Can allah forgive even me ?

Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful."

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Quran 39:53

Don't waste more time in despair. You don't know when you will die. So as soon as you know you have sinned, repent and guard yourself from committing sins.
Practice Islam, that's the only way to please Allah, that He may grant you forgiveness and remove your evil deeds.
It's not possible to commit no sin at all, and some sins you don't realize it right away, so keep repenting at the same time you guard yourself from sins.

If you have wronged other people, you will need to apologize to them and do what you can to repair the damage you have done.
On Judgement Day, the people you have wronged, will be able to claim a portion of your good deeds and if you don't have good deeds, a portion of their sins will be loaded unto you.

There are sins that take you out of Islam. If you have done these, go to the masjid and talk to the imam. If you have to repeat shahada, he can be your witness and he will testify about it on Judgement Day.

You can't harm Allah. Whatever harm you think you did to Him, you did only to yourself.

Whatever evil thoughts and dreams you had, these are work of shaitan. You are responsible for your decisions only (those thoughts are like options given to you, and you chooses what is right and what is wrong)
Now shaitan whispers to you: "Anyway Allah will not forgive you, become my servant."
Don't listen to him.
You need peace, not hate.
Remember, Allah created you as you are, of course He can forgive you if you repent sincerely and just will do your best on your own way.
The very first ayat of every surah: "Bismillahirrohmaanirrohiim": " In the name of Allah, the entirely Merciful, especially Merciful".

format_quote Originally Posted by universecloud

To be honest people i was never a true believer, almost every hardship ends up being a failure as i keep increasing in kufr, i did things to the book of allah that no one ever thought of doing, i blatantly cursed him and his creation (including me), wishing my death, staying away from relatives.

I'm really at a low point where i honestly don't know if i will ever be forgiven, i'm just at his mercy right now whether he wants to bestow it upon me or not but i just keep thinking, is it really, after all that i've done (i really can't think of anything more disgraceful done to the lord which i did most of them). At the time of anger i say things that shouldn't be said.

How can he forgive such an ignorant soul ? i've done too much, how can he forgive me? i just can't comprehend such feat.

I get that he forgives mountains of sins in an instant but you got to understand that the things i did to him were just too great ( in my thinking ) how and why would he just instantly wipe everything off, a clean slate.

All i can say at this moment is that i really deserve hell.

Assalamu Alaikum.

My brother for you to come here and share all of your pains and burdens is a sign of your sorrow and pain with regards to your sins. But however much we feel in despair we must never lose hope that we can change and turn things around. The only thing stopping us from making the necessary changes is ourselves and the whispers of our enemy shaythan. Truly every moment we breathe is an opportunity for greatness in that we can sincerely repent and begin a life of trying our best to attain the pleasure of Allah. So what you can do is the following:

Ensure that you are in ritual purity and make 2 raka'h Salatul Tawbah:

The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said:
“There is no one who commits a sin then purifies himself well and stands and prays two rak’ahs, then asks Allaah for forgiveness, but Allaah will forgive him. Then he recited this verse: ‘And those who, when they have committed Faahishah (illegal sexual intercourse) or wronged themselves with evil, remember Allaah and ask forgiveness for their sins; — and none can forgive sins but Allaah — and do not persist in what (wrong) they have done, while they know’ [Aal ‘Imraan 3:135].” (Abu Dawood)

After this prayer repent sincerely to Allah, open your heart unto him, cry and beg of him for forgiveness then have hope of his mercy. At the same time make a firm resolve never to repeat your major sins again. In doing this you need to also tackle the core issue that led to such sins to ensure they don't happen again.

See a Raqi who will possibly prescribe Ruqya upon you (Having certain verses of the Quran recited upon you according to the Sunnah). I say this because you mentioned doing acts of life against the Quran and Allah by cursing which may indicate some symptoms of black magic. Therefore It is best to at least establish whether you have any magic done on you or not. You can go about this by looking for a reliable Raqi (the one who practices Ruqya according to the Sunnah) in your area.

By doing the above you can not only gain forgiveness but also try and get to the root cause of your issues. You must act immediately because we know not how long we have left and as long as we are breathing then we have every opportunity of correcting our wrong and living a life that pleases Allah.

Thereafter that you will never want to look back but you can move forward in life with contentment and peace in your heart and do your best to leave a legacy behind by which you can continue gaining rewards even after your gone. Everyone of us is capable of achieving great things in our lives and we must never allow our sins to hold us back. So keep repenting to Allah always as Almighty Allah loves repentance. Fulfill the daily prayers and connect to the Masjid and the Quran and awaken for the night prayers. Remember Allah much and enjoin good and forbid evil. Keep striving and never give in because Allah will ask us that did we not get enough opportunities to change? Surely we have every opportunity to do so therefore we must act now.

May Allah enable us to do the best we can in this life so we can achieve the best of this life and the next. Ameen

AsSalaam to you.

From your own admission, the result is that you only have a tough choice or a difficult choice for your future. If your life is prone to go downwards with faith and without faith then without faith is definitely not the way to stay.

The question then is, what went wrong in the faith?

Only you can answer that.

But the fact remains, not many will taste hidayah. We have to seek it. Ask Allah to give us hidayah. He will test us to the end. Waver as you might, keep seeking his forgiveness, plead that for suffering in this world is to replace that in the hereafter. Whatever, do not ever repeat those foolish acts of swearing and challenging Allah again.

Allah Is Most Forgiving - Ar Rahman. Seek His Forgiveness

Don’t ever despair.