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  1. #1
    xa_xa_ft's Avatar
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    Why do i get these thoughts?

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    So i have always wanted to marry person X. Now person X doesnt think im right for them and thinks im boring etc.

    What im trying to get at is that i always like guys who want a fun exciting girl who will talk haraam and want to be in a relationship before marriage.

    Now because im not like that they go to other girls who will give them what they are looking for

    Sometimes i think i wish i was not boring and did all that to please a guy but then i think im being good for allah so i cant change myself.

    Ita unfair how all the guys i like end up with other girls. I always pray for god to give me one i like but not happened.

    Guys why do i feel this way. Will i ever marry someone i like?

    Its unfair everyone that i like goes to someone else.

    Is this qadr???

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    keiv's Avatar
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    Re: Why do i get these thoughts?

    To be quite honest, it sounds like your standards need to change as well as your methods of finding guys. I'd also say alhamdulillah that you didn't end up in these haram relationships, rather than seeing it as being unfair.
    | Likes manofIslam, Ahmed. liked this post

  4. #3
    Hamza Asadullah's Avatar
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    Re: Why do i get these thoughts?

    Quote Originally Posted by xa_xa_ft View Post
    So i have always wanted to marry person X. Now person X doesnt think im right for them and thinks im boring etc.

    What im trying to get at is that i always like guys who want a fun exciting girl who will talk haraam and want to be in a relationship before marriage.

    Now because im not like that they go to other girls who will give them what they are looking for

    Sometimes i think i wish i was not boring and did all that to please a guy but then i think im being good for allah so i cant change myself.

    Ita unfair how all the guys i like end up with other girls. I always pray for god to give me one i like but not happened.

    Guys why do i feel this way. Will i ever marry someone i like?

    Its unfair everyone that i like goes to someone else.

    Is this qadr???
    Asalaamu Alaikum,

    Sister you answered your own question - you always go for guys that want fun and talk haraam and don't want you because you don't want to do those things.

    Then why do you keep putting yourself in a situation where you meet these kinds of guys? Surely it is easy to find these types of guys because they are openly looking for easy pickings off any type of girl who will give them what they want.

    Do you think you will ever be happy with such a guy and will they be faithful to you in marriage if they are not looking for commitment and want to do haraam before marriage? Sister you are not thinking with a clear head about this.

    There is a concept that certain girls prefer "bad boys" because they want to change them. My sister this is from shaythan who only wants you to have a miserable marriage with a non practising guy who may cheat on you and not be committed to you in marriage.

    We have been given a clear criteria with regards to what to look for in a partner and that is piety and good character. What you are seeking here is the opposite of that. There is no thrill and excitement from having a miserable marriage with a cheat who looks around for other women to want to commit adultery with.

    So look for someone with good characteristics and do not be fooled by shaythan. Marriage is an important life decision so surely we would want to find a person whom will treat us the best and be loyal and committed to us and help us on the path to Paradise.
    Last edited by Hamza Asadullah; 2 Weeks Ago at 04:12 AM.
    | Likes manofIslam, Ahmed. liked this post
    Why do i get these thoughts?

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  5. #4
    MazharShafiq's Avatar
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    Re: Why do i get these thoughts?

    Quote Originally Posted by Hamza Asadullah View Post
    Asalaamu Alaikum,

    Sister you answered your own question - you always go for guys that want fun and talk haraam and don't want you because you don't want to do those things.

    Then why do you keep putting yourself in a situation where you meet these kinds of guys? Surely it is easy to find these types of guys because they are openly looking for easy pickings off any type of girl who will give them what they want.

    Do you think you will ever be happy with such a guy and will they be faithful to you in marriage if they are not looking for commitment and want to do haraam before marriage? Sister you are not thinking with a clear head about this.

    There is a concept that certain girls prefer "bad boys" because they want to change them. My sister this is from shaythan who only wants you to have a miserable marriage with a non practising guy who may cheat on you and not be committed to you in marriage.

    We have been given a clear criteria with regards to what to look for in a partner and that is piety and good character. What you are seeking here is the opposite of that. There is no thrill and excitement from having a miserable marriage with a cheat who looks around for other women to want to commit adultery with.

    So look for someone with good characteristics and do not be fooled by shaythan. Marriage is an important life decision so surely we would want to find a person whom will treat us the best and be loyal and committed to us and help us on the path to Paradise.
    yes I think so that is good advice .
    Why do i get these thoughts?


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    Physicist's Avatar
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    Re: Why do i get these thoughts?

    Bad guys are attractive to naive girls because they appear to be strong, rebellious, going against rules, etc. While good guys appear to be weak and conforming.

    That's all on surface. If you look deeper, you'll see that some humble guys going through really strong jihad and don't care about showing up. On the other hand, those "cool guys" only playing around and if faced real difficulty will run for cover.

    So, my advice - don't judge quickly, get to know boys better.

