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  1. #1
    Islami.mu'min's Avatar
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    Immodesty. Forgiveness. Extreme help needed

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    Assalamu alaykum. Things for the past year had been turning out REALLY well as a Muslim. I have had very hard troublesome times that have led to me becoming a better person. Alhamdulilah. Oh yes I ask that you read the whole thing. JazakAllahu khayran

    Some thing has recently started to happen (starting a few months ago) and I feel quite ashamed about it but I really need advice. Before I had reverted (one year ago), I used to work with a very flirtatious person ( he is actually Muslim too but he probably isn't into the religion). I wasn't quite modest myself either. But then alhamdulilah I covered up and became strict in my behavior and lost an interest in him. Recently, he has been appearing in my life and I have have to work in his presence very often (not alone with him though!).

    It wasn't anything bad at first. I remained strict like the usual and I tried to ignore him as much as I can. I avoided eye contact and all kinds of things. I had a bad feeling about the future. Eventually, he joked way too often and is very persistent. I started responding and it led me to laughing/enjoying a lot more than normal and developing feelings that were not there in the first place. I realized what was happening and I kept promising to myself that I would quit right then and their. I tried formulating plans. The sad thing is that (I really don't know how) but I ended up convincing myself that I'm doing fine because I'm not touching or anything. So it continued every single day.

    Unfortunately, my feelings continue to grow very strong without myself realizing it. Before, I would try to do anything to get away from the area but now I don't even mind at all. It is getting too much and I really mean it. I'm too comfortable around him. I don't know why but my iman has been torn recently and I am serious I think it is because of this. I feel like I am becoming spiritually dead and my immodest sins are taking a serious impact on this. I am getting depressed because I have worked so hard towards my deen just to figure out that I completely tore my beautiful iman (for those of you who truly understand, it was like the beautiful antidote that I used to protect myself from the poison in this world. The only thing I had always enjoyed) . I am starting to have evil desires. I cannot taste the sweetness of prayer anymore. I usually have my ups and down in prayer and iman but nothing as bad as this.

    It has made me realize how stupid I am for doing such a thing. Yes we haven't actually made physical contact. But I know there is zina of the eye and the tongue, right?? I had no idea that such a "small" thing would completely ruin me! I just don't know how to turn back like I'm losing so much hope because I just want to be able to pray genuinely again and become a righteous person again. I try to ask for forgiveness but I don't even know if Im supposed to if I know I'm going to end up committing the same sin again the next day. It feels like my heart is hard. ( It has been a bit easier to get angry too..since I am not as conscious of Allah.. Something that I usually wouldn't do. However it is not too bad. YET.)

    Recently, I have been noticing about how wrong I have become, and I get depressed and cry at night and I promise to change the next day, but when it comes to the next day... I completely forget! Should I learn to keep crying at night? Maybe if I think about it each night, it will eventually change me?

    I feel like this wouldn't have happened if it weren't for the tone of my voice. I am a shy person. So whenever I get nervous or uncomfortable, I just giggle, and my voice sounds soft and highpitched ( I DO NOT purposely do this though!). I smile a lot too so I don't know if this makes people feel like I'm more approachable. I feel because of that, it all started. What I am very bad at is being straightforward with people even if they are close to me. I always feel bad or not strong enough to tell someone to stop.

    Someone please help and give me advice.

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  3. #2
    taha_'s Avatar
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    Re: Immodesty. Forgiveness. Extreme help needed

    Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

    Stop working with him. You should find good female company to work with. Ask Allah to help you. Dont be ashamed to ask His forgiveness. You are letting shaytan attacking you.


    Allah is Most Forgiving and Most Merciful.


    Hadith



    عَنْ أَبي هُرَيْرَةَ ، رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهُ ، عَنِ النَّبَيِّ صَلَّى الله عَلَيْهِ وَ سَلَّمَ ، فِيما يَحْكِي عَنْ رَبِّهِ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ ، قَالَ : أَذْنَبَ عَبْدٌ ذَنْبًا ، فَقَالَ : اللَّهُمَّ اغْفِرْ لِي ذَنْبي . فَقَالَ تَبَارَكَ وَتَعَالى : أَذْنَبَ عَبْدِي ذَنْبًا ، فَعَلِمَ أنَّ لَهُ رَبّاً ، يَغْفِرُ الذَّنْبَ ، وَيَأْخُذُ بِهِ . ثُمَّ عَادَ فَأَذْنَبَ ، فَقَالَ : أَيّ رَبِّ ، اغْفِرْ لِي ذَنْبِِي ، فَقَالَ تَبَارَكَ وتَعَالى : عَبْدِي أَذْنَبَ ذَنْباً . فَعَلِمَ أَنَّ لَهُ رَبّاً يَغْفِرُ الذَّنْبَ ، ويَأْخُذُ بِهِ . ثُمَّ عَادَ فَأَذْنَبَ ، فَقَالَ : أَيّ رَبِّ ، اغْفِرْ لِي ذَنْبِي : فَقَالَ تَبَارَكَ وَتَعَالَى : أَذْنَبَ عَبْدِي ذَنْباً ، فَعَلِمَ أَنَّ لَهُ رَبّاً ، يَغْفِرُ الذَّنْبَ ، ويَأْخُذُ بالذَّنْبِ . اعْمَلْ مَا شِئْتَ ، فَقَدْ غَفَرْتُ لَكَ . رواهُ مسلم (وكذلك البخاري)



