1 and 2. I think it was from Bilal Philips where I heard how he described the type of love we have for Allah and the messenger vs the love we have for our families and spouses being different. We love Allah in the sense that we obey His commands. The levels of love we have for our families is based on emotions and interactions we have with them. As long as the love you have for your wife does not interfere with the love you have for Allah or it becomes a fitna for you, than all is well.
“O you who believe! Verily, among your wives and your children there are enemies for you; therefore beware of them! But if you pardon (them) and overlook, and forgive, then verily, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful“ Surah At-Taghabun (64:14)
Interpretation of the meaning (Tafsir Ibn Kathir):
Warning against the Fitnah of Spouses and Offspring :
Allah states that some wives and children are enemies to their husbands and fathers, in that they might be busied with them rather than with performing the good deeds. Allah the Exalted said here, “therefore, beware of them!” for your religion.
“Verily, among your wives and your children there are enemies for you;” by saying, ‘They might direct the man to sever his relation or disobey his Lord. The man, who loves his wives and children, might obey them in this case. There were men who embraced Islam in Makkah and wanted to migrate to Allah’s Messenger . However, their wives and children refused to allow them. Later when they joined Allah’s Messenger , they found that those who were with him (the Companions) have gained knowledge in the religion, so they were about to punish their wives and children. Allah the Exalted sent down this Ayah, “But if you pardon (them) and overlook, and forgive, then verily, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”
Allah said in another Ayah, “O you who believe! Let not your properties or you children divert you from the remembrance of Allah. And whosoever does that then they are the losers.” (63:9)
source
The love of Allah should be over the love yourself, your parents (mother, father), your children, your wealth, your property, your health, your comfort, your materialistic things, your love of Allah (Subhannahu Wa Talaa) have to be above everything else. In fact, if you find one of your children is the enemy of Allah and you love him or her, your love to Allah have to be such, that you are willing to kill your own children if it have to come to that. That is how far it goes. There is no exception. Your love not only comes by heart by your action.
I would advise against being a “yes man”. If it happens long enough in a relationship, it’s almost unrepairable, imho. It’s also embarrassing to watch someone go through that as well. I’ve seen one relationship end in a divorce because of that and the wife ended up marrying the guys friend who was anything but a ‘yes man’. Ironic to say the least.
you certainly want to know which battles are worth picking and which ones are not worth it. When it comes to the deen, there is simply no room for give or take. However, matters of the dunya, there are some scenarios where it’s better to nod your head and let it go, or simply stay quiet. Two ‘strangers’ (if you want to look at it that way) who have essentially lived their lives their own ways may have to make changes in the way they do things in order for the relationship to work. Even those that have been married for decades will have disagreements on the smallest things, so there really never is a perfect relationship in that regards. What’s important is that you don’t go to the extreme of letting ego get in the way. Lots of people seem to have a hard time with this.
you certainly want to know which battles are worth picking...
...I believe this is what Scimitar is implying.
Yup. Most of the time, our wives are opinionated over matters that really aren't that important in the grander scheme of things. Let them be right in those moments. And when it comes the things that concern us as men, we keep those matters to ourselves and be "men".
You have to love Allah. Because Allah will never betray us. Wives can betray you and evem hurt you. The love between Allah and his servant is the only pure true love.
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