I have a found a common theme. The downfall of me has always been that I crave selfishly a woman in haram ways, and it is this love of women, which I will perhaps never be ready for due to my life circumstances, or by the time I could hypothetically be I will be in ruins and thus paradoxically never will. My obsession with women is a constant distraction. Even though in recent weeks or months I have buried it, I feel as if I waste my time too much because of some unsettled thoughts and misguided beliefs:
1) I only want a job that will attract more women because my parents say "you cant do that job and provide for a family"
2) One of the reasons I stuck with Islam, is the fear of isolation, and being unable to get married, or date properly simultaneously, while suffering from social awkwardness due to my Asperger's Syndrome (a mild form of autism),
3) Planning. Planning a life around women.
4) obsession with sex and lust.
so if i could just be celibate, at least temporarily, maybe a couple of decades, or never ask for a girl's hand in marriage or ask my parents to look for someone for me but instead wait for people to insist i get married "for my own sake" ("brother, you need to get married, look at you!" i want someone to say that to me and for me to stoically give in)
part of the reasons for this is that i grew up sheltered by turkish muslims, in america, without knowing how to interact with americans or anyone for that matter but especially not americans
now i left college because im failing badly and im angry at my sociology professor. now i have to get a programming certificate, and hope to get a programming job, but now there's the fear that i will be without my mother, as she is struggling with health issues.
and i have no job, and no driver's license, and no one wants to look after me.
Re: Is it permissible to be celibate? (READ DETAILS)
alot of the other problems related to school, job, etc. have been solved but i still want to be celibate. i find my search for meaning that most of my problems in my life have been caused by my desire for women, ever since I was 3 or 5. I want to break free. Even when I am married the struggle will not be over, as there will be the jihad/striving against iblis (the devil) and his urging me to committ adultery, fights with spouse, potential divorce, potential taking or killing of spouse due to tyrannical society (I live in the us but only allah knows, maybe "democracy" will be gone in a few decades or maybe they will slander, or lynch, or other things). bump
Re: Is it permissible to be celibate? (READ DETAILS)
Assalamualaikum
I was really hoping any male would answer this as they would understand you better but I guess,they didn't notice the thread. Although i have limited knowledge about this topic but let me share what i know.
Marriage becomes obligatory on man/woman if he/she fears that they wouldn't be able to control desire and therefore fall into major sin. So it's better that man marries if he can afford it and afterwards provides for the family.
Marriage is highly recommended. It has a very high status in islam. It can be a worship as well if you make the intentions pure. And know that it's just another way of earning good deeds. Everytime you are being kind to her,you'll be gaining so much reward. Remind yourself again the hadith that best among you are those who are best to their wives.
With regards to you saying you'll have problems afterwards, then no marriage is perfect. It takes a lot of patience and adjustment from both sides. No matter how hard you try, you'll never get a perfect wife in this world who will fulfill your every need. That happiness and satisfaction is saved for akhirah, don't worry. And why would you want to look at other women when you'll have your wife. If you get those whispers,just ignore it. Satan is gonna seduce anyway ,whether you marry or no. And of course your wife gonna complete half of your deen. Isn't it nice to know that both can share anything with each other without hesitation and uplift each other. You'll have to adjust yourself in marriage. There was a man (I don't remember the name, but he's very famous), he never had any argument with his wife. When asked why, He said coz I told my wife before that whenever I am angry, you remain silent, and whenever you are angry,I'll remain silent.
Even the prophets married but that didn't stop them from their real purpose. That's all i know, but there's so much more to learn.
Re: Is it permissible to be celibate? (READ DETAILS)
format_quote Originally Posted by user123name
Assalamualaikum
I was really hoping any male would answer this as they would understand you better but I guess,they didn't notice the thread. Although i have limited knowledge about this topic but let me share what i know.
Marriage becomes obligatory on man/woman if he/she fears that they wouldn't be able to control desire and therefore fall into major sin. So it's better that man marries if he can afford it and afterwards provides for the family.
Marriage is highly recommended. It has a very high status in islam. It can be a worship as well if you make the intentions pure. And know that it's just another way of earning good deeds. Everytime you are being kind to her,you'll be gaining so much reward. Remind yourself again the hadith that best among you are those who are best to their wives.
With regards to you saying you'll have problems afterwards, then no marriage is perfect. It takes a lot of patience and adjustment from both sides. No matter how hard you try, you'll never get a perfect wife in this world who will fulfill your every need. That happiness and satisfaction is saved for akhirah, don't worry. And why would you want to look at other women when you'll have your wife. If you get those whispers,just ignore it. Satan is gonna seduce anyway ,whether you marry or no. And of course your wife gonna complete half of your deen. Isn't it nice to know that both can share anything with each other without hesitation and uplift each other. You'll have to adjust yourself in marriage. There was a man (I don't remember the name, but he's very famous), he never had any argument with his wife. When asked why, He said coz I told my wife before that whenever I am angry, you remain silent, and whenever you are angry,I'll remain silent.
Even the prophets married but that didn't stop them from their real purpose. That's all i know, but there's so much more to learn.
Re: Is it permissible to be celibate? (READ DETAILS)
Haram relationships is like building on quicksand. Thank Allah you haven't entered it. Many people who do think its fun and games when in reality people lose their minds and lives get destroyed. You honestly think that a woman would stay loyal and not cheat on you or leave for some petty reason? That is haram relationships are all about. Just passing time without regards to whose daughter or son gets hurt. Not to mention how many stds are passed around. Marriage is better because its more pure but it also depends on the right woman you marry. Focus on Allah and improve religiously and inshallah all will work out
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