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In-laws issue help

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    Aysh1's Avatar Limited Member
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    In-laws issue help

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    Assalamu alaikum,

    I hope I can get some advice here and also if I am being inconsiderate.
    I live with my husband and mother in law in a 2 bedroom house. Everything was fine till my husband younger brother moved back to our house after his Aalim studies.

    He recently got married and his wife still live with her parents as he said he need 1 year more to sort his house and doesn't want to rent.

    He used to sometimes come and stay in our living room but now his studies are completed and his job has started, he is moving in for however long he needs.
    He asked my husband and my husband agreed to it.
    But the issue is I am 9 months pregnant, there is no privacy and I can't be alone at home with non mehram. His wife also visit n my brother in law doesn't contribute a single penny at home.

    My husband thinks his brother will contribute without asking. He recently said he wants to buy extra wardrobes(he already have one which we provided) and needs our sofa removed to get his sleeping space and work/study space. He wants to change our living room by buying things and that we cannot enter living room for certain times till he is here.

    How is it possible ? Brother in law said his brother is here and I have no say in the house and he will not contribute anything as its his house aswell and my husband can continue providing in house without his help. Its a rented property and he is not part of our household. He fighted with me along with my mother in law and twisting things like I asked him to move. My mother in law said her son will live with her without contributing or taking responsibility and I am the worst person who is jelous and asking for his contribution.

    Am I wrong to ask him to contribute financially for utilities ? I even said if its the issue then we can move into a bigger property where he can pay his part of rent and expenses but they are saying no he will not move nor contribute.

    My mother in law since 3 years has been saying she will move away and I will regret when baby arrives as my family lives overseas. But to be fair I have been alone all my pregnancy as she was never at home.
    I dont want to separate my husband from his mother nor will my husband move out but its affecting me emotionally and mentally. And my 2 married sister in law always interfere and try controlling us.
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    - Qatada -'s Avatar
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    Re: In-laws issue help

    Asalamu alaykum.

    Some time, just tell your husband you want to talk to him alone.

    Then when you meet, tell him, please don't get angry. But can I tell you how I think about this?

    If he says yes, tell him what you think the problems are, and what your ideas are to fix them.

    Tell your husband you are not forcing him to do anything, but he can just listen and understand your mind and feelings.

    When he understands what you think, he might make a good choice in the future.


    Right now, your main aim is just to make him understand why you feel uncomfortable. Even if he gets abit angry, he still cares about you and in the future he will try to make changes for you.

    You have to show your husband you are on his team, but you are scared for your privacy.
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    Aysh1's Avatar Limited Member
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    Re: In-laws issue help

    I have tried that. He thinks I am over reacting and he doesn't understand that I am not comfortable when his brother in house alone.

    My brother in law is Islamic scholar but when I asked him to only be in house when my husband or his wife or his mother is in, he complained about it to my husband.

    They say If I can travel in a bus or taxi with non mehram, I shouldn't complain if he is home alone with me.

    And the other problem is they all say I have no right in any of their family matter(regarding him taking responsibility at our house or asking him to stay out when there's no mehram at home or not buy additional furnitures and take over living room space) My mother in law fights with me all the time regarding this but If I say something then its always me who is wrong and I have no right to talk to her back but she can abuse me verbally and I have to just listen.

    Do I really have no right to say or talk about my safety or about house issues caused by them ?
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    Re: In-laws issue help

    format_quote Originally Posted by Aysh1 View Post

    My brother in law is Islamic scholar but when I asked him to only be in house when my husband or his wife or his mother is in, he complained about it to my husband.

    They say If I can travel in a bus or taxi with non mehram, I shouldn't complain if he is home alone with me.

    If he is a scholar he must well aware of the fact that he is wrong here. Traveling in a taxi bus with a non mehram and being alone with a brother in law at home is very different thing.

    format_quote Originally Posted by Aysh1 View Post
    And the other problem is they all say I have no right in any of their family matter(regarding him taking responsibility at our house or asking him to stay out when there's no mehram at home or not buy additional furnitures and take over living room space) My mother in law fights with me all the time regarding this but If I say something then its always me who is wrong and I have no right to talk to her back but she can abuse me verbally and I have to just listen.

    Do I really have no right to say or talk about my safety or about house issues caused by them ?
    If your husband wants to help his younger borther financially then you shouldn't be interfering as long as he is taking care of all your financial needs. This is what I feel dotn know islamic ruling on this.
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    Re: In-laws issue help

    Asalamu alaykum.

    So long as your husband has given you a room, a bathroom and kitchen, then you can't really interfere with their other decisions.

    Your husband really knows his brother is doing wrong, but your husband feels he has to show loyalty to his family too.

    Right now you will just have to be patient, make dua, and be on the good side of your husband. Otherwise his family will pressurise him to divorce you.
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