I cant forget about him and i hope that maybe allah will give me him? Am i not allowed to hope that?
You are allowed dear sis but you already said you are getting older so wasting time over one guy isn't good idea.Don't you think?
What will you get at the end ?
If you want to wait it's totally your choice. Remember we will not get everything in life which we want. You need to be flexible and open to new opportunity.
This is my advice to you
I don't know why you want to come to Muslims for advice when you ignore Islamic teachings. You should never have been speaking to him in the first place.
In the past if a Man wished to get married, he wouldn't be leading women on-this is not the example provided by even the companions of the Prophet as well as the Prophet himself.
You are clearly in error and disturbed. You claim that you are innocent, but you wish for Allah to give someone to you, to make someone yours. Oh my, everything belongs to Allah.
Clearly people who use these chats are both immature, you both idiots, if a Man wished to get married to you, he wouldn't have hesitated. A man wouldn't be needing to go behind your family's back and chat with you online.
Shaytaan has certainly done a number on you. This is how they lead people astray and get people to think about stupid things-this is how they got you to use the internet in the first place. Shaytaan whispers.
Islam isn't here for you to run to, to make bad actions OK. Even I've seen Muslim men procreate with non-Muslims, running to Muslims for advice to back them up-when we advise people to take care of their Mothers.
You are disrespecting your Muslim brothers and sisters by ignoring your advice and bleat about like a teenager. This may come out strong, but we don't have time to mess about providing people with advice-you never know when you are going to die. Stop hiding behind Islam, I am not impressed with the number of people that hide behind it to make their actions OK -trying to make it look innocent.
Get some self-discipline, we have given you the advice, stop talking to him, you have got nothing to do with him-and you are clearly disturbed, by claiming you are innocent, but you are actually asking Allah to control someone for your wants- who do you think you are, that Allah is going to change someone so they can marry you?? Allah has created everyone to return onto him. Please go and sort yourself out-you are talking no differently then those who do black magic, I even saw a statement by someone who did it, but didn't get her partner and she had health repurcussions and wanted advice by Muslims on how to get better, claiming she was innocent as she just wanted to get married to him. How is it acceptable to ask someone to change to give you what you want?? That person can easily complain to Allah why did you change me due to the immaturity of someone's desires. Frankly that's sickening.
Go away and learn the basics, being a servant of Allah isn't about following Shaytaan whispers, your desires, when you know you do something is wrong, stay away. Learn to be respectful of others, others ain't there for you, even children are "entrusted" to their parents, but all belong to Allah. So if you respected this, you wouldn't be questioning it further. You need to ask for Allah's forgiveness instead
I spoke to him for marriage purpose using the dating apps that everyone uses we went on 3 dates and i asked him for marriage and hes not been talking to me since and i havent been talking either because he doesnt want marriage he wants a relationship. I cant make myself stop liking him. Yes i am trying to move on ofcourse i am but if i like him what can i do. I make dua allah either gives me him or helps me forget him. What else do you want me to do ! Yes u can say i shouldnt even be on dating apps but i have tried other avenues and not finding anyone and i dont have a mum to help look for me aswell!!
Regardless of not having a mother-there are other avenues -other male relatives or speak and get help -asking at the Mosque first.
Clearly westernised-this forum is an "islamic" forum it isn't a "love island" forum - you have been given the advice and accept it or not, we are not here to give advice on how people wish to live in a westernised model. Yes, you are required to leave your feelings, it's called being an adult -which is sadly what is not being taught in today's world, it's about whatever makes you happy. Just because you don't have something that may make you happy, doesn't place you in a position of feeling sorry for yourself -here I haven't seen any respect to anyone or Islam.
You clearly need to go back and learn the basics, the world and people don't revolve around you. Yes, you need to give up on someone if they are not being a Muslim which means going against your feelings, this is what people have done, with people who have turned to murdering people. At least there are plenty of women who have turned their backs on their abusive husbands to save their children. It's called being an adult -incase someone just says it is an islamic thing. The islamic aspect is why would Allah tell a believing woman to get married to a wrongdoer?? Allah wouldn't ask an angel to go down to protect a wrongdoer, why would he ask a believing woman to get married to one?? This is when you have a choice, in the past examples were provided like Pharoah's wife.
But you have been used and your calling it love, frankly in the west, the males are taught you can mess around with females, you are not there to give them a sex education lesson or a lesson on how women are. Your just disrespecting yourself and frankly your prayer is asking for Allah to disrespect you to. Yes, that's all you need to do is force yourself to move on -what else do you think is permissible?? If someone likes alcohol and can't stop thinking about it, he can't pray to Allah to give him the alcohol cause that's what he wants. You saying your desires and feelings matter more -well welcome to the world-it doesn't. This is where women in the past when told to quickly made headscarves, when people do evil they turn their backs on them-like if they do black magic, they are kafir and are no longer permissible to marry.
So what you need to pray to Allah about is maturity, self-discipline and take control of your emotions-not to ask Allah and everyone else to run things by them as you can't control them, that is the most stupidest thing ever.
