I don't know, I haven't really heard other than picking a woman for her deen (the one famous hadith)...
In my opinion:
You really have to understand yourself as a Muslim first. You need to find yourself... Find Allah and rely on him first and foremost!
Next, you would have to know what type of person you are looking for. You need to know exactly who you want, or the standards in his/her character. Obviously, being Muslim or claiming to be is not good enough. For example my parents would think "Is he Muslim, does he drink? Does he have a good education? Is he the same culture as us?" Thats all. Nothing else.
Depending on what type of Muslim you are, you can kind of tell when people have a similar mentality as you. I have noticed it in the masjid for example.. There are many different types of Muslims that have Islam in their heart but express it differently.. Some are more into it as it was brought on them culturally, some are into it because they want to get to jannah but not as serious, then there are others who will devote themselves because it is a way of life.. These are the people who not only strive for the sake for getting into jannah, but also because they have an extreme love for Allah so they wont ever stop trying to change into a better muslim!
Here are things I would consider.. In terms of his faith level
-How does he treat his family? His parents? Does he help around the house? Or is he lazy and more selfish?
- what types of problems does he have and how does he deal with it?
- Does he have that Mu'min mentality/belief ?
-Modesty, inward and outward. Does he strive(notice I said strive, as long as he is trying to do so and he doesnt give up) to lower his gaze and stay chaste for the sake of Allah?
- Pride. You can kind of tell sometimes when someone does things to show off. This is no good
- Does he have a good amount of knowledge on his faith (unless he recently became religious or smth then its ok), is he always seeking more knowledge?
- What is his view on minor sins? Does he try to abstain from those?
- Is he arrogant?
- Does he love fufilling minor sunnah acts?
- I would also ask him questions on how he views some certain things in life (to see if it is the more islamic way)
- behavior- is he kind or rude
-communication, is he able to communicate and open up?
- Does he have any issues that could be problematic? (signs that can show that he will be abusive or overcontrolling/possessive)
Those are the major, but I would also think about these next things which are more about my daily life
- I am against TV shows and music (unless its islamic lectures, nasheeds without music, etc.) so I would want someone who deosn't associate himself with this type of entertainment
- Does he go to the masjid often?
- How does he carry out his daily life?
- Is he more of a family type of person or does he like being on his own?
- How does he implement the sunnah into his daily life
- What do his friends think of him
-what type of friends does he have
- What does he believe his responsibility is as a husband and father, what does he think mine is?
-What does he expect of me? What does he think I expect of him?
But the last point which is right here, is more specifically for me. He better be fine with cats in the house
And muuuuuuch more to be added to these lists. Thats only a brief view. Lol I feel like when I search for my future spouse, our meetings are just going to turn into interrogations.
That is how it should be though. You shouldn't form a relationship before marriage so that it is easy to know and ask for what you want.. Otherwise you'll just be blinded by your emotions.. You will be with the person for the rest of your life (unless divorced). It's best to focus on figuring out who this person is rather than trying to see if you have chemistry.
To have chemistry, all it takes is a hormonal female and male who thinks that each other are cute. Chemistry will die out in marriage sometimes, so pick the person's character, because that wont die out
(Unless something crazy happens to this person and his/her life takes a complete turn, but most cases this doesn't happen unless severe mental illness strikes)
If he thinks I'm too extreme, thats good. Then we won't be compatible. If he starts asking me similar things and expecting someone who is up for the deen, thats great.
In the USA, some Muslims (unfortunately) think I'm extreme for the way I dress (lol I try to dress in those long 1 piece puffy jilbabs whenever I can) for example or for simple things such as not watching TV (because there is haram content and music ofc.. and it has bad effects) or for many other simple acts I do just as many other pious Muslims might do!
At the same time, it makes me feel a bit relieved so that when I look to marry, many of the wrong men will be compelled away from me inshaAllah
Thats another reason why I kind of feel safe to choose a Muslim partner in the West, because the true pious ones know just who exactly they are looking for and sometimes they can easily recognize the person while many of the other Muslims will think you are extreme (sad they think that tho).
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