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  1. #1
    anonymous's Avatar
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    Are we both being tested or just me?

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    Salaamz peepz, hope everyone is in the best of health and imaan insh Allah.

    So i get married, while we go through so many rough patches in the first year we also have a child. so we get divorced and have a 2 and a half year child contact battle with numerous allegations with a on / off / on / off going round in circles type of child contact case with many reviews and adjustments ordered by the courts etc etc blaa blaa blaa and now finally i have a final court order after a long long wait and to very much expense after hiring a barrister to represent me and now i feel penniless and financially oppressed from the whole thing.

    my question is:

    i pray everyday and improve my imaan and have been following this routine for quite some time now.....

    so during the whole ordeal from the start of my engagement i was definetely tested with a load of stuff
    - downward spiraling depression
    - mental instability
    - paranoia
    - insecurity
    - financial difficulty, the ex made sure i had to undergo financial difficulty to gain access to our kid.
    - victimized with false allegations with the ex being at the source of fabrication and her lying
    - family and close ones victimized as a result of the ex lying, verbally attacking them when we were together and attacking them via the courts
    - many more instances, many more aspects and many more knock on adverse effects on my day to day living activities

    so while the ex has had the upper hand the WHOLE time and considering no woman or man wants to go through the whole ordeal of a divorce and that the ex was a practicing woman i.e. prays salaah, reads quran, gives charity.... (only Allah knows whats truly in her heart) despite her showing very poor behaviour and characteristics which worsened over time until i couldnt take it anymore..
    was it just ME being tested with my vulnerabilities and weaknesses with hardship or
    was we both being tested i.e. me with my weaknesses and vulnerabilities and her with our child blessed by Allah SWT, the money and gold and gifts she got from the wedding and the load of money she's claiming off me on a monthly basis via the child maintenance service and her presumed rights she had in the country we live in where the womans testimony, statements have weight to the value of gold in comparisons to a mans voice which has weight to the value of 'bacofoil'.

    still looking for answers in this dunya, throughout my personal life ive had calamity after calamity after calamity with some modest blessing in between, today i ask myself, does life get any better or shall i give up trying to achieve things in this world and just focus on deen, forget getting married again, forget having children.

    i feel like im getting old and subconsciously i may just leave this world with no pious children after me to pray for me.

    Asthagfirullah. I have sinned and I believe I have been forgiven and / or my sins have been expiated, but at the same time ... i ask myself, does life get any better?

    i find it hard to concentrate or see the world n a better light.... when one faces calamity the world turns dark. Hope some positive stuff happens soon insh Allah, i feel like my hands are tied like opportunities and blessings are somewhat rare and limited.

    let me know your thoughts.....
    Are we both being tested or just me?

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  3. #2
    Studentofdeed's Avatar
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    Re: Are we both being tested or just me?

    Honestly divorces are just nasty. But really no one has to the right judge someones heart content even if they happen to be behaving outright hypocrites. But if someone prays 5 times a day and is still nasty to others, there is something wrong with that person iman. Going from test is good because allah is purifying you. As soon as I decided to become a devout Muslim, my life became worse and health issues became devastating but at the same time I got so much knowledge and met good honest muslims. So if you are suffering again and again, think of your rank in paradise going higher and higher. Dont worry about children. You can try to remarry but if it difficult maybe try adopting a child you can raise yourself. (Not giving him your name but raising him as your own) It will make you happy and you will be literally next to the prophet saw. May allah make it easy for you. And bless you with the best in both life brother
    | Likes HabibUrrehman liked this post

  4. #3
    HabibUrrehman's Avatar
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    Re: Are we both being tested or just me?

    Quote Originally Posted by anonymous View Post
    Salaamz peepz, hope everyone is in the best of health and imaan insh Allah.

