How big of a sin am I committing when I don't speak up?

Assalamu Alaikum

There are ways to advise tactfully or even indirectly by sharing how you think or what you see. For example, I have cousins who do not wear the hijaab, so we will just have an open nonjudgemental discussion about what they're thinking, what they struggle with, etc. In that way you can be encouraging to them. Other times I might say something like, "I don't get how girls just expose themselves online.." and see what discussion that leads to. Of course this is coming from a female to female perspective.

If you attack right away coming from a male perspective, they're not going to respond well. Things about moral character are better discussed when a person's guard is down to some extent, and also you'd be questioned about why you're not lowering your gaze to begin with.
And to be honest, everyone is on their own journey, so it might take a lot of effort for someone to put the hijaab on at all, better yet to keep it on. Encouragement goes a long way, so just to reassure the person that they're doing well and can even do better can be really helpful. WE should also strive to lead by example. There's strength in numbers. To know and see how someone else is practicing better than us, and he is able to carry himself well through all the difficulties is a great way to show solidarity by merely being the best version of himself. Before I wore hijaab, I remember one particular bro who would always talk about the beauty of hijaab and modesty. The way he spoke about it was so enriching that it encouraged me to understand that there were people out there who don't prioritize physical beauty. Women are bombarded with how they should dress, look, feel etc. from all sides, so it's difficult to stand alone and reject conformity. Change can be incremental as well. So before a girl begins to wear hijaab properly, she has to stop a lot of other things first, such as sharing her pictures online, feeling guilt in her heart for accepting that sort of attention, etc.

In essence, there's nothing wrong with advising in a kind, tactful way or having some discussion in order to help them clarify their intentions, but at the same time, you also have to strive to be better yourself. You are not responsible for any nonmahrem woman though and no one expects you to be.

wa'alaykumussalaam

Sharing this hadith with you

Abu sa’Id al-Khudri said:
I head the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) say: If any one you sees wrongdoing, he should change it with his hand if he can change it with his hand. But if he cannot (do so), he should do it with his tongue, and if he cannot (do so with) his tongue he should do it in his heart, that being the weakest form of faith. (An-Nasa'i, Abu Dawud)


None of us is sinless, we should still act or say something against a wrongdoing. This also means, when someone corrects us for our own shortcomings, then we accept and repent to Allah and make amends whenever possible, including to the people we have harmed by our wrongdoings. As you pointed out, what if Allah asks you on Judgement Day about it :


On the authority of Abu Sa'id (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:
Let not any one of you belittle himself. They said: O Messenger of Allah, how can any one of us belittle himself? He said: He finds a matter concerning Allah about which he should say something, and he does not say [it], so Allah (mighty and sublime be He) says to him on the Day of Resurrection: What prevented you from saying something about such-and-such and such-and-such? He say: [It was] out of fear of people. Then He says: Rather it is I whom you should more properly fear. (Hadith Qudsi)


A deed may be small to you, but it's big for Allah. So how big of a sin will it be if you don't speak up, Allah Most Knowing.

Making dua is one of the acts of worship. There is nothing wrong with that especially because indeed we are created to worship Allah (Adh-Dhariyat 56)
but acting or saying something against wrongdoing is also an act of worship when you do it for the sake of Allah and you are following the sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu 'alayhi wa salaam

As in your 3rd question, I absolutely have been in your situation, and still am.
By nature I am not one who can keep silent when I see a wrongdoing, sometimes this backfires (because well I had done the very same thing before)
but I keep on going, because the reason I speak up or act against it, is not because I think it's wrong, it's because I know it's wrong in Islam.

Also, sometimes it's not what you say or do, it's how you say or do it. If they point out your mistakes and sins, admit that you are not perfect and no human being is, but you are still obligated to speak up or do something about it.

format_quote Originally Posted by IslamLife00

wa'alaykumussalaam

Sharing this hadith with you

Abu sa’Id al-Khudri said:
I head the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) say: If any one you sees wrongdoing, he should change it with his hand if he can change it with his hand. But if he cannot (do so), he should do it with his tongue, and if he cannot (do so with) his tongue he should do it in his heart, that being the weakest form of faith. (An-Nasa'i, Abu Dawud)


None of us is sinless, we should still act or say something against a wrongdoing. This also means, when someone corrects us for our own shortcomings, then we accept and repent to Allah and make amends whenever possible, including to the people we have harmed by our wrongdoings. As you pointed out, what if Allah asks you on Judgement Day about it :


On the authority of Abu Sa'id (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:
Let not any one of you belittle himself. They said: O Messenger of Allah, how can any one of us belittle himself? He said: He finds a matter concerning Allah about which he should say something, and he does not say [it], so Allah (mighty and sublime be He) says to him on the Day of Resurrection: What prevented you from saying something about such-and-such and such-and-such? He say: [It was] out of fear of people. Then He says: Rather it is I whom you should more properly fear. (Hadith Qudsi)


A deed may be small to you, but it's big for Allah. So how big of a sin will it be if you don't speak up, Allah Most Knowing.

Making dua is one of the acts of worship. There is nothing wrong with that especially because indeed we are created to worship Allah (Adh-Dhariyat 56)
but acting or saying something against wrongdoing is also an act of worship when you do it for the sake of Allah and you are following the sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu 'alayhi wa salaam

As in your 3rd question, I absolutely have been in your situation, and still am.
By nature I am not one who can keep silent when I see a wrongdoing, sometimes this backfires (because well I had done the very same thing before)
but I keep on going, because the reason I speak up or act against it, is not because I think it's wrong, it's because I know it's wrong in Islam.

Also, sometimes it's not what you say or do, it's how you say or do it. If they point out your mistakes and sins, admit that you are not perfect and no human being is, but you are still obligated to speak up or do something about it.

Exactly i agree.

Is it because you are male, so that it's inappropriate to tell your cousin's wife when she does something wrong?

I am asking because I genuinely want to know, not pushing your button or anything. If she is your cousin's wife then she is your mahram too, am I right?

format_quote Originally Posted by Yrvhere?

السلام عليكم ورحمةالله وبركاته
No, she wont be mehram to him and its not obligatory on him to give dawah to non mehram.

I see. jazakallah khayr