Is My Crush Halal?

Salaam Sisters and Brothers,

I am a teenage Muslimah and I have a crush on a non-Muslim man, however, he is of the Abrahamic faiths. I know what you are thinking, but please, hear me out.

It's not a sexual crush, for example, I am not only attracted to him because of his physical looks, it's not lust at all. I have only ever seen one picture of him in my life. We're good friends, and we text regularly and talk often about studying, movies, funny jokes, just how each other's days went.

He's so kind and caring towards me. He listens to my words, tries to understand me, doesn't judge me, he genuinely cares about how my day went and talking to him has helped me a lot. He's a little older than me, so he gives me advice on things concerning my education, and he is advice is often helpful. Whenever I am upset or sad he always tries to understand why I am sad, he actually listens to me, and tries to understand why I feel sad. He never judges me for being sad, or makes up his own reason as to why I am sad, he lets me explain and tries to understand. And he'll always say the right things which make me feel better. And when I say "right" I don't mean, he'll just say anything to make me happy, if I am doing something wrong, he won't just agree with me because he is my friend, he will tell me where and why I am wrong and I will soon see he is right and correct my ways. And when he tells me I am wrong, he doesn't tell me in a way that belittles me, he tells me kindly and gently and ensures he gets his point across in a way which doesn't upset me, and he always does. Speaking of him being gentle, his words with me are always gentle. He has never said harsh mean words to me, so I feel safe to tell him anything.

We are also very understanding of each other in many ways. We both have personality traits which a lot of other people don't seem to understand yet I understand a number of his which other's don't, and he understands a number of mine which others don't. And we don't get angry at each other, when we can't talk to each other. We understand the other's situation, and wait until we both are next free. I don't talk to him because I am chasing him and if I feel like I don't talk to him, I won't have a chance with him. I talk to him because it's genuinely fun and nice talking to him. He's not inappropriate never has he commented on how I look in a disrespectful sexualising way, in fact, when somebody once did he stood up for me and told them off. He makes me laugh because his jokes are quite funny. It's always interesting hearing about his life, and I genuinely care about how he is doing, whether he is sad or happy, how his day went. We give each other good advice on situations.

I admire his as a person, his work ethic, how he cares so much about his family, his kindness, his ability to put emotions aside during a discussion, his open-mindedness, how he doesn't resort to violence whether it be physical or verbal, his sense of humor, how respectful he is of others, how wise he is, how he never judges me for my emotions or my quirks and he just accepts me, how honest he is, his ability to respectfully disagree on a topic, and the list could go on.

However, I understand that in Islam we are not supposed to "date" or have a relationship like "boyfriends" and the brothers are not supposed have "girlfriends" either. So I have no interest in pursuing that kind of relationship with him. I have not told him how I feel because I do not want a relationship yet. I would rather focus on my studies, and once they are over and I have a job and am able to provide for myself, I want to have that financial independence before I get married so I do not have to rely on my husband, so if the worst was to happen, and we had children- I would not be stuck. I would still be able to provide without needing him.

And if we can't be together, then that is okay for me. I cannot lie and say I wouldn't have any sad feelings, I would- but I understand Allah knows best and if we are not meant to be we are not meant to be. In fact, if me being in his life even as a friend at any point causes him problems, then I would remove myself from his life, so he stops having those problems- in my eyes, to not do so would be selfish.

We do not know each other in person. I have been texting him for a couple of years now, and I have only gained feelings a few months ago as I got to know him more. And his looks have nothing to do with how I feel, he didn't send me a picture and I decided I liked him. I saw a picture of him almost two years ago, I did think he was quite handsome but no feelings came of that.

I saw an Islamic post on Instagram stating that a crush is haraam. But the post suggested a crush is when you see a beautiful person and you are unable to control your thoughts and they become your crush. So you sit there all day, daydreaming about the person you have a crush, gather up extreme feelings, and involve in an haraam relation. It suggested that having a crush, will make you do haraam things and the only way one can have a crush is if they find them physically attractive. I like all Islamic posts on Instagram but could not like that one. I do like what I believe is the intended message, to stay away from haraam action, but is a crush like mine haraam?

I like him for who he his, not his face. Sure I am crushing on him, but I would never compromise my belief in Allah for my crush, and I would never do anything haraam for my crush and I certainly would not involve myself in a haraam relation with my crush. My feelings are not extreme, I have tried to stop feeling this way, but I simply cannot help it- but these feelings do not get in the way of my relationship with Allah, and if "just friends" is all we can ever be, sure I will for a period of time feel upset, but not so upset I cannot function, and I will be thankful to Allah that I have someone as lovely as him as my friend. And if for some reason in the future we part, we are no longer friends, that will hurt me a lot, when losing someone you care about it hurts, but as much as it might hurt, I know the pain will only make me stronger and I will still thank Allah that my friend/crush was ever in my life at all. Because I have learned a lot from my friend/crush that has made me a better person, a better Muslim too, so while I may be hurting I will look at what I gained and will stay with me forever.

Is my crush still haraam, or is this acceptable within Islam?