    So i get married, while we go through so many rough patches in the first year we also have a child. so we get divorced and have a 2 and a half year child contact battle with numerous allegations with a on / off / on / off going round in circles type of child contact case with many reviews and adjustments ordered by the courts etc etc blaa blaa blaa and now finally i have a final court order after a long long wait and to very much expense after hiring a barrister to represent me and now i feel penniless and financially oppressed from the whole thing.

    my question is:

    i pray everyday and improve my imaan and have been following this routine for quite some time now.....

    so during the whole ordeal from the start of my engagement i was definetely tested with a load of stuff
    - downward spiraling depression
    - mental instability
    - paranoia
    - insecurity
    - financial difficulty, the ex made sure i had to undergo financial difficulty to gain access to our kid.
    - victimized with false allegations with the ex being at the source of fabrication and her lying
    - family and close ones victimized as a result of the ex lying, verbally attacking them when we were together and attacking them via the courts
    - many more instances, many more aspects and many more knock on adverse effects on my day to day living activities

    so while the ex has had the upper hand the WHOLE time and considering no woman or man wants to go through the whole ordeal of a divorce and that the ex was a practicing woman i.e. prays salaah, reads quran, gives charity.... (only Allah knows whats truly in her heart) despite her showing very poor behaviour and characteristics which worsened over time until i couldnt take it anymore..
    was it just ME being tested with my vulnerabilities and weaknesses with hardship or
    was we both being tested i.e. me with my weaknesses and vulnerabilities and her with our child blessed by Allah SWT, the money and gold and gifts she got from the wedding and the load of money she's claiming off me on a monthly basis via the child maintenance service and her presumed rights she had in the country we live in where the womans testimony, statements have weight to the value of gold in comparisons to a mans voice which has weight to the value of 'bacofoil'.

    still looking for answers in this dunya, throughout my personal life ive had calamity after calamity after calamity with some modest blessing in between, today i ask myself, does life get any better or shall i give up trying to achieve things in this world and just focus on deen, forget getting married again, forget having children.

    i feel like im getting old and subconsciously i may just leave this world with no pious children after me to pray for me.

    Asthagfirullah. I have sinned and I believe I have been forgiven and / or my sins have been expiated, but at the same time ... i ask myself, does life get any better?

    i find it hard to concentrate or see the world n a better light.... when one faces calamity the world turns dark. Hope some positive stuff happens soon insh Allah, i feel like my hands are tied like opportunities and blessings are somewhat rare and limited.

    let me know your thoughts.....
    Assalam o Alaikum Akhi,

    Let's look at some of the Quranic verses and hadeeths:

    Allah says in Quran:

    You shall certainly be tried and tested in your wealth and properties and in your personal selves. [3: 186]
    Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: ‘We believe,’ and will not be tested. And We indeed tested those who were before them… [29,2-4]
    Who has created death and life that He may test which of you is best in deed. And He is the All-Mighty, the Oft-Forgiving. [67: 2]
    Prophet Muhammad PBUH said:

    The extent of the reward will be in accordance with the extent of the trial. If Allah loves a people, He tries them, and whoever is content will have contentment, and whoever is angry will have anger. [Tirmidhi]
    Allah tests us in order to make us better and stronger Muslims. The point where you overcome a test successfully, you are not the same anymore, you are now better prepared for further challenges, you have stronger belief in Allah and more hopeful of success.

    Allah says:

    No calamity occurs, but by the permission of Allah, and whosoever believes in Allah, He guides his heart. And Allah is the All-Knower of everything. [64:11]
    All prophets were tested and testing is sign the you have a special place in hereafter provided you stay patient and be content with whatever Allah has decreed for you. Don't loose your hope, know that if Allah is on your side you don't need anyone else to save you in this world and hereafter. On the other hand, if whole world is with you but you earned anger of Allah then nothing can save you in this world and in the world Hereafter.

    Finally I will like you to read the story of Prophet Muhammad PBUH's visit of Taif. Remember that it was around the time when our beloved mother Khudeja (ra) and Prophet Muhammad PBUH's uncle Abu talib had passed away. We have all read this story but I want you to read that one more time and related the hardships our prophet PBUH went through to your life and see if our hardships are even hardships? Also look at what happened when Prophet Muhammad PBUH remained patient and grateful to Allah. Allah took prophet Muhammad PBUH to the night journey. Muslims migrated to Medina and prophet Muhammad PBUH's life got better. Ease only comes with trials and tests.

    Allah says:

    Verily, with hardship there is relief. [94:6]
    You may already know all this but I though it will be a good reminder to state few verses from Quran, some hadiths on this topic and relate Prophet Muhammad PBUH's life experience so that we can imitate one of the best person ever lived.

    Oh and also look at the dua Prophet Muhammad PBUH made when he was beaten by people of Taif.

