It all started when we went out together and she was getting mad me at for being too slow in public and not being able to find things or her when at stores...tells me also she don't find me attractive...havent talked for days now and we have a 2 yr old son....advice plz. Jzk
In reply to Stoic as I can't reply on your thread.
I can't remember the number of times my wife has packed my case and told me to leave. I can't remember how many times she has left and come back. I said, my son is not going to grow up without his dad and I repeatedly kept doing whatever I could to make the marriage work. This week we shall have been married thirty five years and we are at our happiest now. We have had to go through so many heartaches, problems and trials. Had I given up all those years ago, I would have missed so much. Resilience and perseverance is about trying to fight all battles with kindness.
Try and love your wife more than you love your son, if you can get things right with your wife, then you will get things right with your son. If you put your son first above your wife, you will get things wrong and everyone suffers. I have listened to so many men suffering from depression because they have been separated from their wife and children.
It all started when we went out together and she was getting mad me at for being too slow in public and not being able to find things or her when at stores...tells me also she don't find me attractive...havent talked for days now and we have a 2 yr old son....advice plz. Jzk
Very sad to hear that, please listen to the video below as it describes detailed process of divorce in Islam. Play your cards wisely ( divorce only once if you need to so that you can take her back if need arises) and ask Allah for help.
most women ask for divorce just to find out if you really love them
That is a dangerous game women play in this dunaya and akhira. You are putting your akhira in the line when you play this game and you are putting your marriage in the line as well. Pretty much like taking a gun and rolling the thing and saying to your husband, I want you to point the gun on my heart and shoot once to show your love for me...there is 50/50 the gun does a click and nothing happens...but what if there was an actual bullet and you get killed? You lost your marriage and your afterlife. There are better ways to see if your husband loves than asking for divorce. Let me tell you that, if I am married and my wife ask me to divorce her and she made a scene just to see if I will do it I will do it. Children or no children, I will do it. In additional to doing it, I will not return back to the wife ever again, even if I have two more talaq left.
Advise to all women out there, don't play this game...
It all started when we went out together and she was getting mad me at for being too slow in public and not being able to find things or her when at stores...
It ain’t easy being married. I feel you bro. Most days I’m so shattered from working that I actually fantasise about just sleeping thru the weekend - but that’s when I have to take my wife shopping. So, in my zombie like state I get up on Saturday morning and take my wife shopping. She zooms around the grocery store as if she had stacked the shelves herself. Me? I don’t have a clue where the milk is or where to get paracetamol from. It’s all just a big confusion for me. I feel you. Sometimes, it’s best to just lay our cards on the table and be honest “honey, I’ll take you shopping but don’t ask me to shop coz I’m really bad at it.” …You know, that’s a ‘get out of jail free card’ as they say.
format_quote Originally Posted by Stoic
tells me also she don't find me attractive...
after my wife gave birth, she started to put on weight fast, she’s always on some sort of diet or another and she managed to get back to her regular shape - me on the other hand, well, I’ve just been getting fatter and I haven’t bothered to diet, or gym because I am always working and I eat while sitting at my desk - this is not helping me - and she has noticed. Again, I feel you.
Before I got married, my lunch was a salad. Since my son was born (he’s two years and three months old) my lunch has been anything but salad.
Funny thing is, my wife thinks my face looks better now than it did when we got married, but my body she finds unattractive. Since my work contract is ending end of September, I decided to do something about my body after that. Good diet, gym, and sleeping on time إن شاء الله - it’s time I showed my wife the six pack that lies under the duck fat. Don’t laugh.
format_quote Originally Posted by Stoic
havent talked for days now and we have a 2 yr old son....advice plz. Jzk
That’s both of you being immature and stubborn. Without communication, there’s no resolution. Meanwhile, it’s your son who will potentially be the one who suffers the most long term. Women can (by their very nature) press the self destruct button and destroy a marriage - this is why Allah never gave them the option to do divorce in Islam, it’s all too easy for a woman to over-react and cry “divorce”. But you are a man. You have the ability to forbear her jilts and jibes and patiently cajole her back to the woman you know she can be, the loving caring nurturing wife and mother you want and need in your life. That’s all on you. Not on her. It’s up to you to make her feel like she’s walking on air. You have to be the bigger man, despite how beat down you feel. It’s hard. I know. And no doubt so do all the other married brothers on this forum. How you do this, that’s down to you. It’s a thankless task - but your struggle is known by Allah. We often hear “marriage is half your Deen” I have a joke about that. The other half dies when you get married lol … ok ok bad joke, sorry. But you get the idea. No one said it was gonna be easy. And it isn’t. But it’s worth it. Don’t lose sight of that bro. Just remember - it’s worth it. The prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wasallam said (I’m paraphrasing) “the best of you is he who is best to his wives” (don’t ask me for references - you can google these yourselves) what do you think that means? “Best to his wives”??? It’s simple man. You gotta be the bigger dude in your marriage and always take the shots without flinching, smile and nod your head, tell her you understand and are working on it. And bloody well try to understand and actually work on it. Be present. Be interested. Be supportive and most of all - mean it!
Last edited by Scimitar; 08-14-2022 at 12:28 AM.
