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The month of Ramadhan [is that] in which was revealed the Qur'an, a guidance for the people and clear proofs of guidance and criterion. So whoever sights [the new moon of] the month, let him fast it; and whoever is ill or on a journey - then an equal number of other days. Allah intends for you ease and does not intend for you hardship and [wants] for you to complete the period and to glorify Allah for that [to] which He has guided you; and perhaps you will be grateful. [2:185]
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  1. #1
    anonymous's Avatar
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    My Dad is Abusive & Causes me to Want to Stray

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    I am an American born Muslim however my parents are non practicing.
    My mom is from here, she was born into a Christian family, but believes Islam to be the truth. My dad is from overseas.

    Growing up my family told me "You are Muslim" & that's it. No prayer, no fasting, no anythingI have maybe seen my dad pray twice in my whole life. He never goes to the local Mosque. He claims it's because he has to stay at his work, that he can't leave (he owns his own business). He does not pray or anything religious unless it is to hurt my mom. He uses religion to hurt her.

    My dad is very emotionally abusive to everyone around him. He is nice to the people who work for him but is very mean to my mom. He hits her and calls her evil names.He gets angry at nothing. He is filled with hate.My mom is very sweet & hardworking. She has severe depression since she was a kid. She is far away from religion as well but because she resents the way her life has turned out.My dad tells me that he is my blood & that my mom is not my blood.

    The more and more abusive he is the further away from Islam & prayer I want to be. Praying, fasting, going to the Mosque...makes HIM happy...and I want to be as far away from him as possible.I am an Arab but I want to be as far away from anything resembling "Arab" as possible.


    I believe in Islam & love God, but I hate Arab men.
    My Dad is Abusive & Causes me to Want to Stray

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    eesa the kiwi's Avatar
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    Re: My Dad is Abusive & Causes me to Want to Stray

    You mentioned " and I want to be as far away from him as possible"

    If anything this should bring you closer to Islam because the actions of your father are far from the teachings of Islam

    Dont confuse culture with Islam. Islam is perfect culture is not. Make an effort to study Islam and you will see a bit of Muslim culture is actually unislamic

    Bad people do things and try justify it with religion they may fool the people but they cant fool Allah

    May Allah make things easy for you, this is the month of mercy. Renew your connection to Allah because even your dad may be like this Allah swt showers his mercy on you day and night. Every blessing you have is from him subhanhu wa ta ala
    | Likes Ahmed. liked this post
    My Dad is Abusive & Causes me to Want to Stray

    Imagine sleeping without praying isha and then waking up in your grave- bilal Phillips

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    MazharShafiq's Avatar
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    Re: My Dad is Abusive & Causes me to Want to Stray

    Quote Originally Posted by anonymous View Post
    I am an American born Muslim however my parents are non practicing.
    My mom is from here, she was born into a Christian family, but believes Islam to be the truth. My dad is from overseas.

    Growing up my family told me "You are Muslim" & that's it. No prayer, no fasting, no anythingI have maybe seen my dad pray twice in my whole life. He never goes to the local Mosque. He claims it's because he has to stay at his work, that he can't leave (he owns his own business). He does not pray or anything religious unless it is to hurt my mom. He uses religion to hurt her.

    My dad is very emotionally abusive to everyone around him. He is nice to the people who work for him but is very mean to my mom. He hits her and calls her evil names.He gets angry at nothing. He is filled with hate.My mom is very sweet & hardworking. She has severe depression since she was a kid. She is far away from religion as well but because she resents the way her life has turned out.My dad tells me that he is my blood & that my mom is not my blood.

    The more and more abusive he is the further away from Islam & prayer I want to be. Praying, fasting, going to the Mosque...makes HIM happy...and I want to be as far away from him as possible.I am an Arab but I want to be as far away from anything resembling "Arab" as possible.


    I believe in Islam & love God, but I hate Arab men.
    Praise be to Allah

    Firstly:

    We have explained previously that Islam does not pay attention to differences in colour, race or lineage. All people are descended from Adam, and Adam was created from dust. Rather according to Islam, superiority of some people over others is measured by faith and taqwa (piety, mindfulness of Allah), doing what Allah has enjoined and refraining from what Allah has forbidden.

    At-Tirmidhi (3270) narrated from Ibn ‘Umar that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) addressed the people on the day of the conquest of Makkah and said: “O people, verily Allah has taken away from you the arrogance of Jaahiliyyah and its pride in forefathers. People are of two types: righteous and pious, who are dear to Allah, and doomed evildoers, who are insignificant before Allah. People are the descendants of Adam, and Allah created Adam from dust. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): ‘O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted’ [al-Hujuraat 49:13].”

    Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh at-Tirmidhi.

    Ahmad (22978) narrated from Abu Nadrah: Someone who heard the khutbah of the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) on the second of the days of at-Tashreeq told me that he said: “O people, verily your Lord is One and your father is one. Verily there is no superiority of an Arab over a non-Arab or of a non-Arab over an Arab, or of a red man over a black man, or of a black man over a red man, except in terms of taqwa. Have I conveyed the message?” They said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) has conveyed the message.

    Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in as-Saheehah (6/199).

    Al-Bukhaari (4898) and Muslim (2546) narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: We were sitting with the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and Soorat al-Jumu‘ah was revealed to him: “And [He has sent the Prophet to] others of them who have not yet joined them” [al-Jumu‘ah 62:3]. I said: Who are they, O Messenger of Allah? He did not answer him until he had asked three times. Among us was Salmaan al-Faarisi and the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) put his hand on Salmaan and said: “If faith were at the Pleiades, some men from among these people [the Persians] would get it.”

    Al-Bukhaari (5990) and Muslim (215) narrated that ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) say, out loud and not secretly: “The family of Abu Fulaan (the Father of So and so) are not my friends. My friends are Allah and the righteous believers.”

    Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

    The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) was speaking of a clan that was closely related to him, and pointed out that mere lineage did not make them his friends; rather his friends were Allah and the righteous believers of all backgrounds.

    End quote from Iqtida’ as-Siraat al-Mustaqeem (144).

    See also the answers to questions no. 12391and 3793.

    Secondly:

    Imam Ahmad (17195) narrated: Haywah ibn Shurayh told us: Baqiyyah told us, Baheer ibn Sa‘d told me, from Khaalid ibn Ma‘daan, from ‘Utbah ibn ‘Abd that he said: A man said: O Messenger of Allah, curse the people of Yemen for they are tough fighters and great in number, and their fortresses are well fortified. He said: “No.” Then the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) cursed the non-Arabs, and the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “If they come to you, with their women and carrying their children on their shoulders (then show kindness to them), for they are of me and I am of them.”

    The commentators on Musnad al-Imam Ahmad (ar-Risaalah edn., 29/194) said:

    Its isnad is da‘eef (weak). Baqiyyah – who is the son of al-Waleed – is mudallis [i.e., he engaged in tadlees, which is when a narrator narrates a hadith that he did not hear directly from his shaykh, without mentioning the name of the third party from whom he did hear it, using wording that may or may not give the impression that he heard it directly], and narrated by saying ‘an (“from”, without clearly stating that he heard the hadith himself from another narrator). His hadith cannot be accepted unless it is clearly stated that each stage of the isnad that one narrator heard it directly from another.

    It was also narrated by Ibn Abi ‘Aasim in al-Aahaad wa’l-Mathaani (2280); at-Tabaraani in al-Kabeer (17/304) and in ash-Shaamiyyeen (1139), via ‘Abd al-Wahhaab ibn Najdah al-Hooti; and by Ibn Abi ‘Aasim (2280) from Hishaam ibn ‘Ammaar, both of whom narrated it from Baqiyyah ibn al-Waleed with this isnaad. In ash-Shaamiyyeen it mentions Ismaa‘eel ibn ‘Ayyaash instead of Baqiyyah, and we think it most likely that this is an error on the part of the copyist. End quote.

    Even if we assume that the hadith is saheeh (sound), it is to be understood as referring to those among them who are deserving of being cursed, namely the disbelievers, evildoers and their ilk. These people were only singled out for mention because in most cases they were disbelievers and were misguided, especially at that time.

    Thirdly:

    In the answer to question no. 115934, we noted that Ahl as-Sunnah wa’l-Jamaa‘ah are unanimously agreed that the Arabs are superior to others in terms of descent and lineage, and that regarding the Arabs as superior is in general terms, and does not apply at the individual level. So a non-Arab who is pious and righteous is better than an Arab who falls short in his duties to Allah, may He be exalted.

    Therefore an Arab Muslim cannot be superior to a non-Arab Muslim just because he is an Arab. Rather superiority is based on taqwa (piety, mindfulness of Allah). So whoever is more mindful of Allah and obedient to Him is better than his counterpart, regardless of whether he is an Arab or a non-Arab.

    So the fact that you are not fully Arab does not mean that you are less than one who is fully Arab in terms of virtue and status simply because of that. As is clear from what we have mentioned above, the real standard is faith and righteous deeds.

