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  1. #1
    xa_xa_ft's Avatar
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    Why am i being tested?

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    Hi All,

    I have been praying to Allah to give me a spouse for sometime now but its not happened as yet.

    I liked someone and i also prayed allah to give me him. I prayed lots of isthikhara but this person that i wanted stopped talkong to me altogether and found someone else.

    My heart cant take the lonelness anymore

    Why is allah testing me with this when he knows its the one thing i want so much.

    Also, i should keep faith but why cant allah give me the man i want?

    Guy please help me out with this!!

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    Imraan's Avatar
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    Re: Why am i being tested?

    Quote Originally Posted by xa_xa_ft View Post
    Hi All,

    I have been praying to Allah to give me a spouse for sometime now but its not happened as yet.

    I liked someone and i also prayed allah to give me him. I prayed lots of isthikhara but this person that i wanted stopped talkong to me altogether and found someone else.

    My heart cant take the lonelness anymore

    Why is allah testing me with this when he knows its the one thing i want so much.

    Also, i should keep faith but why cant allah give me the man i want?

    Guy please help me out with this!!
    Assalam walaikum sister. You obviously haven't read my post and found out about what calamities I'm facing at the moment and the whole ordeal for the past few years. You should read my post. It's TRUE I'm not promoting drama Im saying it how it is and the reality of it.

    Sister, dont worry too much, the more you worry and the more you think about it, the more desperate you will become, this will possibly lead you to making irrational, self righteous decisions and even lower your guard and cautiousness only to end up in a situation far worse than that you could have possibly imagined. Believe me I have been there.

    Be grateful you are free from calamities right now.... Calamities that are remotely worse off than any calamity you think you are in right now as of this moment.

    Maintain your faith, those who dont get everything they want in this dunya will surely be recompensed in some form in the akhira insh Allah. Subhan Allah. Maintain sabr patience if it is decreed for you to get married then may it happen soon insh Allah. Use the last ten days of ramadhan for worship as on the night of decree important decisions about everyone's destiny that are already made for the forthcoming 12 months and even beyond are sent down via the angels. They will come to fruition no matter what.

    Stay on the righteous path, dont deviate from the sunnah, keep family and elders involved at all times, put emotions aside and do regular sanity checks. There are some bad people out there that take advantage, may Allah swt guide them and we should all pray that we dont attract evil people nor encounter them in our life. Bit selfish I know as everyone deserves to be forgiven or given a chance so our sunnah would prescribe. We should be the ever forgiving and lead by example. SubhanAllah but at what cost?. Best thing to do is stay safe, secure, content and have faith in the qadr of Allah.

    Duty of precaution is on us as a responsibility, but the qadr comes from no one else but Allah swt. Alhamdulillah.

    Remember me and everyone else in your duas sister.

    Jazak Allah.
    Last edited by Imraan; 3 Weeks Ago at 01:33 AM.
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    xa_xa_ft's Avatar
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    Re: Why am i being tested?

    I loved your response to my post.

    But its so hard to remain hopeful and postive.

    I mean say i like person X and this person heart has turned away from me despite me praying isthikhara it just seems unfair. He seems like the perfect guy for me.

    Why don’t we always get what we want? Sometimes i think why has allah written him for someone else and not me???

    I am of age 30 now and so many times i thought yes ive met the one something goes wrong and it doesnt work out. I have been praying and making lots of dua to Allah to give me a spouse that i will love but to no avail

    I think your super positive but sometimes when i see everyone around me getting what i want .. i cant help but think if only i was more confident, more beautiful, more out there and more more more etc.


    Why am i being tested?

  5. #4
    Hamza Asadullah's Avatar
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    Re: Why am i being tested?

    Quote Originally Posted by xa_xa_ft View Post
    I loved your response to my post.

    But its so hard to remain hopeful and postive.

    I mean say i like person X and this person heart has turned away from me despite me praying isthikhara it just seems unfair. He seems like the perfect guy for me.

    Why don’t we always get what we want? Sometimes i think why has allah written him for someone else and not me???

    I am of age 30 now and so many times i thought yes ive met the one something goes wrong and it doesnt work out. I have been praying and making lots of dua to Allah to give me a spouse that i will love but to no avail

    I think your super positive but sometimes when i see everyone around me getting what i want .. i cant help but think if only i was more confident, more beautiful, more out there and more more more etc.