  8. #6
    Ahmed.'s Avatar
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    Re: Why do i get these thoughts?

    You should be glad those boys who like haram talk (and maybe haram zina too) don't want you as you shouldn't be wanting them either

    Be glad that this is your taqdir as bad company will turn you bad too

  9. #7
    xa_xa_ft's Avatar
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    Re: Why do i get these thoughts?

    Yh but why do i like them? Why do i feel some other girls is lucky to have him

  10. #8
    Ahmed.'s Avatar
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    Re: Why do i get these thoughts?

    Quote Originally Posted by xa_xa_ft View Post
    Yh but why do i like them? Why do i feel some other girls is lucky to have him
    This attraction is bad too. Alhamdulillah you've managed to control haram interaction, but liking and wanting a 'bad boy' is not good too as it's their haramness that attracts you

    You have to learn to control your desires too and not like boys that are into haram talk

    You should be looking for a pious religious spouse

  11. #9
    xa_xa_ft's Avatar
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    Re: Why do i get these thoughts?

    But is this qadr? If allah willed i could marry a ‘bad boy’ right

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    Ahmed.'s Avatar
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    Re: Why do i get these thoughts?

    Quote Originally Posted by xa_xa_ft View Post
    But is this qadr? If allah willed i could marry a ‘bad boy’ right
    Yes of course this is qadr. Whatever happens is qadr and sometimes Allah helps us

    You want to be good that's why you are refraining from haram interaction but you have a weakness which is desiring a bad boy and Allah is doing you a favour by keeping those baddies out of your reach

    But be careful for what you desire Sister otherwise Allah might give you someone who's bad for your imaan

  14. #11
    xa_xa_ft's Avatar
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    Re: Why do i get these thoughts?

    Sometimes i think maybe im not good enough hence why those bad boys are not interested in me and find me boring because i follow the path of allah.


    I dont know what to ask allah for? What should i pray for? For someone i like or someone he thinks is good for me?

    Why is life so difficult!

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    CuriousonTruth's Avatar
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    Re: Why do i get these thoughts?

    Quote Originally Posted by xa_xa_ft View Post
    Sometimes i think maybe im not good enough hence why those bad boys are not interested in me and find me boring because i follow the path of allah.


    I dont know what to ask allah for? What should i pray for? For someone i like or someone he thinks is good for me?

    Why is life so difficult!
    You think life is difficult.....because you don't have a boyfriend?

    Maybe you should change the kind of guys you like. You need to be able understand who is or isn't marriage material. If they require pre-marital relationships then that should be a warning for you. What exactly is stopping him from cheating on you with other girls behind your back?

    More important if you are very young, you should focus on your studies not on getting a boyfriend.
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  16. #13
    xa_xa_ft's Avatar
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    Re: Why do i get these thoughts?

    I wouldnt be in a haraam relationship before marriage all im saying is that i just don’t understand why i dont get the guys i like! its unfair ... the person who was interested in me a while ago is now interested in someone else because i was not interesting enough

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    CuriousonTruth's Avatar
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    Re: Why do i get these thoughts?

    Quote Originally Posted by xa_xa_ft View Post
    I wouldnt be in a haraam relationship before marriage all im saying is that i just don’t understand why i dont get the guys i like! its unfair ... the person who was interested in me a while ago is now interested in someone else because i was not interesting enough
    We can't always get what we want, that's not how life works. I want a doctorate degree and earn 100k salary. Will I get that? No.

    This is very basic, you can't have everything you want in life. Memorize this, and chant it till Fajr.

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  19. #15
    Hamza Asadullah's Avatar
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    Re: Why do i get these thoughts?

    Quote Originally Posted by xa_xa_ft View Post
    I wouldnt be in a haraam relationship before marriage all im saying is that i just don’t understand why i dont get the guys i like! its unfair ... the person who was interested in me a while ago is now interested in someone else because i was not interesting enough
    Sister you seem to keep going around in circles in many of your threads. You have been given enough advice to act upon but you keep repeating the same things over and over without even considering the advice your given.

    You claim you would not get into a haraam relationship before marriage then why do you want to be attractive to those wanting to do haraam? Why we would you not want to be attractive to those who want to do things the halal way and the good and pious people?

    The simple answer as to why you are attracted to the worst kind of men is because this is what shaythan wants for you. He wants you to find the worst men so you have the worst marriage which then ends badly.

    These feelings of low self worth may also stem from some bad past experiences that you have gone through in your past. That's what it seems like and so I think you should seriously consider getting therapy to help overcome these detrimental feelings you have insha'Allah.
    Why do i get these thoughts?

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  20. #16
    xa_xa_ft's Avatar
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    Re: Why do i get these thoughts?

    I think i have low self esteem. I think its because 5 years ago i liked someone and he said no for whatever reason and now i feel like by getting a ‘bad boy’ i will have achieved something and would have proofed somethign to myself.


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