Why Do Muslim Men Always Want Babies Right Away?

**MuslimahRo** · 06-02-2018

Assalam walaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu.- I talked to some guys online and it seems that almost all Muslim men want babies right after marriage, no matter what their age.- I am the intellectual sort and I have some genetic health issues.- I have had and still have a stressful life and an annoying family I am still trying to escape.- Because of that and the huge responsibility raising children entails, especially in an unislamic environment, I have no desire to have children.- I would like to marry somebody who does want children.- We have only been talking online for two weeks.- I don't know what to do.- I really want to marry him but I don't want to have babies.- He mentioned having babies twice and I said that I don't want to have children anytime soon.- What should I do?- I could change my mind later if we get married but even then, it would have to be some years from now.- If I finally escape my wacky family, I want to feel my independence and enjoy life to the extent I can.- Another issue is due to my health problems, pregnancy could be potentially deadly for me or it could make my autoimmune conditions worse.- Surrogacy is an option but some scholars say that it is haram.- I am not so sure anymore.- Also, I don't want sickly babies.- I have been sick most of my life.- Over time, I became sicker through many years.- Alhamdulillah I am somewhat better now.- I want to be able to live and enjoy life finally like most young people.- I am 35.- I don't want to lose the rest of my youth. I feel that I have a right to get married without being worried about getting pregnant and having babies. Even the very idea of pregnancy is scary to me. Labor seems extremely painful. C-sections leave scars and are also painful afterwards. What should I do? I don't want to be single and alone for the rest of my life. I have never had any love
I want to have somebody to love and to be loved by for the rest of my life and Forever. May Allah have mercy upon us and help us. Amin.

**MuslimahRo** · 06-18-2018

Assalam walaikum. My fiance mentioned having children some days ago and I told him that I am not really interested in having children. Then I said that maybe if he wants children. I also told him about the difficulties and responsibilities that go with having children. I told him how having children strained my relatives' marriages. I added that having children gets in the way of romance and a love life. That last one really scared him. He had already responded by saying that he couldn't challenge my decision. After the last one, he was onboard with me and didn't want to have children either. For some guys, it's not a deal breaker. They say that they want children because it's the norm. They expect to have children because they are expected to have children.

**JustTime** · 06-18-2018

What exactly else would you want to do? You said live life as a young person, what does that mean, in most western countries that spells out the following: Fornication, Drinking, and and just general intoxication. If you don't want children due to health issues that is understandable but really isn't fair to your husband who ever you may end up marrying.

**MuslimahRo** · 06-18-2018

Well, I have goals of publishing my books and doing dawah and charity work. I would also like to travel. Just trying to get my basic chores done is hard. I don't always have good amounts of energy and l often feel drowsy. I can't be responsible for a baby. I don't think that it's unfair to my future husband because I already told him that I don't want babies. And he was okay with that. Anyway, he was glad to have found me as he has heard negative things about Muslims in The West. He also said that despite living in a Muslim country, many females in his country don't wait till marriage. Nauzibillah. I can believe that. He doesn't like bad females and those that don't even practice Islam!