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The month of Ramadhan [is that] in which was revealed the Qur'an, a guidance for the people and clear proofs of guidance and criterion. So whoever sights [the new moon of] the month, let him fast it; and whoever is ill or on a journey - then an equal number of other days. Allah intends for you ease and does not intend for you hardship and [wants] for you to complete the period and to glorify Allah for that [to] which He has guided you; and perhaps you will be grateful. [2:185]
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  1. #1
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    I want to get married again.

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    Assalam Walaikum

    Having had a long and tough time getting married first time round and then it not working out, considering i'm nearing to the 40's mark, other than praying everyday (beleive me I pray everyday) is there anything I can do to get married again given my circumstances:

    I am UK born and bred, a British Bangladeshi
    I'm seperated
    I have a child
    I am an only son who looks after his mother
    Off course our mothers never get any younger, however my mother is independent in the house Alhamdulillah
    My mother only speaks bengali and very very little english
    I'm worried about if i bring a wife into my house, how she might treat my mum as the last wife made a right mess of the whole thing
    My sisters are married and live elsewhere except one who hasn't married yet and lives with me
    Trying to get my sister married too, that too is also a big challenge and Allahu Aalaaam
    I'm not a big fan of these matrimonial sites and apps, ive had bad experiences
    My next wedding, i've pledged should be in a mosque, i.e. a sunnah wedding. Nothing fancy, everything low key, low scale.
    I'm reluctant to go abroad because they are going to make demands on x amount of weight in gold etc, more than what is prescribed in our religion and its difficult for me to take time out of work

    I'm just very pessimistic about it all now, what else can I do apart from praying and being patient? It can get frustrating sometimes, I feel like my life is at a stop, its like end of the road for me.

    Whilst keeping it all halal, your suggestions will be helpful insh Allah.

    Jazakumullahu Khayran
    I want to get married again.

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    Physicist's Avatar
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    Re: I want to get married again.

    Your UK passport is already of a huge value. It'll be easy to find candidatures abroad even without any weight of gold. But don't do this over internet, go to travel, meet people in their environment.
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    Re: I want to get married again.

    Why you don't like apps? What experiences have you had before?

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    Re: I want to get married again.

    B careful with that uk passport lol,

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KemjZika7jQ

    (The "bark like a dog" scene is even funnier - though not appropriately attired for a decent public forum).

    sometimes it can be the primary focus of aspirations and priorities of not too loyal minded people from the outset - and can then affect you negatively.
    .....though there ARE some people who see it as a secondary issue and nothing more than financial security.

    Re. gold - there is no Islamic limit on mahr, other than opinions - some of which are grounded on hikmah - others which don't take into account the financial weight of the parties involved.

    More gold means more zakah so see it as an opportunity for a high standing order into Allah's account - if you have it - and if you don't later on - the bride can easily weigh the amount out of the total and still pay.

    Try to make sure her priority is aakhirah and you will be happy inshaAllah.

    Al-Ahzab 33:28

    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّبِىُّ قُل لِّأَزْوَٰجِكَ إِن كُنتُنَّ تُرِدْنَ ٱلْحَيَوٰةَ ٱلدُّنْيَا وَزِينَتَهَا فَتَعَالَيْنَ أُمَتِّعْكُنَّ وَأُسَرِّحْكُنَّ سَرَاحًا جَمِيلًا

    English - Sahih International

    O Prophet, say to your wives, "If you should desire the worldly life and its adornment, then come, I will provide for you and give you a gracious release.

    Bengali - Mujibur Rahman

    হে নাবী! তুমি তোমার স্ত্রীদেরকে বলঃ তোমরা যদি পার্থিব জীবন এবং ওর ভুষণ কামনা কর তাহলে এসো, আমি তোমাদের ভোগ-সামগ্রীর ব্যবস্থা করে দিই এবং সৌজন্যের সাথে তোমাদেরকে বিদায় দিই।

    English - Yusuf Ali

    O Prophet! Say to thy Consorts: "If it be that ye desire the life of this World, and its glitter,- then come! I will provide for your enjoyment and set you free in a handsome manner.

    Al-Ahzab 33:29

    وَإِن كُنتُنَّ تُرِدْنَ ٱللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُۥ وَٱلدَّارَ ٱلْءَاخِرَةَ فَإِنَّ ٱللَّهَ أَعَدَّ لِلْمُحْسِنَٰتِ مِنكُنَّ أَجْرًا عَظِيمًا

    English - Sahih International

    But if you should desire Allah and His Messenger and the home of the Hereafter - then indeed, Allah has prepared for the doers of good among you a great reward."

    Bengali - Mujibur Rahman

    আর যদি তোমরা আল্লাহ, তাঁর রাসূল ও আখিরাত কামনা কর তাহলে তোমাদের মধ্যে যারা সৎ কর্মশীল আল্লাহ তাদের জন্য মহা প্রতিদান প্রস্তুত রেখেছেন।

    English - Yusuf Ali

    But if ye seek Allah and His Messenger, and the Home of the Hereafter, verily Allah has prepared for the well-doers amongst you a great reward.
    Last edited by Abz2000; 1 Week Ago at 05:00 PM.
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    Re: I want to get married again.

