Im new to the board and new to Islam as well. I converted only a few months ago and though Im sure its the best thing I could do Im finding it difficult to maintain my faith. You see I was married...well, I mean I am married to a muslim man who I love so very much but Im afraid he no longer loves me. He helped me to learn about Islam and taught me many things, for which I am grateful, but do to some mistakes I made, and my not always respecting him as I should have, our marriage has suffered. Now he has decided he wants a divorce. We were living together in a muslim country but because of our problems I have returned to my home country, which unfortuneately is not muslim. I have no muslim friends here and now more than ever, Im feeling very alone, very lost and very depressed.
Last friday was a paticularly bad day. I went to a local mosque hoping to find any sisters to talk to but there were none to be found, and the brothers did not seem at all interested in helping me so I turned around and left.....(in tears). I miss my husband, I dont want to be divorced! I miss being in a muslim country, I dont know how Im gonna make it here especially without him.
I welcome any advice, and your prayers would be appreciated.
Thank you.
After my knowledge the arab men are not really coming to their wive. You have to let him an amount of time and after that its still your "duty" to call him back.And after how he talks you can realise if this time of silence have worked in your favour and he wants to be back.
After my knowledge the arab men are not really coming to their wive. You have to let him an amount of time and after that its still your "duty" to call him back.And after how he talks you can realise if this time of silence have worked in your favour and he wants to be back.
duty????!!!!!
why do you want her to go begging after a person who has clearly shown he doesn't care about her?
ann, all the best to you and i hope you heal quickly from this rotten experience.
each man thinks of his own fleas as gazelles
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duty????!!!!!
why do you want her to go begging after a person who has clearly shown he doesn't care about her?
ann, all the best to you and i hope you heal quickly from this rotten experience.
Exactly thats my point. Marrying with an arab is not the same thing like marrying with an european. After my knowledge they are quiet spoiled and stubbern and looking to the woman from up to down.But if she loves him and she discovered that good man which deserve her love than i still believe she should "fight" for her love.
Tell him straight: you are my life , i can't accept don't see you, don't be with you. I want to come back. Let me, please. Since i moved out my entire life its a living hell and i need your suport, your help. See what happen if you want to come back to him, live close to him.Even if he are so angry, he is still a man.
I forgot to tell you, never mention to him you are asking for advices. Men prefers to keep the things what are happening between you two, to remain there, don't share with other people.
Exactly thats my point. Marrying with an arab is not the same thing like marrying with an european. After my knowledge they are quiet spoiled and stubbern and looking to the woman from up to down.But if she loves him and she discovered that good man which deserve her love than i still believe she should "fight" for her love.
maybe i am not understanding what you're saying.
because he's an arab (i don't remember ann saying that, but, anyway) she should adore him and put up with being treated this way? if he's treating her like this so early in the marriage...well, can you imagine how he'll treat her a year from now?
well, i guess you and i just see it differently. there seem to be a lot of people on this thread who think like you do.
each man thinks of his own fleas as gazelles
question authority
I don't. She doesn't deserve to be treated this way at all! That man should be ashammed for himself!!! I can't even see myself doing this, I'd cry and apologize to my wife many times and tell her that she doesnt deserve this! This guy is treating her so horribly it just angers me to witness and to know that there are men who are so pathetic and low life. I don't care if you think i am wrong, he needs some slapping from his mom to get it straight. But Ann I think you should be patience (very ironic of me to say this) and pray to Allah and just stop thinking about him for few days and let your mind loose. Go to islamic talk shows, better yet Musjid pray their and volunteer or umm read a novel , New harry potter book . Get yourself busy beside the job, hobby or go for a walk or read Al Qu'ran. I will pray for you sister and Allah is witnessing your pain and suffering good stuff will come to you I know it for sure! Allah give you more strength and give you more patience and help you get through this situation with ease, Ameen.
The Possibilities in Islam are limitless.
The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want. -Ben Stein
They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. -Andy Warhol
I do have family of course but they are not muslim either and honestly were not fond of the idea of me being married to a muslim arabic man to begin with, so though they do try to help they dont completely understand and sometimes I get the feeling they just want to say "told ya so!"...though thankfully to this point theyve restrained themselves.
maybe i am not understanding what you're saying.
because he's an arab (i don't remember ann saying that, but, anyway) she should adore him and put up with being treated this way? if he's treating her like this so early in the marriage...well, can you imagine how he'll treat her a year from now?
well, i guess you and i just see it differently. there seem to be a lot of people on this thread who think like you do.
