my husband wants polygamy at any cost

**peacefulone** · 08-15-2018

salaam alaykum
I need advice. I have a problem i have been working on since before I met my husband and he married me knowing my problems. It involves him now because he is my husband and we are a team. But he doesn't care about finding a solution. All he wants are his desires to me be met. He threatens me that he will marry again because of my problems. I was okay at the beginning with him marry again but now I'm not. I do not want polygamy because I have had time to think about it and it is not right for me and my life. I want a simply marriage life with two people growing old together.
And everytime I say I want a divorce he threatens me that I agreed to polygamy so I have to stay with him. I feel this is oppression since I do not want that now that I know all the details. People make polygamy sound easy and simple but it is not.
But I am afraid of commiting a sin if I leave him, or never getting an imam to divorce us because he is very argumentative and he will try to convince the imam only he is right.
I thought about just leaving on my own even if we are still married. I have enough of my own money to live alone. I do not need to divorce right away before i leave because I am not considering remarriage. I just want peace and freedom from his stubbornness and lack of consideration.

**peacefulone** · 01-05-2019

Originally Posted by xboxisdead

Sister I want to say this to you so that you avoid become a disbeliever without you knowing and you spend your entire life praying and your prayer is not accepted because you need to do shahada and fix the situation that you are not aware of from the first place....I am not saying you are a disbeliever...I am saying I want to avoid you being one without you knowing and end up in that situation above ^ without you knowing...and that is the worst situation to be.....when you finally hand in the exam and you failed it without knowing why you failed it thinking you passed it....

You cannot hate polygamy....because that is mentioned in Qura'an and it is halal for the man...so be careful. Just remember..not to hate the very polygamy itself but to love it but...but...you don't want to be in the situation because your husband is failing in applying polygamy in the correct way that Allah (SWT) have ordered us to do it in Qura'an. Had your husband did it the right way...and followed the Qura'an correctly in how to do it....then you would not even be posting here in the first place and would love it and push it for other sisters out there. It is not the polygamy is the problem it is YOUR HUSBAND who is failing in giving your rights correctly...by all means leave your husband and find someone who can give your rights correctly even if it is another man who already have three wives and you are the forth one. Remember...don't leave because of polygamy itself...leave because your husband is not giving your rights correctly as a wife and not because of polygamy.

You understand where I am coming from?

I never said I hate polygamy. I said I would hate my husband if he did polygamy against my wishes. That is different from just hating polygamy.
Polygamy is fine for other women who grew up around it. Its not fine for me and he should understand this if he really loved me.
But If he does polygamy knowing I am going to suffer from it then its clear he doesn't love me at all. ANd I would hate HIM. and leave him

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Originally Posted by Nitro Zeus

I understand that it is hard, have you tried "Askaboutislam.net"? There you have asking sections, they have: "ask about islam", "ask the counselor" and "ask a scholar".

thanks brother nitro. i will check this out as it may provide more clear answers. jazak Allah khayr