    Broth, there's only one thing to do, go to Bangladesh and get yourself a nice village girl who will look after your mum. Also try to get from close relatives to increase your chances of marraige lasting a lifetime

    Going to Bangladesh and marrying there will be a guaranteed way of getting s wife bro, they're all crazy to come to the UK? where the streets are paved with gold!

    Don't worry they won't make demands on gold, the gold she'll be getting is the red passport!
    Last edited by Ahmed.; 1 Week Ago at 05:51 PM.
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    Re: I want to get married again.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pQkqdFiTh0


    Londoni shab re bia khorya londoni shaheba boni ziibo
    Teu shob happily ever after takhbo.

    kial khoryo zeno Allah'r kham khorat involve takho zudi bitish shorkhare taire ishtey/sitisinship faibar aage blackmail khorya kinilae na mir jafor ali khan-or lakhani.
    Teu fairy tale arekh lakhani zaybo gya.

    This hadeeth was narrated by al-Bukhaari (4802) and Muslim (1466) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) who said:
    “A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her religious commitment. Seek the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust.



    ---

    Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Whoever Allah provides with a righteous wife, then Allah has assisted him in half of his religion. Let him fear Allah regarding the second half.”

    Source: al-Mu’jam al-Awsaṭ 992

    Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to As-Suyuti

    عَنْ أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ أَنّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ مَنْ رَزَقَهُ اللَّهُ امْرَأَةً صَالِحَةً فَقَدْ أَعَانَهُ اللَّهُ عَلَى شَطْرِ دِينِهِ فَلْيَتَّقِ اللَّهَ فِي الشَّطْرِ الثَّانِي

    992 المعجم الأوسط للطبراني باب الألف من اسمه أحمد

    8704 المحدث السيوطي خلاصة حكم المحدث صحيح في الجامع الصغير
    Last edited by Abz2000; 1 Week Ago at 05:01 PM.
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  9. #7
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    Re: I want to get married again.

    Quote Originally Posted by Physicist View Post
    Your UK passport is already of a huge value. It'll be easy to find candidatures abroad even without any weight of gold. But don't do this over internet, go to travel, meet people in their environment.
    Salaam Physicist brother, hmm, i'm getting a feeling that using citizenship alone might attract the wrong crowd when going abroad and their priorities / intentions will be something that we might not expect especially when delaing with something like marriage. Marriage should be a life long thing, not 'marry them, get the passport or indefinete stay and then leave em'
    I want to get married again.

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    Re: I want to get married again.

    Quote Originally Posted by Martin View Post
    Why you don't like apps? What experiences have you had before?
    Bruv, apps.....

    main issues with apps
    - Hard to tell who's time wasting
    - Girls are vulnerable and are prone to hold back because they think their parents might not like you, worse thing is some of them won't tell you, they'll just lead you on.....
    - People are indecisive, you have to 'wean' out the time wasters as soon as possible.
    - In my view, as soon as a match is there, get families involved, then progress it.
    - Followed by, if families are finding it hard to progress due to incompatibility, lack of commitment, walk the hell away!!!!
    - Vetting and vouching for is important, without this its a big risk, how can you make sound character judgements just by talking to them, you need some reassurances from research, family backgrounds etc.
    - the platform is used as a playground, some people have a " exchange a few sentances, can't be bothered, 'lets go look for some new meat' " type of attitude
    - dont get me wrong there have been successful marriages, Allahu Alaaam, but remember to take your precautions bro.
    I want to get married again.

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    Re: I want to get married again.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ahmed. View Post
    Broth, there's only one thing to do, go to Bangladesh and get yourself a nice village girl who will look after your mum. Also try to get from close relatives to increase your chances of marraige lasting a lifetime

    Going to Bangladesh and marrying there will be a guaranteed way of getting s wife bro, they're all crazy to come to the UK? where the streets are paved with gold!

    Don't worry they won't make demands on gold, the gold she'll be getting is the red passport!
    yes ive been thikning that, oh crikey i have to take time off work, go and get married in a space of 2 weeks, come back to the uk, wait another x amount of years before she comes and then her life in a asian /uk home and in the uk test begins....

    demands on gold. theyre going to want re-assurances since ive been married once already and have a child and they think i wear clothes that are made of 22ct gold thread including my boxers.

    im not after someone who will look after my mum, i dont want that to be my wifes responsibility and nor do i want to force her. certain girls cant hack it anyway so they pick their victims accordingly (like the mother) and so the war begins.... best not impose such responibility on them in the first place, if they want to do it for allah's sake, then thats fine, otherwise, no way.
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    I want to get married again.

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    Re: I want to get married again.

    Get extended family involved. Somebody will know a lady looking for marriage.

    Try marriage websites. It gives you chance to be you and honest about what you want in a life partner.
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    Re: I want to get married again.

    Quote Originally Posted by anonymous View Post
    girls
    Girl?. ....... Hmm, you are nearly 40, ever married and have a child. Why don't you consider to marry a widow or divorcee in your age?. Maybe their demand of mahr is not so high like a girl want.

