Why do I feel like everyone hates me and I'm unattractive?

format_quote Originally Posted by Islami.mu'min

I'm not really sure if I can give good advice on insecurity because for me it is something that just eventually goes away with time. Everyone has at least a little insecurity. For some people, like yourself, it may be a lot stronger.

So as for the first part. You said you are insecure about your looks. And first of all, don't shave your beard.. Keep it, stick with it. You need to understand that beauty is only a perception. There is no person who can completely fit the standards of beautiful/handsome. Some people may find you unattractive, while others may find you very handsome. Same with me too. I have also seen my friends crush on these men who are handsome in their eyes.. But to me, I honestly couldn't understand how they thought he was handsome.

So in reality, everyone can be "beautiful" and "ugly" if you think about it. I have seen beautiful girls, but to others, they really didn't look beautiful.

Lets say the people you hang around think you are unattractive.. Whether they are guys or girls.. Who cares? They aren't automatically going to think bad of you. I have seen unattractive or "ugly" people.. I don't really think much about it. Still talk to them.. They aren't weird people. To me they are an average person. Most people don't even care. People are busy focusing on how they look instead, not others.

As for your pudgy face/beard belly.. , it probably isn't even bad as long as you are at a healthy weight. But if it is from eating too much food and not staying active, you should get rid of it. I'm not saying this to make you more insecure. To other friends, they wont really care about your body. But this is about you. YYou have a body you were gifted with and you need to keep taking care of it. Laziness is a disease of the heart and gluttony is a major contributing factor to it. Follow the sunnah of eating and make sure to stay active. Being too comfortable in what you eat can be due to a lack of self discipline. We have to be moderate in everything. You can enjoy food, but not too much. The purpose of food is to benefit and replenish ourselves. Think about all the benefits you can get from eating healthy and exercising. I have noticed that being moderate in the way you eat and taking care of your body can be a key to unlocking other parts of your faith. The good part for you is that body is something that can be changed based on your life style. You can grow more muscle by exercising and eating balanced meals. This'll also make you feel more strong and powerful as you have more strength

Now the second part of your post. You talk about how people might not want you getting love or that they will hate you because how you acted as a teen. So this is not physical looks you are only insecure about. There is more.

What is it that you are insecure about? Do you have weaknesses? Do you feel like a burden to others? Is it your past?

Whatever it may be. People are not perfect. Think deeply and understand what it is that you are insecure about. After that, think about how it makes you feel. Do these thoughts help? No, they only hurt you. If no one has problems with you, you are hurting yourself more than others are hurting you.

Lets say you do have some very strong weaknesses. Lets say it does have an impact on the way people view you. You can take this as a way to improve yourself. We should always be looking at our weaknesses and seeing how it impacts others.

I know someone who is prideful. Its quite agitating because this person hurts me yet he'll go on and on about how he is the most respectful person to all his friends. He rubs favors in the faces of others. Ugh its sooo annoying. I ignore it though.

Pride is a form of insecurity. It is because you have to show off to get everyone's validation to prove that you are this person that you really are not. Judging by your post, that isn't the type of insecurity you have. This is good. But at the same time, yours is the complete opposite. You are putting everyone else above yourself and your weaknesses so that you feel unworthy because you don't have their validation. You want to know what they feel about you so that you will feel reassured. So opposite to the prideful insecurity, instead of agitating and hurting others, you are hurting yourself instead. Tell yourself that you don't need anyone's validation. But don't get prideful because of this. What you need to do is look at yourself and see if you are doing the wrong or right.

Haven't you heard that bullying stems from insecurity? There are two types of bullies. One who bullies others and puts themselves above others like I had explained earlier, and then the other who bullies himself and puts himself below others.

Do you really want to be a bully and hurt yourself? It doesn't help at all.

No, you want to be an upstander. An upstander is someone who makes change.

So what you need to do is recognize your flaws, acknowledge them, and change them for the better. Take it as a positive learning and self improvement experience. This way you will be happy, and people around you will too. If you don't, understand that you are falling into a trap then it'll make you a not so good/happy person. Soon you will notice how far down insecurity pulls you and prevents you from opportunities.

As for your future wife, she doesn't even know your past as a teen. So why should you be worried?

I have heard that you are getting married, I think you are rushing it based on your other posts. You said you need to get married so that you can stop your private addictions but it also seems like you need someone to love as a coping mechanism to fill up the hole created by your insecurity.

Yes a partner is someone who you go to for comfort. But you need to find yourself and love yourself before loving another. Or else both of your hearts will be broken. You said you have anger issues too along with that.

I have seen some relationships with severely insecure people in it. It causes problems.

I think you need to pause for a little bit and improve yourself and get closer to Allah.

And one last part. When you are looking for a spouse and they reject you because of your looks, that is OK. Everyone has preferences. This happens a lot and it is completely normal even if you are considered very attractive. Be patient and someone will find you attractive. This is the person who will promise to stay by your side. The person you haven't found yet

thank you, sister.

In addition...having good looks has its own challenges. I know good looking men who have a hard timing resisting women. These women literally throw themselves st him. It makes it harder to stay away from zina. If you think girls don't find you attractive its because Allah is shielding you from girls who could want to use and throw you away. Thank Allah you are not tested with women because they are a hard test that can make a man lose his faith. If girls reject you its not because you are not good or unless proven they aren't good. Irs probably because Allah knows you have a certain personality and you need a specific woman for that who finds everything about you amazing. For example, im sensitive and emotional. I could never marry someone who is uncompassionate or apathetic. I want someone to speak to me and care for me. The proposals that didn't work was not because the girls may or may not be good but because Allah knows they do not have what I NEED. I trust Allah has the perfect girl for me but I have to go out and search. So trust everything is meant for a reason. The way you look is the way you need to be so your future spouse may marry you. Your looks are not for ANY girl but for only your wife. That's why you are created on a certain way and you may think you are ugly but its necessary so Allah protects you from all those bad women who want you for ill reasons. Everything has a reason. Stay positive and Inshallah you will get the wife you deserve

format_quote Originally Posted by Studentofdeed

In addition...having good looks has its own challenges. I know good looking men who have a hard timing resisting women. These women literally throw themselves st him. It makes it harder to stay away from zina. If you think girls don't find you attractive its because Allah is shielding you from girls who could want to use and throw you away. Thank Allah you are not tested with women because they are a hard test that can make a man lose his faith. If girls reject you its not because you are not good or unless proven they aren't good. Irs probably because Allah knows you have a certain personality and you need a specific woman for that who finds everything about you amazing. For example, im sensitive and emotional. I could never marry someone who is uncompassionate or apathetic. I want someone to speak to me and care for me. The proposals that didn't work was not because the girls may or may not be good but because Allah knows they do not have what I NEED. I trust Allah has the perfect girl for me but I have to go out and search. So trust everything is meant for a reason. The way you look is the way you need to be so your future spouse may marry you. Your looks are not for ANY girl but for only your wife. That's why you are created on a certain way and you may think you are ugly but its necessary so Allah protects you from all those bad women who want you for ill reasons. Everything has a reason. Stay positive and Inshallah you will get the wife you deserve

thank you, brother.