I am not a counselor, i don' t want to say i am 100% right and others are wrong but based on what i know about them i only pointed out they can't be handled like the european men. Are here arab sisters which could tell more about arab men, also, this are only general thing because you know are not two men with same character. But based on what i know the arab men:
don't ask too often advices from the women. Many of them are reacting quite badly if the woman begin to have certain ideas about how could this or that done and they finish to think she is rebelious.
the same rebelious nature they discover in the moment when woman wants to point out she has right. Instead to give her right over the issue ,they are looking forward what could do with her in future to cut off her big mouth.
if something bad is happening due to the woman misconduct - because like you got it above the man has always right- they expect the woman to try to fix the problem
they are very slow in taking decisions and in general when something negative happens often you can hear: it was God will to happen this not i could try this to correct the problem
they have high expectations in bed, like the woman would not have other problems to do
I am not a counselor, i don' t want to say i am 100% right and others are wrong but based on what i know about them i only pointed out they can't be handled like the european men.
well, i don't want to say i am 100% right either (even if i do think so!)
each man thinks of his own fleas as gazelles
question authority
After my knowledge the arab men are not really coming to their wive.
Exactly thats my point. Marrying with an arab is not the same thing like marrying with an european. After my knowledge they are quiet spoiled and stubbern and looking to the woman from up to down.
Arab men are never wrong. Even when its obvious they are wrong they accused the jinns for that. They are not doing mistakes, they can't admit it
if you want to save your marriage , you should give up to see the justice or true in his actions.
tania im shocked to read ur posts.
u r actully asking the sister to be stepped on by this man just coz hes arab. and shes a human, right???
if what u r saying about arabs is right then she should actually stay away frm him, she wouldnt want such a creature to be a father for her kids. and he needs a reality check and need to know hes marrying a human being not a slave.
this is just outrageous
Ann
I tried to not read most of the posts here as to trying to give you as much an objective opinion as possible....
Couldn't help but notice some of them ... which were rather disturbing... I am not going to point them out for the sake of good manners....
firstly I'd like to apologize for how horrible this must be for you
secondly, I'd like to commend you on staying the course regardless of what a horrible example your husband may have given you of what men or Muslim men in general are like... I don't know his side of the story? ... but I believe very much your version as you perceive it to be true.
Thirdly, you are in m thoughts and prayers.....
Now, I think that only you truly in your heart know how to proceed from here, everyone can only give you a subjective view based on their life experience, upbringing, social, moral and religious principles that they hold dear and that varies from one to the next, as humanity itself is very different.. a few facts about men
They are as diverse and different as you and me, they use defense mechanisms whether Muslim, Jewish or Atheists, if they are prune to being less than stellar, wife batterer, or the other broad spectrum of things, they will be so regardless of creed. Bad behavior isn't endemic to a specific region or a particular religion. I think it would be very unfair to state that Muslim men or Arab men are such and such with assertion... I mean what is that based on? an epidemiological study? Some survey? scientifc data? or out of whim?... I have a brother, a father, a brother in law and someone whom I love very much who has passed away a couple of years ago, all of them as different as can be, all of them had incredible qualities, and some not so incredible ones.
Men come in different shapes and sizes and qualities, some are sensitive, some are firm, some are workholics, some are gentle, some are nonchlant, some poetic, some extremely religious, some complete losers, some are backbiters, but that is really no different from how women are like?...
I am reluctant to give you an advise otherwise on how to proceed. If you need a friend, then I am here for you to PM whenever you need to talk... But only you should/can decide for yourself what is the appropriate thing to do...
if you choose to reconcile that is all right
If you choose to move on and find life with a kinder, gentler human being, that is also all right ... believe me they are out there... I know there is a right person out there for you, whether that be with your husband after some counseling or therapy, and some mutual respect and understanding? or with someone else that God has in store for you, I don't know... But I do know that "mann Yathiq fi illah yaj3al laho mkhrajan" literally translates to he or she that trusts in God, God will find an escape. or a refuge....
Text without context is pretext If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him
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it just angers me to witness and to know that there are men who are so pathetic and low life. I don't care if you think i am wrong, he needs some slapping from his mom to get it straight. But Ann I think you should be patience (very ironic of me to say this) and pray to Allah and just stop thinking about him for few days and let your mind loose. Go to islamic talk shows, better yet Musjid pray their and volunteer or umm read a novel , New harry potter book 
. Get yourself busy beside the job, hobby or go for a walk or read Al Qu'ran. I will pray for you sister and Allah is witnessing your pain and suffering good stuff will come to you I know it for sure! Allah give you more strength and give you more patience and help you get through this situation with ease, Ameen.
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