    To You, my Lord,
    I complain of my weakness,
    lack of support and the humiliation I am made to receive.
    Most Compassionate and Merciful!
    You are the Lord of the weak,
    and you are my Lord.
    To whom do You leave me?
    To a distant person who receives me with hostility?
    Or to an enemy You have given power over me?
    As long as you are not displeased with me,
    I do not care what I face.
    I would, however,
    be much happier with Your mercy.
    I seek refuge in the light of Your face by which
    all darkness is dispelled and both this life and the life to come
    are put in their right course against incurring your wrath
    or being the subject of your anger.
    To You I submit,
    until I earn Your pleasure.
    Everything is powerless without your support.
    Such a beautiful dua and look at the faith! For Prophet Muhammad PBUH, nothing was more important than the pleasure of Allah. He understood the true meaning of life. He understood that tests and trials are only to bring him closer to God. May Allah help us to be patient at the time of trials and strengthen our faith. May Allah make us companion of Prophet Muhammad PBUH after we die. May Allah make our tests easy with increase in our faith. Below is Arabic version of this Dua if want to memorize and make part of your daily supplications.

  5. #4
    M.I.A.'s Avatar
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    Re: Are we both being tested or just me?

    Quote Originally Posted by anonymous View Post
    Salaamz peepz, hope everyone is in the best of health and imaan insh Allah.

    So i get married, while we go through so many rough patches in the first year we also have a child. so we get divorced and have a 2 and a half year child contact battle with numerous allegations with a on / off / on / off going round in circles type of child contact case with many reviews and adjustments ordered by the courts etc etc blaa blaa blaa and now finally i have a final court order after a long long wait and to very much expense after hiring a barrister to represent me and now i feel penniless and financially oppressed from the whole thing.

    my question is:

    i pray everyday and improve my imaan and have been following this routine for quite some time now.....

    so during the whole ordeal from the start of my engagement i was definetely tested with a load of stuff
    - downward spiraling depression
    - mental instability
    - paranoia
    - insecurity
    - financial difficulty, the ex made sure i had to undergo financial difficulty to gain access to our kid.
    - victimized with false allegations with the ex being at the source of fabrication and her lying
    - family and close ones victimized as a result of the ex lying, verbally attacking them when we were together and attacking them via the courts
    - many more instances, many more aspects and many more knock on adverse effects on my day to day living activities

    so while the ex has had the upper hand the WHOLE time and considering no woman or man wants to go through the whole ordeal of a divorce and that the ex was a practicing woman i.e. prays salaah, reads quran, gives charity.... (only Allah knows whats truly in her heart) despite her showing very poor behaviour and characteristics which worsened over time until i couldnt take it anymore..
    was it just ME being tested with my vulnerabilities and weaknesses with hardship or
    was we both being tested i.e. me with my weaknesses and vulnerabilities and her with our child blessed by Allah SWT, the money and gold and gifts she got from the wedding and the load of money she's claiming off me on a monthly basis via the child maintenance service and her presumed rights she had in the country we live in where the womans testimony, statements have weight to the value of gold in comparisons to a mans voice which has weight to the value of 'bacofoil'.

    still looking for answers in this dunya, throughout my personal life ive had calamity after calamity after calamity with some modest blessing in between, today i ask myself, does life get any better or shall i give up trying to achieve things in this world and just focus on deen, forget getting married again, forget having children.

    i feel like im getting old and subconsciously i may just leave this world with no pious children after me to pray for me.

    Asthagfirullah. I have sinned and I believe I have been forgiven and / or my sins have been expiated, but at the same time ... i ask myself, does life get any better?

    i find it hard to concentrate or see the world n a better light.... when one faces calamity the world turns dark. Hope some positive stuff happens soon insh Allah, i feel like my hands are tied like opportunities and blessings are somewhat rare and limited.

    let me know your thoughts.....
    ..well, at least you got the court order.

    That's what the fighting was about, so things are better for you than before.

    Hopefully you will try to be a good parent/father and improve your child's life.

    Having children is a huge responsibility to such an extent that only those that really know where they stand, can really claim everything is with Allah swt.

    The rest of us have to worry about making bad life choices that effect them.

    The world has little to offer for many people..

    So you have to struggle one step at a time towards the life you want or the peace you want..

    ..and hope not to ruin peoples days while you do it.

    ..I'd be lucky to get a pair of socks on eid lol.. I winge but I can live with it.
    Last edited by M.I.A.; 4 Weeks Ago at 06:17 PM.


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