I don't know why you want to come to Muslims for advice when you ignore Islamic teachings. You should never have been speaking to him in the first place.
She already mentioned that she stopped talking to him.We will judged by our actions.
“Allah decreed good deeds and bad deeds, then He explained that. Whoever thinks of doing a good deed then does not do it, Allah will write it down as one complete good deed. If he thinks of doing a good deed and then does it, Allah [may He be glorified and exalted] will write it down between ten and seven hundred fold, or many more. If he thinks of doing a bad deed then he does not do it, Allah will write it down as one complete good deed, and if he thinks of it then does it, Allah will write it down as one bad deed.”
Im not asking allah to control him and give me him. I spoke to him with the righ intentions and asked him for marriage to which hes obv not interested in and im refraining from speaking to him or seeing him. I wish i didnt like him but i do and as far as im aware we should make dua for anything and everything we desire whether or not we get it. I ask allah if hes good for me then make him mine and if not then help me forget him.
I also make dua that Allah makes him more religious not that Allah gives me him if hes still into haram. As muslims we are allowed to pray for one another. Even if i dont get him i would still pray that Allah brings him to deen
I like the following to be considered - I'm just expecting people to already know, after having gone on dating sites etc, so when people ignore the first basic response from Muslims, distrust sets in.
1. The Prophets and other religious people were mature, and were not swayed by others who did not repent - they looked to what was best for them from Allah.
2. Mary, Mother of Prophet Jesus peace be upon him was visited by Archangel Gabriel- in the form of a perfect man -she did not desire him, but say to him to fear Allah incase he thought of an ill deed towards her. I'm not expecting this level from a lot of people, but consider the following points.
3. When boys are young, they are used to people looking at their "POTENTIAL" - with statements they may regularly hear, you could be like this etc. When they get older, they can no longer expect this as they now have to demonstrate their behaviour. So it is not for you to think of the "POTENTIAL" of someone who is clearly wrongdoer (by even asking a Muslim woman to just date him). If he cannot demonstrate doing the right thing-it isn't for you to fantasize one up and his behaviour.
4. Calipah Umar Ibn Al Khattab when he met someone, he listened to him and thought he was OK, but when he heard he didn't have a job, he didn't think highly of him. The advice for Men is if they can they should get married, now if they go on about their needs, then there is no excuse, they should then if they have the means to get married, if they haven't done so when they are capable then I don't trust them.
5. There are plenty of stories out there, and what you will end up is complaining about his lack of maturity, wishing he would just "step up", in turn as he has already disrespected you, he might call you bad names, as he thinks you are easy to for anyone else to be with. Leave him without any problems!!
6. What he is doing, is enjoying finding someone attracted to him, to be quite frank, he is not willing to get married to you, as he thinks he will be able to find someone better-look this statement up online and it is not hard to find -this is what males do. So, do not place yourself in a Beauty and the Beast type storyline of thinking you are going to have such an impact of someone, or they are going to be so besotted with you, and change their ways. How many females have failed, as they relied on someone to change. In the west, they think they need to have sex outside of marriage to keep their boyfriend, so he won't leave. The Governments already are aware that females in general are not good at looking after themselves-that is why they are passing so many laws -as in the west they have more choice, but they still do not make better choices of suitors and allow themselves to be treated badly. I'm not saying it is easy to leave a domestic violence situation-but saying initially they don't make the best choices -ignoring the warning signs.
7. People are immature and now females are taking it as a part of their relationship to help them with the pornography addiction, to be advised that we don't accept oral sex etc. In the Quran, Allah said that marriage is for BELIEVING MEN AND BELIEVING WOMEN not for those that are a little bit believing.
8. As above, you categorically need to look after yourself, a Muslim woman's job is to guard herself and when she is married to guard herself still -how can you do this when you are placing yourself in a difficult situation?? If this is the only way to get married-then why would anyone need to make a big deal of it?? As why should you demean yourself when others don't need to?? This world is only a test and you are worth more than that, there are plenty of situations that women have found themselves in and they look towards the hereafter. I hope that you do find someone-but this is not the way.
9. When you are clearly weaker in Islam-then you need to concentrate on yourself and not quote praying for others as the Prophets and other religious people are able to do-as they are not swayed by them. You only need to pray to Allah that you don't find yourself in this situation, remember people converted to Islam regardless of who they have left behind. Even Allah has taken the souls of females-whilst they go to Hell, their boyfriends are still in this world able to still repent and vice versa. So you should be indignant more of being placed in such a situation, when this person asked to meet on the pretence of marriage and now is playing around - a Man is willing to get married, to provide to have children with and look after you -he is doing none of those things. Stop thinking of him and even thinking about praying about him-he can do it himself (and again not for you to think of that level).
Remember Allah is Merciful , the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him would never be accepting of your situation, the Calipah Umar Ibn Al-Khattab would have surely wacked him. Is this not enough love that you already have -over what any immature person can provide-they know nothing of kindess or love, it is not then for you to look for their kindness or love. I don't spend that much time online and like to make information as readily as possible that anyone can benefit and no one is going to quote believing woman as your comparision, so it is natural for people to quote the extreme ends and this is what I have done in regards to those who do black magic.