Reason: Typos… it’s always the damn typos
Yes, that's why Iam advising you to part ways fora while..shw doesn't know it yet.. Its human nature to take things for granted.
Worst advice ever. Tell me, do you always run away from your problems? What happened to being a man ?
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format_quote Originally Posted by Nooralhuda
most women ask for divorce just to find out if you really love them
most women should understand there are easier ways to find that out and to stop acting out of desperation to have their egos massaged.
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format_quote Originally Posted by 'Abdullah
another video which both you and your wife need to see especially due to issues of child custody. May Allah make things easy for you. Ameen!
This really ain’t helpful to the brother right now.
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format_quote Originally Posted by Studentofdeed
I apologize brother. I'm making dua for you. Perform istikhara and consult with your family. Hopefully they can give some insight?
I like this brother ما شاء الله he’s got heart
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format_quote Originally Posted by Eric H
In reply to Stoic as I can't reply on your thread.
I can't remember the number of times my wife has packed my case and told me to leave. I can't remember how many times she has left and come back. I said, my son is not going to grow up without his dad and I repeatedly kept doing whatever I could to make the marriage work. This week we shall have been married thirty five years and we are at our happiest now. We have had to go through so many heartaches, problems and trials. Had I given up all those years ago, I would have missed so much. Resilience and perseverance is about trying to fight all battles with kindness.
Try and love your wife more than you love your son, if you can get things right with your wife, then you will get things right with your son. If you put your son first above your wife, you will get things wrong and everyone suffers. I have listened to so many men suffering from depression because they have been separated from their wife and children.
It sounds to me that marriage is all about compromise, hardship, suffering, difficulty, ungratefulness, expectation, battle constantly, tolerance and on top of all of this, expect never to get a thanks or your kids may throw you in the elder homes or want nothing to do with you. That is, if you managed to survive the marriage where the children becomes adult.
Scenario 2:
It sounds to me that marriage is all about compromise, hardship, suffering, difficulty, ungratefulness, expectation, battle constantly, tolerance and on top of all of this, expect a divorce may happen and you have to constantly fight to see your kids and deal with parental alienation, poisoning children agains tthe father, that is usually 98% of what happens. Opposite case are only 2% even if it look like the majority. And in additional to that, societal expectation that as a man you have to take it where there are endless social programs to support women and make them stand on your feet you as a man will aways be on your own to fight.
Hmmmm....what part of worth it in this entire marriage that you guys are reallly selling it?
OK how about this. I have a scenario and tell me if it works, ok? Women always want to compete with men and are always jealous men have certain rights that women don't have. For example, why should a wife be obedient to the husband. Women hate this a lot. Another one, why should a man be allowed to marry more than one wife while she can only marry one husband at a time. This part cause majority of women to foam with loathing and hatred. Why is the right of divorce in the hand of the husband alone? This is an going battle by many women. Another thing that majority of women hate is the distribution of wealth. Why do boys have more than girls?
OK...so let us go with this scenario and see if the sisters would be happy with this. We have a town where every boy makes an agreement with the girl or whoever is the one who makes the agreement that the boy does not take double than the girl,ok? Then we make an agreement a contract between the husband and the wife that the husband will not pay mahir and will not financially support the wife and on top of it will give the right to divorce to the wife. Also, in exchange the husband will give away his right to enjoy his wife in intemacy, the wife is not obliged to be intemat with the husband at all, in additional they make an agreement that the wife does not need to be obedient to the husband at all. So, we pretty much, agree that the man is willing to give away all his right and give it to the woman in exchange the woman works by herself and take care of herself financially and since he have given all his right, it is no longer obligatory on him to financially take care of the children. I need to know how many sisters will be happy with this. Would the sisters be loving to their husband if they are the boss of the house and still find their husband attractive? The husband of course is no longer obliged to financially take care of the home and children, his money is his spending money of course, he sits home take care of the children, the house, and he looks nice for his wife. But to avoid the wife divorcing for fun, we make also an agreement that if the wife divorces the husband, the custody of the children goes to the father automatically and he takes his children to his parents. The wife visits the children and of course she have to pay child support. But, she getto play the boss and bark orders around, she get to play the man's role. Would women then be happy? I am just wondering.
Of course, this is all in agreement between the spouses not changing religion of Allah's law, this is an agreement to be done before marriage and is intiated between both parties. That means--both parties are aware of what they are going into.
I just want a happy home and if women hate that men have rights that women don't have, let us reverse gender role by sign of agreement. There, you women are now men and men now are women. Would these women be happy then? Would you have then a happy home? Would you be calmn now, no more nagging, no more shouting, screaming and been ungrateful to your partner anymore? Would you have a solid home?
And the answer to the above quesiton is: No. if you tell women that men are unnecessary and you are the superior sex and the world revolve around you, you would still be unhappy, For young men out there who is going to get married, you need to think really hard before you do. Are you ready, are you willing to be responsible for such hardship? Are you willing to be the sacrifial lamp? The lamp that expected to be slaughtered and that is your duty. If you are not, don't get married. You are really doing a thankless job from both wife and children.
Last edited by xboxisdead; 08-14-2022 at 04:17 AM.
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