I found out something devastating

Walaikum Assalaam

format_quote Originally Posted by muslimah546

Asalamu Alaikum wr wb,
Just today i found out something that has me shattered in all ways. i was using my father’s phone when he received a message which was from some woman i didn’t know. it wasn’t the kind of message a married man should be receiving. i’m the youngest in my family and i can’t tell my mother, she’s extremely sensitive. i haven’t had a chance to tell my older siblings but i’m really contemplating if i should or if i shouldn’t. i don’t know what to do. i love my family way too much and i fear that if i say anything, it might cause trouble at home and i’m just generally not ready for anything negative. it hurts so much that i can’t put it into words. i don’t understand how to deal with this. i would really appreciate somebody’s help

I think you should talk directly to your father and confront him about it. Spying on him or further looking through his messages is haram, so the only thing I think you can do really is confront him over what you've already seen, privately. I don't know who the woman is, she could be a second wife or this could be a haram relationship. If it is the latter, then I think your mom should know simply because it is unfair to her not to know and depending on the circumstances, you don't want her catching some STD or something if your dad is messing around with a stranger. You also have to consider your family dynamic as well. It's a tough situation, but there's a reason you saw what you saw. May Allah guide him. He may realize his mistakes before it gets worse, but try to think rationally and carefully about everything. I don't suggest telling your siblings anything because it could make the situation worse or it may feel embarrassing for everyone involved especially your parents, so you have to be sensitive to that.

format_quote Originally Posted by muslimah546

Asalamu Alaikum wr wb,
Just today i found out something that has me shattered in all ways. i was using my father’s phone when he received a message which was from some woman i didn’t know. it wasn’t the kind of message a married man should be receiving. i’m the youngest in my family and i can’t tell my mother, she’s extremely sensitive. i haven’t had a chance to tell my older siblings but i’m really contemplating if i should or if i shouldn’t. i don’t know what to do. i love my family way too much and i fear that if i say anything, it might cause trouble at home and i’m just generally not ready for anything negative. it hurts so much that i can’t put it into words. i don’t understand how to deal with this. i would really appreciate somebody’s help

What would I do.....?

Email him or message him anonymously saying his secret is out. If the worst has happened then yes you cant reverse time. Give him a warning or a scare and tell him to give it up, remind him he has a family and that his sin has been revealed for a reason, maybe this reason, who knows.... can you imagine if something like this got out into the community, I mean he got caught some other way... it would bring disgrace to the family, by which time it may be too late, your sensitive mom wouldn't be able to hack shame and embarrassment like that.

human behaviour, when they realise they're doing something wrong and they are confronted with it, they think twice before doing it again. This applies to people with conscience off course. Hopefully your dad refrains from it and gives it up. People can give stuff up, people can change, you have to give them a chance first though to find out if they are willing to change they're ways....

Remind him anonymously ASAP before it progresses or gets worse.

I'm worried if he is at a point of no return. But you shouldnt jump to conclusions..

I've learnt calamities come for you whether you like it or not, for some unknown reason it happens to the unlikelisest people, only Allah knows...

I pray things get better for you and your family insh Allah. I hate seeing families break up, absolutely hate it.

Bound by unconditional love, memories, DNA and blood, something people tend to forget easily.

May Allah swt help us and guide us because it is only Allah swt who can guide. Only Allah swt can help us heal Ameen.

وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته

There may be a possibility that you have misunderstood the situation, because this seems to be based on one text message. For example, maybe someone is contacting him without his permission or wish. So, it’s important to be careful about what you assume.

If you can easily talk to your father, you could think of a sensitive way to ask about what you saw and see how he reacts. If you can’t confront him directly, bearing in mind you are the youngest, then another option is to speak to a responsible sibling who you think can maybe speak to your father or better handle the situation. For now, the less people that know, the better.

Every family is different and you know your family, so you will be in a better position to know which way to handle this. But seek Allah’s guidance and think things through.

Make du’a to Allah to guide you to the best course of action, that He protects your family and keeps you all on the Straight Path. May Allah make it easy for you, Ameen.