Does Allah ignore my pain? Is my friend right?

**anonymous** · 05-18-2021

My friend said if you never are patient then Allah will never get you married. You will stay single forever.

I worked at an environment where nonmuslim women chased me nonstop. But I stayed away. I asked everyone everyone help me to find a wife. The imam of several different towns. Even tried online. My own people said come back to us when you are a doctor. They don't care if im religious or praying or if im virgin.

People said good girls are hard to come by. I should settle for a girl who isn't chaste. If that is the case then why did I bother staying chaste. I thought Allah would appreciate it but it means nothing to him.

At my new workplace, there was a sister who was too friendly with me and gave me signs of interest. When I took the initiative, she rejected it and laughed in my face. I never felt so humilated and hurt.

My mother and father said she did the right thing because you sre not a doctor. You will only get married if you are a doctor.

Is that the only thing of value? Me being a doctor? No one cares about my pain. I cry to Allah nonstop yet he doesn't see my tears. Yet over and over again I'm ridiculed and people call me extreme.

Why would Allah let me live if it's only to make me hurt more

**IslamLife00** · 05-18-2021

Are your parents muslims? If yes then I don't understand why your Islam doesn't matter to them.
I will share a hadith inshaAllah that will show you why it matters when it comes to marriage, yours and your future wife's.

As for the girl who rejected you, praise Allah that she rejected you.
You are not supposed to enter haram relationship anyway, so praise Allah that she rejected.
Make tawbah and guard yourself from temptation of zina.

edit: found the hadith : Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “If someone proposes marriage to you whose religion and character satisfies you, then you should accept it. If you do not do so, there will be trials on the earth and the spread of corruption.” at-Tirmidhī 1084, Ibn Majah 1967
https://islamqa.info/en/answers/6996...ings-difficult

But this evildoing does not put him beyond the pale of Islam, so it is permissible for him to marry a Muslim woman, but someone else who adheres to Islam and is of an upright character would be better than him, even if he is less wealthy and of a lesser lineage, as it says in the hadeeth: “If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then give (your daughter or female relative under your care) to him in marriage.” They said: “O Messenger of Allaah, even if he falls short with regard to wealth and compatibility.” He said: “If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then give (your daughter or female relative under your care) to him in marriage” three times. Narrated by al-Tirmidhi. And it is proven in al-Saheehayn and elsewhere from the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Women may be married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (may your prosper).”
These two ahaadeeth indicate that the best things to pay attention to are religious commitment and good character in both the man and the woman.

**anonymous** · 05-18-2021

I didn't enter a haram relationship. I made my intention clear. Instead I was laughed at. I wish Allah would not humilate me like this. Now the sister is irritated that I do not speak to her other than work. I keep it professional. Please pray for me

**Al-Ansariyah** · 05-18-2021

السلام عليكم ورحمةالله وبركاته
If you dont mind, can you give me your bio. Theres a sister i know who knows so many good sisters. And give your country and town name as well if possible. Or ask the mod to pm me your bio. In sha Allah, i'll try my best. Its not that impossible. And no sane girl would care if you are a doctor or not. If you really want a practising woman, then she really wont look what you have in dunya.

**FinalNyc** · 05-18-2021

You'll get through it. Whatever you're experiencing is temporary.

**IslamLife00** · 05-18-2021

Originally Posted by anonymous

At my new workplace, there was a sister who was too friendly with me and gave me signs of interest. When I took the initiative, she rejected it and laughed in my face. I never felt so humilated and hurt.

This is why I thought you were going to start a relationship with her.

I make dua for all muslims including myself everyday, if you are a muslim by the time I make the dua, you are already included.

**Avis** · 05-18-2021

Originally Posted by anonymous

I didn't enter a haram relationship. I made my intention clear. Instead I was laughed at. I wish Allah would not humilate me like this. Now the sister is irritated that I do not speak to her other than work. I keep it professional. Please pray for me

If what you say is true and happened exactly as you described it, this woman has revealed her true colors and gave you plenty of reason to avoid her. Who cares if she is irritated, you're not supposed to have 'chit-chat' with women. Keep it professional and move on with your life. You dodged a bullet with her rejection.