    Why am i being tested?
    Asalaamu Alaikum,

    My sister I understand the desire to find a life partner for companionship is a part of our natural inclination. Allah has made us in pairs and for us to find comfort in one another in the form of marriage. We all want to be happy with a like minded person whom we find physically and characteristically attractive. However we must realise that Allah only wants the best for us and whatever boundaries he has ordained upon us is only to protect us for surely our creator knows what is best for us. Therefore if we cross those boundaries and get hurt in the process then who can we blame but ourselves?

    So firstly you must not get to know anyone privately without your mahram present in your interactions. This is because in every private interaction between an unmarried man and woman (who are not mahrams) then shaythan is the third party to such interactions:

    The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: "No man is alone with a woman but the Shaytaan is the third one present.” (Al-Tirmidhi;1171)

    So the danger here is that by having private interactions then we risk going towards zina and Islam ordains that we avoid every possibility of going anywhere near zina. In fact I would say you are very lucky up until now because there are countless examples of men taking advantage of women by promising them marriage and a future whereby they soften the woman's heart towards them so they can get what they want, and after that they leave the woman. This can ruin a woman and even scar her for a long time whereby she has no trust left. This can even cause issues in future relationships.

    So because you got to know these guys privately and therefore began developing feelings for them whereby you had a desire to have a future with them then this has then led to you developing an obsession for them to the point that you want no one else but them even though they have rejected you. These feelings have clouded your thinking sister. How can we want anyone who does not want a future with us? Do you think such a relationship would lead to a successful marriage? If they don't want you now do you think they will continue to want you in marriage and beyond when things get much harder?

    So my sister you have no one to blame but yourself for putting yourself in such a predicament. You seem to be very naive about these matters hence why it is absolutely necessary that you must never get to know any guy without the presence of your mahram in your interactions. This way you will not develop any feelings for anyone except the person you marry. You have now experienced the consequences of developing feelings for someone outside of marriage because if things don't go further then it will result in the pain and anguish that you feel right now. But if you had kept within the boundaries of our Deen then you would not be hurt as you are now.

    My sister we must be very careful particularly in this day and age. There are many predators out there looking for easy pickings and they know the right things to do and say to eventually get what they want, so you have been very lucky up until now. In fact rather than feel angry that you are not getting the guys that reject you then you should thank Allah that he has saved you from getting far more hurt than you could have been. Unfortunately many people are not so lucky.

    So the first thing you must do during these blessed days and nights is to ask for forgiveness of Allah for any private interactions that you may have had and for developing feelings for and getting obsessed with someone you are not married to. You must make a firm resolve to go about getting married within the boundaries of our Deen which means no private interactions without your mahram present. This is only for your safety sister for surely Allah only ordains on us what is best for us as he knows us better than we know ourselves. Secondly thank him profusely for saving you from far worse a situation. It maybe he saved you from a terrible marriage.

    Surely my sister if a person rejected you or things did not work out how you wanted then surely it was because they were never meant for you. You say you made isthikhara then if things did not work out after that then surely the isthikhara worked as Allah did what was best for you. It may be that if things were pursued with such a person then you would have had a miserable marriage or the guy would have cheated on you or left you etc. Therefore have trust in Allah that if things don't work out then it is because it was best for you. Never question Allah or be angry at him but be angry with yourself for developing feelings and obsession with a guy before marriage.

    So my sister never say to Allah that "Why have you done this or that". We should thank Allah and never question his wisdom because we do not know what is best for us for only he does. We think we know what is good for us but we have a very narrow scope of knowledge whereas Allah's knowledge encompasses everything.

    Therefore If we go about these matters in a way that pleases Allah then surely he will bless our pursuit of marriage. So make the necessary effort to find the right partner in a way that pleases Allah and put your trust in him and never question his wisdom because surely he saved you from far worse. Many people will tell you that they learnt the hard way. We must be patient in these matters and persevere with full hope and trust in Allah. These are best days and nights whereby Dua's are accepted so ask of Allah particularly just before breaking fast and at Tahajjud time before Suhur ends.

    May Allah enable us to go about every matter in a way that pleases him and may he find you a good pious partner. Ameen
    Last edited by Hamza Asadullah; 3 Weeks Ago at 03:40 AM.
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    Why am i being tested?

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  7. #5
    Al_Ghazali's Avatar
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    Re: Why am i being tested?

