don’t come back. Big hoo haa argument and wife gets her mum involved and is ready to leave, im crying I get my family involved as it could be the end, later we worked things out, the following day my mother in law is insistent on having my wife picked up, and sends my brother in law. I say to my wife, if you leave today then it has ended, wait 2 days as agreed or else we will need to sit down and end this. My brother in law arrives and questions me why cant his sister come home, I said I haven’t given the permission for her to leave, shes coming in two days time on my day off, he replies make sure you ask my dad for permission before you take her back, I replied, no, that is between me and my wife, he storms out saying is “is she a slave in this house”. I replied off course she isn’t. I re-iterated to her she is not a slave for me or my family and she is welcome to leave anytime she wants (told her to explain to her family as well that she is not being kept in this marriage against her will), she doesn’t even have to do anything for me (forget doing anything for my family), that stuff only comes from the heart if it exists. Although her brother came to pick her up, my wife remained.

    Now we have an issue with the wedding gold, ive asked our imam, and he said the wedding gold should be in the marital home, I kindly request to my wife to bring the wedding gold back home, she then replies she wants to sell it and accuses me that I might sell it and keep the money. I wouldn’t sell it without my wifes permission I have no right. Despite being in debt after the wedding, I would not even ask my wife to sell the wedding gold. So although I cant value or claim rights to her wealth (apparently according to her boasting and broadcasting to my family she has over 100 grams of gold and 0.75 million pounds (shes even said she can buy my house 3 times over, ive got a substantial mortgage btw)) she is still adamant in keeping the wedding gold and / or selling it, but she wont do anything with any wealth prior to the marriage? Does that say something about my wife???? Im going to try and get her to sit with the imam again as we have lots to discuss about how the contract was breached etc, she refuses to sit with him, she wants someone else, seems like if it doesn’t work her way it shouldn’t work at all. I have a wife who seems to implement double standards in her life, traditional when it suits her and her family, modern when it suits her and her family?- What do I do?

    I worry about my daughter so much... I don’t want her growing up in that family, they come across as dysfunctional to me... but my daughters rizq and fate has already been written, all I can do is try my best but I cant let go of my wifes conduct, behviour, decisions against me and her character, I hate it! I cant live with someone like that for the rest of my life.

    There is nothing I can do, its all in Allah's hands, Allah knows best, I pray Allah swt makes it easy for me and my family and for my daughter..... I so regret getting married to this girl, I don’t know what to do.

    May 2018: One week after I took her to see a raqi and her being diagnosed with evil eye. She has decided to leave my residence today after an argument we had. I tried to keep my answers to her short and brief. Tried to maintain the peace while we were both fasting in the month of ramadan. She still continued to debate and argue. I out of provoked anger as she started disrespecting my family members told her if she wants to go before eid 'to pack up and go and await a sit down with elders and imaam shortly after Eid' so in a split second she arranged her travel and took the baby. Allahu Aaalaam she has made her decision. Please remember us in your duas. Jzk.

  2. #101
    xboxisdead's Avatar
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ahmed. View Post
    Brother, one of your family members gonna get hurt one day and suffering persecution like that is bad enough.

    Can you afford a night security guard to watch over your house? (probably a stupid question as your just working class...)

    I'm getting angry at what's happening to you... I feel like telling you to do revenge attacks on their house but that might bring more trouble!
    - prostrating to Allah and crying - "Thank you Allah! Thank you Allah! Thank you Allah! I thank you Allah that you have decreed for me to not get married! I thank you Allah for making me single! Thank you Allah that I do not have children! I don't deserve your mercy! Allah Akbar!"

    New young men who want to get married, read this post first then ponder the risks after all that if you still want to get married, do it.