Remember Allah much and remember so many people are not able to live how they want and are going through great difficulty.
Are you saying that i should never of been in this situation i.e i should never of been on dating apps? If i dont go on dating apps and ive already tried mosques and ristha ladies and no luck what am i suppose to do??
Anyways, i will make dua that im never put in a situation like this again. I should focus on myself and not be praying for other ? Islam says to pray for your brother or sister to be guided. There is nothing wrong with that.
No you shouldn't be praying for him -as this is they Shaytaan ploy to keep you in this position as if you need to do something. He has already treated you disgracefullly by not getting married to you and what did he expect to take you out as he does with his male friends to the town or something. You could pray generally for the Muslim Brothers and Sisters but quite making it personal about this male as stated keeping you in a bad position and a good prayer should not be doing this. Just ignore him. It is the Shaytaan way to use good intentions against people. Good iprayer shouldn't make you feel upset or sad in a way. So many people I've seen don't even follow the basics of Islam and are quick to hide behind prayer as if they are doing an innocent thing -don't be hooled.
Women have got married without dowing this, even converts and they have moved to the middle east-why should you accept anything less?? Just because you don't htink you would be able to get married, doesn't mean you need to accept anyone. Typical behaviour of these males is that they don't treat people as we are simple, live simple lives. They act as teenage boys, were they complain that people don't know them-well what is there to know?? They couldn't even write an essay about themsevles, but they fancy that a woman is going to get to know the deeply. Well listen even a puddle as more depth then them. they are not even fit enough to ride a donkey let alone be with a woman. If they want sympathy so much, why don't they just say life is hard, we can share it together and make it work?? How evil is this they are actually making it more worse! But hide behind saying tidbits as if you and him would share something in common-when actually you don't and you live on the same planet as everyone else.
These males end up looking down on females they date and even call them bad names for dating!
Everyone is worried that I have seen about who their children will be getting married to, this is one of the difficult things about today's time, but that doesn't mean you need to do this -Islam hasn't taught you do bad things to get married.
The Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him would not accept his daughters to be dating- hold onto this, this is what Islam is- you hold onto your belief more dear than anything. Even if people treat you badly, Allah and the Prophet isn't. If this person was so much a Muslim, then anyone shouldn't have a problem questioning him on how do you feel knowing if you were alive at the time of the Calipah Umar Ibn Al-Khattab that he would have wacked him?? How is this immature male going to respond?? If the Men and I will call them Men and the immature ones just males, think they can just say to them, it was innocent well that's a lie.
Hold onto Islam regardless of how people are-you don't need to discard the best advice for those that have already done so.
Last edited by Sunshineday; 08-08-2022 at 10:46 PM.
Are you saying that i should never of been in this situation i.e i should never of been on dating apps? If i dont go on dating apps and ive already tried mosques and ristha ladies and no luck what am i suppose to do??
Anyways, i will make dua that im never put in a situation like this again. I should focus on myself and not be praying for other ? Islam says to pray for your brother or sister to be guided. There is nothing wrong with that.
I can't say anything about dating app .Dont know how it works but being obsess with one person isn't healthy for sure. Ask Allah swt for aafiyah.
Also remember people can say whatever they feel on internet, how do you verify that what he is saying is true?
I cant forget about him and i hope that maybe allah will give me him? Am i not allowed to hope that?
you need to move on, life is short, he's gone, its a meant to be, dont look back.
find something else to focus on. over time you will heal.
he is not the only man available in this world...
why hope for the same man to return, pray that another man comes, miles better... one that you can live with happily for a long time eternally... hope and pray for the best sister ji... always...
Thanks guys ♥️♥️♥️ all of you have made me see it from a different perspective. Why worry for him and his akhirah and keep thinking about him. I should focus on being a better muslim and asking allah to guide me to someone good for me ♥️♥️ but i do want all all our brothers and sisters to come to deen.
I know this feeling very well , especially when you message someone & he doesn't message back.
but life is bigger than someone who doesn't seem interested in you
Straight away do Istekhara prayer.You would be un better situation.I did & got immediate unexpected result -Alhamdulillah.Just go for Istekhara & see you will get rid of all the gham (sorrows)
The thing with Istikhara is that signs arent clear. Nor the positives, nor the negatives.
Sometimes I am prolly being tested while Allah wants a specific response from me, but I take it as a sign that Allah is prolly giving us a no sign.
But the Istikhara prayer itself acts as something that clams us down and not let us get too excited or too upset regardless of the outcome.
What seems to be your issue is, fear of missing out.
FOMO is real, learn about it from online, and how to overcome it, that will help you overcome worries as you rely on Allah and Allah alone.
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
When you create an account, we remember exactly what you've read, so you always come right back where you left off. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and share your thoughts. Sign Up
Array
SoldierAmatUllah liked this post
Hide
Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
Posting Permissions
Quote
Bookmarks