So ive been on here and posted a few times about struggling to find a spouse. Anyways. In the last few days ive been feeling very down. Im reflecting back on my life and thinking when i wished to marry X it didnt happen but i didnt consider proposal Y because i just wasnt attracted to him.
Now i think if only had i considered proposal Y i may have been married.
I feel like i didnt have any elderly to guide me so i just wasted my time looking at the wrong guys where nothing materialised.
Sometimes this regret over whelms me and makes me upset.
Im also very tired of my family expecting me to cook and clean for them etc. Ive been making lots of dua to Allah. I know i should be patient but sometimes it gets too much.
Sister have you tried online? Local mosques? Are you in youth still? Try the online. Many found it that way. And also try to cook and clean because it could be you will need to do it for your spouse in future. Also it doesn't matter about Y. If you weren't attractive thats totally fine. Attraction is not a must but helps. In end its what is in ur qadr. Is Y still available? If not then don't worry. Its okay to expect besuty but don't get too high demanding. But don't worry there plenty of chance. My sibling got married in her late 20s. I know another woman in her mid 30s. You still got chances. Inshallah may Allah give you rightwous handsome spouse
I have been trying ... im of age 31. Maybe thats not so old but my family are pressurising me to hurry up. Y is still single but hes not interested since i wasnt so sure about him initially. I guess i have to believe if it was written it would have happened and keep praying. May Allah make it easy for me.
Ameen sister. And my sister got married in 28 or 29. Not sure. Ignore your family. Everything works differently on Allahs time. But try my advice. Local mosques or singles event sponsored by muslim organizations or online. Online works best and helped my sister who was really struggling finding someone. And dua of course. Inshallah you will find someone for sure. May Allah make it easy for you and give you the man of your dreams
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if Y is not accepting then that's fine. He probably took it personally. Which is understandable but it means Allah has something else planned. Try my advice and inshallah Allah will give you a way out
Sister
@xa_xa_ft
it is the responsibility of parent to help you find. I am really sorry that threw it on you and then blame you for not finding it. Its certainly not fair. But try the options I give you. May Allah give you a righteous spouse
I am trying online. This is what upsets me most of the time is that Allah has my mum. I only have a dad. So why does Allah not make it easy for me to find someone. I have seen so many proposals but nothing working out. Sigh
I am trying online. This is what upsets me most of the time is that Allah has my mum. I only have a dad. So why does Allah not make it easy for me to find someone. I have seen so many proposals but nothing working out. Sigh
This life is a test. You shouldn't question Allah. He is the most wise and the most just.
You need to work hard as well. But it is better you do it all for the sake of Allah. It is better you look for a spouse for the sake of Allah, than that you look for a spouse because your fathers wants you to, or because you're bored at home etc. Do it for the sake of Allah.
Thats true. I just find those that get into haram relationships so easy for them and the good onees struggle
It seeming easy doesn't mean they're happier though. It all depends on one's point of view. In a way it is the easiest as a Muslim. Doing things according to Islam is the easiest. Anyway, once they find a relationship it lasts, what, 3 months? 2 years? For Muslims, the idea is you get married and you're married for life.
Thats true. I just find those that get into haram relationships so easy for them and the good onees struggle
Assalaamu Alaikum,
My sister we must never allow our enemy shaythan to beautify any evil in our eyes:
“...And Satan made attractive to them that which they were doing.”[Qur’an 6:43]
This is one of his biggest deceptions that he makes sin seem attractive, desirable and acceptable which only results in the anger and displeasure of Allah.
It may seem to us from an outsiders perspective that such people are happy and content but none of us know what they really go through in their relationships and marriages. In fact most of those who have such relationships will tell you that it mostly results in heartache and pain as it is completely devoid of peace and blessings from Allah.
Therefore we must never envy anyone that acquires or does anything in a manner that is displeasing to Allah. We must also never think of getting into a pre marital relationship as a way to find a partner as the vast majority of such relationships do not even get to marriage and most will result in much pain and hurt especially with so many girls being used, abused and discarded in such relationships as the guy promises them marriage but only wants to fulfill and satisfy his selfish lower desirea. Even if a few do get to marriage then many problems still result from the fact that the two disobeyed Allah in having a pre marital relationship before marriage.
Therefore we must ensure that whatever we pursue in our lives, that it is in a way that is pleasing to Allah and not in a way that results in his anger or wrath. That way we will find much peace, blessings and contentment in such pursuits.
So my sister keep trying to look for a potential suitor exploring all the permissable avenues and at the same time ensure that your Father being your Wali is present in all your interactions. That way you safeguard yourself in terms of your honour and safety as well as from sin. This is also the best way to filter out the time wasters and predators who under the guise of looking for marriage go around looking for easy and vulnerable pickings.
Know that it can take time sister. However you must patiently persevere. After all this when you do eventually find the one inshaAllah then you will appreciate them much more knowing the time and effort you went through to find a partner. Allah is the matchmaker and he certainly has someone for you InshaAllah so do not allow your enemy shaythan to get you down and to make you lose hope.
After making effort and patiently persevering in exploring all the permissable avenues then put all your faith, trust, hopes and reliance in Allah. Ask of him in your Dua's sincerely to help you find a good pious partner especially during the latter part of the night at Tahajjud time. Know that he hears your every call but he is testing your patience and resolve.