**keiv** · 05-18-2021

Originally Posted by anonymous

I didn't enter a haram relationship. I made my intention clear. Instead I was laughed at. I wish Allah would not humilate me like this. Now the sister is irritated that I do not speak to her other than work. I keep it professional. Please pray for me

Humiliated? Many people give in to their desires and have to live with that regret for the rest of their lives. That's humiliation.

It's too bad no one is giving you the support you look for. Continue staying steadfast in your deen and continue looking for a pious wife.

**Al-Ansariyah** · 05-20-2021

Hope u got the message i sent through mods. I cant pm you.

**anonymous** · 05-20-2021

I'm sorry sister I didn't get any message. I did PM you from my own account.

**anonymous** · 05-20-2021

I'm agitated because the sister at work is now trying to get me jealous. She is purposely trying to get my attention. One of my friends said leave it because she doesn't like you but liked the attention you gave her initially when you were trying to get to know her. This girl doesn't respect it and insist on being petty on me being professional.

I thought any decent girl would appreciate a guy proposing rather than messing about.

**Al-Ansariyah** · 05-20-2021

Originally Posted by anonymous

I'm sorry sister I didn't get any message. I did PM you from my own account.

I got ur message. Will ask for ur bio if i get to know any sister who is interested, in sha Allah.

**keiv** · 05-21-2021

Originally Posted by anonymous

I'm agitated because the sister at work is now trying to get me jealous. She is purposely trying to get my attention. One of my friends said leave it because she doesn't like you but liked the attention you gave her initially when you were trying to get to know her. This girl doesn't respect it and insist on being petty on me being professional.

I thought any decent girl would appreciate a guy proposing rather than messing about.

Funnily enough, that's a very common attitude here in the west. Many stories of females who play this game of pretending to like someone, and then pretending to not like them. Baiting guys for the sake of attention. They more than likely come from a dysfunctional family or they're suffering from some kind of mental illness. You're doing the right thing by not falling for it. You had your say in it and she had hers.

If you want to get stuck with someone who likes playing mind games, then by all means go for it. Later on in life, when the attention you give her is not enough, she'll find it else where.

If you want to be with someone who respects the religion where both of you help each other become better Muslims, she is an easy pass in my humble opinion.

**anonymous** · 06-28-2021

Hello guys,
I want to give you guys an update and get your opinions on this. The sister repeatedly kept grabbing my attention. At times she would outlandishly flirt with me. I understand she isnt interested in marriage with me, so I distanced myself from her however my friends said this was rude. I got so upset that at work I confronted her...told her to behave professionally and told her that one day when I get married, my wife will be angry or upset that a girl keeps talking to me or I talked to a girl. The sister got upset and complianed to two of my coworkers about me, and to her mother as well about me. She also told one of her coworkers that he proposed to me.

My friends got upset and pressured me to text her apologizing and apologzing for proposing to her and for making things "uncomfortable" for her at work. Made me label myself as a caveman and extreme. The sister thanked and appreciated it and left it at that. SHe said I was extreme...

Please give your feedback and advice. I am agitated as I thought I was doing the right thing and now I look stupid

**keiv** · 06-28-2021

Just based on the info you gave, it sounds like a very weird situation. Someone who is sexually harassing you at work, is also the same person who is complaining to others at work that you are ignoring it? How is that even allowed? Are guys allowed to do that to the women there? That's basically instant termination where I'm from and I live in a secular country. On top of that, she complained to her own mother about it?

The sister thanked and appreciated it and left it at that. SHe said I was extreme...

It sounds like it's all over...for now. You've made your position clear on this. You clearly only want to go about this the halal way. Apparently avoiding zina is now considered being an extremist? Let them go their way and you go yours. Don't waste anymore time worrying about these people.

**IslamLife00** · 06-28-2021

Originally Posted by anonymous

I'm agitated because the sister at work is now trying to get me jealous. She is purposely trying to get my attention. One of my friends said leave it because she doesn't like you but liked the attention you gave her initially when you were trying to get to know her. This girl doesn't respect it and insist on being petty on me being professional.

I thought any decent girl would appreciate a guy proposing rather than messing about.

Is she a muslim as well? If yes, I just can't understand that kind of behavior.
Keep it strictly work, don't give her the attention she wants and if she does things that makes it hard for you to do your job, or she is behaving unprofessionally, tell your supervisor.
There are rules of professional conduct in workplaces. Muslim, or not, she works there, the rules apply to her as well.
InshaAllah you will find someone much better than she is.