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  4. #102
    xboxisdead's Avatar
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by Imraan View Post
    Every night for the past 2 weeks I have been reading 4 units of nafl prayer and the last 3 ayats of surah bakarah and praying for protection for myself, my family members, our property and all muslims. Last night I finished praying and read surahs and got into bed, five minutes later ....... BANG! Everyone checking and eventually i find Glass smashed front of the house. We got em on cctv this time but faces blurry. It is people from london.

    Anyone else face this kind of intimidation and persecution?

    Good news! I talked to a very high end professional accountant in my company and he said DO NOT GO TO THE MEDIA...they will make matters worse. He said instead hire a private investigator. They know the laws in your country and they used to be police themselves. They are not very expensive. They will get all the evidence and everything you need to take it to court. The court will stop them and if they still do it, they will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law!
    | Likes Imraan, Ahmed. liked this post

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    Ahmed.'s Avatar
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead View Post
    - prostrating to Allah and crying - "Thank you Allah! Thank you Allah! Thank you Allah! I thank you Allah that you have decreed for me to not get married! I thank you Allah for making me single! Thank you Allah that I do not have children! I don't deserve your mercy! Allah Akbar!"

    New young men who want to get married, read this post first then ponder the risks after all that if you still want to get married, do it.
    LOL don't take it to extremes, marraige is a great sunnah and most marraiges work out. This brother has just been unfortunate to have married the 'wicked witch of the east'

    Bruv, you're missing out big time! Don't you wanna taste the 'pleasures of the birds and the bees? You should get married!

  6. #104
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by Ahmed. View Post
    LOL don't take it to extremes, marraige is a great sunnah and most marraiges work out. This brother has just been unfortunate to have married the 'wicked witch of the east'

    Bruv, you're missing out big time! Don't you wanna taste the 'pleasures of the birds and the bees? You should get married!

    you know you say it in jest but its probably closer to the truth than you imagine.

    having a good women with you brings better planning for the future.


    ..you may become cannibals but at least you would be winning.



    most of our souls are wickedly corrupt, its a good thing we dont know about them.


    honestly it hurts me more than you know, but what can you do?

    feels like i found everything BUT god.


    dont get me wrong, im really happy with my family..

    i just have a hard time seeing how people use them.
    Last edited by M.I.A.; 2 Weeks Ago at 09:51 PM.

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by M.I.A. View Post
    you know you say it in jest but its probably closer to the truth than you imagine.

    having a good women with you brings better planning for the future.


    ..you may become cannibals but at least you would be winning.
    LOL @you may become cannibals! I hope that isn't anything rude
    Last edited by Ahmed.; 2 Weeks Ago at 09:53 PM.

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Our Imraan brother is going through serious distress so we shouldn't turn this thread into one of fun and laughter guys!.

    @Imraan , I got an idea bro, whether you can manage to get clear images out of the cctv footage or not, you can tell your inlaws family that you got clear images and if them boys return once more, you'll give them to the police!.

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by M.I.A. View Post
    you know you say it in jest but its probably closer to the truth than you imagine.

    having a good women with you brings better planning for the future.


    ..you may become cannibals but at least you would be winning.



    most of our souls are wickedly corrupt, its a good thing we dont know about them.


    honestly it hurts me more than you know, but what can you do?

    feels like i found everything BUT god.


    dont get me wrong, im really happy with my family..

    i just have a hard time seeing how people use them.
    Brother, I can hardly understand anything you say. I think you mentioned once that you got some waswas problem.... Just do your prayers brother and everything will be OK

  11. #108
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by Ahmed. View Post
    Our Imraan brother is going through serious distress so we shouldn't turn this thread into one of fun and laughter guys!.

    @Imraan , I got an idea bro, whether you can manage to get clear images out of the cctv footage or not, you can tell your inlaws family that you got clear images and if them boys return once more, you'll give them to the police!.
    maybe he should fight, at least then people will know what hes complaining about.

    ...maybe it will go the other way and he can finally answer the demons in his head.

    although intent is everything.. so dont kill anybody.


    im kidding, you cant fake it.. some people are just bad news.
    Last edited by M.I.A.; 2 Weeks Ago at 10:16 PM.