    I am 51 years old widower with children. In Shaa Allah, I will remarry this year with a divorcee in my age. Since the begining I thought to remarry I didn't consider to marry a young girl because I think it's better if I marry someone who has experienced as a wife.
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    Re: I want to get married again.

    Allah Almighty eliminates all your troubles.
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    Re: I want to get married again.

    Quote Originally Posted by anonymous View Post
    Assalam Walaikum

    Having had a long and tough time getting married first time round and then it not working out, considering i'm nearing to the 40's mark, other than praying everyday (beleive me I pray everyday) is there anything I can do to get married again given my circumstances:

    I am UK born and bred, a British Bangladeshi
    I'm seperated
    I have a child
    I am an only son who looks after his mother
    Off course our mothers never get any younger, however my mother is independent in the house Alhamdulillah
    My mother only speaks bengali and very very little english
    I'm worried about if i bring a wife into my house, how she might treat my mum as the last wife made a right mess of the whole thing
    My sisters are married and live elsewhere except one who hasn't married yet and lives with me
    Trying to get my sister married too, that too is also a big challenge and Allahu Aalaaam
    I'm not a big fan of these matrimonial sites and apps, ive had bad experiences
    My next wedding, i've pledged should be in a mosque, i.e. a sunnah wedding. Nothing fancy, everything low key, low scale.
    I'm reluctant to go abroad because they are going to make demands on x amount of weight in gold etc, more than what is prescribed in our religion and its difficult for me to take time out of work

    I'm just very pessimistic about it all now, what else can I do apart from praying and being patient? It can get frustrating sometimes, I feel like my life is at a stop, its like end of the road for me.

    Whilst keeping it all halal, your suggestions will be helpful insh Allah.

    Jazakumullahu Khayran
    Your life shouldn't be at a stop simply because you aren't married. A wife should enhance your life, not make it. Perhaps if you put more effort in loving your existance as it is (since it's all from Allah), you'd be more grateful...which will lead to more blessings like marraige.

    Your circumstances are a reflection of your negative inner state. Work on that, and Allah will do the rest.

  17. #14
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    Re: I want to get married again.

    Quote Originally Posted by Al_Ghazali View Post
    Your life shouldn't be at a stop simply because you aren't married. A wife should enhance your life, not make it. Perhaps if you put more effort in loving your existance as it is (since it's all from Allah), you'd be more grateful...which will lead to more blessings like marraige.

    Your circumstances are a reflection of your negative inner state. Work on that, and Allah will do the rest.
    Salaamz brother. Jazak Allah for your advice, you know when one loses hope, they cant help but feel negative. It comes and goes unfortunately. Sometimes its hard to forget, its on my mind everyday, my work keeps me busy as soon as i leave the office its back again. even though im doing continuous zikhr and remembrance brother, just on the off chance it catches me. got a feeling this negative thing is a part of my life. then again no ones life is perfect... is it? i'm thinking there is.

    i can't even explain it, feel like locking myself away from the whole world sometimes...

    i'll continue my ibadah no doubt about that. After all Allah is always with us.

    how to work on the negative outlook on life is the question. Hope i find the answers soon insh Allah.
    I want to get married again.

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    Re: I want to get married again.

    Quote Originally Posted by anonymous View Post
    Salaamz brother. Jazak Allah for your advice, you know when one loses hope, they cant help but feel negative. It comes and goes unfortunately. Sometimes its hard to forget, its on my mind everyday, my work keeps me busy as soon as i leave the office its back again. even though im doing continuous zikhr and remembrance brother, just on the off chance it catches me. got a feeling this negative thing is a part of my life. then again no ones life is perfect... is it? i'm thinking there is.

    i can't even explain it, feel like locking myself away from the whole world sometimes...

    i'll continue my ibadah no doubt about that. After all Allah is always with us.

    how to work on the negative outlook on life is the question. Hope i find the answers soon insh Allah.
    I understand what you're saying, but I'm of the belief that its negative thinking that ultimately leads to hopelessness, not the other way around. If one's negative thinking is dominant to the point where he is experiencing hopelessness, then there is something seriously wrong with his general perception of things.

    Since Allah is the Source of all things, the Muslim must perceive life from this very perspective. Yes, you may be constantly praying and doing dhikr (may Allah reward you), but please understand that this may all amount to nothing if your intentions are not in the right place. If your worship stems from a desire of the dunya (women, wealth, land), I warn you that you will have an enormously difficult time attaining these things, but I'm sure you already know this.

    The Prophet said that if you run after Allah, the dunya will run after you. To love Allah is to love everything, because it's all from Allah. You cannot pick and choose. Thus, there is nothing inherently wrong with your circumstances. You may think things are bad only because the devil has succeeded in convincing you that your situation is negative. But this is what I could take from your OP:

    You've made it to 40; your mother is alive; you seem to have a well-paying job; you have shelter and clothing and internet access. Do you see where I'm getting at, brother? The more you train your mind to see the Love and Generosity and Kindness of Allah in all things, the more you will feel abundant, and I assure you this will reflect in your life.


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