Assalamu alaykum warahmitallahi wa barakatu! I hope you all are having a good day today. I have a question. So I have this non muslim friend ( We have been close for very long. She knows I’m a strict Muslim), she comes over many times. Inshallah I will try to get her to come to Islam.
So here is the situation. My brother (still lives with us. He soon will be married to a lady he has been chatting with. Its a long distance relationship), is more of a modern Muslim. He does hug ladies, shake their hands, hangs out and talks with them (never when they are alone though). So I remember awhile ago, when my friend came over for the first time, she really was expecting the males of my family to not approach her or anything because she thought that they would also be strict with the opposite sex like I am. But eventually, my brother would always come to my room when she comes over and he would talk to her a lot. He would literally make jokes way too much ( It is not like he usually does. Oof he makes mean jokes about me sometimes, but it isnt too bad). He just always comes approaches us when she comes over (this girl has a boyfriend too, so I thought that she has no liking of my brother). I never thought it was a big deal at first, because I thought since my brother does this with other girls. But now, they are getting very touchy touchy. Like they play fight (yes she literally pinned him down on the BED), smile, talk about personal life, slap each-others arms, ect... Sometimes they are alone in a room when I have to go pray, because she will be on her phone and my brother decides to talk to her instead of leaving!
Sometimes, my brother even starts talking about ME and Islam. It’s like he tries to start saying I’m extreme and he gets her to think that too and lead her on. Then they both start bothering me “Why this, why that. Yada yada. Cant you just pray and be done with it”. I don’t know what is wrong with him! He started this conversation, and he starts trying to discourage me in front of her and demean me!
I had no idea things would get far. I think my dad is starting to notice, but he seems not to care.
Questions
1) What should I do? I don’t want to stop her from coming! She thinks it is ok to do this stuff ( I dont blame her, shes non muslim and my brother started this stuff). If I try to confront my brother, he will call me extreme and weird. My brother is used to touching and shaking hands because of his co workers
2) Do I have to lower my gaze when they start touching? It is like as if they are flirting.
Sister since you can take some steps to stop this form of zina going on (non mahrams looking at each other without necessity and touching is zina of eyes and hands), and also since it can get worse in the form of full blown zina relationship between them, you will be guilty and will get sin jariya if you don't
Best is stop your friend from coming and explain to her the religious reason, as even if you stop your brother from entering your room, it seems the presence of those two being close could develop into relationship (your brother could pursue her outside)
The less optimal step will be to stop your brother entering your room despite what he might call you. And do prayer in your room so he doesn't have chance to enter then...
Despite what your brother and friend thinks, this is serious sin they are involved in and it could lead to more serious and you will be to blame too
Telling your friend that she has a boyfriend and should not be behaving with your brothe like that. And on top of that your brother of all people should not behave like that. Remind him of his soon to be wife. Its obvious he has an attraction towards her and she towards him. Tell your parents about this because if they arent aware of this and your brother continue to acts like this, how will act when he is married? Does your father want someone to treat you like this while flirting with other girls? Allah make it easy for you
Assalamu alaykum warahmitallahi wa barakatu! I hope you all are having a good day today. I have a question. So I have this non muslim friend ( We have been close for very long. She knows I’m a strict Muslim), she comes over many times. Inshallah I will try to get her to come to Islam.
So here is the situation. My brother (still lives with us. He soon will be married to a lady he has been chatting with. Its a long distance relationship), is more of a modern Muslim. He does hug ladies, shake their hands, hangs out and talks with them (never when they are alone though). So I remember awhile ago, when my friend came over for the first time, she really was expecting the males of my family to not approach her or anything because she thought that they would also be strict with the opposite sex like I am. But eventually, my brother would always come to my room when she comes over and he would talk to her a lot. He would literally make jokes way too much ( It is not like he usually does. Oof he makes mean jokes about me sometimes, but it isnt too bad). He just always comes approaches us when she comes over (this girl has a boyfriend too, so I thought that she has no liking of my brother). I never thought it was a big deal at first, because I thought since my brother does this with other girls. But now, they are getting very touchy touchy. Like they play fight (yes she literally pinned him down on the BED), smile, talk about personal life, slap each-others arms, ect... Sometimes they are alone in a room when I have to go pray, because she will be on her phone and my brother decides to talk to her instead of leaving!
Sometimes, my brother even starts talking about ME and Islam. It’s like he tries to start saying I’m extreme and he gets her to think that too and lead her on. Then they both start bothering me “Why this, why that. Yada yada. Cant you just pray and be done with it”. I don’t know what is wrong with him! He started this conversation, and he starts trying to discourage me in front of her and demean me!
I had no idea things would get far. I think my dad is starting to notice, but he seems not to care.
Questions
1) What should I do? I don’t want to stop her from coming! She thinks it is ok to do this stuff ( I dont blame her, shes non muslim and my brother started this stuff). If I try to confront my brother, he will call me extreme and weird. My brother is used to touching and shaking hands because of his co workers
2) Do I have to lower my gaze when they start touching? It is like as if they are flirting.
Assalam o Alaikum Sister,
It looks like your family is very modern and far from Islam. I am saying this based on your description of how your parents reacted when you decided to put on Hijab and the description about how your brother deals with girls. I would suggest talk to your brother first. Let him imagine for a while how he will feel if a non Muslim man will do what he does to your friend. Tell him that if he can't practice Islam then at least keep away from your friend and dont come and talk to her if she comes over. If that does not help, then talk to your friend and explain your point of view. Request her to keep her dignity and distance from your brother if she want to come to your house. You can talk to your parents but I think that will be the last choice as it may annoy your brother and I dont think your parents will even care. They seem to be fine to mix up in western society.
I also advise you to have Muslim friends who understand and practice Islam. Non-Muslim friends can be a challenge and can lead you astray. Stay in the company of people who can boost your imaan and remind of straight path all the times.
May Allah help you to stay on right path and may Allah help your family to get on the right path. Ameen!
As HabibUrrehman said, your family seems to be non observant muslims. They come from historically muslim families and might share some muslim values, yet they have parted ways with islam at some point.
As such, I would say you should do all that you can to being a part of haram activities. Yet be careful not to needlessly create conflict between you and your family. It is a difficult balancing act, yet in the long run, keeping a good relationship with your parents and brother would be good. Who knows, in a few years, maybe you will be the one guiding them back to islam!
Here is what I believe would be possible for you to easily do
- Ask your brother to stop entering your room. Even if he is marham, a grown man should not enter his adult sister's room uninvited. If anything, it is rude.
- Tell your friend that your brother has a fiance. Even being non muslim, she should understand she is risking causing trouble for your brother. Her reaction will actually tell you a lot about her own character.
- Pray in your room and avoid leaving your friend alone in your room at any time.
- Try to minimize the times your bring her over (or do it while your brother is not home). If possible go other places to do assignments (can you go to her place?)
You can tell your father about the situation. But be careful in the way you say it. Avoid him thinking you are being too "conservative" just let him know what you have observed and tell him you are worried for your brother's reputation should his fiancee find out.
I don't follow Khabib much, but he seems like he has a great character and the brother is very talented. Unfortunately, he works in an environment that involves beating or hurting other people for sport as well as being in an environment where haram is advertised, alcohol is served and people are drunk out of their minds, and women are walking around half naked in and around the ring. He seems to care very much about the deen but it's odd to put Islam on the map (in a good sense) in an environment such as that.
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