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by M.I.A. View Post
    maybe he should fight, at least then people will know what hes complaining about.

    ...maybe it will go the other way and he can finally answer the demons in his head.

    although intent is everything.. so dont kill anybody.
    Nah he shouldn't fight as they are strong (having goons from London to do their dirty work) but Imraan is a peaceful brother not into fighting.

    Fighting will just cause them to get more vicious and attack even more or in worse ways.

    I think he should just give his ex the 3 talaqs they're after and get some murabbis to talk and sort it out

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by Ahmed. View Post
    Nah he shouldn't fight as they are strong (having goons from London to do their dirty work) but Imraan is a peaceful brother not into fighting.

    Fighting will just cause them to get more vicious and attack even more or in worse ways.

    I think he should just give his ex the 3 talaqs they're after and get some murabbis to talk and sort it out
    Wait! All of this mess is because he have not divorced her yet and they are looking for the divorce? Man! Just divorce her. She will pay the consequence with Allah in the afterlife. Remember the ahadeeth about any woman who ask for divorce for no Islamic reason will not smell the fragrance of paradise? Well in that case let them have that against them. Why do you care? Divorce her man! They are doing all that because they do not want her to pay Khula to you. It is all about money, Khulla and how they want to avoid paying you back. Money comes and goes, children comes and goes, just divorce her and move on. Finish this war once and for all and live your life happily. Is this drama worth it?

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    ....

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    https://islamqa.info/en/answers/1628...reefold-talaaq

    Praise be to Allaah.
    Firstly:

    If a man is forced to issue a divorce by means of physical harm or damage to his property, or threats to do such things to him or he is threatened with imprisonment, by a person with power who he thinks most likely will carry out his threat, the divorce does not count as such in that case.

    It says in Zaad al-Mustaqni‘: Whoever is forced to do something unjustly by means of harm caused to him or to his child, or by having property taken away from him, or by means of threats to do one of these things by a person with power who he thinks can carry out the threat, and he issues a divorce on that basis, it does not count as a divorce. End quote.

    Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said: The Sahaabah ruled that the divorce issued by one who is forced to do it does not count as such. It was narrated from ‘Umar that a man suspended a rope so that he could collect honey from the mountain; his wife came to him and said: I shall certainly cut the rope if you do not divorce me. He adjured her by Allah not to do that, but she insisted, so he divorced her. He came to ‘Umar and told him what had happened, and he said to him: Go back to your wife, for this is not a divorce. The opinion that it does not count as a divorce was also narrated from ‘Ali, Ibn ‘Umar and Ibn al-Zubayr (may Allah be pleased with them).

    End quote from Zaad al-Ma‘aad, 5/208

    And he (may Allah have mercy on him) said: He [i.e., Imam Ahmad] said according to the report of Abu’l-Haarith: If one who is forced issues a divorce, the divorce is not binding. If something similar is done to him as was done to Thaabit ibn al-Ahnaf, then he has been forced, because they squeezed Thaabit’s leg until he issued a divorce. Then he went to Ibn ‘Umar and Ibn al-Zubayr, who did not think it counted for anything. And Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): “except him who is forced thereto and whose heart is at rest with Faith” [al-Nahl 16:106]. This verse was quoted as evidence by Imam al-Shaafa‘i (may Allah have mercy on him) to prove that divorce issued by one who is forced does not count as such.

    In Sunan Ibn Maajah it is narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Allah has let my ummah off for mistakes, forgetfulness and what they are forced to do.

    End quote from I‘laam al-Muwaqqi‘een, 4/51.

    Based on that, your divorce does not count as such and your wife is still married to you.

    You have to refer your case to the shar‘i court to cancel the divorce and take back your property.

    Secondly:

    The threefold talaaq counts as one talaaq according to the correct scholarly view. So whoever divorces his wife with a threefold talaaq – willingly – it counts as one talaaq and it is permissible for him to take her back during the ‘iddah.

