*** Help please - Marriage issue ***

format_quote Originally Posted by QasimDaji

Salaams brothers and sisters. Hope you are all well along with your beloved ones.

Its been a crazy few weeks. Im 28 years old. Muslim, sunni, and I follow the immam Hanifi.

Now me and the girl (aged 24) have been seeing each other for a year, she lives with her uncle up North due to education reasons. Now thats not an issue. She is Baruch and when she told her mum she was not happy at the fact I wasn't Baruchi. I tried to talk to her and she said to me im not a real muslim and all this sort of stuff.

Months later, in result of this, her mum is controlling over the daughter and her two other daughters. They all tried to kill themselves and self harm. Her mum says they have not got strong enough characters that is why they do what they do.

Now the girl I was seeing I had pure intention from the beginning I met her. I genuinely saw in Jannah in her eyes. I wanted to marry this young lady. Her mum was the problem. Continuously knocking me down by telling her daughter to 'forget it' as her mum wants her to marry someone who she knows so IF anything happens her mum can interfere in this.

She has run away from home, we spoke about this, she came over, we got our nikkah done, and then her mum started to give her the emotional blackmail torture again. My parents rang her mum and said she is safe and everything and her mum disregarded the situation and thought it was a joke? strange right.

Her mum would say, I gave birth to you, I fed you, I raised you ETC. She's vulnerable and and I, my parents and herself wanted to mend bridges with her mum during Ramadhan. She said she was the happiest she has ever been and loved me. T

wo days later, she has COMPLETELY switched her head and is being rude to me, saying she doesn't love me, her mum has said her marriage is already a failure. Her sister has text me saying to drop dead, ive sent them messages such as 'Ramadhan Mubarak, I hope you are well during Ramadhan, you have my number so please feel free to ring/message me if you do need anything as I want to help, I know things weren't the way you wanted them to be but I do apologies and I am asking for forgivness'.

So she has gone from I love you and all of this to blaming me for this entirely, her sisters are ringing me 50/60 times on withheld numbers, its so hard to try to remain positive. Her mum is heavily influencing her along with my wife sisters. The mother didn't have a good marriage herself and unfortunately is divorced but she is tarnishing me the same brush, trying to job shame me without knowing my profession and saying im not a real muslim. Astagfirullah Allah SWT please guide this lady to the righteousness and fill her heart with soft layers of emotion instead of bitterness.

Im keeping my fast and praying Qur'an and namaaz Alhamdulilah and for the first time in my life, at the age of 28 years old I was crying in my Maghrib namaaz whilst praying surah Fa'tihah. Sincere tears because I miss my wife, so much during this blessed month.

What should I do? My wife isn't talking to me, im trying to be patient but its hard, I should be breaking my fasts with my beautiful wife and instead my name is being thrown around at my in laws house along with cursing. Astagfirullah may Allah guide us all.

Please any sort of advice or hadeeths I can look into please.

Walaikum salaam brother.

Whilst your marriage is still in the early stages I would recommend both of you visit the imam.

ALSO you both need to see a marriage counsellor (muslim faith). It would be better face to face but difficult in this covid crisis...

I think she needs to hear and air some stuff with someone other than you and her family. Same applies to you too brother, are your actions virtuous enough? This may help you too..... No doubt there is influence from her mother and sisters. Bond there is strong, always will be...

There's no guarantees but if she hears it from the mouth of a mediator she may see the situation differently and try to make more rational and logical decision insh Allah.

It's a tough one, you'll have to try your best to make this marriage healthy and meet some middle ground with your wife. Remember contract is between you and your wife. No one else. Keep your end of the pledges intact and it is going to be tough but still do it. You may feel at times that your situation is tirelessly working against you to break you down at every possible vulnerable moment. It's up to you to resist.

Avoid provocation to do or say anything you are going to regret. This is what happens when a relationship appears to be heading south.

Keep praying bro, no matter what, you have the concept of predestination and qadr of Allah swt to uphold and believe in too, however you do your bit and leave the rest in Allah swt's hands.

Do not despair as your situation could have been much worse. Imagine it and all those other people going through their own hardships and you'll realise.

I'm not going to comment or pass judgement about how this marriage came about but know this....like anything in this world. If you sin you will face consequences guaranteed in this life or the next. If you face them here your sins are being expiated. So... it will benefit you in some way (one hopes). If we face them here we are told to be grateful as anything good or bad we receive is indeed from Allah swt, he made it happen so do not think it was down to your or anyones 100% effort. Everyone has a journey, a path they must walk. It is how we decide to walk that path that will be recorded. Going through difficulties in life can be hard.

You and your wife need to sit down and talk to eachother about and refresh your expectations of this marriage, you both will find out what expectations you can meet now, which ones you can work towards fulfilling and which ones are wrong according to our religion. Kind of like a reconciliation, (a renewal of vows) a definitive list that you both can refer to when in doubt. This will make communication better and keep you both on the same page Insh Allah.

Pray Allah swt guides both yourself and your wife for the sake of this marriage.

What do you think?

Remember me and my family in your prayers brother. You alone are not the only one suffering........

Jazakallah Khair and Barak Allah Feek.