How long should you get to know someone before performing Nikah?

format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous

Assalamu Alaykum,

This is a question that’s been on my mind for a while. I’m curious to know the length of time a woman should get to know her suitor (i.e. in presence of Wali) before they perform the nikah?

What is an acceptable and suitable length of time for you to get to know someone properly and be sure that they are the right person for marriage?

Walaikum Salaam

Same as what sister @muslimah__ said

in current times or day and age I think its better to identify expectations of both parties and what you both are willing to compromise on, you should have an idea about your key requirements (stuff that matters to you the most in a marriage) and be prepared to ask these questions when a suitor is found, that way you can identify suitability at an early stage. Serious suitors / potentials will have no issues being transparent, honest and upfront with answers...

there shouldn't be a time limit, ask your questions, find expectations, do the background checks, if all ok Alhamdulillah... and both parties are happy, then proceed with Nikkah. Delaying the nikkah or prolonged checking of suitability can potentially bring doubt, sometimes enough doubt to stop marriage discussions altogether. So it's not a good idea i dont think. I know people who have conversed for months, even years and years only to find themselves divorced shortly after being married. Simply because both did not meet each others expectations when they lived together in reality or were not willing to prioritise their marriage themselves while Allah swt was their judge and witness in the whole thing.

If there are any serious doubts, best thing to do is move on swiftly but be amicable about it. You shouldn't leave bitter taste in anyone's mouth... you wouldn't like it if they did it to you.

I think its important to look for a pious, god fearing spouse with morals and good character, you and your family have a better chance of being treated humanely then. More likelyhood of baraka in your marriage and your family too insh Allah.

After all of these stages up until Nikkah, as long as you have taken your precautions and followed some words of the wise and righteous for a better life in this dunya and the akhira, leave the rest in Allah swt's hands off course and make plenty of dua. Allah swt knows best and is capable of giving you whatever you want by his will only. Subhan Allah.

Please remember me and my family in your prayers.

Jazak Allah.

Your brother Imran!