    Thirdly:

    If the wife knows that her husband’s talaaq was issued under duress, it is not permissible for her to marry another husband, because she is still married to the first one; her second marriage is invalid and it is zina (adultery).

    And Allah knows best.


    ------------------

    HA! Let him divorce her under force and threat like they are doing (all to avoid giving the husband the khula and his right) let them do it! Divorce her Imraan under the intention you are been forced and you don't mean it so that they fall under the misconception that they found a loop hole against Allah's law so that they fall under kuffar. If they are that evil, let them do it. If they don't have the intention of finding a loop hole against Allah's law but believe by forcing you and you issue the divorce they are free from you, let them fall under major sin as when she starts having relationship with other men she is committing zina. EITHER WAY YOU WON and they lost. Either through you and their evil way they have left of Islam or they allow their daughter to commit Zina and steal from you and steal from your property and use Kafir law to oppress a Muslim brother and in return you are getting higher and higher and higher and higher level of paradise.

    Also with her evil way she is cutting ties between father and daughter believing like majority of women that THEY HAVE FULL RIGHTS AND CHILDREN ARE THEIR OWN PROPERTY and men are nothing more than a sperm donor....this woman will be punished for cutting ties between child and father and you will be taking and taking and taking and taking and taking and taking and taking her good deeds. Brother....prepare and be ready. You are going to take all the good deeds from your ex-wife, you are going to take all the good deeds from her mother, from her father and from any of her family who did not stop this evil way and who conspired against you...maaaaan.......- runs and gives you a huge hug - Allah loves you! Allah loves!

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by Ahmed. View Post
    Our Imraan brother is going through serious distress so we shouldn't turn this thread into one of fun and laughter guys!.

    @Imraan , I got an idea bro, whether you can manage to get clear images out of the cctv footage or not, you can tell your inlaws family that you got clear images and if them boys return once more, you'll give them to the police!.
    CCTV has already been given to the police... the police in the uk are so slow.
    | Likes Ahmed. liked this post

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by Ahmed. View Post
    Nah he shouldn't fight as they are strong (having goons from London to do their dirty work) but Imraan is a peaceful brother not into fighting.

    Fighting will just cause them to get more vicious and attack even more or in worse ways.

    I think he should just give his ex the 3 talaqs they're after and get some murabbis to talk and sort it out
    They look at me and my family as vulnerable, they want to bully us into submission. We want to end it all off course, hopefully the right way. I'm not sure giving 3 talaqs and taking all blame and potentially end up in court over asset claims is the right thing to do, anyway what if they carry on?

    Looking for my own might for protection and retaliation. Can be hard getting involved in that especially if we ain't been involved before. Praying and hoping Allah swt will get justice for me in this life... we need his assistance and infinite might right now... been waiting for it for a while actually !!!
    Last edited by Imraan; 2 Weeks Ago at 07:04 PM.

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by Imraan View Post
    They look at me and my family as vulnerable, they want to bully us into submission. We want to end it all off course, hopefully the right way. I'm not sure giving 3 talaqs and taking all blame and potentially end up in court over asset claims is the right thing to do, anyway what if they carry on?

    Looking for my own might for protection and retaliation. Can be hard getting involved in that especially if we ain't been involved before. Praying and hoping Allah swt will get justice for me in this life... we need his assistance and infinite might right now... been waiting for it for a while actually !!!
    Putting your trust on Allah is the very first thing you need to do. It is requirement on every single human being. Prayer is also another thing you need to do (believe in) and put your trust that Allah is the answer of all prayer. You have done two of three things. Finally, the third thing is action. You need to stand up and play the initiative role and do your action. Don't sit still and wait for your problem to be solved to you. You have to stand up, after doing praying and putting your trust on Allah is to fight. Get the sword that is hanging on the wall collecting dust, wear your chainmail, helmet and gloves. Grab the shield and tell your mom, "Mom! I am going out to fight the war that have been declared on us! Pray for me!" Get out of that four confined walls called your home...slam the door shut...take a deep breath, grin (knowing that Allah is with you), left that sword to reflect on the sun light and shout "AAAAAAaaaahh!" (after shouting "Allah Akbar" of course)!