    Fourthly:

    There were some of the Sahaabah who were not Arabs, such as Salmaan and Miqsam, who were Persians, Bilaal al-Habashi (who was Ethiopian) , Zunayrah ar-Roomiyyah (who was Byzantine), Barakah al-Habashiyyah (who was Ethiopian) and others such as Suhaym the freed slave of Banu’l-Has-haas, Ya‘eesh the slave of Banu’l-Mugheerah, Khaalid ibn al-Hawaari, and Tamaam al-Habashi.

    Al-Haakim (8194) narrated that Ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “I saw (in a dream) many black sheep who were joined by many white sheep.” They said: How did you interpret it, O Messenger of Allah? He said: The non-Arabs will join you in your religion and your lineage.” They said: The non-Arabs, O Messenger of Allah? He said: “If faith were at the Pleiades, some men from among the non-Arabs would get it.”

    Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in as-Saheehah (1018).

    Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

    The confirmation of that is seen in the many Persians, both free men and freed slaves, among the Taabi‘een and those who came after them, such as al-Hasan, Ibn Sireen, ‘Ikrimah the freed slave of Ibn ‘Abbaas, and others, and those who came after that of people who were prominent in faith, religious commitment and knowledge, until these prominent figures became better than most of the Arabs.

    Similarly, among types of non-Arabs, such as the Ethiopians, Byzantines, Turks and others, there are people who excelled in faith and religious commitment, too many to be counted, which is something well known to the scholars, because true virtue is in following that with which Allah sent Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) of faith and knowledge, both inwardly and outwardly. So the more strongly a person adheres to it, the better he is, and virtue is only in terms of the praiseworthy qualities mentioned in the Qur’an and Sunnah, such as Islam, faith, righteousness, taqwa, knowledge, righteous deeds, ihsaan and so on. There is no virtue in a person simply being an Arab or non-Arab, or being black or white, or being a city dweller or desert dweller.
    My Dad is Abusive & Causes me to Want to Stray


  5. #4
    IslamLife00's Avatar
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    Re: My Dad is Abusive & Causes me to Want to Stray

    Quote Originally Posted by anonymous View Post
    I am an American born Muslim however my parents are non practicing.
    My mom is from here, she was born into a Christian family, but believes Islam to be the truth. My dad is from overseas.

    Growing up my family told me "You are Muslim" & that's it. No prayer, no fasting, no anythingI have maybe seen my dad pray twice in my whole life. He never goes to the local Mosque. He claims it's because he has to stay at his work, that he can't leave (he owns his own business). He does not pray or anything religious unless it is to hurt my mom. He uses religion to hurt her.

    My dad is very emotionally abusive to everyone around him. He is nice to the people who work for him but is very mean to my mom. He hits her and calls her evil names.He gets angry at nothing. He is filled with hate.My mom is very sweet & hardworking. She has severe depression since she was a kid. She is far away from religion as well but because she resents the way her life has turned out.My dad tells me that he is my blood & that my mom is not my blood.

    The more and more abusive he is the further away from Islam & prayer I want to be. Praying, fasting, going to the Mosque...makes HIM happy...and I want to be as far away from him as possible.I am an Arab but I want to be as far away from anything resembling "Arab" as possible.

    I believe in Islam & love God, but I hate Arab men.

    I feel bad that you are going through that, but it is Allah that created you and you will return to Him. Do you want to return to His mercy, that is jannah, or to His wrath, that is jahannam?

    Whatever happens in your life, what your parents do and do not do, what everyone else in the world is doing and not doing - we are created to worship Him and each soul will be held accountable of its own deeds.

    Never let anything or anyone deter you from attaining His mercy. Our life in this dunya is a test. Strive not to fail.
    My Dad is Abusive & Causes me to Want to Stray

    Jabir bin 'Abdullah narrated that the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) said:'A slave (of Allah) shall not believe until he believes in Al-Qadar, its good and its bad, such that he knows that what struck him would not have missed him, and that what missed him would not have struck him." (Jami 'at Tirmidhi)

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  7. #5
    Ahmed.'s Avatar
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    Re: My Dad is Abusive & Causes me to Want to Stray

    Don't let your dad's bad actions make you think that all Arab men are like that, your dad unfortunately is seriously lacking in good manners, however you must not turn out like him and staying away from the practice of Islam will be resembling your dad in a way as only the bad people disobey Allah.

    Use the example of your dad to be determined to be good yourself so you don't turn out the same!


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