Hi, im pakistani and i have met a bengali guy who wants to marry me but im just worried about the cultural differences? What do you think? Am i thinking too much? Please advise!
Hi, im pakistani and i have met a bengali guy who wants to marry me but im just worried about the cultural differences? What do you think? Am i thinking too much? Please advise!
Assalam walaikum sister
Bear in mind some of these marriages have worked, worked really well actually... Even the kids live very happy fruitful lives, There is definetely one that i know of... The bengali guy is a gent with general righteous morals from my Interactions, the girl is my Pakistani friends sister, my friends family members collectively had a 'not so easy' past, tragic events and not your average upbringing ... It was this marriage that Improved her well being... And helped the rest of my friends family, where they had negatives, this marriage was their positive. This marriage however did let off vibes back some 12 years ago, where it was done small scale and discreet, maybe because of disapproval from family members external to the main units.
My friends sister has improved her deen quite a lot, (teaching islamic wisdoms to her family members and supporting my friend during his calamities) I think that has bettered her way of thinking and helped in maintaining her relationship with her husband and her own siblings and the enrichment within their childrens lives.
You will face challenges in the community, dissaproval, disagreements, you will have to ignore and move on.
Where both people fully know what they're letting themselves in for it can work, because those expectations will be set and eventually met by either acknowledgement and acceptance of eventualities from cultural nature, your own actions and commitments to this marriage.
Sometimes getting married within a different culture can help, automatically block out some of the norms within your own cultures because they do not form part of the sunnah or its just not applicable or practical...
I'm bengali and some of the marriage related culture based formalities are a load of boll#####ks formed back decades or centuries ago, forming no valid equitable basis and no sharia law whatsoever.
Should you marry this bengali guy, only do it the Islamic way, the sunnah way, no Pakistani or Bangladeshi formalities as some of these are so ridiculous although some can be seen as kind gestures, depends if you look at it in a appreciative way, some look at it as a given and a must and without it is an insult! Some even call off weddings if it isn't there!
Do you have any Pakistani sisters married out of their culture within your geographical community that maybe you can confer with? Maybe seek them out somehow?
The thing im most worried about and truthfully speaking is community dissaproval and the stuff that all my relatives will say. Im not sure if im strong enough to handle this but hes sucha good muslim? I dont knw what to do sigh
community dissaproval and the stuff that all my relatives will say. Im not sure if im strong enough to handle this but hes sucha good muslim?
Salaam sister,
If someone is a strong Muslim; they are someone to has devoted their life to Islam and practicing it on a daily basis. Is he praying namaaz daily, reading Quran, abstaining from both major and minor sins, and are they someone you are attracted to and would like to spend the rest of your life will?
If yes, then please talk to him about the issues you mentioned if you marry him. Get his opinion on it. If satisfied with his answer, then it's best to go for it Sister. Sure, there may be differences but this is something that is allowed in Islam and Inshallah both of you can strive and get through the difficulties together.
Stay strong, pray istikhaar, continue to pray namaaz daily, read Quran, read the lives of the Sahaba, and abstain from sin.
A woman is married for four reasons: for her wealth, her social status, her beauty, and her religiousness. So hold fast on to the one who is religious, lest your hands be covered with dust (you ruin yourself).(Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim)
Though this hadith refers to marriage of the woman, the converse is also true, that is, the most important factor in marriage; being religious. You should talk nicely to your parents and try to instil in them the importance of religion, which is the means of our salvation in this life and the next. If help is needed ask your chacha, mamoon or grandparents or someone elderly to help you out.
Its doable. I know many Pakistani sisters who did it. Don't worry about culture. As long as he is god-fearing and treats you good. Then you have no problem
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