    Chaaaaarge baby! Chaaarge! Fight! Fight like you have never fought before! Fight! All the advise I have given you apply it! Apply it!! - shakes Imraan causing his head to tilt back and forth - Fight for justice!!!!


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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by Imraan View Post
    They look at me and my family as vulnerable, they want to bully us into submission. We want to end it all off course, hopefully the right way. I'm not sure giving 3 talaqs and taking all blame and potentially end up in court over asset claims is the right thing to do, anyway what if they carry on?

    Looking for my own might for protection and retaliation. Can be hard getting involved in that especially if we ain't been involved before. Praying and hoping Allah swt will get justice for me in this life... we need his assistance and infinite might right now... been waiting for it for a while actually !!!
    BRother it's best to just sort it out as amicably as possible. Giving 3 talaqs won't be rendering yourself liable to blame, it will just free her to marry again and you should do that anyway out of taqwa so she don't fall into zina sin.

    Don't take all blame in court, infact don't take any blame in court as she is the guilty one in this break up.

    I think telling your inlaws that you have clear cctv footage and threatening to give it to police might get them to stop the persecution

    Getting a private detective like xbox suggested is a good idea too. He can gather evidence of them culprit stone throwers' connection to your inlaws...

    MY dua is with you and your family bro. I wish I knew you personally so I can send my goons round to threaten the life out of your inlaws and stop this persecution once and for all, however you yourself keep to the peaceful path as fighting isn't worth it,, it will just makes things worse.

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Just stay patient with them and remember to be good when someone does bad to you. Be strong with iman. Be patient and know that Jannatul Firdaus is for all of us.
    | Likes HabibUrrehman liked this post

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by happy muslim View Post
    Just stay patient with them and remember to be good when someone does bad to you. Be strong with iman. Be patient and know that Jannatul Firdaus is for all of us.
    i have my elderly mom and sister at home. have to look into ways to stopping it, not sit there n take it twice in three weeks and more.... Allah swt is always with us and we pray to him everyday for protection and calamity prevention.... but it still happens. believe we have to take some kind of action, not getting much assistance from police here either so what does a vulnerable family like us do? my mom is always saying dont do anything back or else it will get worse and to just wait it out. but repeat damage and harrassment should never be something an individual should tolerate.

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by Ahmed. View Post
    BRother it's best to just sort it out as amicably as possible. Giving 3 talaqs won't be rendering yourself liable to blame, it will just free her to marry again and you should do that anyway out of taqwa so she don't fall into zina sin.

    Don't take all blame in court, infact don't take any blame in court as she is the guilty one in this break up.

    I think telling your inlaws that you have clear cctv footage and threatening to give it to police might get them to stop the persecution

    Getting a private detective like xbox suggested is a good idea too. He can gather evidence of them culprit stone throwers' connection to your inlaws...

    MY dua is with you and your family bro. I wish I knew you personally so I can send my goons round to threaten the life out of your inlaws and stop this persecution once and for all, however you yourself keep to the peaceful path as fighting isn't worth it,, it will just makes things worse.
    Thanks for everyones prayers, Jazak Allah, still waiting for relief and justice in this world. @Ahmed. you've got your own goons?

    the divorce should be mutual but their mentality is something else. if i give triple talaq and have a islamic divorce certificate issued, having spoken to legal experts in the past, that same certificate can be used in UK courts and they can make all sorts of financial claims.

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by Imraan View Post
    you've got your own goons?
    .
    LOL just some friends from back in the days who I'm sure will help out if I need help!


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