    On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (ﷺ), from among the things he reports from his Lord (mighty and sublime be He), is that he said:

    A servant [of Allah's] committed a sin and said: O Allah, forgive me my sin. And He (glorified and exalted be He) said: My servant has committed a sin and has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for them. Then he sinned again and said: O Lord, forgive me my sin. And He (glorified and exalted be He) said: My servant has committed a sin and has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for them. Then he sinned again and said: O Lord, forgive me my sin. And He (glorified and exalted be He) said: My servant has committed a sin and has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for sins. Do what you wish, for I have forgiven you.

    It was related by Muslim (also by al-Bukhari).

    Sahih

    Arabic/English book : Hadith 33
    Hadith Qudsi


    Hadith



    عَنْ أَنَسٍ رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهُ ، قَالَ : سَمِعْتُ رَسُولَ اللهِ صَلَّى الله عَلَيْهِ وَ سَلَّمَ ، يَقُولُ : قَالَ اللهُ تَعَالَى : يَا ابْنَ ادَمَ ، إِنَّكَ مَا دَعَوْتََنِي وَرَجَوْتَنِي ، غَفَرْتُ لَكَ عَلَى مَا كَانَ مِنْكَ وَلَا أُبالِي . يا ابْنَ ادَمَ :لَوْ بَلَغَتْ ذُنُوبُكَ عَنانَ السَّماءِ ثُم َّ اسْتَغْفَرْتَني ، غَفَرْتُ لَكَ . يَا ابْنَ ادَمَ : إِنَّكَ لَوْ أَتَيْتَنِي بِقُرَابِ الأَرْضِ خَطَايا ثُمَّ لَقِيتَني لَا تُشْرِكُ بِي شَيْأً ، لَأَتيْتُكَ بِقُرَابِها مَغْفِرَةً رواهُ الترمذي (وكذلك أحمد) وسنده حسن



    On the authority of Anas (may Allah be pleased with him), who said:

    I heard the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) say: Allah the Almighty said: O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it.

    It was related by at-Tirmidhi (also by Ahmad ibn Hanbal). Its chain of authorities is sound.

    Hasan

    Arabic/English book : Hadith 34
    Hadith Qudsi

    Allah is always Most Merciful. Even if your sins was big as earth He will still forgive you.

    Dont talk with non mahram men nor be with them alone. Keep yourself away from them and do more dikhr and read the Quran so that your heart will find rest. Find a good female and work with her instead .


    Dont think that your deen has been torn. You should repent to Allah and never do this again..

    About your desire. You can try fast or get married. Fasting reduces desire. Marriage also protects half of your deen aswell.


    Ask Allah to protect you from all evil fitnah. Ask Him to grant you taqwa, in sha Allah if you put trust in Him. He will be sufficient for you anyways. Thats all I could help

    JazakAllah khair
    | Likes Musa Muhd, BeTheChange, Islami.mu'min liked this post

  4. #3
    Musa Muhd's Avatar
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    Re: Immodesty. Forgiveness. Extreme help needed

    You just need to keep away from him. Do not talk to or be alone with non mahram men. The reasoning behind staying completely separated is because one thing always leads to another. Talking and joking around is just the first step on the stairway to zina. You should try to find another job if possible. If you have trouble telling him to leave you alone, just ignore him. He shouldn’t be acting like that in the first place. You should get married to someone who is better than that man, someone who knows the limits in his religion.
    | Likes BeTheChange, Imraan, Islami.mu'min liked this post

  5. #4
    keiv's Avatar
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    Re: Immodesty. Forgiveness. Extreme help needed

    If you feel bad about what you're doing, it sounds like you already know what you need to do, so there's really nothing more we can say on the matter. Breaking away from something you enjoy doing, despite knowing it's wrong, is what you need to figure out. If you want him to stop engaging with you, tell him. If he continues, report him. If you DO tell him to stop, don't enable him to continue by cracking smiles and going along with it because then you can't argue against him if you try to make a case about it.
    | Likes Islami.mu'min liked this post

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    Islami.mu'min's Avatar
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    Re: Immodesty. Forgiveness. Extreme help needed

    Thank you all for the advice, it has gotten too far. I'm going to ignore and keep it serious.


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