    Quote Originally Posted by xa_xa_ft View Post
    Hi All,

    I have been praying to Allah to give me a spouse for sometime now but its not happened as yet.

    I liked someone and i also prayed allah to give me him. I prayed lots of isthikhara but this person that i wanted stopped talkong to me altogether and found someone else.

    My heart cant take the lonelness anymore

    Why is allah testing me with this when he knows its the one thing i want so much.

    Also, i should keep faith but why cant allah give me the man i want?

    Guy please help me out with this!!
    You give off vibes of desperation, and this is what pushes people away from you. You are not content in your own being, and this is all due to you, not Allah.

    Loneliness is relative. None of us are truly lonely, as Allah and two angels are always with us. Perhaps if you started praying to Allah solely for the sake of communicating with Him; and worshipped Him solely for the fact that He is the Praiseworthy; and remembered Him solely because He is your Lord and Master of the universe...perhaps then you will see that everything that you want is in Allah. He is the Light, and everything else is a false light of the dunya, and you've fallen for the false lights.

    It was narrated that Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever is mainly concerned about the Hereafter, Allaah will make him feel independent of others and will make him focused and content, and his worldly affairs will fall into place. But whoever is mainly concerned with this world, Allaah will make him feel in constant need of others and will make him distracted and unfocused, and he will get nothing of this world except what is decreed for him.”

    (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2389; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 6510).
    You seem to love the dunya more than Allah, so I'd work on that first, and then everything will surely fall into place. You will be giving off vibes of contentment and fulfillment, which will in turn attract people towards you.
    | Likes Ahmed., Imraan liked this post

  8. #6
    Imraan's Avatar
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    Re: Why am i being tested?

    Quote Originally Posted by xa_xa_ft View Post
    I loved your response to my post.

    But its so hard to remain hopeful and postive.

    I mean say i like person X and this person heart has turned away from me despite me praying isthikhara it just seems unfair. He seems like the perfect guy for me.

    Why don’t we always get what we want? Sometimes i think why has allah written him for someone else and not me???

    I am of age 30 now and so many times i thought yes ive met the one something goes wrong and it doesnt work out. I have been praying and making lots of dua to Allah to give me a spouse that i will love but to no avail

    I think your super positive but sometimes when i see everyone around me getting what i want .. i cant help but think if only i was more confident, more beautiful, more out there and more more more etc.


    Why am i being tested?
    It is heart breaking, demoralising at times I know. Believe me I find myself contemplating all the time. The quicker you accept the decree of Allah swt the quicker you overcome these feelings of negativity. It is a tremendous challenge and it's normal for any human to emotionally breakdown at any time, yes I talk about my own experiences, I've been there and will occasionally revisit that undesired place or state. What can I say it makes me cry out to Allah swt more, extra zikr, extra worship and unfortunately a more softened heart, which makes me vulnerable I think so I always try to keep a level head at the same time no matter what.

    You should try to change your inner self more, very much more than your external self. You talk about wanting more this, more that, more beauty. You can ask for it but your priority should be wanting more imaan, more health, more piousness, more spiritual contentment, more wisdom, this will bring significant psychological balance and understanding what this life is supposed to mean and what to expect after death inshallah and will result in eventually (if you really want,... that is), .....a diminishing desire for stuff that is external, I mean we will always want stuff external and I still pray for the means to achieve them, but never before a request to increase my ability to improve my core spiritual self and my wisdom. I believe it is possible and guaranteed for an individual to find emotional solace, contentment and wisdom if only they make effort in this life and pray. The external stuff including the husband or wife you've always wanted, the car you've always wanted, the house you've always wanted, the children you've always wanted etc is not guaranteed I'm sorry to say, unless it is definetely decreed by our lord our ultimate sustainer. Hence believe in the concept of rizq, qadr, fate and the mere fact that Allah swt the all knowing is with you always no matter what. Alhamdulillah. You'll see that you'll yearn for this life less and yearn for hereafter more. It's so sad I know because we value our life in this dunya with great value, our memories and those who we depend on and those who depend on us. It's all one package which some of us are reluctant to let go.

    To everyone reading this, Eid Mubarak!, looks like we'll be celebrating tomorrow. May Allah accepts our efforts insh Allah.

    Remember me, my family and the whole Muslim ummah/humanity in your prayers.

    Jazak Allah
    Last edited by Imraan; 2 Weeks Ago at 09:20 PM.


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