Nothing good in this life is meant to come by so easy otherwise what is the point of life if we are not to be tested in our patience and resolve. However the end result will be good insha'Allah especially for those who patiently persevered as long as we do not question his wisdom and say "why"? If we did then let us repent for it and know that everything happens by his will.
May Allah make it easy for you and all those looking for marriage and enable you to find good, compatible and pious partners with whom you can strive together on the journey to the Hereafter. Ameen
Last edited by Hamza Asadullah; 07-08-2020 at 12:44 PM.
My sister we must never allow our enemy shaythan to beautify any evil in our eyes:
“...And Satan made attractive to them that which they were doing.”[Qur’an 6:43]
This is one of his biggest deceptions that he makes sin seem attractive, desirable and acceptable which only results in the anger and displeasure of Allah.
It may seem to us from an outsiders perspective that such people are happy and content but none of us know what they really go through in their relationships and marriages. In fact most of those who have such relationships will tell you that it mostly results in heartache and pain as it is completely devoid of peace and blessings from Allah.
Therefore we must never envy anyone that acquires or does anything in a manner that is displeasing to Allah. We must also never think of getting into a pre marital relationship as a way to find a partner as the vast majority of such relationships do not even get to marriage and most will result in much pain and hurt especially with so many girls being used, abused and discarded in such relationships as the guy promises them marriage but only wants to fulfill and satisfy his selfish lower desirea. Even if a few do get to marriage then many problems still result from the fact that the two disobeyed Allah in having a pre marital relationship before marriage.
Therefore we must ensure that whatever we pursue in our lives, that it is in a way that is pleasing to Allah and not in a way that results in his anger or wrath. That way we will find much peace, blessings and contentment in such pursuits.
So my sister keep trying to look for a potential suitor exploring all the permissable avenues and at the same time ensure that your Father being your Wali is present in all your interactions. That way you safeguard yourself in terms of your honour and safety as well as from sin. This is also the best way to filter out the time wasters and predators who under the guise of looking for marriage go around looking for easy and vulnerable pickings.
Know that it can take time sister. However you must patiently persevere. After all this when you do eventually find the one inshaAllah then you will appreciate them much more knowing the time and effort you went through to find a partner. Allah is the matchmaker and he certainly has someone for you InshaAllah so do not allow your enemy shaythan to get you down and to make you lose hope.
After making effort and patiently persevering in exploring all the permissable avenues then put all your faith, trust, hopes and reliance in Allah. Ask of him in your Dua's sincerely to help you find a good pious partner especially during the latter part of the night at Tahajjud time. Know that he hears your every call but he is testing your patience and resolve.
Nothing good in this life is meant to come by so easy otherwise what is the point of life if we are not to be tested in our patience and resolve. However the end result will be good insha'Allah especially for those who patiently persevered as long as we do not question his wisdom and say "why"? If we did then let us repent for it and know that everything happens by his will.
May Allah make it easy for you and all those looking for marriage and enable you to find good, compatible and pious partners with whom you can strive together on the journey to the Hereafter. Ameen
@xa_xa_ft
sister I came across this website. It is catered to North Americans or specifically Canadians. But hopefully it might help? Its online virtual halal speed marraige meeting.
I hope this helps? Take a look if you want to try this website as well. https://www.muslimmingle.ca/
@hamzah
i have been trying veryyy hard! I recenltly spoke to someone for 5 days great conversation but then we met up for coffee and i didnt hear back from him. Again time after time my hopes are shattered. In sha allah if he is mine he will come back. I will also pray tahujjud
Sister, if it does not happen it is a good thing because Allah was testing you and saved you from a potential bad person. I remember once I met with a sister for marriage and everything about her seemed "perfect" until I found out she was hiding terrible secrets and had a habit of lying. I was sad for few days but then eventually thanked Allah I didn't marry her. I would say instead of making dua do istikhara. If it is good for you, Allah will mKe it easy and if not then you know it wasn't good for you. Keep trying sister. Have you tried that website i linked you above?
@Studentofdeed
i have tried all avenues. I have tried for 3 years now. No luck. As i said i spoke with a potential and he seemed very religious over text. After 4 days of talking we met for coffee but after that he just didnt message me or anything. Its so upsetting. I remember prayin to Allah each time i speak i have high hopes that he will be the one but then my hopes are shattered. I will pray isthikhara and if hes good for i have yakeen allah will return him. In sha allah. Its just hard to see all the potentials go.. whilst your waiting.
Have you tried going to a mosque? Maybe go outside your race? Don't confine yourself to the same culture or boundaries. I have read some of your posts and my life is little bit similar to you. Going through same situation but I understand Allah is most wise and saved me many times. If this man doesn't contact you, then he is not meant for you however I personally feel like he should have at least told you before changing his mind. Keep trying sister...our beloved mother Khadija got married at 40 and back then women got older faster and died quicker. You still have a chance. Dont lose hope. I know many stories of women who got married late. Had kids even. And lived life normally. Why should you exclude yourself from those people? Have hope and trust Allah. If nothing happened then Allah saved you from another bad person. May Allah make it easy for you...try that website maybe. Its an online speed dating for marriage. It may help you find someone. Keep trying
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